silent break up?

[wondering_girl]

hi freestyle- hope you're having a great week! thank you for the response..

 

i'm doing OK i guess.......i'm just trying to take it one day at a time - it's hard to move on from the silence but if this is how he's gonna deal with conflict which he did all the time - i don't want him anyway, hey your bf didn't run the first time you called him out right - we dated for 4 years too and i called him out at year 4 - i should've called him out earlier but hey, everything happens for a reason right.. so it's fine.....

 

thanks for listening, hugs, and hopefully it'll get better by the day? that's whats everyones been telling me... hopefully one day i'll get there.......

[wondering_girl]

hi trueblue!!! how was your day today? hope you're doing well! i stare at a computer all day too!!!!!!!

 

definitely -this is a good sign, just like you said she could have waited a couple of days just to make you wonder (BUT WHY!!) but it was not that hard to just come and talk to you about it ya know if she wants something, she could just tell you then - while before with the people that we were dealing with it took them days, weeks, you're right most of the times i would be so horrified i didn't even know WTH i did!!!!!!!!!.... this is GREAT news she TALKS!!!!

 

so yep just definitely chill and see what's up... me and my ex started as good friends for 4 years he was a REALLY good friend of mine, and even as a friend one time he disappeared on me for a week, i remember sending an email that he ignored WTH i don't even know what i said and he never told me why.. and then together for 4 years as well.. and next thing you know here we are.... as a guy, what's your take on that? on mine usually after about a year and a half of dating would you usually know if she's the one? since i dated my ex for 4 years, i really thought we would get married even though i had my doubts kinda to just settle i guess? (I know that's bad?? pressure from parents, etc. etc.)...sorry am i asking too many questions? did you and your ex think of getting married after dating for that long? 5 years right? i'm in my late 20's and he's in his early 30's so it's like i guess i thought this was it... but after all this has blown up a part of me was just blinded by "FIXING THINGS" i'm such a perfectionist but didn't really see what was not meant for me...... or guess i can't fix everything.......for some reason, i had some kind of a "moment" today of what was i doing to myself and it was really time to focus on what i WANTED........ and all this time, the only thing i could come up was a better career and i used to be the girl with the whole timeline deals but after this all my beliefs with that were done..

 

it was SOOOOO hard to not pick up that phone call and of course that was sunday and it's tuesday now and he didn't call i was thinking if he needed something badly he knows where i live, number, e-mails and he continued to ignore the "feelings" e-mail so that doesn't really say much to me... i'll just chill and see what's up.. i don't have to deal with him now. but let me tell you, i don't know if he even cared when i didn't respond and call back but it felt good to not open my heart and cry about what could have HAPPENED that day.. i told myself that day as i looked down on the phone and said - i don't feel like crying today i shouldn't pick it up... yes them re-appearing is awful, but i need to stop taking the crumbs unless he's in front of me wanting to talk (which i HIGHLY doubt he will)......

 

trueblue! i definitely agree with you and excited for your new CUTIE in town!! by the way, how'd you guys meet? ya know they always said it comes unexpectedly and your ex hasn't tried to re-appear has she? i'm just sooo happy for you that the potential girl is a communicator and can express her feelings early on!

 

i still have my good and bad days but i'm HOPING i could be as STRONG as you SOON! i still miss him but life has to go ON!!!!!!

 

are ya guys planning anything special this wkend?

[ADF]

You are well rid of this man. You bring him a legitimate problem, and he refuses to talk? That's purely manipulative behavior. He testing you, seeing how much you'll put up with, how hard you'll chase after him. Don't.

[trueblue72ny]

hey wondering girl : ) i hope you had a good day. my day started getting better the moment i got out of work. i feel like i am released from prison. that place sucks the energy right out of you. starring at a computer screen all day. uggggg.

 

yes she talks!!! lol. its still shocking. i hear from her and i am like huh? you're really talking? holy cow!! which is a good thing because like i was saying i dont think mentally i could take it again with someone else. now that the spell my ex had over me is broken, i would rather be by myself than deal with that again.

 

i was chilling tonight and the new cutie called and wanted to meet up again tonight. we went to the 4-h club were she brought her pets to get rabies shots. so we hung out there for awhile. i said nice to meet your family members : ) lol. a couple of peoples cats got loose and ran off into the woods. they were chasing after them, but i feel bad because they are never going to find their cats. some really old dude was saying how there are lots of predators in the woods right to the lady who lost her cat!!! and i kept thinking wow, way to make her feel better ya moron. thats a real smart thing to say to someone ya jimmy joe bob.

 

my take on that. if i put the shoe on the other foot and think about when i dont respond to someone who asks me something. that means i am not interested. it means i dont want to be around or deal with it. it means i dont care about it right now. if you can think of a situation when someone asked you to do something that you didn't want too, how did you feel?

 

i would think you would know if she is the one by a year and a half. it just sounds like to me that you cared enough about him and your relationship to overlook the fact that he was like that. i know how it feels because i cant tell you how many times i have done the same exact thing with my ex. i over looked more than just that. . other things i knew werent right, lots of things werent right, i just over looked them because my heart was on fire for her, and there was no way to put out the flames.

 

me and my ex had talked about how neither of us have been married before and how you never know what the future holds, hint hint, kinda thing. i was buying her jewlry. and we even talked about the kind of ring she wanted. we had it picked out. we also discussed living together at some point. we even talked about how we were going to pay the bills. that was sooo soooo long ago now, years ago. that was like a year or two into the relationship. which now was 3 or 4 years ago. it all means absolutely nothing now. it feels soo far gone i dont even feel it anymore. and i am glad because i realize now i dont want to waste my time on someone who doesnt mean business anymore! plain & simple. that is why i think i shook things up a little with the new one because i needed to know, do you mean business or not. i cant take it anymore if you dont.

 

thats right when things blow up and you care and love someone and want to be with them you want to fix things. usually if you both love and care about each other you BOTH fix things together. the problem comes in when its only ONE person trying to fix things and carry the relationship, and the other person puts no effort into it. you did the same thing i did. you carried the relationship and thought if you just loved enough it would work out. he would come around. but it doesnt work that way. BOTH people have to put in the effort to make it work. BOTH PEOPLE. one person can not make it work alone. took awhile for that to sink in for me. i had to learn the hard way with my heart. and it is not pleasant.

 

if he really wanted to talk about something about the both of you , there would be NOTHING that would stop him. he would be literally beating down your front door to come talk to you. he would leave you messages saying I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. obviously he didnt want to talk about anything substantial, so i wouldnt beat myself up thinking about what he wanted. or that you missed anything important. because the chances are 99% that it wouldnt have been anything you really wanted to hear if you did pick up the phone.

 

you are exactly right if he NEEDED to talk to you he knows were you live, how to get a hold of you, text, phone, email, KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR. he would be saying hey i am sorry for being an A$$ H *** . but after no response to your email, what else is there to talk about at this point unless you get a full apology from him and a genuine feeling that he wants to be in your life?? there is really nothing more to talk about until you get what you want and what you DESERVE. the rest is just a waste of your time and it would be hurtful to you to hear bs from him. i think you feel good about not picking up the phone because you already know you arent going to hear what you need to hear. and you know you saved yourself from getting upset again. you are in your safe zone. forget the crumbs. you want to whole loaf of bread, or nothing.

 

thanks wondering girl! we met on an online dating site. we both met each other on each others first day on the site. and we both cancelled the next day. that has never happened before to me. ya she seems straight up with communicating. which is good for me, i am a little talker. i cant shut up lots of times. which is why i am beginning to realize i really need a communicator in my life. my aunt was telling me yesterday that in her psyhcology class she took that opposites are not good for each other. she said you need someone who shares similar things with you. and i think that makes sense.

 

like i said wondering girl i am amazed at your strength. it is still new for you and you have your witts with you. i think women are more emotionally mature than guys around the same age. not all, but lots are. you women are smart cookies. maybe thats why lots of girls want a guy thats a little older than them. because they can emotionally connect with them better.

 

i had my good days and bad days for along time after everything. i remember i was in a bad mood for like 4 months.

 

nothing planned yet for the weekend. we will see what happens. right now i am just going to do like you say and chill. i am hoping i can make it thru the week at work without wanting to put my fists thru the computer screen. they are loading us up with a ridiculous amount of work, that no one can possbly do. and they blame it all on the ecomony. everyone thinks the company is just taking advantage of the current situation. and i believe it because those greedy corporate ba$tards would do something like that. but i have to deal with it because i need the job to pay my mortgage. i swear to God if i ever get a wife and have a dual income i will be looking for sometihng else to do and tell those people to shove it.

 

well wondering girl i am going to say good night. i have rambled long enough for now. its almost 10:30 here. stay strong. dont contact him. cry if you need to. and keep doing the things that make YOU feel good. i will talk to you soooooon!!

[wondering_girl]

evening trueblue! was your day better today? i hope SO! i hear you i was SOOO busy today - i ate my lunch which was cup o'noodles haha hooray in my desk while working!! ugh and i even brought work home! oh please don't punch out your computer! please punch mine first hahaha!

 

lol, your story about the cats cracked me UP! i needed a LAUGH badly lol what a smart guy made that lady worry about her cat moree.. ooh wee! hanging out on the weekdays too! that sounds good, heehehe!!

 

trueblue, i cannot say thank you ENOUGH for all the advice, insights, and everything you tell me - you have no idea, i look forward to your responses and your story continues to be an inspiration!!! that i can GET OFF this RUT that he put me through, i was blinded by love but then he wouldn't fix it, just like you said, i guess it's natural to feel "loss" since i loved him and i MISS him like crazy but i need to gain my self-respect from it, it's TOUGH but what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.... i'm not gonna lie, i have moments where i guess relapses? i guess that's just natural, heck, i'm riding a boat and it's about to get rocky as hell but i think i'm ready to ride it..

 

yes, you are definitely right that's why i did not pick up the phone on sunday if he wants to he knows where he can find me so.... it HURTS to think that he didn't wanna work it OUT but if he ran this fast this time i knew he was gonna run anyway so it's better off this way.........

 

yep, definitely chill... and i'm just ecstatic that she's a communicator! i've been around friends again and most of my guy friends are communicators as well it's funny - i've found them again hahha they always say that i was hiding from them haha i guess cause i was with my ex all the time. even before when we were friends he was always quiet - weird, ooh ya wanna know what's scary. i was talking to his sister and she said him and his bro had a disagreement one time and they didn't talk for 3 years..... UMMMMM? that's scary. they talk now but i imagined being married and him not talking to me for so long and still go to these "PARTIES" as a couple oh hell NO........i would probably be suicidal - ANYWAY!

 

thanks again, you're an inspiration and hopefully these relapses will go away soon and i can tell as days pass by i'm starting to find my "safe zone"

 

have a good night! and keep me updated with your new CUTIE!!!!

[trueblue72ny]

hi wondering girl my day was pretty good. its thursday. i have tomorrow off. and the weekend. just going to chill. i always think about that movie office space when they bring the fax machine outside and smash it up with a hammer. lol. boy would i love to do that...

 

my pleasure. i had to learn the hard way. and i feel like i learned some lessons from it all. its not pleasant feeling heartache and being someone's doormat. and i was stuck in that rut too. for a long time. i felt like a prisoner. now i met someone else and i realize whatver happens, that there are lot of women out there who can be right for me. and probably have more to offer. anyone actually probably has more to offer than my ex and her ways. you just never know what is going to happen. you can def get off this rut. it just takes some time. you guys have known ach other for a long time. its not easy to just forget someone.

 

i would say re gaining your self respect is a good start. things popped into my mind a little bit today about my ex while i was at work. but i just kept thinking why would i bother even if she did get in touch. like what do we even talk about. im not happy dealing with her same old same ways anymore. and this friends thing she wants is stupid. its just an excuse to keep her foot my door which will cause me heartache and confusion. i dont want to know what she is doing. if she is dating. or anything else. just because she might not feel anything, doesnt mean i dont. i have a feeling i will hear form her again at some point. it will be some pointless text or email fishing for a response. and when i hear form her i plan on keeping my self respect. why should i compromise at this point.

 

yes you are going thru the hurricane right now. and the phone call, i guarantee it would just be more bs. you just saved yourself some heartache. unlss he is beating down your door asking for forgiveness than the rest is just BULL.

 

yes it has been nice talking to her. we will seeee what happens. like i said, it takes awhile to get to know someone and sometimes im not quite sure were she is at. so i dont want to have any expectations really at this point. ya know?? i hear from her a lot. everyday. so thats good.

 

3 years?? wow. yes that is a smart thing to think about. it would be scary if you bought a house with someone like that or married them and they shut you out like that. your life would be a nightmare. i kept thinking about the same thing with my ex. what if when we get into an agruement she stops talking to me after that for a long time. forget it. i dont want ot put myself thru that. i already know there are women out there who arent like that.

 

the safe zone is a good place to be right now : ) im there : ))

[wondering_girl]

hi trueblue!

 

how are YOU?? did ya have a good weekend? how's your weekend with the new cutie? my wkend was ok - kinda just chilled and shopped a little hehe...

 

definitely, i can't wait to be in your safe zone as well! i was ok this weekend i GUESS......, still had crummy moments but i guess that's natural? UGGH i hate him.. i have NEVER ever felt hurt like this before......

 

yep just definitely see what is going on and not set any expectations ya know, and just chill hehe.....

 

hopefully this week is better for us at work!!!

 

ah just wanted to check in!!!

[Ms. Joolie]

hi trueblue!

ah just wanted to check in!!!

 

Glad you did! See... I promised I'd read your thread! All I can say is I hope you are better this week, and I am so sorry this happened to you.

 

This communication issue of his sounds like it was a real issue for him in his life. I'm so relieved that you stood up for yourself, and that communication you need in a relationship, and wanted to talk about things with him in a mature manner.

 

That is the important lesson. That is perhaps THE lesson you were suppose to learn out of this relationship. AND you've set such a good example for us by sharing your situation here on LS. We can't be reminded enough of how essential good communication is in a relationship.

 

I hope you are better now... it's been quite a few weeks now! But that doesn't stop the hurt. I stopped seeing my ex the same week as you.... so we are in the same heartache time frame maybe.

 

We can get past any ol' heartaches, can't we?

[trueblue72ny]

helllo der,

 

whats new wondering girl??

 

im good. just chilling out making something to eat. the weekend was good. how was yours wondering girl? yes we saw each other. we went for a movie = paranormal activity. i am not used to scary movies. she seems to think she can handle a 10 on the scary scale.

 

did shopping make you feel better for a few? : ) you should go shopping again. lol. buy something nice that makes you feel good. in fact, buy a couple of nice things. when you look good you feel good : )

 

yes that is natural. and i think if/when you hear from him now you will remember how crummy this has made you feel. it affects you ya know??? you didn't get the respect you deserved...

[wondering_girl]

hi trueblue!

 

paranormal activity - ooh, heard that was scary lol, you can't pay me enough to watch a scary movie haha... man i'm a big scardy cat - had fun? i'm glad things are going well!!! she seems like a chillin girl that's good!.. shopping was FUN.. a girl like me can never get enough of it hahaha.....

 

trueblue, he wrote me an e-mail and APOLOGIZED (NEVER EVER seen this BEFORE, EVER) WHATTT, addressed several issues and said he didn't know why he gets upset with me easily..... and just like you and your ex was me and him was the best of friends like 5 years prior dating and he said sometimes he doesn't know how to act a bf, well he can't ignore me like a friend bc i'm his gf... i was thinking that then he said let's take time apart and start over. which those TWO contradicts, how can i pick up the pieces that's broken. and we've been apart the whole time, or did he think we were together that's why he was asking me to do things WTF...

 

is it natural for me to have an "i don't know" answer to everything right now, i have not responded to the e-mail.. and it's still like wow..... it's been SOO long..... and this time apart deal does not guarantee that BOTH OF US wants back.. and what is this time apart deal..... i thought i knew what i wanted trueblue, but apparently i'm still flip flopping and right now my mind is drawing a blank

 

but i've LEARNED on how to live alone now, it HURTS but i finally figured out it was possible.. and i have other things i wanted to accomplish that seemed to be on hold because i was focused on him..

 

i was on my way to the gym today, we live in a small town and i saw him waiting by the stop light as he saw my car cross... that just brightened up the day..... NOT.

 

what else bothered me, after i read that e-mail yesterday, i only functioned in 4 hours of sleep today i couldn't get him out of my head, also one of his co-workers asked me what was up with him because HE HIMSELF was wondering if he did something to my ex-bf because he doesn't talk or distanced himself with him........ um? i was like i don't know

Edited October 28, 2009 by wondering_girl

[trueblue72ny]

O he did huh? I think he apologized bc you took a stand this time and didn’t become a doormat. So he really can say the right things when he HAS too. theres a red flag. Lets take a break and then start over? How do you do that? That is not what you want to hear. That is just giving you false hope to hold on too, while he goes out and does what he wants, and if he doesn’t find what he wants, whatever that may be, than you are his back up safety net.

 

It is no fun hanging out and waiting for when you can “start over” maybe I am wrong but that is kinda what it sounds like to me. you cant just start over with someone. you already have a history. Either you want too be in someone’s life Now, or you don’t. there is do, and there is do not. There is no in-between. I was afraid of this. Proceed cautiously wondering girl. In fact I would just try my best to forget about it and continue moving on the way you were. right now it sounds like he is just trying to ease the blow, relieve his own guilt, and keep you on the back burner. bc now everything is cool, right? ?? NOT.

 

You are absolutely right, his message does not guarantee he wants back. remember that. unless he comes knocking down your door like we talked about, begging you to work things out. the rest is just bs at the expense of your feelings.

 

Its nice to meet someone you can look forward to doing things in life with. ya know?? do you think you will ever be able to with him? you sound like a really great girl! and deserve to be happy with someone who wants something out of life.

 

Oh ya crossed each other at the stop light and did he wave or text you and say hey girl!!!!! ???? if you don’t feel good about just doing things like that than what the he l l.

Edited October 28, 2009 by trueblue72ny

[Magnolia5]

Wondering girl, I'm glad to hear you are moving forward with your life (or so it seems). It is a really painful process.

 

When you said he didn't speak to someone (I think you said his brother?) for 3 years--that's a HUGE RED FLAG!! My boyfriend didn't speak to his mom for a full year because they got in a fight over something really stupid (I think it was over a cell phone bill). She was so hurt and I didn't have any contact with her either because it was at the beginning of our relationship and I just didn't know how to handle it. I had never been in a situation like that before. But his father hasn't spoken to his own brother for over 5 years because of a stupid argument, so that's where he gets it from.

 

It's just a "dangerous" personality that wouldn't speak to a family member for so long over something stupid. Can you imagine your life with this person? Don't you want to be with someone who has good relationships around them, especially with their family? You deserve that!

I think as girls, we have to think about our future children, and I wouldn't want my children growing up with that mind set. I wouldn't let my children hold grudges like that, especially against family members--they will be better than that.

[wondering_girl]

hi magnolia... how have you been babe? how are things going? how's school...

 

everything is OK with me, for the past several weeks, i learned that i was able to live with him, yes, it was a very painful process and looking back - i'm still horrified? how have you been?

 

that's awful.... for something stupid too ugh, yes there are lots of red flags and i am just horrified.. as you read the posts, you can see what he's doing now..

 

hope everything is well......

[wondering_girl]

hi trueblue, hope you had a good day today.. is work getting better? it seems like i just get busier, busier, and busier, that's good i guess haha.. makes the time go by faster.

 

it cracked me up so loud when you said did he say hey girl!!! (lol you sound really funny it brightens up my day, thank you!) heckk no, no text, as i passed by i was just like.. i don't know i was kinda drawing a blank and i was jamming to some bad beats hahah!! remember we're not talking this wkend it will be a month that i haven't seen him... and i thought i couldn't make it, but i finally figured out how to live without him........

 

you are right to the point true blue, the only thing i give him is the apologizing part wow even his sister was shocked and i'm still shocked. ah, never heard that before.. but the rest if IFFY to me, PLUS, how about MY FEELINGS... it seems like it's on his call again......and how does he know that i would want him back after this too, i can't even look at him the same and if i was to picture what i went through the past 2 months, i'm still horrified. that's the thing he told me two things that contradict time apart and start over how does that add up? am i just gonna wait, like you said i'm moving along......... i'm trying my best.

 

no worries, i will proceed with caution trueblue, and you know that i am gonna write to you too...i don't know what else is going on but it seems i'm on an "i don't know answer spree" it seems like when i ask myself what to it's an i don't know... i've just been thinking of things i wanted to accomplish since i've put a couple of things on hold and this thing hasn't been the top priority for now.. and i hope this feeling continues on..

 

thanks trueblue, i am pretty cool hahaha well i think so and as you taught me, what i think matters!!!

 

got any plans for halloween? the girls and i are going to a mini-trip....!! looking forward to that, i still haven't responded to the e-mail i was planning to respond to it before we leave and starting that day when we leave, i'm planning to drop it from there and think about nothing but me and the next step i want to take in my career. i have two versions of the email.. and the only one i have is version or option 1.. guess which decision that one says.....

 

have a good night!!

Edited October 29, 2009 by wondering_girl

[trueblue72ny]

: ) hey girl!!!!!!! tgif is all I can say. You are better off if this is the way things are going to be like with him. I keep saying you can do better. I KNOW you can. You sound really awesome. It is just going to take some time for you to get thru this heartache. It doesn’t feel good to be on his call again does it? I know the feeling well. that is constantly how I felt with my ex. And I am starting to feel like that again with her as friends. Relationships are about being 50/50.

 

what if there is someone else out there wondering girl, that is really meant for you? I know it’s a hard to imagine. But just imagine it, there IS someone out there that is better for you. WANTS to be with you NOW. and WANTS to do things with YOU in life. and it can come true. I didn’t believe it for a long time until I met……

 

I have not heard directly from my ex at work in awhile. Saw her this morning. She stopped, turned around, and acted like she had to go in another direction. I was kinda thinking really???? You say you want to be friends but than you do that. I just kept walking with my head up and didn’t show any reaction to it. She makes me feel like I am supposed to be the one who has to reach out to initiate contact even for friendship, and It makes me sad and mad all at the same time. but I don’t think I should initiate anything since she is the one who has issues with me. she keeps saying see ya, ya know ??? so why should I keep reaching out. ya know???

 

the very least she can do is show me that she is interested in a friendship, if she really is. I have not reached out to initiate contact in welll over a month at this point. she doesn’t want me in her life so I wont try to put myself there anymore. she can say hello if she wants. and I will say hello in return, and its cool. I will get mad if she starts trying to act hurt or something.

 

it is kind of hurtful to see her acting like that towards me. But I cant really dwell on it. she’ll be fine with or without me around. She has all her other friends, and guys that she was constantly ditching me for when we were supposed to be together. So she will be fine. Knowing the way she is with her silent treatment this can go on for months, maybe even years. i just dont have time for it anymore.

 

I have been so hurt by her that now I feel like my heart is encased in steel when it comes to her. I am afraid to open it up for fear of being hurt. She has to show me she is really serious if she wants my friendship at this point.

 

Yes proceed with caution. I would hate to see you put your life on hold for someone who doesn’t really seem interested in having you in their life. The lets take some time and start over comment really annoys me. its just mean to say that to someone and give you false hope. You know it, I know it, and so does everyone else in the world - You are either interested in being in someone’s life now, or you are not. There is no in between. I passed up opportunities to meet great girls to wait for her. as you can see it didn’t do anything except waste more of my time. but maybe it was meant to be like that so i could meet my new interest? you just never know.

 

Umm ya, what YOU think does matter. don’t let someone make you think otherwise!

 

No plans for Halloween. Maybe I will see my new friend : ) not sure yet. we never seem to make plans. we just call and say hey want to do something? lol. she introduced me to her mother and daughter this week. And also her brother. Not sure if that is a huge deal to be introduced to her family?? I do think meeting her daughter was a big deal to her. she said it would be at least a year before that happened. but 8 weeks later and i met her! A little overwhelming all at once I must say. But they were nice people. Her daughter kept going up to the hibachi grill at the Chinese place and bringing me back things. Lol. she was cute. They kept looking at me every time I turned around tho. I got a little bit of a complex over it, but my aunt said they aren’t used to me.

 

Your mini trip sounds fun! I don’t think you should respond to his email. He will write again. if you wait maybe you will get more than just an apology? Obviously you can reply if you want, but I think its just prolonging your own agony if he is really not interested except for keeping you on the back burner.

Edited October 30, 2009 by trueblue72ny

[wondering_girl]

hi trueblue! how was your halloween? did you get to see your NEW CUTIE? ahhhh! did ya guys dress up? my trip was SUPER fun, i needed a mini get away for a little while hehehehehe

 

you're right about your ex - but you know what trueblue, you are fine either way ya know, friends with her or not friends with her bc you realized that there are people out there just like you told me that wants to be with. you 100% complete, instead of half - or being completely undecisive........and yep like you said she'll be fine with or without you guys as friends but you will too, yes it hurts - but man, it seems like she's avoiding you now... but you know WHAT? her loss.

 

as far as mine goes, after i wrote him an e-mail he wrote me things that seemed like he was trying to justify his actions.. and it's like huh? i'm still in an i don't know right now phase.... i had other things and priorities that wanted to pick up and get to working again...i hope this is the safe zone you're talking about, i STILL love him and MISS him though, but the justifications are not enough for me right now, he did admit he was wrong and overreacted, but i want MORE and i feel like i won't settle for less.

 

hope you're having a great week!! any new news?

[lilbelle]

this thread has really helped me as I have never been given the silent treatment until the ex used it. It is very abusive I think and the worst punishment I have ever had. Makes me look at him different as well, less of a man.

[trueblue72ny]

Hey wondering girl, it sounds like your weekend was good. That is awesome! I think you needed to have a little time away from everything and enjoy yourself! Mine wasn’t bad. yes, saw my new cutie : ) we hung out earlier in the day on saturday. Than she had to bring her daughter out with family for Halloween. I don’t expect to be included in on things like that at this point. nope. and that is fine. ya gotta ease into things like that. ya know?? a little at a time : ) We were going to meet up again after wards, but it got late.

 

Yes, I have realized I will be fine with or without my ex around. And so will you! Actually, my life feels more calm now. A lot less heartache to keep thinking about. A lot less to worry about. I feel like I have taken my power back and the spell is broken. It is much less draining on my day to day life.

 

As much as I wonder how will things go with my new girl, it feels good to meet someone else, and you start realizing, wow! there are other people out there who are interested in you! and they may even be better : ) although I have not forgot, it took me a long time , I went thru my own personal hell before I got to this point. so I do not want to make any of this sound like its easy. Its not.

 

If my ex wants to act that way, whatever. I don’t feel bad because I know I didn’t do anything. And either did you! Yes, it is her loss. And Yes, it is his loss with you! if I was unattached id jump at the chance for a girl like you : )

 

I think its good he is at least being nice about things and maybe even owning up to something. you obviously know him and can gauge his actions/responses. But as I think you are realizing unless you HEAR something that means business, the rest is just noise. If you want to be with someone, you let them know it. you say things to each other like, I miss you. I want to see you : )

 

I still feel things for my ex, like you, I know I always will. but it has just got to the point were i think its completely hopeless. I put in a dollar, and I get a penny back. that sucks!!!!

 

You want more and you deserve more. You will not be happy settling. I guarantee it. I hope I am smart enough to never let myself be put thru that again. its hard to realize it at the time tho.

 

No new news I guess just looking forward to the weekend again

 

Hope your week is going well : )

[trueblue72ny]

this thread has really helped me as I have never been given the silent treatment until the ex used it. It is very abusive I think and the worst punishment I have ever had. Makes me look at him different as well, less of a man.

 

 

hey lilbelle, glad to hear this has been helpful to you. that is all i can hope! : ) i had never been thru the silent treatment either until this last gf. it is horrific to deal with. and i dont think they have any idea how much they hurt people doing it. but than again if we were dealing with people who had empathy for others they would have a clue. but they dont, or they dont care enough. either way, i dont think you want to be treated like that!

Edited November 3, 2009 by trueblue72ny

[wondering_girl]

trueblue!!!!!!!

 

how are you? sorry i haven't replied in a couple of days - man work has been crazyyyyy! and i've been trying to run some miles after work blah, i've been frustrated and busy lol - overall, the week was good, just lots of work! how's your week?

 

it must be hard that you work with your ex that would suck if i worked with him - but ya know what just like you said, you're the bigger person and i can't believe she even acts like that, and let her act like that too, at the end of the day i'm sure (She will realize) what she gave up, but by that time it will be too late because you've already found yourself and just like you said someone is out there that if you give them $1 i say they will give you $1.25 back (i am loving that analogy!) soooo, i'm thinking you're making plans with your new cutie this weekend? i'm gonna just call her that hehehe.. that must be nice that you're getting to slowly meet the people that's close to her, that is a good step, and so far - no silent treatment right? how fabulous! very good... i'm happy that you found someone that cares for you and is not afraid to show it.......

 

i've been ok, you know i was talking to one of my friends and i told him i was like i don't know what's wrong but (i haven't been feeling TOO sad lately) like i feel ok, yeah i STILL miss him but i don't feel hurt as much.... meaning... i've just been trying to run, determine my priorities with my career, and spend time with myself... i'm like am i acting? i don't think so like i actually feel ok, looking back i was a BIG MESS........ trueblue, after i responded to that email in which said remember starting over and taking some time apart (contradictory) i was brief and was like fine, we need to define priorities and stuff.. he responded justifying things, and then he was like you know i've always told you if we don't grow together we'll grow apart and i'm thinking......... WHAT?? aren't you the one that left me? i pointed out that isn't communication a part of growing together or am i just tripping true blue? and how i didn't understand him.. what? i never forced him to talk... wtheck...... thanks for telling me that unless he wants to communicate he'll get nothing from me. that's what i believe. it was just whack to say that and he was the one that does the silent thing when we have issues..........

 

any plans this wkend?

[trueblue72ny]

Hey wondering girl,

 

Jogging eh? That’s cool. that will whoop you. but I bet it makes you feel good : ) work is crazy as usual. All I can say is tgif!

 

Yaa that junk happens. in the past I would get caught up in it bc I desired her. ya know that feeling?? when she is wondering she will make herself noticed. She will start snapping her fingers to make noise to get my attention from down the hallway, and walk around my desk, things like that. It just happened Again yesterday. I didn’t acknowledge it these last couple times. im not trying to be d*ck or anything, it just doesn’t affect me the way it used too (im glad actually). & I just don’t know what to say, ya know?? I know if we start talking, in the end nothing will become of it. she will just disappear again the next time some guy asks her to dinner. And personally, I don’t want to know what my ex is doing anymore! And I don’t want to be her pal and listen to her talk about her bf. No thanks! if she does email me I will respond and be cool, but its not going any farther than that. if she asks, I am going to tell her, ya, I met someone and I want to see where it goes. I am strong enough to tell her without worrying about it now.

 

It feels like years since I can say I felt my hopes getting up a little about someone. don’t want to jump the gun But that means a lot to me! My Ex has had all the chances in the world to make me feel like that, and she never, ever, ever does. I don’t want to be ignored anymore, and I don’t want to be made to feel like I am some kind of freak or jerk bc I want to talk or something!!!!

 

Isnt that how yours made you feel wondering girl? You wanted to talk and he would make you feel like you were forcing him to talk? Its not cool to do that to someone is what I think.

 

Now that would be nice! put in a buck, and get more back : ) I am hoping good things like that happen between ppl : )

 

“if we don't grow together we'll grow apart” um, ya, that IS how it works. You were trying to grow together. But He is the one who left You. No you are Not trippn. And you should Not feel guilty what so over his statement. It almost sounds like he is blame shifting some guilt onto you? not sure. But wasn’t it You who went out of your way all those times, putting your own dignity and self respect down to show him you cared? How many times did you try to talk to him? by the sounds of it you did your fair share of trying. how many times did he make you feel completely rotten by doing that? Not cool. I still do not hear anything substantial coming from him.

 

Lol, Yes, she is a cutie : ) and she is younger than my ex. But regardless of that, noooo silent treatment what so ever. Its such a change from the past. I get communication All The Time. Imagine that wondering girl? everyday! There are people out there wondering girl who are interested in YOU. there is nothing wrong with you NOT feeling as sad over it anymore. it’s probably a good sign that you are starting to feel a little back to your old self again. and that in itself is probably relieving.

 

Plans? hoping to meet up with her this weekend : ))

Edited November 6, 2009 by trueblue72ny

[wondering_girl]

hi trueblue!

 

how are you today? did you have a good wkend? did you see your new cutie?? that is good that you have something to look forward to ya know and like you said how she gives you communication all the time... so what'd ya guys do this wkend?

 

trueblue, i had a bad day today - do relapses happen? today after a bad day at work, i got in the car and it was rainy and next thing you know tears start to fall down my eyes and i cried almost all the way home it was like an hour drive.... i couldn't explain it for the past couple of days and yesterday too, i just remembered him and i cried, i felt bad for FEELING like this but i couldn't stop them, sometimes i'm tough and strong, sometimes i'm not......it's awful...sorry, i just needed to vent, i feel so weak...... UGH, i hate him, but it seems like i still have strong feelings for him, i still miss him (gosh i sound really stupid)

 

yep, i thought i was trippin so after he said that, after a couple of days i responded and pointed out two situations in which i tried to speak with him and felt like ABSOLUTE crap and told him it was very HURTFUL (that's ok right) and i also told him - yes we are both best friends and you managed to shut me out for wks, i couldn't even picture doing that to you.....because you know, on the e-mail he didn't even address the silence! he was still addressing how the "behavior of silence" started and i'm way passed that...... and he also said that i didn't understand him and then i said what do you mean i don't understand you? bc when you said you weren't ready i didn't insist on the situation i left him alone ya know.. there was a whole lot of potential psychotic behavior i could have done but i did not...... ya know? i'm not one of those girls... i also told him that we should be able to learn from each other by making mistakes and growing together... it just weirded me out that he didn't address the silence for this past month.. i pointed that out like i said how he shut me out for weeks, ahhh true blue, i'm sorry i'm EMO today...........

 

 

hope you had a better day than i had... sorry had to vent.

[trueblue72ny]

Hi wondering girl,

 

Im good, weekend was good, lots of yard work, and yes saw my new cutie & hung out with her daughter, we walked around the mall and got something to eat. It was cool. thanks for asking. How are you doing? Hope you’re having a better day today. yes, relapses happen all the time. i had been having relapses for more than a year that is why I allowed myself to get back hanging out with my ex. She was always on my mind. She still is to some extent, just not as much now.

 

That is good you are letting out your emotions. Let it happen. Its perfectly normal to feel that way. and its perfectly normal for you to have good days and bad days. to feel ok one moment, and a stream of tears the next. you might feel weak, but you are not weak. Keep surrounding yourself with things that make you feel good. because it is all about you now. positive energy. I am sure you do still have strong feelings. It has not been long at all since this happened. I was still a wreck a few months after my situation if that helps. I kept going back and forth between feeling love and hate for her.

 

I just saw my ex at work this morning, she waved. acted like she was shocked to see me around. I waved back just to be nice and kept walking. Last week she turns away from me, this week she is waving to me. it is just wacked. I can feel it stirring up emotions inside me right now. it is not enjoyable. I hate her for leaving me. I guess i still have feelings for mine also. But I know its for the better that we just go our separate ways. she would just leave me again, and than give me the silent treatment. No thanks! I don’t want to be her pal. maybe I am being a sore loser but that’s how I feel. It is still hurtful to think of her with someone else. And I don’t want to be part of that or know anything about what she is doing.

 

I think you telling him your side of things, was another example of proof you trying to work things out and he seemed to care less. I think its BS that he said you don’t understand him. that is blame shifting. He has a responsibility in your relationship and he chose not too. You gave him all the opportunity in the world to talk. And its not fair to be told things like that. He knows perfectly well that ditching you for weeks with silence is wrong. Anyone know that. You should feel weirded out. if you ever got back together again I think he would just wind up doing the same thing again. Its not cool to do to someone you are supposed to be with.

 

I hope you continue to keep your head up wondering girl. It is not easy when you feel like you want to break down. Just learn from my example with all this lingering around horsesh**. don’t let him drag you thru the mud like I was. In the end all it did for me was prolong my own personal agony. & now, I can feel her starting to come back around again. this is the pattern. She will ditch me for months to go hang out with whoever, and then will start coming around again at her convenience. And I am supposed to be all cool with it, with whatever she wants. I am supposed to be ok with it if she wants ot be together, and I am supposed to be ok with it if she just wants to be friends. WELL IM NOT. Based on the level of increasing activity I fully expect to receive an email in the near future. I am dreading it. and it will be very hurtful to me. she just doesn’t get it. its not all about her. just because she doesn’t feel anything, doesn’t mean I don’t.

 

Keep me posted wondering girl with how you are doing and whats going on.

[wondering_girl]

hi trueblue - TGIF is all i can say yay

 

how are you?

 

just wanted to say a quick hello and tell ya have a good weekend, and again to let you know, i can't thank you enough for listening to me - all the time..... ah, it's amazing i've met someone in here who i can talk or say type to and hasn't gotten tired of me yet - many thanks.

 

reading your posts and lessons you tell me makes me think that someday, the right thing will come to me and that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, some days i see them, some days i don't.. some days i'm still completely blind-sided by him and still wants him back - but i guess this is all part of healing.. it sucks, wow this is my first heartbreak and i never realized how hurtful it can be..... and i guess someday whenever the one comes along he probably won't hurt me like he did. i guess i was so "fixated" on fixing things that we're broken, i'm a perfectionist ya know, i just HATE that i QUESTIONED myself and my self-being why he didn't want to be with me anymore - he even said himself that he has little patience with me.. i'm not perfect ya know and he's not either and i was willing to overlook that, was there for everything and this is what he does....

 

have fun with your new cutie.

 

have a good weekend trueblue!!!!

[trueblue72ny]

Hi girl. : ) tgif

 

Im ok. You are welcommmme. No problem. You help me too ya know. this isnt a one way street. Not like our last relationships.

 

Yesss , it is part of healing and it takes a looong a$$ time. at least from my experience when you care about it. It would be sooo much easier if we just didn’t care about them!

 

The right things will come your way. Keep the faith.

 

You enjoy your weekend also wondering girl. Keep me posted whats up with you. we all get fixated on the object of our desire at the time. congratulations oyu are normal like some of the rest of us. But ya, it hurts when they don’t return the care.

Edited November 13, 2009 by trueblue72ny