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Do I deserve a second chance?

Flawed

By Flawed,
in Second Chances

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Flawed

Flawed

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Hi,

Ok let me first introduce myself, i'm from india and over here relationships last forever, i mean there are no breakups usually, and couples sort it out.I'm just telling this, so that the answers i would receive will be somehow related.

 

Firstly, i'' start off with what happend last year:

I was in a relationship for almost 4 years, i had another female friend, who was really close to me. Ours was a pure platonic relationship, but as soon as college got over, me and my friend were scared that things won't be the same anymore, and i got confused with attachment and love, now because of that i told my girlfriend that i want a break, since i needed to clear my confusion. But she took it as me dumping her for my friend(She hates my friend). But i soon realised i love my girl friend more than anything in this world and i went back to her, and she took me back. Things were then normal, but i could see see was hurt.

Now because of the break, my girlfriend got close to another guy, and he was her close friend afterwards.

 

Now, i felt really bad for my friend, since she loved me, but i didn't.So i kept being in touch with her, and soon everything went back to normal(or so i thought). Now after 3-4 months my friend got a boyfriend, and started ignoring me, and i felt really hurt and took it out on my gf. Also i had sent some messages using my gf's old phone. Now the content of those messages meant nothing to me, it was related to a song, and if a third person had viewed it, they would have thought i was being romantic.

 

Now again after 3-4 months, although things b/w me and my gf were improving, i got re-located to another place. Now i had totally cut off my friend since , because i realised, she wasn't a friend, but rather wanted to break me and my gf up. But since i got re-located, my gf wanted her old phone back, and i hadn't really deleted those messages. Now when i was far away, she sees those messages and breaks down, and since i was really hung up with work, i really couldn't talk it out with her, and i kept fighting with her for reading those messages, rather than trying to console her. I know this is the biggest fault of mine. But then she slowly got close to her friend and finally she dumped me, as soon as my work got over. she waited for it to get over, and then dump me.

 

Now she tells she doesn't love me anymore and she might have feelings for that guy. Also she's really insisting that there is not gonna be any 2nd chance or whatever and she's made up her mind. She's also willing to marry a stranger(Arranged marriages are common in india) than give me a second chance.

She keeps in touch with me almost everyday, but is unwilling to relent.

Its been almost 75 days since she broke up with me, and i'm still asking her for another chance. I have thought a lot about myself, wat i've done and what mistakes i've made. I'm telling her that i'll change for the better, but she's not believing me.I really love her and i've realised my mistakes, but she tells she's never gonna forgive me. What do i do?

 

 

Regards

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sheithappens

sheithappens

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also in this situation you guys cant talk everyday, give her some space and time man, let her think about it, of course she is still mad at you cos she talks to you every day

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daphne

daphne

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Wow. I wish my ex had only sent text messages and felt this much guilt. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. It does sound like you get how you handled this poorly. But another poster has it right. You need to show her through actions that you will do better. And don't push her. It would be a good idea to not talk to her all of the time. My ex is back and when he was calling daily, I took him a little for granted. Now he's slowing it down and I am less hostile towards him and more willing to hear from him.

 

So don't overdo it on contact. It will have the opposite effect from what you intend. And just try to be upbeat and not talk about the breakup. If she talks about it, let her. Don't argue with her. If she says mean things, agree with her. Don't elaborate. Just agree for now. Trust me on this.

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Flawed

Flawed

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Thanks for the reply, the problem is, i'm really far away from her, around 1300 Miles, so i really cannot show her through actions. Plus she keeps talking about her 'friend' telling how perfect he is and and stuff... Till now i was just being sad, and was showing her how miserable i am without her, but she's still not budging. Its really hard to be upbeat at this stage :(

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fofiffs

fofiffs

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Well the only thing you can do is move on. If she says she does not love you anymore theres really nothing you can. You can't force someone to love you because if you do its not real love.

 

Just take this as a lesson and learn from it. It only makes you a better person So the next time you meet someone special you now what to do and what not to do.

 

We all make mistakes in life and its what makes us human. So don't beat yourself up to much. Just do you for now and see what improvements you can do for yourself so you don't make a second mistake.

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xpaperxcutx

xpaperxcutx

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Could it be that she's just confused? or should i really move on now? I feel so down just thinking about it :(

 

Move on.

 

She's not confused. Even if you guys were still together, you have to think about the strain on the relationship because of distance.

 

You didn't handle your situation well and this is the result. Why can't you just be happy for her?

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xpaperxcutx

xpaperxcutx

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I'm happy for her, but she broke up with me without hearing everything... thats why i really want our relationship to work

 

Not everything can be fixed. You could try explaining to her through email and if she does respond, it might not actually be the answer you want.

 

Your relationship can only work if she's willing to give you another chance. However it sounds like she's moved on thus all the more so for you to do the same.

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xpaperxcutx

xpaperxcutx

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there is absolutely nothing i can do now? other than moving on? i want the moving on option to be the last resort....

 

 

75 days is about 2 and a half months. She's moved on during this time and you have not. You're only torturing yourself if you hang on to her.

 

Moving on isn't the last option, it is the only option at this point. The sooner you move on, the sooner you heal and actually start developing more mature relationships.

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xpaperxcutx

xpaperxcutx

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Isn't moving on cutting off contact? She hasn't exactly done that, so i'm confused here...

You have to know when to set up boundaries. You're doing to her what you've done with your friend.

 

Learn to give yourself more respect than being played around with your emotions. If you gf is with someone else and it's hurting you, go NC. It does not matter if she contacts you first or not, the main point is that her feelings in this doesn't matter anymore because she has no relations with you aside from being your ex, yet you're in the one who is hurting and who needs to heal.

 

If she contacts you, then she's doing it out of regards to how you feel, especially since she was blunt when she told you she wouldn't forgive you. So now you have to be blunt with her and yourself about one, not contacting, and two, healing and moving on.

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xpaperxcutx

xpaperxcutx

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This is my first relationship.... my first breakup... really hurts :(

 

Break ups hurt whether they are first or last. The important thing is you learn how to cope through the pain positively and move on. You can't do that unless you have fully detached yourself from her to actually see things in better perspective.

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Flawed

Flawed

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I donno, i refuse to give up becoz i know it will work... i know she's confused becoz, she keeps telling she doesn't know if she loves him.... i too am confused with the mixed signals...

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fofiffs

fofiffs

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I donno, i refuse to give up becoz i know it will work... i know she's confused becoz, she keeps telling she doesn't know if she loves him.... i too am confused with the mixed signals...

 

Do you wanna always be the back burner, doormat, 2nd place all the time? Because right now thats exactly what you are to her.

 

Let her figure out what she wants the hard way. Use this time for yourself and not for her. Its a waste of good energy

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Flawed

Flawed

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I mean i respect the people who tried to help... but i donno how to move on... she's been a part of my life... and everything seems so unreal.... i really wish i could change the past :(

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fofiffs

fofiffs

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Honestly, I was just like you months ago feeling like there will be no tomorrow without her and the pain was so unbearable. But trust me it will eventually fade over time.

 

The only advice I can tell you is to move on. I didn't listen from the beginning to what everyone was telling and I learned the hard way that everyone was right. I was just hurting myself by making plans on trying to get her back and looking for false hope. I eventually realized that my efforts were worthless and a waste of energy. You'll eventually realize that.

 

So don't make the mistake I made by hoping for something that was not there. Just move on with your life and take care of yourself first. Don't even worry about her

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