Facts About Rape - Please Read

[moimeme]

It appears that a large number of people are seriously misinformed about rape. Here is information from a number of rape and assult assistance sites. Please read this and inform yourselves so as not to continue to perpetuate the victimization of people who are raped.

 

How to assist the victim:

 

Don't Criticize

Don't criticize a survivor of abuse for being where they were at the time, for not resisting more or screaming, for not talking about it earlier…or for anything else. Anybody, anywhere, can be a victim of abuse, regardless of age, gender, looks, dress and so on. Regardless of circumstances "no" means "no," and nobody deserves to be raped.

 

Myths about women "asking for it" or men being "unable to help themselves" create a burden of guilt on the survivor in the first place, and they may already feel partly responsible. Any criticism of their handling of the situation, either during the attack or afterwards, simply adds to that guilt, and it is important that the blame is placed firmly where it belongs - with the person who committed the assault.

 

Do Understand

Listen and try to understand why they were unable to prevent it from happening. They may have been frozen by fear, or have been unsuspecting and trusting, or they may have been threatened or physically attacked and may have realistically feared worse would happen if they resisted. You wouldn't expect somebody who has been mugged to have been able to prevent it.

 

You won't be able to magically make everything better straight away, but by showing them that you believe them, that you don't blame them, and that you want to help them regain control of their life, by listening, respecting their feelings and views and showing you care, you can make a great difference and help them begin to heal again

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Abuse/lisk/family_friends.htm

 

[

b]Listen; do not judge. It is not your place to play prosecutor and make her prove her story. Accept her version of the facts and be supportive. You may have to deal with your feelings separately if you feel that it was somehow her fault. [/b]Many rape counseling services can be helpful to friends and relatives of women who have been victims.

 

MYTH: Women who don't actually try to fight the man have not been raped.

FACT: If a man forces a woman to have sex, rape has occurred, whether or not she fights back.

 

RAPE CULTURE MYTH: WOMEN ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR MEN'S VIOLENCE AGAINST THEM

 

It is no accident that you are led to believe that you are somehow responsible for men's violence against you. Our language is intended to perpetuate the myth, as the following examples indicate: "Why did you accept a ride from him?"; Why did you allow yourself to get drunk at that frat party?"; Why did you wear that short skirt?"; "Why did you agree to let him walk you back to your apartment?"; "The bitch had it coming!"; "You know she really wanted it!"

 

This language is meant to promote protectionism, the "women should/women should not" school of sexist thought. Protectionism is most men's idea of women's self-defense. Protectionism is one of our rape culture's most effective means of imposing misplaced shame, blame, and guilt onto women so that men will suffer very few negative consequences for their choice to use violence against women. The FBI documents that rape is still the most underreported of all violent crimes. Many women reporting assault fear that they will be disbelieved or blamed for the violence that men have inflicted upon them. The question should not be, "Why did you allow him to drive you home?"

 

http://www.dekalbrapecrisiscenter.org/familyfriendspage.htm

 

BELIEVE THEM

 

The greatest fear of acquaintance rape survivors is that they will not be believed, or that their experience will be minimized as "not important." It is critical to remember that in 85% of all rapes, the victim knows their assailant. Accept what you are hear-&emdash;even if the man involved is a popular, desirable guy, even if the woman appears confused and unable to put her thoughts together clearly. She is in shock. She may also seem calm and collected, behavior that may seem inappropriate in someone who has just been raped. Both extremes are possible (and normal) reactions.

 

Attempted rape is often as traumatic as completed rape. Although the woman may have foiled the rape or the man may have been unable to penetrate her, the aftereffects of the experience may be severe. Treat the victim of attempted rape with the same care as the victim of completed rape

.

 

http://www.sonoma.edu/CampusLife/sa/helping.html

 

During rape, women are in such a state of terror that they have little or no control over bodily functions, some may laugh hysterically, others weep, some urinate or even defecate, some experience acute vaginal dryness while increased adrenalin in their body causes some to orgasm. Rape is not sex and orgasm during rape is not pleasure, it is the ultimate terror and shame. The woman's body betrays her and appears to succumb to the rapist, even as her mind may remain aloof and strong.

 

Males can also be raped. A man's body may respond to stimuli, and may experience an ejaculation, just as a woman may experience an orgasm during an assault. This does not mean that the experience was enjoyable, but only that the body responded to the touches. This often leaves a victim feeling he/she must have wanted the assault.[/

b]http://www.downeasthealth.org/sexassault/date_rape.html

http://www.dialhelp.org/library/date5.html

 

 

[color=red]Another confusing phenomenon can occur during a sexual assault. Fear, disgust, and pain are almost always present during the assault, but a victim may also experience arousal or even an orgasm. If this happened toyou, you may feel this means you really wanted it and you may feel as if your body betrayed you. It is important to understand that an orgasm is a natural biological response which can occur with physical pressure and

even fear.

 

*****The presence of arousal or an orgasm does not change the fact that what happened to you was a violent crime[/color]*****

 

http://www.speakout.org.za/legal/laws/laws_newsa.html

[Caddy]

I understand the need to educate. And granted I haven't read each and every single post in the forums. But are you on a crusade or something? Why this long post?

[lost_in_chgo]

Someone posted what sounded like a rape fantasy to most everyone. But Moimeme is right, regardless of whether you believe the story or not, attacking the person telling it is really not a good idea. Err on the side of caution.

[Caddy]

I think attacking people on LS should never happen. But, I know we can't all get along everyday all day. That would be too perfect and we don't live in a movie.

 

But thanks for the info lost-in-chgo.

[moimeme]

Caddy - as lost-in-chgo said, it was posted to correct several misconceptions which went flying about here when someone posted that she had been raped. It appeared as though people were unfamiliar with the facts so I hunted them up and posted them for all to see.

[Desert Wind]

Thanks moimeme.

 

Desert Wind

[jenny]

when i was working at the shelter, one of the women said something to me i cannot forget. i'm paraphrasing, and possibly gentrifying, but this is the general message:

 

when people are robbed, few people ask them about the flashiness of their homes or cars.

when people are robbed, no one asks about any previous robberies as a way to discredit perceptions.

when people are robbed, no one holds previous acts of generosity against the victim.

when people are robbed, no one interrogates them about any adrenaline highs they might have experienced while hiding or fighting back. no one questions the implicit pleasure they take in recounting the experience as an anecdote to their friends once the event is over

 

this is the state of the law: no one would lie about something as important as property, but evidently women <or men> would lie about something as vital as one's one body. it's a revolting situation; it should be a situation against which women, and men, revolt.

 

having said all this, the original post struck me as linguistically odd, and frankly, histrionically aestheticized. but my skepticism, in this instance, is simply a lower priority to this women's possible *real* pain. one of the things they teach you on the lines is that responding to crime victims is a position of emotion, not logic.

 

worst case scenario: let's say her post was a fantasy - this is a interesting area of discussion, not a reason to get upset. i have never fantasized about being stolen from, being slandered, or being killed - why is it so normal for me to occasionally fantasize about being raped?

 

in any event, this woman clearly felt disempowered in her situation; i think her post indicates a strong reaction against surveillance and possibly family abuse - which she experiences as rape. who am i to disbelieve? what evidence do i have? the burden of proof is on the claimant and her defendant, not us as posters. she feels she has lost something; she has been stolen from; and hopefully trust and dignity is at least as serious as the cost of my car stereo system in american/canadian justice.

 

i trust our justice system to root out the fakers, the drama queens, the phantasy victims. the law as it is is incredibly and unreasonably hard on rape-victims.

 

i am a skeptical person by nature and education. it's very important not to believe everything one hears; it is important to doubt even the evidence supplied by the disenfranchised. i also dislike victim-think in general, especially from women.

 

but this is an odd and special case. it is insanely hard for women to talk about rape; and when they do ANY sign of disbelief will silence them. if you have doubts, know they will be asked, zealously, in a court of law. but the only thing we have to overcome the shame of rape is consistent, gentle, and completely non-judgemental listening.

 

cheers, j