I'm not "Needed" in her life anymore.

[atari_emo]

I've been with this girl for almost two years. I'm 19 and shes 17. At the start everything was great as last year we went tom the same school. It's a story of a little bit of fun turning into a very serious relationship. Anyway this year i had to move away to university so that made things hard for us. We stuck it out and came to a decision that she would move up to wear i was when she finished school this year. I sacrifieced alot of time an effort coming back every weekend to see her and spend time with her. Anyway i'm home on holidays now an we spend an incredible 2 weeks with one another. Then all of a sudden in her last two weeks of school i get ignored an she dosent answer my calls. I seen her in town after her prom the other night and asked her what's going on. Finishing up she says that she dosent need me in her life anymore and she wants freedom an independance. I broke down and she didnt even comfort me or anything she said her thing an walked away. I dont know whats going on an why she broke it off but all i feel is that i have been used to the maximum. I feel like i'm just a stepping stone on to bigger an better things for her. She has crushed my heart. I still love her but then i hate her at the same time. What can I do? She's still ignoring me and my stupid pride stops me from calling her. Everynight she dont call just feels like another rejection. Any Ideas?

[midori]

but break-ups so often are.

 

It kind of sucks that she felt she had to wait until you were home for the holidays to break up with you, since she doesn't seem to feel that there should be any discussion of the matter. Now you've got to wait until the holidays are over before you can carry on with your life.

 

And you will carry on with your life, you know. You can start participating in your university's social world more, now that you're not traveling on weekends. You can meet lots of people, make friends, date girls. Have a great time. Believe me,no matter how low you're feeling right now, your life isn't over. Far from it.

 

In the meantime, you're stuck at home for the holidays. Well, what can you do? You can focus on your studies -- perish the thought! -- so that this downtime won't be utterly wasted. You can do things you've been meaning to do like get more organized, etc. You can hang out with your friends who are also home for the holidays.

 

It sounds like you're not that far from your campus (if going home on the weekends was possible), so maybe you can connect with some of the people you know from university even before returning to school. Even if you previously haven't socialized too much with them, send some emails out to people you know. Say something like, "hey, I've always felt kind of bad that I wasn't able to participate fully in campus life because of my gf back home. Well times have changed, and I'd really like to start hanging out with people more. Wanna go get a drink sometime?"

 

Just redirect yourself towards your own life. The pain won't go away entirely, of course not. But if you view this holiday period as a time to prepare to launch yourself more fully into your school life, it won't seem like such a punishment.

[Groovy Chick]

This can happen a lot in situ's like yours. One or the other goes off to uni but promise to remain faithful, but it isn't inevitably that means a break up .........

 

You were both very young when you began your relationship, and it either means she has been seeing what she's missing as a single you girl and wants to see more of life, or she just wants out altogether.

 

I would leave her to work out what she really wants, and in the meantime, get yourself involved with friends at your uni and try and move on. Hard as it is, seems your only option right now. If it's to be, it will be .......

 

Good Luck.

[trying]

let her go

don't call

don't email

 

if she doesn't 'need' or want you...then never mind about her...you will meet plenty of mature women at uni who won't use you or play with your heart

 

she is young...I wouldn't be surprised if she met someone else

 

take care of you...focus on you

 

if she contacts you, be very careful...have your guard up, and go very slow

[atari_emo]

Hey,

Thanks to all the people that posted replies. A situation has arisen, before me an the girl broke up we had planned to go for a short 3 day holiday after she finished school. She still wants to go on this holiday even though we only broke up 6 days ago. So we are going to have a holiday 10 days after we broke up.This just adds to the confusion. I thought its over. Shes just giving me hope that we can sort things out during these three days. She says we just should go on it as friends. But we have a sort of road trip planned and we will have to sleep together in the back of her car. I know that we wont be able to keep our hands off each other(we were very sexual during the 2 years i was with her) This is just confusing me. I really want to go on this road trip but i'm scared that this is going to really complicate things and i'm going to get hurt real bad again. I'm starting to think by the phrase"fortune favours the brave". I'm confident that i can at least if i cant get her back during this time then i can reach at least reach a compromise so we can still see each other without the expectations of a relationship. I've just got this idea in my head that if i stick it out long enough she will want to get back together. I love her and i'm willing to wait for her until shes ready to get back into a relationship.Just need some advice on how i should go all about this. I know some of you are going to say shes not worth it and i'll only get hurt again. But i dont want to die wondering. Any tips, any ideas, any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. thanks

[mattdad]

Sorry to shout, but I feel she is just using you and is way too selfish to go on this trip with. Listen to yourself - you're already confused and afraid of being hurt. Ever heard of Pygmalion? This is a self-fulfilling prophecy if ever I've seen one (and I've seen plenty!). If you still intend to go on this trip, then I'd suggest you establish the following ground rules -

1) Set limits on what you are willing to say to her. DO NOT get deep into your feelings with this girl! Keep it to the moment and unserious.

2) If you start to get whiny and needy, just get in the car and drive home, for you have already blown it!

3) If you have sex, YOU'RE ON TOP! (a little humor never hurt anyone!)

I experienced PRECISELY the same situation as you've just outlined, and did the first two. Needless to say - crash and burn!!!

The only way you'll win this girl back is if you make yourself too attractive for her to pass up. And showing her that you can make it fine without her is the most effective way to show her your attractiveness.

I hope this helps. Good luck and keep us posted!