creepedout16 Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Hi All, I am 22 yo female with a 29 (almost 30 yo) boyfriend. we met years ago and have been dating for a while now. ..I have a habit of snooping (yes, I know its bad!) and found something that was a little disturbing and I just need clarification if this is just me being crazy or what. I looked through his internet history one day just curious what sites he was going to and I found him doing google searches looking up girls like... miley cyrus, naked. a few other girls from the disney channel were looked up naked. he would also put stuff like "scene girls" and then "scene girls naked".. which is like emo girls, right? and usually they are pretty young??? maybe i'm getting old and i think these girls are too young, what do you guys think? i guess it could just be ..curiosity on his part??? I'm just confused and it makes me sick to my stomach to think that he is into young girls. I mean, we did meet when I was a "young girl" so it is possible. We have had an issue in the past where I *snooped* again and found porn with these young girls making a video. I scolded him about it and he seemed so shocked and upset that I would call him some sort of pedaphile because he said those girls were not THAT young. I just don't know what to think anymore. He is a decent guy, very smart... I just think its a little creepy he is looking up these girls naked. One more thing - I can't confront him because last time I snooped through his computer (laptop) he put a password protection on it so now he still has one computer that isn't password protected and I don't want to let him know I snooped.. he will throw a FIT!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Paragon Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Hi All, I am 22 yo female with a 29 (almost 30 yo) boyfriend. we met years ago and have been dating for a while now. ..I have a habit of snooping (yes, I know its bad!) and found something that was a little disturbing and I just need clarification if this is just me being crazy or what. I looked through his internet history one day just curious what sites he was going to and I found him doing google searches looking up girls like... miley cyrus, naked. a few other girls from the disney channel were looked up naked. he would also put stuff like "scene girls" and then "scene girls naked".. which is like emo girls, right? and usually they are pretty young??? maybe i'm getting old and i think these girls are too young, what do you guys think? i guess it could just be ..curiosity on his part??? I'm just confused and it makes me sick to my stomach to think that he is into young girls. I mean, we did meet when I was a "young girl" so it is possible. We have had an issue in the past where I *snooped* again and found porn with these young girls making a video. I scolded him about it and he seemed so shocked and upset that I would call him some sort of pedaphile because he said those girls were not THAT young. I just don't know what to think anymore. He is a decent guy, very smart... I just think its a little creepy he is looking up these girls naked. One more thing - I can't confront him because last time I snooped through his computer (laptop) he put a password protection on it so now he still has one computer that isn't password protected and I don't want to let him know I snooped.. he will throw a FIT!!!!! Men are attracted to YOUTH, for numerous reasons. Let's just keep it simple for now and give the obvious result--men who were more attracted to and mated with younger females had a better chance of passing their genes on. For example, it's better to have kinds when you're younger as opposed to older. Being attracted to youth has numerous advantages, but we'll leave it at that for now. Your bf simply happens to fall on the lower end of the spectrum where he's attracted to particularly young girls. There's nothing wrong with that--after all, attraction isn't a choice, much like the fact that you prefer one type of ice cream over another. It's a response, a reaction--attraction itself is not something you DO, nor something you CHOOSE. Your "feeling creepy" reaction is nothing more than a socially conditioned response to what he's attracted to. There are a lot of details that are in here, and if you wish for more clarification or expounding just ask The REAL ISSUES at hand however, are the trust issues you have with him (leading you to snoop) and the insecurity issues you have with yourself (leading you to WORRY about things of this nature). If you would like to address those, we can do that too. The first step in moving past anything is simply understanding it. Your response will determine where we can go thereafter. I hope my post was of help to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 How old were you when you first met and was there an attraction back then? Link to post Share on other sites
Author creepedout16 Posted September 17, 2009 Author Share Posted September 17, 2009 Thank you Paragon. It was helpful but.. isn't there something wrong with this 30 yr male looking at underage girls? are you saying that i am socially conditioned to think that this is wrong but it is not?? i mean.. these are little girls. i take it you are a male. i just find disgust in that. i know youthfulness is very attractive.. smooth skin, etc etc. BUT there is a point where you have to be like man this chick is a baby at 16 years..... ??? and no, I don't really want to discuss insecurities during this post.. thank you though for trying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author creepedout16 Posted September 17, 2009 Author Share Posted September 17, 2009 trialbyfire - yes, there was. and I think I see your point in asking.. but I once thought 14 yo boys were cute.. now I don't. ya know?? So are you agreeing? If I get enough people to think I'm just overreacting, I will get over it. I just want to get my ducks in a row! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 He was already a concrete adult, when the two of you first met, since I'm guessing he was over 25. With this in mind, why would his tastes change? Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I too am curious how old you were when you two met. Most men like the classic "teen porn" (in which most of the girls are 18-22), that's pretty standard. But I will disagree with the posters before me...I think there is something kind of creepy about a grown man looking for pictures of legally underaged girls naked. Yuck. Link to post Share on other sites
Paragon Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Thank you Paragon. It was helpful but.. isn't there something wrong with this 30 yr male looking at underage girls? are you saying that i am socially conditioned to think that this is wrong but it is not?? i mean.. these are little girls. i take it you are a male. i just find disgust in that. i know youthfulness is very attractive.. smooth skin, etc etc. BUT there is a point where you have to be like man this chick is a baby at 16 years..... ??? and no, I don't really want to discuss insecurities during this post.. thank you though for trying. Something WRONG with that? Well, simply put, he either didn't get over his attraction for younger girls, or simply has a fundamental attraction towards them and falls at that end of the spectrum. Males may find it DISGUSTING that females are attracted to certain things, but this doesn't mean it's WRONG. I am saying you are socially conditioned to make a judgment on this. If you agree that ATTRACTION is NOT A CHOICE, then it is illogical to ask whether or not it's WRONG for someone to be attracted to something or someone. You must also understand that 16 years old isn't that young--there was a point in time where that was the premium age for a child to get married and have children. We SOCIALLY moved on past that point, but BIOLOGICALLY, we have not. I respect your unwillingness to leave the insecurity issues alone for now--(please also note that I am not saying all of this is your fault or you are wrong--by no means am I implying that.) Understand however that doing this will leave the real problem unsolved, and I assume that you want to work through this so you can have a healthy relationship in the future AS WELL as the present. You must notice that you will be told it's normal by some people, and abnormal by others, but in the end, you'll still be stuck in the same mindset you're in and that's because your issue isn't the deeper issue Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Paragon, it is creepy for a full grown man over 25, to be attracted to girls that young. Link to post Share on other sites
Paragon Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Paragon, it is creepy for a full grown man over 25, to be attracted to girls that young. Is attraction a choice? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Is attraction a choice?Ask a pedophile... Link to post Share on other sites
Paragon Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Ask a pedophile... Please answer my question and use your logik instead of your emotional reaction and social judgment mechanism. Is attraction a choice? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Please answer my question and use your logik instead of your emotional reaction and social judgment mechanism. Is attraction a choice?We have a choice to pander to unhealthy attraction or not. You cannot remove the component of ethics, from attraction. If someone is attracted to young girls, when he's a full-grown man, it's time to figure out what's miswired and fix it, instead of enabling the behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Please answer my question and use your logik instead of your emotional reaction and social judgment mechanism. Is attraction a choice? Attraction is certainly not a choice. But it is a determination of the "freudian" unconscious self. Pedophiles who are attracted to children (and I don't mean teens I mean children) will also say that their attraction is something they naturally possess and it is not a choice. But it is still illegal to have child pornography. As Trialbyfire said, just because an emotion or attraction is beyond a person's control, does not mean that their actions should be beyond the limitations of ethics. Link to post Share on other sites
Paragon Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 We have a choice to pander to unhealthy attraction or not. You cannot remove the component of ethics, from attraction. If someone is attracted to young girls, when he's a full-grown man, it's time to figure out what's miswired and fix it, instead of enabling the behaviour. Whoa now--you're going to play Mister Moral and arbitrarily insert ETHICS into attraction? Where do these ethics come from, by whose authority, is age the only ethics area we should be concerned with? Or are there other areas too that are UNETHICAL to be attracted to? Next, please, tell me, what's the age difference where this becomes "unethical"? And how do you propose you become UNATTRACTED to something? This answer should be good since it's going to be the same principle by which you get someone who loves vanilla ice cream to NOT like french vanilla ice cream, yet still like vanilla bean Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Here's an example of behaviour that's unacceptable. A man gets off on jamming skittles up his nose enough to cause bleeding. Should his mate just accept this behaviour and not be concerned? After all, it's just a behaviour he can't control, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Paragon Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Attraction is certainly not a choice. But it is a determination of the "freudian" unconscious self. Pedophiles who are attracted to children (and I don't mean teens I mean children) will also say that their attraction is something they naturally possess and it is not a choice. But it is still illegal to have child pornography. As Trialbyfire said, just because an emotion or attraction is beyond a person's control, does not mean that their actions should be beyond the limitations of ethics. We have a winner! You are correct, and I'm glad you separated the two. One cannot control his attraction, but he CAN control his actions about them. A pedophile can't control his attraction, but he can control his actions THAT'S the key difference. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 We have a winner! You are correct, and I'm glad you separated the two. One cannot control his attraction, but he CAN control his actions about them. A pedophile can't control his attraction, but he can control his actions THAT'S the key difference. Okay...and looking at pictures of naked under-agers...is an action that her boyfriend should control. That is my point. Link to post Share on other sites
Paragon Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Here's an example of behaviour that's unacceptable. A man gets off on jamming skittles up his nose enough to cause bleeding. Should his mate just accept this behaviour and not be concerned? After all, it's just a behaviour he can't control, isn't it? Your injecting BEHAVIOR into the situation, and not only that, but you're injecting a behavior that causes SELF HARM. Where are the similar components? I assume you are trying to compare the principles behind the two situations, yet you are using faulty logik. And please see my previous post addressing your previous comments because you have not responded to them yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Paragon Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Okay...and looking at pictures of naked under-agers...is an action that her boyfriend should control. That is my point. What about that particular action makes it one he should control Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Your injecting BEHAVIOR into the situation, and not only that, but you're injecting a behavior that causes SELF HARM. Where are the similar components? I assume you are trying to compare the principles behind the two situations, yet you are using faulty logik. And please see my previous post addressing your previous comments because you have not responded to them yet.Underage pornography is illegal. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 What about that particular action makes it one he should control Well...we just agreed that pedophiles should resist their attraction to look at naked children, not only because it is sick, but because it is illegal. The particular action he wants to partake in is illegal. Link to post Share on other sites
Paragon Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Underage pornography is illegal. Why are you not answering my questions? I keep asking you important questions which you are choosing not to answer here. Your response has nothing to do with my post. First you tried to say it was creepy, then you tried to compare a self harming behavior with this, now you're saying underage pornography is illegal. You keep side stepping these questions. Link to post Share on other sites
Paragon Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Well...we just agreed that pedophiles should resist their attraction to look at naked children, not only because it is sick, but because it is illegal. The particular action he wants to partake in is illegal. That's all well and fine, but there wasn't any mention of UNDERAGE pornography. There as mention of OP saying she thought the girls SEEMED young....Where's the illegality in this case? Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 That's all well and fine, but there wasn't any mention of UNDERAGE pornography. There as mention of OP saying she thought the girls SEEMED young....Where's the illegality in this case? Miley Cyrus is 16 years old. That is underage. She also said "girls from the disney channel", and there are very few, if any, on the Disney channel, who are of legal age. Link to post Share on other sites
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