How do I overcome these two problems?

[Cora]

Okay, this is embarrassing, but I'm going to talk about it anyway because it has been eating at me for a long time. I have two problems.....one is jealousy and the other is depression. One usually has something to do with the other.

 

When I say that I can get jealous, that is an understatement. I HATE this quality about myself. I know it's normal for people to get a bit jealous from time to time, but my jealousy goes way beyond that. I get so jealous of other women, whether it be ones who date an ex of mine, ones in which I think are getting too close to a guy I may be currently dating, hell I just get jealous of ones who are actually dating when I'm not. I'm jealous because they are better looking than I am, smarter, funnier, more popular etc. etc. You get the picture.

 

I even get jealous of friends and family members. I'm jealous of my cousin because he has this great degree and a great job making really good money. I'm jealous because when he was struggling with school and about to give up, I kept cheering him on and tried to keep him motivated and now he has made it, has this wonderful job and I am still unemployed. Wow see how bad this sounds? I am jealous of everyone who has a job really. I mean I feel as though I should at least have something. I went to college for four years and graduated. I'm wanting to go back, but can't afford it right now because of lack of job. I feel like I should at least have something......any old minimum wage job will do you know? I could go into more detail here about how jealous I can get, but it would start to sound really petty. I think you get the picture though. How do I get rid of this green eyed monster? This is no joke by the way and I'm not posting this to just gain attention. I really do suffer from this which influences my next problem.....depression.

 

I have been depressed for awhile now and it only seems to be getting worse. I have been unemployed for over a year now and I'm so sick and tired of people saying you can't take it personally. Well, how can you not after awhile when you get rejection letter after rejection letter? I am very shy which does not help me one bit, but this just wears at my self-esteem which causes me to flunk out on interviews. I'm done with trying to be positive......I just can't fake it anymore. I think it's getting worse because all I do now is cry and sleep all day. I sleep just to avoid the pain. My life is going nowhere and I feel as if it's a waste. I'm tired of hearing people talk about me. Do they think it does not bother me? I hear people all the time asking my mother oh Cora still has no job? I wonder what the problem is? How can I not take that personally? I feel like I don't have the willpower to do anything anymore. My mother asked me the other day "what the hell is wrong with you?" I'm depressed that's what is wrong with me and I don't know how to fix this. I don't even feel like going out anymore. I'd rather stay in and read or sleep. Nothing really interests me anymore. I have been going on to this online therapy forum which has helped somewhat. It's nice to talk to people who have similar problems, but how do I fix this?

 

How do I overcome this jealousy and most importantly this damn depression? It's eating away at me inside and I'm tired of it. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel trapped and it's getting worse.

[ReturnToSender]

I wish there were magic words... or at least I could give you a lil of what Ive got going on here... In that jealousy is something I lack totally. If anything, especially in cases where others are doing great with their lives, especially when theyve had it so rough, I find it inspiring. Like..hey, they were able to pull through, my time will come, Ill be there one day.

 

I feel like, if I take away from someone elses happiness, even if its only inwardly...Im taking away from my own chance at happiness as well.

 

When it comes to relationships...I know this is just a personality thing but...Im friendly to everyone and everyone. I cant be with someone who is jealous, cause Id just make them a complete wreck. And anyone who tries to make me jealous is going to fail miserably...its just not going to happen. I either react to something that has happened that Im totally warranted to be angry about...or I dont react at all to something that doesnt require the energy. To me its really simple...but I know for a fact Im not normal in this regard.

 

At least I can say that it is possible to get through...when I found out my bf is an insanely jealous type of guy, I was really surprised. Hes never acted that way towards me. I go to my friends gigs, have lunch or out for drinks with male friends...to me its no big deal...but from what Ive heard, hes flown off the handle over much less. I can only figure, he restrains himself *big time* And also, Im sure that it helps that he trusts me completely. Even if he doesnt trust any other man on earth...Im the only one to be held responsible if I were to stray...and Im not going to. I think he finally *gets it*

 

Whats going on with your job situation, or lack there of...thats a huge deal, and it would bring anyone down. The best I could say Im afraid is...to turn that into positive energy...being optimistic and having the right attitude can really do wonders. Even if you have to "fake the funk" and remind yourself that you will make it and things will work...youll realize that suddenly, things are happening for you, and you dont have to fake the attitude cause its right there in front of you.

 

Sorry to get all "Pollyanna" on you but...thats all Ive got to work with