Think Forwards not BACK!

[Ninja Extrordinare]

Hiya! First off, I think this is GREAT. Having sites like this can really take the load off someone's grieving heart (I wish I knew this place existed a couple of years ago.)

 

Everybody has a story to tell of their tragedy and triumph.

 

I dated this girl in high school, from gr 9 to graduation. So it was a pretty serious relationship it lasted 4.5 years or so. I would of took a bullet for this girl. That's how much I was in love with her. I always tried to be the best boyfriend I thought I could be for her. I never told her what to do, who she could see or hang out with, basically I gave her all the space she needed. She would often say really cold things to me, and act like if the relationship was to just suddenly "Die" she wouldn't care less. (It's kind of funny in the fact that in all my yearbooks she's written in not one doesn't have the word SORRY in it.)

 

So eventually we broke up, it seemed for the best just because it was a long relationship, and she was going off to college and I was staying behind in High School to finish some extra credits. She wanted to stay friends and told me that she didn't want to date anyone so she could concentrate on her schooling. A month after we broke up I found out from one of her friends that she was at some bar making out with a guy who she ended up dating, and still is I think.

 

My heart stopped beating...literally. I know NOW that there is nothing she did that was really wrong, but it was just the fact that she told me she wasn't going to date anyone for awhile, then within that same month is sucking face with a new boyfriend in a bar. It took me 6 months to heal from that..she called me once every 3 weeks or so and just wanted to talk to me about her boyfriend. So.. I snapped. I never saw her but I did see one of her friends quite often. I told her friend that if she sees her tell her to never call me again and I'll return the favor.

 

And I never heard from her again. But It was the BEST learning experince I ever had so far. This happend 2 years ago. I learned the Idea of Impermenance, that nothing is forever. Everything must come to an end..But don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that getting into a deep serious relationship for a long time, or even marriage is a waste of time...I think if the chemistry is there it's GREAT to have a serious relationship and see where it goes...

 

So here Is what I have learned and just want to say.

 

1) If you get into a relationship, just enjoy it. Don't make it complicated with insecurities from your past, and don't hold them aganist the person whom your presently seeing. (Goes for the BOTH of you )

 

2) Don't expect things.

 

3) Remember the good times you spent with people in past relationships whether or not it ended in flames. After time you might actually smile at some of the memories.

 

This is the one I find most important when it comes to relationships.

 

*** DON'T LET YOUR PAST RULE YOUR FUTURE********

 

If you have had a string of crappy relationships, don't carry the baggage into a new one....by doing that you've already doomed it. Learn to let go.

 

Ever since I started thinking in this way, My relationships are MUCH nicer. It may not work for anybody but me, or it may work for everybody...I don't know...It works pretty damn well for me and I'm enjoying myself...

 

SO, there it is my story of learning....I don't regret any of it. If you want to respond feel free.

 

Play nice everybody! and have fun!

[D.]

Yo, Ninja~ Kudos to you in a major way! I love your philosophy and sure do hope to see you here A LOT giving advice to those who write.

 

You are one together person whose outlook is so refreshingly healthy!

 

Thank you so very much for your post. Even though I am not having any issues at this time, it is definately a post I would want to put in My Favorite Places on my PC for future reference.

 

WELCOME AND COME BACK SOON!!! D

[Tony T]

The things you have written are terrific and if you can stick to your rules, you'll win a Nobel Prize for self-control.

 

It's just human nature that when those love chemicals start swirling in our brain, the ensuing insantity, though temporary, causes us to suspend much of our rational thought and expect much.

 

I liken many relationships to the eating of a watermelon. When we get a nice, ripe one, we start at the center where is is sweet and juicy. As we work our way to the edges over time, it becomes less palitable and even bitter at the rind.

 

Relationships don't have to be that way, but often they are. People expect that sweeet newness to remain and just aren't willing to overlook some of the difficulties that crop up as it progresses.

 

The other problem with your rules is that you can follow them and be quite happy but if your partner is irrational and has many unreasonable expectations of the relationship, you are in for a roller coaster ride.

 

If I could spread some magic dust around the world and get everyone to chill and soften a bit and enjoy their relationships more and analyze them less, it would be a wonderful world.

 

However, if you follow your Rule #2 and don't expect your mate to be sane and rational, that should cover it.

 

This love business has evolved over the centuries. Most likely as our thought processes and learning experiences evolve over time, like everything else, we can expect a great deal of improvement generally in human relationships over perhaps the next 25,000 years.