my bro needs help breaking up!

[kind sister]

hi, I'm writing for my lil' brother because he's shy. His problem is that he has been seeing a 21yr old gal with a 6yr old daughter. He's 20 and really way too considerate, I think. He pays rent at my apartment with me and my boyfriend, but has barely slept at our apt. at all because his girlfriend insists he stay at her apartment. When he tries to do his own thing he says that she cries and cries to him until he relents. I told him to start sleeping here at home EVERY night, but he says it's so hard because he doesn't want to hurt her. She pisses him off often and he knows deep down (and has told me) that he doesn't want to go out with her anymore, but he does want to remain friends. The question is then, how can he break up with her so that he doesn't have to suffer hours of her crying and then still be friends? Do you think he should do this gradually or just right out? He says that he doesn't know what to say to her to make it easier. Can anyone help? Has anyone else been through something like this too? Thanks!!!

[Tony T]

Your brother needs to grow up and stand up for himself.

 

First he needs to learn to do his own stuff. I mean he even has to have someone else post his own problems on the web. There is no woman alive that could possibly love or respect a wimp like that.

 

That is the epitamy of shyness. Nobody in the Universe would ever know it was him posting...I mean nobody...and he's too shy to do it for himself anyway. So if he can't do that, how can he possibly get up the courage to tell this chick to kiss off. If he's going to live a normal, healthy life he's going to have to get some guts. WOMEN WANT MEN, NOT SHY WIMPS!!!

 

Seond, why in heaven's name does he even want to be friends with a lady who pisses him off. You better let him know that no woman alive can have respect for a guy she can manipulate like this girl does your brother.

 

Third, he needs to split for this Miss Priss IMMEDIATELY and never speak to her again. She has no respect or consideration for him. He also needs to learn he cannot control the feelings of another person, they control their own. Why should he NOT get away from this wretched situation just because he might hurt her feelings. Give me a break. AND HE SHOULD NEVER AGAIN LET ANY OTHER PERSON CONTROL HIM TO SUCH AN EXTENT.

 

If your brother were to get run over by a truck tomorrow, God Forbid, how would he like to die knowing he lived his last days for someone else and not for himself.

 

There are not strong enough ways I can tell him to start living for himself, making himself happy, and to learn that if he allows this lady to control him so much, he will be condemned to a life of pain and misery.

 

TELL HIM I SAID TO GET A LIFE!!!

[D.]

Your brother sounds nice to a fault and is doing himself a grave injustice. He needs to think more of himself and his own desires and not have "WELCOME" written on his back. He is easily manipulated by a very unpleasant person into sticking around just because he does not want to hurt her feelings even though he wants to be rid of her. How dumb is that?

 

He should let his feelings be known to her. Now, with this particular girl, I don't think that there is honestly any way to be friends or associate with her once they break up. She will only guilt induce him and try her best to make him feel badly. It is his choice as to whether to feel badly or not. I repeat, it is HIS choice.

 

He needs to break up with her, get away from her and not associate with her any longer ... after all, she pisses him off anyway and why should he want to be around her.

 

He needs to develop a spine regarding future relationships and realize that his needs and desires are just as important as his girlfriend's. If he does not do this, he will continually find himself in the same type situation.

 

Perhaps he can have some reading material suggested to him by a coucelor in order to recognize what a REAL relationship is all about.