Cheated or not cheated.. oh what do i do

[heidi23]

This is a continuation from my previous posting.. He cheated I cheated.. Those of you who have not read it will not be able to understand..

 

So I went ahead and told my boyfriend about this guy and vaguely discussed with my boyfriend how this guy has been hitting on me and is expressing interest in me at my place of work. I figured I should be as honest as possible with my boyfriend because I'm still interested in communicating with him.

 

My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years now, and a part of me is not attracted to him sexually anymore, and I am really depressed about it. I love him deeply as a friend, but physically it's not there anymore. I don't want to hurt him, but I told him that there is another man, but I am lying to him by not giving him all the details. The sad part is, my boyfriend would forgive me and want to be with me because he loves me more than I love him, and I told him this so many times.

 

I have kept some parts of this story confidential, but I might as well say why this makes it a complicated situation. You see, I'm a manager at a media related company and the guy that's hitting on me and took me out is about 16 years older, works one day a week at where I work,and is well known in the media. It's a tough situation because if my boss were to find out what happened I'd be in deep ****.. and this guy knows he'd be in deep **** if anyone where we work at knew!

 

The other day, guy #2 came up to my place of work but did not stop by to talk to me, instead, he had a meeting to go to with my boss. He had always talked to me, but when we had our last conversation it was that I knew where he was at, and he said to just give him a call. I had expressed to guy #2 during that conversation that my boyfriend Really loves me, and I love him to, but that I don't want to marry my boyfriend. Guy #2 was shocked and I told him that I had even postponed our engagement. Guy #2 vaguely knows my boyfriend in the media, so he was sympathetic. Guy #2 also has a girlfriend, but he told me he doesn't want to marry her or have children, like me. In fact, he calls himself basically "single," since he's not married. So basically, he's leaving it up to me on pursuing him, which I don't like.

 

I completely avoided calling him last week, and saw him once at my place of work, and in front of my boss, he comments on how nice I look. I couldn't believe how shy I acted around guy #2, I blushed, and I wanted to hide because I hated that I had feelings for this guy. My boss sort of rolls his eyes and looks at me with a stern look, and I quickly walk away. Guy #2 goes out to a meeting with my boss, and I call him later on in the day to find out how the meeting went, I leave him a message and I tell him I'll be at my place of work later in the evening for a show. Well, Later that evening, I show up to work, and guy #2 is not there, I leave early, and the next day, my co-workers tell my that guy #2 showed up after I left. Well, this showed me he's interested, but it sucks, because we have to be secretive when we meet, and I really hate that I'm attracted to him, I keep kicking myself, saying why do I have to be attracted to someone else when I have a boyfriend? Why!!

 

So guy #2 has not even called me which is fine, he has a girlfriend, and I have a boyfriend, but I know that I'm fighting this huge urge to want to be with him again, and I really want to at least be friends. We haven't even had sex, but the first time I went out with him he was making out with me like a bandit! I mean, I feel so used, and dissapointed because I really did not intend for this to happen! Guy #2 is acting kind of embarrassed now, trying to avoid me, and when I walked by him at work, he tried to talk to me, but I was so shy, I couldn't speak. It's like, I feel all giddy about this situation, what do I say? What do I do? I want to show guy #2 that I'm not just an easy girl that has sex the first date, and leaves, but that I'm a girl who won't chase after him like his ex girlfriends, or act desperate. I'm sure he feels I'm not interested, because I haven't called him or taken his offer to find him, but the truth is, I am interested in knowing him more.

 

Like I said, he is a well-known media person, and the fact that I never have worked with him or heard about him since I lived in a different city, made it interesting to him, so he talks to me about his personal things. So, would it hurt to call the guy and at least say hello? I'm not expecting a full blown relationship but I do want to keep the communication going. I feel like his deal is: If there's no sexual relationship between us, then there's no friendship, but if there is sex, then we can be friends. This makes me really sad, because when I met him, he kept telling me that I will have plenty of time to know him, and I really feel like he's a jerk, although, he is laying low since I have a boyfriend, and he's showing me he's not a sex addict by hanging around my place of work. (He only works one day a week there anyways)

What do I do?

[Iamhappy]

To answer your question: Not only have you cheated on your bf, but you are intent on continuing to do so.

 

the first time I went out with him he was making out with me like a bandit! I mean, I feel so used, and dissapointed because I really did not intend for this to happen!

 

Um, it takes two people to make out. I don't see where you mention that he held a gun to your head while sticking your tongues down each other's throats.

 

Maybe you're feeling used and disappointed because the relationship simply hasn't graduated to the level you were hoping for - a relationship based on lies and self-delusion.

 

I want to show guy #2 that I'm not just an easy girl that has sex the first date, and leaves, but that I'm a girl who won't chase after him like his ex girlfriends, or act desperate. I'm sure he feels I'm not interested, because I haven't called him or taken his offer to find him, but the truth is, I am interested in knowing him more.

 

I find this statement contradictory. On the one hand, you're saying you're not going to chase after him but you want to know more about him. Really, what more do you need to know about his character?

 

(And before I get stones thrown at me for being judgmental, let me just say this: "Well, yeah, I'm judgy like that." )

 

You're just like him. You are both in relationships that you don't want to be in. Yet, neither of you has taken the first adult step of ending those relationships prior to starting up whatever this thing is between the two of you. At the end of the day, he's still with his girlfriend, you're still with your boyrfriend. Actually, that would make you perfect for each other. You obviously only care about yourselves.

 

would it hurt to call the guy and at least say hello? I'm not expecting a full blown relationship but I do want to keep the communication going.

 

Can you not see that you're deluding yourself into thinking that you don't want a relationship with this guy? All your actions contradict your words.

 

I feel like his deal is: If there's no sexual relationship between us, then there's no friendship, but if there is sex, then we can be friends.

 

Gee, he sounds like a prize - NOT.

 

If you ever loved or respected your boyfriend, let him go. Don't string him along. He deserves to be treated better than that.

 

Then, you'll be free to pursue this guy who seems intent on avoiding you.