whatwhit Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 My bf and I are in a LDR is go to school here in Texas and goes to school in Lousiana. However, this summer and fall semester we are not LDR b/c hes dealing with some medical issues which are fine now, his parents just wanted him here for precautionary. Anyways heres my ?. He went to visit his school this weekend thurs, fri, sat, coming back sun. moving things into his apt for the next sem, visiting old friends, and getting things situated with the school. He said he will barely talk to me, or if at all. Should I have a problem with no contact? I know his close friends there. I have this fear of abandonment. I blame this on my high school relationship of 2 years which messed me up emotional, and mentally. When he doesn't call me which he usually does everyday I get parinoid, I think somethings wrong or I think hes going to leave me. This whole him leaving from the weekend makes me think he'll go and then not talk to me. Ugh I sound like a crazy person, but I am really not. So what do ya'll think? Side note: I told my mom I don't see marriage in my future all depressing, and shes like yeah I don't either...what kind of mother says that? Thank you for your time Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Welcome to LS. Many here are in successful LDRs and this could prove to be a great resource for you. We have all had our ups and downs working through issues that arise in general and specific ones with distance. I think time for a quick phone call is asking nothing of him really. And he should be happy to do it. If he can go off and not call you for days he isn't bought in as much as you are. OR he is fully aware you are stuck to him and he can check out while knowing you'll still be there - whatever unhappiness you feel because of it is not his problem - and he'll get back to you when he's ready. That means he is starting or already views you as a doormat. If you were to go off for 3 days with friends would he be happy with you saying "you may hear from me briefly or not at all - bye!". Any guy who is too busy to maintain a relationship with me, when a reasonable effort is easy and minimal, can just keep himself busy when he gets back because I definitely will be very busy finding his replacement. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatwhit Posted September 11, 2009 Author Share Posted September 11, 2009 If you were to go off for 3 days with friends would he be happy with you saying "you may hear from me briefly or not at all - bye!". The sad thing is I don't really think he would care. My b/f is very laid back, he doesn't get jealous. He says he doesn't need a relationship to be happy, so if he's dating a girl it really means that he likes them. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 The dude's got a bazillion things on his plate, from moving and getting his place organized to prepping for his upcoming school year, re-establishing contact with his social circle and all the rest. Cut the guy some slack. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 If you were to go off for 3 days with friends would he be happy with you saying "you may hear from me briefly or not at all - bye!". The sad thing is I don't really think he would care. My b/f is very laid back, he doesn't get jealous. He says he doesn't need a relationship to be happy, so if he's dating a girl it really means that he likes them. My husband doesn't need a relationship to be happy either but he adores me and thus wants to talk to me all the time. All boyfriends I have had - who have actually gained relationship status - have been the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 The dude's got a bazillion things on his plate, from moving and getting his place organized to prepping for his upcoming school year, re-establishing contact with his social circle and all the rest. Cut the guy some slack. Isn't it also your philosophy that daily contact isn't necessary either in any relationship other than one where you live together (married or not) and therefor are kind of forced by the situation? Most relationships don't fit into those parameters unless it is the very beginning and they are simply dating. I am just trying to clarify perspective for the OP as she has contact with him now everyday. And a few minutes on the phone to touch base is not an imposition no matter what is going on especially if it helps your partner feel more comfortable in your absence. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Isn't it also your philosophy that daily contact isn't necessary either in any relationship other than one where you live together (married or not) and therefor are kind of forced by the situation?Yes, that's my philosophy. I personally think contact every single day is just too much. Now, if both parties have already agreed to it, then sure, by all means, go ahead. But personally I'd find contact every single day a sign of insecurity. Link to post Share on other sites
sspiegel22 Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 It sounds like your boyfriend does have a lot on his plate and may actaully be too busy for a phone call ... but maybe a couple small texts telling you how everything is going would be nice ... you know just to let you know hes thinking of you ..i dont think thats too much to ask ..w Anyway i gotta disagree that wanting to talk your SO every day is a sign of insecurity ..i deff dont think wanting to speak as much as possible with someone that you are in a relationship with especially when you are apart means you are insecure..when you are apart i personally feel having daily communication in some form or another is extremely important to making the relationship survive ..but thats just my opinion Link to post Share on other sites
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