I'm sick and tired of being used, but I still want to be friends with him!

[xSo_confusedx]

I started seeing this guy about a couple of months ago, after I got out of a long-term relationship shortly before that. We met online, chatted for a while and had a meet-up, which went (as far as I know) just fine. We kept in contact and saw each other a few more times. I enjoyed our meetings, but every time he would never let me know in advance when he has time and he just calls me whenever he feels like it. He blames it on his poor planning skills but I doubt it. Also, he never really chats to me anymore (we used to chat a lot), he only contacts me when he wants to see me. And never talks to me the day after.

 

So it feels like he's just using me for sex. We do have sex every time we see each other. I know it was never meant to be a serious relationship but I still like him as a person and just want to be good friends with him. But obviously he only sees me as a back-up **** buddy or something, someone he can manipulate. I'm really tired of being treated like this, but I want to be friends with him.

 

Lately I've been feeling physically sick because of all this and lost 7 lbs in a week. I should probably get over him, but I don't know how. Any tips?

[WTRanger]

It doesn't feel like he may be using you for sex. He IS using you for sex. Why should he have to put anymore into this? He's got an awesome deal. Ring the girl, have sex, ignore her, repeat.

 

The only way to solve this is to ignore him and for God's sakes stop having sex with him. It won't end well. He won't want to be just "friends" with you. FWB's or whatever this situation is, they can almost never go back to being non sexual friends.

 

If you try to stay friends with him, he'll manipulate you back into the bed.

[xSo_confusedx]

I know he's just using me for sex. The thing is, I find him sexually attractive and I enjoy sex with him a lot. But I want to be friends with him most of all (friends with benefits if you will), and I don't enjoy being treated like some sex object. It's not like I want us to go back to being non-sexual friends; I just want us to be good friends, sexual or otherwise.

 

Also, when we do meet, he's normally sweet and a lot of fun. I know I really should get over him, though, it's eating me up.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I started seeing this guy about a couple of months ago, after I got out of a long-term relationship shortly before that. We met online, chatted for a while and had a meet-up, which went (as far as I know) just fine. We kept in contact and saw each other a few more times. I enjoyed our meetings, but every time he would never let me know in advance when he has time and he just calls me whenever he feels like it. He blames it on his poor planning skills but I doubt it. Also, he never really chats to me anymore (we used to chat a lot), he only contacts me when he wants to see me. And never talks to me the day after.

 

So it feels like he's just using me for sex. We do have sex every time we see each other. I know it was never meant to be a serious relationship but I still like him as a person and just want to be good friends with him. But obviously he only sees me as a back-up **** buddy or something, someone he can manipulate. I'm really tired of being treated like this, but I want to be friends with him.

 

Lately I've been feeling physically sick because of all this and lost 7 lbs in a week. I should probably get over him, but I don't know how. Any tips?

Hes just using you hes not interested in being your friend and if you stop putting out he will start to ignore you all together its a hopeless situation I'm sorry! Also on a side note your feeling sick have you taken a preggo test recently? don't mean to frighten you but just an idea there..

[xSo_confusedx]

I am on the pill so I don't think I'm pregnant or anything. It's just that I haven't been eating well at all. I'm starving and still don't feel like eating anything.

[Neutrino]

xSo..... This guy only wants sex - but since you also enjoy it - it is a 2-way situation. I hope you were using protection - you did not mention exclusivity nor blood tests, so remember this can be a health hazard too - how do you even know you are the only one he's having sex with ?

 

For as long as both of you enjoy the sex - I really don't see a problem - not every relationship has to lead to a marriage. If there is more negative than positive for you - stop seeing him, it may be difficult for a couple of days - but that's all, you will be over him before you know it.

[xpaperxcutx]

The semantics behind FWB is misleading. Having sex doesn't make you friends and neither will ceasing all sexual activities maintain the friendship.

 

Stop responding to this guy and find someone who is willing to reciprocate in kind your feelings. Give yourself time to heal and renew your perspectives.

 

And yes, he is using you for sex and yes you allowing yourself to be used if you can not learn to say no.

[xSo_confusedx]

Thank you for your input.

 

Yes, we did use protection every time we had sex. I get tested regularly, I'm not sure about him though.

 

I just deleted his contact info from my phone and IM. It is very hard for me now (I've been crying a lot) but I know I have to be strong. He's just using me and I need to get over him.

 

The reason why it's so hard is because I don't know anyone else except him now, I'm quite new in town. I suppose I should start going out and meeting new people. Although that's really hard for me too because I'm very shy. I just have to do it though, so I guess that's what I'll do next weekend

[Cora]

I wish I could givie you a hug. I know what you are going through. I was in a very similar situation and it's very tough. The truth is if you would have kept up with this arrangement.....meeting him for sex etc. Things would have never changed. He would continue to call you up last minute for sex and you would continue to feel disrespected. Things would have never gotten better because he has no regard for your feelings. You deserve respect and if you would have continuted this it shows you don't have respect for yourself and if you don't have respect for yourself then how can you expect others to show you the respect you deserve? This is the part that took me forever to get and I'm still sruggling with it. I'm glad you have decided to end things with him. I believe you made the right choice no matter how hard it feels right now. You just stay strong and take it day by day and before you know it you will be completely over him. You should be really proud of yourself for deleting all of his contact info. And yes, go out and meet new people....people who will respect you because they are out there and you deserve nothing less. Have fun and take care of yourself. (Oh and I am really shy too so I completely understand how you feel)