am i the only one trying? not sure what to believe

[whatsnext]

Ok let me start by saying this is my first post and I am looking for help from anyone willling. This could be a long story so I am going to give you the condensed version. OPINIONS and ADVICE WELCOME!!!!

 

IT'S kind of long but please help..

 

I am 37 my wife is 36 we have been together for 15 years and have 3 kids. I am a very outgoing person she is alot more intraverted adn quite. But we make a good team.

 

About 6 weeks ago i started noticing that she was acting strange and not letting her purse out of her sight. This was odd for her, I have never questioned her activities.Except for once, ill get into that later. When I had the chance i looked at her phone nothing suspicious at all. this went on for a week or so. I decided to look online at the phone and text history. And noticed a number i had never seen before, after researching on the net i find out its a guy from work. I didnt say anything because i had no reason or proof to do so. Then i started geting calls from her saying that I am meeting co workers for drinks after work. Not a huge deal but happend once a week which was odd. Plus I noticed the continued contect with the guy from work. Then i decided to take it one step farther I put a GPS tracker on her phone so i could tell where she was. Wrong I know but i needed to find out if i had anything to worry about.Boy was i right to worry. Got a call she said she had to work late and she would call me when she was off. I drove by her work and her car and his were missing. I had found out before where the guy lived so i decided to drive by and have a look. Sure enough there was her car. I waited for her to come out then followed her car and she called me. I asked what are you doing she said driving home from work. I said ok look behind you and she saw me in the rear view mirror and said OH SHI--! I told her to pull over and yelled that she was busted and went off a bit. She compleatly broke down and said she was going to hurt herself. SHe begged me not to leave and take her to the ER which i did. Dropped her off gave them her info and left her there. THey admited her for 3 days and i was home taking care of the kids and trying to work. I did not visit but we exchanged letters. Mine telling her how hurt and upset i was. Hers saying she has been depressed for a while now and had very low self esteem. That this other guy was going through problem with his marriage and they had made some sort of bond over it. She swears nothing more then kissing happened but I think that is what they all say and dont by that for a second. So she gets out and we have a conversation. I say I will do my best to get past this as long as we go to counseling adn she promises to not see this guy again. She agree, but is unsure about alot of things. Like she says the old I love you but not sure if I am in love with you anymore. I tell her I will give her tome to decided what she wants and hopefully counsleing will help. I tell her that the other guy needs to tell his wife or I will. All 3 work in the same two story building. His wife upstairs and them down stairs. They see eachother pretty much daily.

 

We go to couseling for about 3 weeks and seems to have its ups and downs. She still was not sure what she wanted to do with the marriage. I told her that i cant wait forever as this limbo period is hard on me as well. She said she will do her best. We do this for about another week with its ups and downs. She says she thinks that she is close to making a decision and will let me know asap. Well a few days later she calls me after work adn says she is stopping at the store to pick something up. Its close to her work and I was in the area so decided to stop by. Guess who is there. The other guy they are sitting in there cars talking. I flipp out I punch him in the face a few and break his wondow as he pulls away. WRONG i know but had alot of pent up feeling adn could not help myself. I tell her IM done and packing my stuff to stay somewhere for the weekend. I go home and pack and she comes in crying asking for 5 min to talk. I give it to her. She says she came to a decision today to end the marriage and that earlier in the day the guys wife was giving my wife a hard time about what had happened and that she wanted to tell him that she was going to be going through a hard time and didnt want to be messed with.YEAH RIGHT, anyone else buy this story i don't.

 

I leave and tell her I wil be back to pick up the kids tommerow and spend the day with them and she will have them all day on SUnday. I come back on Sat morning to get the kids and take them. I get them ready and leave wothout saying a word to her. It was obviouse that she had ben crying alot, and cried more when i got there and when we all left. I brought them back about 7 hours later, walked them in the house and said goodbye to them.Closed the door and getting in my car and she comes running out crying begging for me not to leave and that she wanted me to stay and that she wanted to retract her decision to get a divorce. I leave anyway. I think this was the right move? any thoughts.

 

I come back late in the evening on Sunday and i dont say much of anything to her.We have a conversation that we are going to have a trial seperation but live in the same house. We cant afford two house payments. The rules are simple. No interaction with the guy or any dating or intimacy with anyone else. Share housework, share bills seperate bank account and desiginated days with the kids. Her mother comes down for a visit and I get a text message from cell providor that changes to my acocount have been made. My M in law is the accoutn holder and they drop my GPS tracking and have the bill sent to the in laws house. I can no longer look online to see her activity( I have since fixed this i can see her activity now)I tell her how much this upsets me and that if she is doing nothing wrong it should not matter what I can see and what I cant. She says she is not doing anything wrong but wants provicy. We do that for about a week then this hapenes

 

 

I am out of town for two days for work and come home and the kids are glad to see me and i get barely a hello from her. I'm hurt but get over it. I get on our computer and notice the history and it show that someone wwas on the tracphone website. I asked my daughter and she said not me. SO i wonder, I ask my wife that night. She denies looking at the site and denies buying a phone, I ask to look in her purse because you havent let it out of your sight since i got home. And look what she pulls out. A TRACPHONE. WOW im floored lied straight to my face. She says the reason she got it was to be in control of something. I pay the bills and manage the moeny and she says she just wanted to be in control of something??? THOUGHTS???PLEASE!!!

I tell her to give it to me or im done. it was a fight she almost kept it knowing that it would cause the end but she gave it up the next morning before going to work. She didnt just hand it to me. She slammed iton the kitchen tile and said here you go and stormed out the door. I put it back together and noticed the battery was missing? Looked in the garbage and she had thrown it away prior to smashing it. WIERD HUH ANY THOUGHT?

I think she wanted to be sure I was not able to get any of the calls that may have been coming through that morning. I check it though and the timer shows that she hadnt evan had a chance to use it yet from the day before when she bought it. I meet her after work adn tell her that I now expect total honesty and she need to prove to me that I can and that she wants to work this out. AM I GIVING TO MANY CHANCES? I tell her that after today if i find out any detail of the past events that she has not told me or if she does anything stupid during this seperation or after that I will end it all. BAsically a line in the sand that if she crosses it all bets are off.

I give her the oppertunity to think about the past events and tell me anything I dont know> she has nothing to say and says i know it all. We leave and she knows that this is the last chance. About 3 days go by(yesterday) and i notice on the comp. that she is talking with one of her old boyfriends from HS about our situation. He is single lives 2 hours away a christian and from the message i saw from him he is wanting her to work on the marriage but her message are alittle flirty. like I like your new look, your very handsome. Evan This is a sexy picture of you. I alos looked online and they had a phone conversation last night while i was working for 42 minuates. THOUGHTS? I am going to wait and see what other messages I can find and see how this situation pans out.

 

I find it hard to beleive anything that comes out of her mouth. I dont know what she is thinking? PLEASE GIVE ME SOME THOUGHTS on the things that have happened . IF you want any more details please let me know PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK

[Labontesbuc]

I know how you feel, trust your gut feeling. Many times its right. Don't hurt anyone because nowadays that will only come back to you as a prison sentence. Fight for your family (you and your children). The woman you once knew and loved (at least in my case) could care less about you (in my case me),

 

 

and (in my case) acts like its her first time seeing our son every time she's around him.

 

OH MY GOSH YOU'RE SOOOOO CUTE, I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH, AAAAHHHHHHHH, SO HANDSOME............. Makes me want to vomit. She turns and looks at me like "What do you want?". /rant

[Labontesbuc]

On a more serious note, my wife did the purse thing, didn't do the tracphone stuff, but did have weird numbers on her bill. Saw her walking the parking lot of a local retail store (Walmart-now I feel like I'm on Jerry Springer) and I approached them, he ran and I broke down crying because she had our son with her.

 

Long story short, I should have trusted my gut.

[beachbum84]

You seem to be very hurt, upset, and unsure of the future. However you can't run a marriage like a dictatorship, and if you do you will only push her further away. Not to say what she did was right, b/c it was most certainly wrong. I can totally understand your distrust, you have good reason to not trust, but to snoop, and make demands are not going to fix things. It will only make her find better ways to not get caught. I'm sure you are just trying desparately to get control of a situation that feels like it has spiraled out of control. You deserve to be loved freely and without reservation, like we all do. And perhaps you may just have to let the cards fall where they will lie. If she keeps reaching out to any man out there but you, then that is her cowardly way of telling you what she wants. Do you honestly feel you will someday be able to trust her again?

[mark982]

you keep talking about moving out,and can't aford 2 places. why would you leave? that sure would go against you ihn court. if she continues to play games(as you say 1 more chance) she's the one thats gotta go.you want freedom baby--here you go.

[hopesndreams]

You were and are completely in the right to investigate by any means to get to the truth. You must know the enemy in order to fight and to perhaps save a marriage. The truth is now staring you in the face. She has cheated and will continue to do so because she can. The only consequences for her actions thus far is not to have her own private phone. Big deal, after what she has done you are being way too easy on her.

 

You two are separated but living in the same house, as you say, so why can't she continue doing what she wants to do? The only reason she acts up and gets afraid of you leaving her is only because she has no plans in place..........yet. That day is soon coming. Count on it.

 

Get 100% control of the situation. Do you want to save the marriage? If you do, and she does not, she is already gone.

 

In order for her to make her decision now, instead of later, she has one of two choices. Work on the M, getting rid of OM or OM's, MC right away or she packs her stuff and gets out of the house. You do not leave the house, you stay put, she is the one in the wrong and she needs to suffer the consequences. A reality check is in order. It might just snap her out of the grass is greener syndrome.