Would you tell her?!

[bentnotbroken]

The assumption that people are stupid and don't see spouses cheating on each other is well...you know. And nothing is different. No one is asking for help in any of those situations. Yet it was offered and accepted, sometimes graciously other times begrudgingly. As I said, it is something that everyone can't or won't do.

[bentnotbroken]

And there are 3 sides to any relationship story, his, hers and the truth. And sometimes the truth comes from an outside source, because of the cowardice of one or both participants. It certainly doesn't bother an AP to "butt in" it shouldn't bother anyone else.

[pollswolls]

Here's another side of the coin to consider-(but most here don't)

 

My very dear friends (it's been years ago) were swingers. And a very very small community (at the time - I hear it's quite common now) knew about their "Lifestyle" (I was one of those that did know)

 

A mutual friend saw the husband out with another woman, came to me & was a-ghast at what she saw. I did't tell her my knowledge of their life - because it wasn't my business to. But that sort of got a gossip train going & she did go to the wife who was MORTIFIED that now the community knew their "lifestyle choice"

 

So, I kind of see confused's point a little bit. Getting into business that isn't your concern can sometimes not be such a good thing.

[RedDevil66]

I'm so not a sh*t-stirer and hating getting into others biz since my life is so filled with my own stuff, but my BF keeps bugging my butt to go visit/stay with his wonderful cousin and I just can't face this jerk.

I told my BF, if you want me to go so bad, I am willing to burst and say something to him because nowhere in my being can I be fake.

 

In any case, I'm not going to concern myself too much right now with this, but when my BF and I get into therapy, this will be a topic since I feel he does idolize his pathetic cousin and I want the therapist to explain to him that his actions are that of a douche bag!

[stuckinoz]

I've been reading - but not posting here~ & kind of just noticed a bit of a red flag.

 

You & your BOYFRIEND are going to go to therapy? Ummm...does anyone else see anything wrong with this picture? Therapy? You already are having issues? If ya think being in a relationship prior to marriage is tough & you need therapy - You're in for a rude awakening. (Sorry, I know it's blunt, but I've been married a VERY long time)

[stuckinoz]

If they see nothing wrong with their lifestyle, why do they care what others think?

 

 

Seriously? Even I know that being a swinger isn't exactly an accepted lifestyle in some communities - So I get it! Who really wants their neighbors poking around in their sex life? I know I wouldn't.

[RedDevil66]

I've been reading - but not posting here~ & kind of just noticed a bit of a red flag.

 

You & your BOYFRIEND are going to go to therapy? Ummm...does anyone else see anything wrong with this picture? Therapy? You already are having issues? If ya think being in a relationship prior to marriage is tough & you need therapy - You're in for a rude awakening. (Sorry, I know it's blunt, but I've been married a VERY long time)

 

I've been with my BF for over 4 yrs and I don't plan on getting married.

So what you're saying it's highly unusual for a couple who've been together 4 yrs without a piece of paper to have issues?

 

I'm 44 and have been common law with someone for 11 yrs before him so not "new" to this. thanks though

[silverfish]

This is nothing but gossip. Butting into others marriages when they don't involve you.

 

If a marriage looks like a GREAT one from the outside....doesn't mean a thing when you're on the inside. How do you know for sure this GUY is what everyone ASSUMES he is.......They don't know.

 

There are 2 sides to every story. Just because on the outside the four walls of his home he seems to be Joe Nice Guy....Does not mean that he treats his wife as such.

 

Whereas....the guy that looks like a total ass outside the four walls may treat his wife like a princess. Get my point?

 

Therefore, by sticking your nose where it doesn't concern you - to me is just gossip & butting into others business - If more people would mind their own marriages & quit worrying about others - More marriages might survive.

 

You sorted of pokered youself there - why come on a forum like this if you consider what's going on as poking your nose in and gossip?

[confusedinkansas]

You sorted of pokered youself there - why come on a forum like this if you consider what's going on as poking your nose in and gossip?

 

I'm not sure how you figure that - But this forum is different than just gossiping about what the neighbors or other family members choose as a sexual lifestyle.

People come here for advice, assistance - & to get another point of view.

My point of view is just different than some that are posting here.

I think it's butting into someone elses business that didn't ask for your assistance, didn't ask for your help nor does their marital business concern you.

Now, it'd be different if this person ASKED the poster - wouldn't it?

 

And there are 3 sides to any relationship story, his, hers and the truth

 

This is 100% true. None of us knows what goes on behind our neighbors closed doors.....Now do we?

[Woggle]

I know you don't like this guy but him and your bf have a prior bond that existed before you and you should respect that. I would stay out of it. I have friends that do things I don't condone but those are my brothers and I see the good sides. Nobody is perfect.

[RedDevil66]

I know you don't like this guy but him and your bf have a prior bond that existed before you and you should respect that. I would stay out of it. I have friends that do things I don't condone but those are my brothers and I see the good sides. Nobody is perfect.

 

I am leaning this way

I'm going to stay out of it

[silverfish]

People come here for advice, assistance - & to get another point of view.

My point of view is just different than some that are posting here.

I think it's butting into someone elses business that didn't ask for your assistance, didn't ask for your help nor does their marital business concern you.

Now, it'd be different if this person ASKED the poster - wouldn't it?

 

 

 

Well, I think it would be worse if the sister in law found out, then said to RD 'why didin't you tell me?' then got the reply 'you didn't ask me'

 

I think men, fair enough, you have a different way of looking at things. For women, betrayal by other women is very hurtful, and not telling would count as betrayal to me.

 

I would tell, if we were close and I considered her a friend. I would also realise it might be the end of our friendship, but would consider it a sacrifice worth making, as if I didn't say anything, we would not be able to be friends anyway.

[freestyle]

Well, I think it would be worse if the sister in law found out, then said to RD 'why didin't you tell me?' then got the reply 'you didn't ask me'

 

I think men, fair enough, you have a different way of looking at things. For women, betrayal by other women is very hurtful, and not telling would count as betrayal to me.

 

I would tell, if we were close and I considered her a friend. I would also realise it might be the end of our friendship, but would consider it a sacrifice worth making, as if I didn't say anything, we would not be able to be friends anyway.

 

 

I'm inclined to agree- just like the men have their unwritten code, so do women..............sisterhood.

 

I don't like to involve myself in the relationships of my friends and family,

but in this case- well, I don't know how I could sit there with a phony smile on my face, pretending that everything's alright. It would upset me to my very core....................

 

The cousin is putting his wife at risk for STD's, aside from the obvious emotional abuse that his infidelity inflicts. His OW got pregnant!!!! Meaning he's either having unprotected sex, or the condom broke , either way.................he's exchanging fluids outside of the marital bed, risking his wife's physical helath, as well as her mental health.

 

I wouldn't be able to face her at all. If it were me, I'd want someone to tell me.

[Spark1111]

Me too! Whether I believe them or not, I would want to be told.

 

I think his cousin should talk with him since blood is thicker than water.

 

If nothing else, this guy will keep his lifestyle, go underground and stop confiding his EM sexploits to his cousin.

 

That, if nothing else, will take some pressure off of their relationship.