silent break up?

[wondering_girl]

hi boldjack, i'm trying my best, to move on, but sometimes i still have a hard time accepting the fact that after 4 years this is how he treated me, it just shows utter disrespect and that he didn't even care at all, it's disturbing and i'm so heartbroken over this. but on the other hand, i have no desire to contact him, i'd rather him leave in silence than trying to talk to me again.

[Ilovecake]

I was in the same situation with my ex. I would try and talk to him about relationship issues and he would completely shut down. He never, ever spoke back he would just sit there and do nothing. It would always end up with me getting upset, yelling and than being mad for a day. I would simmer down and apologize for going off the deep end. In reality I can say that in the 4 years we were together we never really had a fight. Than one day he just said I don't love you anymore, we fight too much and he dumped me.

I don’t know if he didn’t speak because of the way I tried to communicate or if he was just completely uncommunicative and it didn’t matter what I said and how I said it.

 

I hope you guys can work this out. It can be absolute hell not being able to get through to someone, especially when the issue you’re trying to discuss is important to you.

[wondering_girl]

thanks i lovecake, you guys dated for 4 years too? this is the first time i called him out on his behavior i had to... i didn't yell at him or anything since he insisted we talk over dinner.. dinner? why i don't know i tried to talk to him at his house and he just pulled that this is not the right time and place (he's watching tv) talked over dinner and he just stared at me and barely said 3 words.....i just told him when he's ready to talk i'm here, who knows he may never ever be ready and this is how we end things, but i'm done initiating conversations and stuff, it makes me feel even crappier he doesn't talk.. i'd rather him be silent..

 

did you end up breaking it off with him? my friends are saying he's trying to frustrate me into breaking up but i'm not gonna do it we can just be silent like this! because i'm tired of trying to talk... but i'm trying my best to heal.. trying meaning i'm still hoping he'll come into his senses but i don't want to hang on to that hope either and end up being crushed.... he's turned 360 on me...

[Ilovecake]

Yes we were together 4 years, lived together for 2 of those 4 years.

Now that I look back on it he did everything in the book to make me break up with him, that coward. I was so in love I refused to see it at the time.

 

A year ago (yesterday to be exact) and on my birthday he was acting really strange and mean to me. I asked him what was going on; as usual he didn't want to talk about it and said nothing is wrong. He said something like 'I don’t understand why I have to be in a good mood just because it’s your birthday'. What a mean bastard! I was freaking out because obviously he was upset about something but would not tell me what, as usual. I took matters into my own hands and looked at text messages on his phone. I found out he was thinking of sleeping with a girl that was 16 years younger than me but said she's too young for him so he might not go through with it. I confronted him with the message I found and he denied it, said there is no girl and it was just an inside joke between him and his brother, even though it was right there in writing. Of course like an idiot I apologized for snooping and he said that’s alright because 'I don’t love you anyways so it doesn’t matter'. Needless to say I moved out and now he’s living with the girl he was talking about on his phone that he denied ever existed.

 

He always refused talk about any problems we had. If he was mad about something he would just break up with me or move out without giving me a reason. Somehow I was always the one saying I’m sorry come back.

[wondering_girl]

i'm so sorry to hear that girl, what a JERK.... aw it must've been tough since you lived with him too, so after that you just moved out? good for you, he doesn't deserve you at all.

 

i'm sorry that we're going through this, it was just like my situation as well, he just shut me down all the time, and this time when he's ready he didn't even say anything, his silence says it all, i do have a little hope but i should just erase it, i'm not gonna lie, he's dragged it on this long and our relationship is screwed either way - he's already hurt me and our issue has been a month.. i just wished that i saw this sooner, but like you said, we were so IN LOVE with them UGGHHH

[freestyle]

Wow.Every story I've read here so far points to Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder. I'm glad you guys took my advice and read up on it.

 

Another category is Passive Controlling Behavior. After 3/4 days, or a week of silence, we're the ones who come back apologizing, wondering what we did wrong....................feeling bad..............etc.

 

I've been through it, too.Interestingly, I'm still with my PA man. I think he's come to realize that if he ever pulls the ST on me again, I'm gone.

 

Yes, I still have to pry things out of him like pulling teeth, but I've learned that he needs to feel safe when he communicates, and I've made that effort on his behalf. I took a long look at what I understand about his childhood and relationship history, and approached him from a compassionate place, which is difficult when you're angry.............

 

Nonetheless,I think my tactic worked to a degree. I told him flat-out,that when he doesn't call, it feeds my insecurities and makes me feel disrespected. I told him that I expect the same level of courtesy that he would show his friends..................I never threatened to leave him, or gave him an ultimatum, but I think he sensed that he would lose me if that behavior continued. I just layed it on the line, how he was making me feel,

and somehow it got through.

 

As it stands now, he calls me every day. (Finally!)

 

Another useful info source I came across was a series of clips on YouTube.

 

It's called,"How to Deal with Difficult People". One of the personality types was called, "The Clam", which applies in our situations.

 

In the vignette that was acted out, the woman tries very hard to get input from her male co-worker, who keeps shrugging, and mumbling, "I dunno's" etc.

 

She responded by asking him to re-schedule a time to continue the conversation, if he couldn't contribute at that moment. By calling his bluff,

as soon as he realized that stalling wouldn't work, he began to open up.

 

I put that into practice with my guy, and it worked!Whoddathunkit?

 

Hopefully this will help somewhat. OP, I'm very sorry for what you're experiencing. My heart goes out to you. You too, Trueblue. And I love Cake, also. And anyone I may have missed......................

 

hugs all around.................................

[wondering_girl]

hi freestyle, thanks for listening... that's awesome to hear that he came to his senses about his behavior! now, he can be with an awesome girl like you!

 

that's what i did... since he insisted to go to dinner, i was like fine, i talked very calmly and laid all things and table, i just said hunnie, i love you but i never felt like you let me in, you completely block me out and i felt like you were punishing me for what i did.. it makes me feel so bad and i don't know what i did to you for you to treat me like this? i never tried to leave him, give him an ultimatum, or anything like that, i was just talking to him like we were just having dinner, except pouring my feelings out and how he hurt me... but he barely said 3 words, all he said was i didn't listen and he wasn't ready to talk..... while all along he said he was...although, this petty issue was a month ago, it's dragged on now for a whole month... it's been 9 days of NC since our silent dinner and have not heard from him, i plan to not contact him either and it hurts, but you know how they are if you contact them first, they shut you out and talk to you like you're a stranger.... hurts me even more...

 

so now, i'm out in the cold, i'm taking in his silence as the end because i have not heard from him and if he cared he wouldn't have dragged it for so long, but i'm not going to lie, there's a little part of me that is hoping that he'll come into his senses.... but it hurts that he hasn't said anything, and i shouldn't wait because there's not guarantee he will, i'm even scared for the day that he'll contact me, if he wants to end it i'd rather end it in silence.... thanks for listening...

 

*hugs*

[freestyle]

It sounds like you did everything right. Unfortunately that's not always a guarantee.........At the risk of sounding cliche` , it's so true that you can only control your own behavior. The rest is on him.

 

I'm wondering if there's something else in the equation that you may be unaware of-he's had a change of heart, there's another person......etc.

Who knows? He certainly hasn't been forthcoming about letting you know what's on his mind, so you've been left playing guessing games. It's very cruel......................and it's NOT your fault!!!

 

I'm sure you probably don't want to hear that it may be something else, and I sooooo don't wish to cause you any further pain, but the circumstances have left me wondering........................

 

My suggestion at this point is for you to write him a letter. If you take your time with it, you can organize your thoughts coherently (your head is probably spinning right now) and say everything you need to say.

If you're hoping to keep the R, I would let him know. But make it absolutely crystal clear that you aren't going to tolerate the silent treatment, ever,ever, again.

 

Speak from your heart, but also speak from a position of strength, and high self-esteem.

 

Seeing things written down, something tactile that he can hold in his hands, and read over again, could potentially tip the balance in your favor.

 

Even if the letter goes unanswered, or unacknowledged, you'll walk away

knowing that you did everything in your power. YOU played by the rules.

...And you'll feel good about yourself as a result.

 

 

I wish you the best with whichever route you choose........ (((wondering girl))))

[wondering_girl]

thanks for listening freestyle..... i need most advice now..... i've pretty much said my peace for him, i told him i'd love him that i cannot do this by myself, nothing from him yet, and i hate to hope and have them crush, i hope that he has a revelation, but i'm not guaranteed.....

 

it hurts that he can't open up to me, if something was going on, or a new someone.. i haven't gotten to the letter part yet.... but i'm sure that someday, i will get to writing one...

 

it just hurts to be in the unknown, is this silence for good you know, things like that - when we talked in person, i made sure and say.. you know, we cannot deal with our conflicts like this and i was calm the whole time, because i want this relationship to work but it has to be both of us you know, so if i get no response from him then i would definitely know that he will never ever change, and that it could not work because he will never be able to communicate, for the past 4 years, i never questioned it, but i was meant to question it soon right, but now he has to see what he can bring.. if not there's nothing..... that hurts though, i love him and miss him.

 

but i'm trying my best to find me now, because i felt like i lost myself.....uggggh i hope it'll get better with time, i'm even scared the day that he contacts me....

[freestyle]

Man, I want to slap the guy, and I don't even know him.

 

It's possible that you'll never get any closure from him, which is horribly painful, I know.

 

I still think writing a letter now,rather than later, could be helpful to you, cathartic, even.It may help keep you from replaying everything over and over again in your head. Whether or not you even give it to him.

 

And if he does contact you, you'd be prepared in advance.At a moment where you might find yourself tougue-tied, or worse yet, falling back into the old behavior patterns with him. (easy to do )

 

 

If he does come back, pretending like everything's okay, would you take him back?

 

Have you imagined that scenario? How would you respond? (you don't have to answer me , unless you want to, I'm nudging you to ask yourself)

 

 

It will get better with time, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.....

 

 

..............and you will find yourself again..................

 

Hopefully you have a good support network of family and friends. If not,

getting involved in volunteer work of some sort may help fill the empty time slots, and you might make some new friends. ..Keep posting if you need to.

[wondering_girl]

thanks so much for the response freestyle, it helps me when i write and vent here. girl, you and all of my girlfriends, he's lucky none of them has seen him in public yet, i don't wanna see him in public either...

 

yes, it is very possible that i will not get a closure from him, and that's complete disrespect, everytime as day passes by, he disrespects me and our 4 year relationship, it makes me feel like he didn't value me at all.. complete disrespect ya know?

 

i'm gonna think about that response for a little bit, cause' i haven't really thought about that.....but it's like i can't even look at him the same anymore? i'm not gonna lie, a part of me wants him to do that but i'm becoming hopeless everyday.. my friends said i should go get my own closure but i'm soooo exhausted of trying to talk to him and not responding to anything i'm saying so it's like what's the use...

 

i'm so impatient but i'm hoping i can see the light at the end of the tunnel, its just soooo hurtful and he's soo cruel, it's like i'm in a nightmare and i need to wake up because it's a reality....

 

thanks so much for listening.....

[jesaiah09]

Dear wondering_girl,

 

I'm sorry you have to go through these silent treatments and hope you will

get on your feet soon.

 

I'm sure you know by now that the harder you want to get your

boyfriend to love you again, the more he rejects you.

 

In order to stop yourself from getting more hurt, i will share with you

a trick to make your boyfriend come crawling back to you.

 

There's only one thing you have to do now.

 

It's very simple, STOP calling him or ask him out for 1 month.

 

ok, you might say "Are you crazy?"

 

No, I'm not! i teach this trick to many people and most of

them got back their ex without begging or losing their mind.

 

During the 1 month period without your ex, you are suppose to live

life to the fullest. Start going out with your friends and do activities

which you done before having your boyfriend.

 

You need to show to your ex boyfriend that you can live a better life

without him and this will make him feels he's losing something and

before he knew it, he will want to come back to you.

 

Of course, you need to have a strategy in place and execute it

step by step, otherwise you will lose your ex boyfriend for good.

 

Hope this will help you to stop your heart from breaking.

[trueblue72ny]

hi wondering girl, my wkend was good. How was yours? I just worked my side jobs over the wkend. I work mon-fri in an office, than I just keep busy on the wkends with side work until I collapse from exhaustion. I guess it helps keep my mind off things. I don’t know what else to do. when I sit around I start feeling anxiety. one day I feel distanced from it all, the next I am upset thinking about it. so I just keep myself moving and then go to sleep. I haven’t talked to her since fri/ sat when I got that lame stupid text. I haven’t tried to contact her.

 

it just seems like if he came back he would just be the same way? And we know that is not making you a happy camper. if its over than it is just better off he doesn’t contact you. him trying to keep in contact will just pull at your heart strings and prolong the agony if he is not going to change. I understand what you mean when you want to give someone the benefit of the doubt after spending all that time with someone. It is hard. Its almost like you have to put yourself out there a little to do that. but at the same time it hurts. Uggggg. Its weird, all that familiarity with someone but yet it seems like they are a stranger. I don’t get it either.

 

now that you started this thread it seems like others are coming forward and talking about their silent treatment also. That is pretty cool!! : )

 

this whole silent treatment is like that song, Beastie boys – sabotage.

[wondering_girl]

hi trueblue, wkend was okay, spent some time with some friends one of my friends visited from out of town so that was fun, catching up and again analyzing things - ya know how girls are...

 

yes, i definitely believe and think it's a HUGE potential that i would not hear from him at all, that this is how he's going to end things what a coward and he is cruel - i would've never thought in a million years that the "cool bf" that everyone thought of would even treat me like this, like you said i guess they seems like a stranger but the picture you're left with was the one before they went 360 on you.. i'm just hurt now and still lost, but as days pass by i'm loosing the hope that he'll call again which is for the better, if he wants things to end, i'd rather end it like this in silence..... it shows how he valued everything, and i'm just so mad/disgusted/upset on how he's acting with me....

 

you haven't heard from her? she's disappeared again? soo, are you dating anyone though? like would she get mad if you did.. or do you still love her and expect her to change one day? i can't believe girls are even doing this too - it's soo aggravating and cruel, how do these people live a peaceful day - i couldn't live like that, knowing you're hurting the one you're "supposed" to be in-love with...

 

listened to that song... yep yep you're right.

[trueblue72ny]

I think guys are like that too – analyzing. My mind wonders all the time about things. I must be in the dark because I cant find the switch to turn my mind off. Ya I think its pretty lame that after you spend THAT long with someone they don’t have the respect to at least tell you. I can understand if you have only hung out with someone once or twice, and don’t really know them, that is one thing, but 4 years??? I mean really. How lame. It would make me mad. I guess you really never know someone. I guess now that you are in the situation you are maybe it is better off to just continue as is. Why open up the hurt again. If he has always been like that why would he change.

 

Nope, haven’t heard from her. I am sure I will hear from her again, but I know I am not going to be happy with this for the rest of my life. I need more than three words and an occasional visit. Actually building something in life with someone would be great! After 4/ 5 years I feel like I have nothing to show for it. and it makes me sad and mad to think about that. but at the same time I am thinking wow, maybe I got lucky, because if we had moved in together, or had kids how much harder it would be to deal with everything. I am not dating anyone, nope. I was lightly talking to a new girl I met over the summer because of the last time I got kicked to the curb. We haven’t met. But you know what? I don’t even care right now. she says hello here and there and that’s cool, but I really am not in the mood to go out of my way chasing someone right now. but if I did start dating her, would the current one get mad? Who knows. if eventually me and the new girl were interested in each other, I would just tell the other one, hey, I met someone and I am interested in seeing how it goes. I will give her that respect. I wont go behind her back. EVEN IF SHE DID IT TO ME. And I don’t think she would have the right to say anything. Because everyone knows what being in a REAL relationship is like. And the other person KNOWS if they are not treating you right. So they shouldn’t be surprised. And maybe next time they will smarten up the next time they are in a relationship.

 

I do not expect her to change one day. One thing I have realized generally about people is they don’t seem to change. I wish they did!!! but my thoughts at this point are what you can expect in the future with someone, is more or less what you have experienced with them in the past. What is that saying? A tiger can change his stripes, but it is still a tiger? Or something like that.

[wondering_girl]

hi trueblue, hope your day was good today. as hurtful as it is to say, no, i don't think he will ever change either, so just like you said, it's better we didn't get married, kids, and all that unless he's willing to step up and say i was wrong - if he quits then, that says a lot about him and what he felt about the relationship. yeah trueblue, that's what's painful, if he loved me or cared he wouldn't be doing this to me right now, and like you said he should KNOW that he is not treating me right... 4 years, yes, and our families were close, that's why right now, i'm still trying to open my eyes to the situation and keep telling myself to please accept what's happening right now, try not to think of the "good times" focus on "right now"

 

yeah, i was picturing the whole "silent treatment" in the future, sooo when you have a bad day he's just gonna ignore me at our house? how cruel would that be or just not speak? it has been 10 days of no NC and as days pass by i lose hope and i'm continuing to feel disrespected, but i shouldn't count days anymore right? that's what's disturbing he didn't even say anything.... but ya know, i can't wait for the day i don't care and count days anymore i guess the situation is still "fresh" and i can't see me at the end of the tunnel yet.

 

are you planning to meet the girl or do you think sometime in the future she'll straightened up and you guys can start up again?

[trueblue72ny]

hey girl, im feeling ehhhhhh lately. thanks for asking! Ya he knows that he is not treating you right. Have no doubt about it. and then one day out of the clear blue all the sudden you will hear from him. and I guess depending on how much time goes by will determine how you feel about that. you might be with someone else that turns out to be better for you by then and wont care too much. I know I do it all the time, I think back to the way she was back then, and its really hard to realize she isn’t the same person now.

 

Ya, picturing the whole silent treatment down the road. It wont change. do you think if you have a bad day and need a shoulder to lean on that you are going to get it? what do you think you are going to get?? How about o hey hunny I know you had a bad day lets go out to dinner, or how about a hug. Or how about a nice conversation to make you feel like you matter. Think you are going to get that??

 

Most times I wanted to address something in the past, the response I would get is, “don’t start with me.” or I wouldn’t get any response at all. hows that for communication.

 

I remember I had my tonsils out when I was 34. that was a couple years ago. I couldn’t talk for a week. My throat was sooo painful. Not ONCE did she come to see me. I was out of work for two weeks! and when we finally did meet up, not one hug, or how are you feeling. It was all about her, she wanted to go for tacos. Like I can eat tacos a week or two after I had my tonsils out. she wasn’t thinking about me at all. She was thinking about herself. It still sticks to my mind to this day. But I pushed it aside and said to myself I still love her.

 

Imagine living your whole life like that! NO THANKS.

 

Nope, still haven’t heard from her since the weekend and I haven’t tried. I am guessing maybe I will hear from her maybe tomorrow because its Friday. if she doesn’t have plans with anyone else, I might get a text asking me if I want company, last time she did that she warned me tho she was in a bad mood. We will see. I am not holding my breath. I am just planning on me being solo so I don’t get my hopes up. But if I do hear from her I fully expect her to just be like hey!! How are you!!! like its nothing.

 

I guess counting the days means your mind is on it.

 

I felt really hung up on this for a long long time, and to some extent I still am, just not as much. I still care about her and love her, and wish something would change, because I don’t want to throw all this away, but I am losing hope because of the way she continues to act. When the day came (and it was pretty recent) when I realized I wasn’t as stuck on it as much anymore, it was very relieving to feel that!!! I hope you feel that way someday soon!!!!!

 

Im not planning on anything with the new girl. Like I said she contacts me once in awhile to say hello and that’s cool, but I am not going out of my way. Her too, busy with her 10 year old daughter and school and now I guess she has to find a new place to move because the apartment complex she is living at decided to raise everyones rent by $250 a month. Her head is swimming right now with everything and I don’t think she really has the time. if I hear from her, cool, if I don’t, I don’t.

 

Right now I am just worried about myself. and trying to make my self feel good about my own life. My heart keeps going back and forth here. Parts of me wish she would just knock it off and come back 100%, but parts of me think that’s just not going to happen.

 

hope you are having a good one today also.

[wondering_girl]

good evening trueblue, no freaking way, you had your tonsils out and she did not even come by bring you soup, anything to eat and not even a HUG!!!!!!! ughhhh, you must really love her to overlook that because i would be pissed if someone did that to me, how unthoughtful!!!!! how many years did you guys officially date?

 

i still can't believe she hasn't gotten in touch with you, but you know what, just like you said, i wish that i can feel like you're feeling now that if they never call then that's fine, and focus on YOU! i'm not gonna lie to you i still think about him... uggggggggggggh and i hate ME for that! it's like he's sitting here disrespecting me and i'm willing to put that aside because i love him? my friends are starting to tell me i deserve better but i seem to cannot let go, i'm trying my best though, i don't want to hang on to that hope that he'll come back and change but i don't want to hope for nothing..........

 

the whole silent treatment thing is a sick game.... ugh. it's very very disturbing, you're right, i dunno that when he does come around would i want him back then? i'm still hurting but i'm hoping as the days go by i'll be okay, i guess i need to take it one day at a time..

 

got any fun plans for the weekend? do you think she's gonna come around? definitely let's focus on US.. easier said than done for me, i wish i'm feeling the same way you are.

 

ya know what else one of our mutual friends text me today and she's like oh he's sooo funny this and that and i'm thinking if only you would know what kind of hell he's putting me through now.... ughh

[almita]

Hiya wondering girl

 

wanted to answer to your post here also. This thing with mutual friends is not easy. I had a friend saying to me the other day how my ex is handsome.... that enough to give me a bad night.

I wish she had said he is an ugly B****** but she is still learning what I want to hear :-)

 

Sounds a little like "he is so funny", don't worry you and I are funny too, just not this second but I hope we'll get our sense of humour back !!!

 

It is a shame that we have this big time difference since by the time you guys stat posting I go to bed. I am also so emotionally exhausted it's amazing, I am tired from doing nothing.

 

Over here we have a few famous books on how to get your ex back all saying start off with NC and in the meantime go to gym, get busy blablabla well if only it would explain how the hell I am supposed to come out of my own skin, it takes a lot of strength and sometimes it works and others it doesn't. Well most of the time it doesn't....

 

So I sleep a lot because it's kind of comforting to disappear under the covers and close my eyes, the world is a grey place these days and I'd rather not look.

 

Take care and know you are not alone

Almita

[trueblue72ny]

Hello wondering girl, yes, had my tonsils out and she showed no concern -what so ever. I was stupid. I was still completely hung up on everything at the time. it did erk me, I knew it wasn’t right, but its crazy the things you will put yourself thru for someone. I always just kept thinking she will change back, she will change back. That is what I kept telling my self. Becaue she kept coming around. There were lots of times I just let thing so and started moving on and then I would hear from her again so I would think ok she really does like me. but than the same garbage would start up after not too long. we officially dated about 4 years. It was off and on the whole time.

 

Nope, still has not got in touch with me. its Friday afternoon here. We will see the night is not over. She could be going out to meet her friend and maybe I will hear from her later. who knows. but like I said I am not holding my breath or counting on anything. I am just going about my business as usual. And you know what I don’t really feel that concerned over it strangely. But that’s a good thing right? It took me a long time to get to this point. I think that is the key. When you get to the point were it doesn’t bother you so bad whether you hear from them or not. And even if you see them or not/ if it doesn’t bother you.

I wont lie, sometimes I feel fine, and sometimes I feel something overwhelming coming over me about it. but that seems less and less. everytime things like this happen when I don’t hear from her a little bit more of me cares less. and I feel better that I know I am not holding as tight anymore. it almost feels like I am being released from prison!! Haha. I am just worrying about myself at this point. I think about that new girl that talks to me. she is going thru a tough time right now with having to get up and find someplace new to live in a matter of days, and the upheaval in her life and her daughters life over it, but yet she make time to say hello. The other one doesn’t have anything going on and I don’t hear from her. the biggest thing she has to worry about is having fun with her friends.

 

But I know the less I reach out to her the less I feel like I am demoralizing myself over her. in fact when I leave it up to her to contact me it feels like I am taking my power back. Don’t beat yourself up too much about thinking about him. its only natural. I have a feeling if we could both erase the feelings we have for these people we would. Its only been 10 days for you. that is a tender time. and you are being really strong and should be proud of yourself. I know how hard it is to go thru this!

 

Playing games like the silent treatment is sick and its mentally abusive as far as I am concerned now. lets focus on US. Like I said it took me a long time and I feel like I went thru hell and back. I went thru a lot of pain to get to this point. I don’t wish it on anyone. My job suffered, my friends, my house, everything in my life.

 

That sucks hearing that from your mutual friend. he’s so funny huh. well glad he decided he could spend some time with others laughing it up and joking around. That’s the problem with mutual friends. Im kinda glad we don’t have any mutual friends. If it completely stops with us that’s it. I don’t have to deal with seeing her around my circle of friends. All I have to worry about is seeing her around work. And even then the office is big enough I don’t have to worry about it. unless she decides to come pranching around. Which is what has happened in the past.

 

You are doing the right thing. Keep it up and stay strong. Keep writing me!!!!

[wondering_girl]

morning trueblue, how are you today? did she re-appear last night, i still can't believe she has acted like that towards you - you're right after a while, you start to realize what the person is DOING to you.. and you just get tired of it, i still can't get over the tonsils issue, but i guess like you said.. you loved her so you were willing to overlook that...

 

sorry i'm a ill bit EMO this morning

 

did she contact you yesterday? any plans this wkend?

 

i wish, i'm at the point that you are, that i won't care if he called or if he even shows up, but trueblue, i'm not gonna lie to you, i woke up this morning look beside me he wasn't there and i started to have chest pains.... i don't know i guess i miss him? but then i asked myself, why do miss this person that treats me like this then the "good past" starts coming back to mind and then i get all sad again, ugh i hate it.. i want to get off the rollercoaster and just not care anymore. but it's like i still love him ya know, and i still hope for that day that he will come into his senses and realizes what he did, but as far as days going by and i don't see signs, i don't think he's gonna come back.. my friends said he's gone for good and they're happy about that because they said he's not good for me and i don't deserve it but i'm having the hard time seeing past that.....i guess i'm so hung up on the old him that i need to focus on how he's acting now...

 

i know it's partly my fault that he's treating me this way since i made him feel that it was ok before and now when i pointed itout, he ran as fast as he could....my days are just bad on the weekends because we usually spend time together then...

 

oh yeah, the mutual friends thing, that really PISSED me off. she had sent out an e-mail about a party, it's all couples and i told her send him a separate text and e-mail, and as soon as i saw the e-mails all the girls responded as OK WE are coming, and i almost threw up reading the e-mail.. she then said after they texted he was asking all these questions on what food they were gonna have blahblah and that's when she texted me how funny he was, i got really mad... so this party is next weekend, i wonder if he'll show up by himself, then at least that would be a clue for me bc he sure knows everyone would ask where is your supposedly gf?

 

i'm still WONDERING which i HATE, i should just focus on US like you said but i'm still having the hardest time, i was doing good all week an yesterday i broke down again, and obviously this morning.... it's making me sick! like seriously are you still pissed and not wanna talk to me ever again or you're playing games - my friends said he's waiting on me to break up with him but you know what, i'm not gonna give him that, we could just be silent like this and broke-up without saying anything at all, when time comes and i'm healed maybe i'll write him a letter or something...

 

thanks for listening...... any plans for the weekend?

[Ison28]

I don't know. I am in a similar situation. I was with my ex girlfriend/fiancee for almost 4 1/2 years. Things weren't going the best in the world. I did have a drug addiction and had hurt her because of it, without meaning to. But, I had been clean for almost 6 months when she left me. When she left, it was with a goodbye and I love you. I'll call you later. That call never came. I have tried to reach her repeatedly and was only able to a handfull of times and during those times, she wouldn't tell me anything, just that she didn't love me anymore or her love for me wasn't the way she thought it should be. I know she loved me at one time, more than I ever imagined anyone could ever love me. I don't understand. This has totally flipped my world around. I am grieving something awfull. It has been almost 4 months and still real explanation. She started seeing someone else about a month after she left me. Not her type at all, just a real joke. I know she can't be serious about him. I don't understand none of this myself. I left a post on here as well. What to do if your true love left you for good reason and you want them back! I am stumped myself. I know I hurt her in the past. But I know that she is the love of my life and I believe that I am the love of hers. I just don't understand. She is doing things that are just not her, like going out and partying. She never done this before, she never wanted to, I just don't understand.

[wondering_girl]

hi ison, i'm sorry we're all going through this, just like you what i can't grasp is how fast do you throw away for years and be treated like an old pair of shoes and be thrown away..... i hope we'll be ok soon i can't wait til the day comes.

 

still NO contact guys, it's been 2 wks, i really think this is it. complete silence? coward.

[almita]

Hello wondering girl, when I read your post it sounds just like me, it's the most terrible thing when you wake up and it hits you like a truck that he is GONE and you are ALONE. The night is my favourite time of day now, no sorrows I often feel like stopping the sun from rising but life just goes on no matter how we feel.

 

IT IS NOT FAIR !! Maybe you are doing a better job by sticking to NC you know I broke mine and I'm not happy about it but I forgave myself what else can I do ?

I am not sure he will not call you eventually, but who knows when, he must be quite surprised that you don't contact him I think guys DO realize that something is different. But then men work differently from women I work with my heart and my Ex always said he worked those relatiosnhip things much more with his head- meaning: things are bad, ok it's over then.

Whereas my heart would never let me do that to someone I love.

 

I was so stupid also like you and accepted so many things I should have walked out long ago, he once said to me he wanted me to be 10 % !!!! of his life, the rest is needed for himself (that was toward the end) I was so shocked I don't think I answered... Problem is he sort of brainwashed me because after a while I started to believe that I was the problem in our relationship.

 

I guess for someone who wants 10 % of me only it's very easy to look clingy....

Never mind I send you the biggest hug I KNOW how you feel and I WISH someone invented a medicine against heartaches, why has noone thought about that yet ????

 

Take lots of care and stay stronger than me !!!

Almita

[trueblue72ny]

Morning wondering girl, its Monday. Mondays are not my fav. But hanging in there. I didn’t hear from her at all this weekend. And you know what? I was a little down about it, but it wasn’t huge, like it would have been in the past. I just kept myself busy. I just kept thinking about the way she is towards me. its like she is just a buddy I hear from every once in awhile. I don’t feel like I can depend on her at this point. that’s for sure. And I guess that’s the way I should be looking at things. When I think of it like that its less heart wrenching.

 

Like I said it took me a long time to get to this point, over a year! when this first happened I was feeling like you. and I know that is no fun. my heart goes out to you. you sound like a really great girl! ya you think about the good times, but don’t forget about all the times he made you feel like a jerk. Which I suspect was a lot. It sounds like it was YOU who carried the relationship most of the time. don’t forget that.

 

all I thought about for the longest times was about the person she was and the good times. I kept getting hung up on that. I kept forgetting the majority of the time she was absent, lack of empathy, selfishness, and above all how cold hearted she could be. I got ditched when some new dude came along and showed her a flake of interest. I over looked a lot, but the last time, a couple months ago really stuck in my head. She was going out all summer meeting up with her “friends” during the week after work. which turned out to be other guys, and never told me. always just made it sound like she was going out every week with her gf. That is all she ever told me. that it was her gf. I don’t know if she slipped up or what, but it came out she was hanging with all these other people/guys. I didn’t react when she told me. I just played it cool. but it really erked me a lot in side. Now I just feel like ok, I couldn’t depend on you before, now I really feel my trust slipping away. I am better than that. and I deserve better than that! it erks me she seems to have time to meet up with her buddies during the week. But do we ever? Nope, never. I used to ask to do things during the week, but I gave up on that a long time ago. Its things like that , that start sinking in my head.

 

I think the same thing, I guess i miss her, than I start thinking about situations like I was just saying. And I think um why do I miss that??? all my friends say the same thing, she doesn’t deserve me. I need someone in life that I can do something with.

 

Just keep remembering your silent dinner. And all the things he put you thru in the past. Want that to be your life with someone?? You deserve better. I am sure there were lots of good times in the past, but obviously something has changed.

 

don’t think any of this is your fault. You weren’t happy with second rate behavior and you asked him to talk about it. you have every right. You should feel like you can talk to your SIGNIFICANT OTHER and receive respect in return. You shouldn’t feel scared to talk. That’s what couples do. talk to each other. You need a shoulder to lean on they should be there. I don’t think you should feel badly at all. maybe its start of a wake up call. Don’t feel bad that you didn’t say anything until now. wasn’t it him that made you feel like a jerk in the first place when you would try to get him to talk???

 

My everyday sucks now. not just weekends.

 

You are doing the right thing playing it cool. just keep doing what you are doing. focus on YOU. Be strong. And just think whats going to happen if YOU once AGAIN reach out first to try to make things right?? You are going to feel like a jerk again. the reality of the situation is that HE should be the one who reaches out and shows you respect and that HE wants to be a part of things with you. not just you. its been 4 years, come on, he owes it to you to show you a little something at this point. don’t forget that. relationships should be 50/50. thats is BS. Grow up little boy. Act like a man. MAN-UP.

 

I just did yard work in between the rain, and tried to straighten up the garage a little. Stopped at the neighbors and had a beer. Pretty boring weekend.