BF interested in Young girls?????

[clv0116]

A guy who is 18 is only one year older than a girl who is underage. The preferences of late adolescent men don't really tell us much because those same preferences may not apply to older men.

 

Well since the sampled group is about the same age as the OP's fella, I guess it's perfect for this discussion.

[shadowplay]

Well since the sampled group is about the same age as the OP's fella, I guess it's perfect for this discussion.

 

According to the OP, her bf is just shy of 30. That's a ten year difference between his age and the presumed age of the participants in this study.

 

I'd like to see a study that included men of all ages and measured the median age they find most physically attractive.

[JackJack]

I wonder how the OP is doing, and hopefully at some point will come back and let us know how things are going. Surely she has had much to read here on the topic.

[clv0116]

According to the OP, her bf is just shy of 30. That's a ten year difference between his age and the presumed age of the participants in this study.

 

Still, I don't find it odd that he is attracted to young but matured girls. If he's really not attracted to pretty women in their early 20s as well than that would be odd. Who knows, maybe the OP has packed on 20 pounds and he's just fantasizing about the way things used to be.

[Paragon]

Aren't you the law-abiding citizen. So you won't pm me an excerpt on how the research was conducted, or at least a couple of paragraphs so I know you've actually read the thing? I applaud your principles! The truth is you don't have access to the journal either and we both know it. Stop bull****ting me. It's completely transparent.

 

Really? Wow. Hmmm...Uhm, I just want to ask, WHEN I do provide proof 'enough' for you, what're you going to say then? Are you going to say how wrong you were, how quickly and rashly you JUMPED to conclusions without knowing the whole story? I want to hear what you will say when (not if, but when) I give you proof enough, because I have access to THAT study and whole lot goddamn more

 

Ok. So here's the question I asked you:

"What about men who are much older, such as 20+?...AT WHAT AGE DOES THE AGE DIFFERENCE BECOME UNHEALTHY?"

 

Here's what you responded with, directly after you quoted me:

 

The problem is without reading more detail on the study, we have no way of knowing the median age of the participants, which is an important factor. It might be 20, it might be younger. At many universities participants come directly from psych 100 classes because students in these classes are required to participate in several studies for credit. Most psych 100 students are underclassmen, 18-19. But this is all just guessing. I can't really know without seeing the study, can I?

 

If we assume the median age is 20 considering university students generally range from 18 to 22, then I don't find it surprising that they would be most attracted to girls 16-18 since that's close to their own age.

 

Now how does this "prove" your generalization that most adult men (of all ages) are most sexually attracted to teenagers?

 

Do you see now you did not even remotely answer my question? Not only that, but how you TRIED to shift the discussion in a different direction by throwing in a red-herring? Why are you so afraid of answering my questions, Shadowplay? Or, it's not that your afraid, but maybe that you're just not ABLE to? Hmmm...

 

It's simple, I asked you THIS question: "What about men who are much older, such as 20+?...AT WHAT AGE DOES THE AGE DIFFERENCE BECOME UNHEALTHY?"

 

Are you capable of answering it?

 

The other studies you referenced find that men are attracted to younger women, but they don't measure a median age that men are most attracted to. So how exactly do they support your argument?

 

If ya read the ENTIRE thread, you'd know, just like you asked me why I picked Miley Cyrus. Obviously, you didn't read.

 

Nope. I never said that being attracted to somebody younger implies psychological problems. I was more specific than that. I said that a full grown man, like the OP's bf, who finds underage women most attractive has a screw or two loose.

 

Right, that's what you said. Do you have the authority to make such a diagnoses or does it make you feel important and clever, labeling people you don't know as abnormal and 'having a screw or two loose'? Do you realize you're insulting a man she's been in love with for six years, or doesn't that matter to you? Do you have ANy credible evidence or psychological literature, or hell even a backing of a real psychologist to back up your THOUGHTS? Why do you judge what you cearly don't understand?

 

This is different from a 35 year old man preferring women in their early twenties because women of that age are fully developed. It's also different from a 35 year old guy acknowledging the attractiveness of a mature looking sixteen year old girl. We're talking about adult men who actually prefer underage girls, girls who look underage.

 

Uhm, actually--it was never stated that the OP's bf PREFERRED underage girls. It was stated that he was googling them, and all of you know-it-alls screamed out how big of a pedophile and criminal he was.

 

That's not normal, and you have yet to provide me with any evidence to prove otherwise.

 

No, you just didn't LIKE the evidence so far. See, at first you said I was wrong. Then I gave the evidence, then you said you didn't believe it because you didn't know if it was CREDIBLE or not. Now, when I actually prove its credibility, I wonder how you'll change your argument then?

 

If my preferences had anything to do with this......

 

...you'd argue that it's healthy for men to be attracted to women their own age and UNHEALTHY to be attracted to women who AREN'T their age, which is what WOMEN ARE actually attracted to--men their own age! Hence, YOUR preferences. And, THAT, Shadowplay, is why you're doing the EXACT thing I said you were

 

Most people can make distinctions between their own preferences and what others like, something you clearly cannot do.

 

LOL! What does this even mean? What, please tell me, the hell are you referring to with THIS wacky statement? Where did i EVER talk about my own preferences?

Edited October 5, 2009 by Paragon

[blair08]

This guy that is around 25 and lives unfortunately about 2 miles from me. Was just arrested a few months ago, and now is a registared sex offender. He was turned in for messing with a 16 year old girl. When his computer was confiscated, I'm not sure how much "underage porn" he had if any, but I did find out what he was looking at was mostly girls who did in fact look young. Young teen porn kind of stuff. Now like I said wheather he was truly looking at underage porn I do not know. But mostly young" looking girls" is what I do know. Anyway, to the OP let us know whas going on.

[hotleggs]

par you are as sick as your bf you stupid woman , why are you still with him ?

 

and your sitting on here milking it !!, wierdo !!

[angie2443]

par you are as sick as your bf you stupid woman , why are you still with him ?

 

and your sitting on here milking it !!, wierdo !!

 

Par=Paragon? I thought this was a man. Am I missing something?

[AAlike]

i'm just going to give my opinion, for whats its worth.

 

So much talking on this thread about whether stuff is illegal, immoral, creepy etc. I see things a bit simpler

 

Heres the way I see it

 

1) For whatever reason, whether its wrong or right, the poster has a problem with her BFs behaviour.

2) the poster and her BF already have some relationship issues.

3) her BF is secretive, controlling and has been diagnosed bi-polar.

 

Now, i'm not saying that anyone with a mental condition shouldn't be allowed to have a relationship with anyone, but living with a bi-polar person can be very difficult to live with, plus it allows them excuses for some actions that ordinarily would not be excused.

 

To be blunt your bloke sounds like a bit of a knob. thats got nothing to do with the porn, thats just the general vibe i get.

Dont accept behaviour you find upsetting or hurtfull.

Relationships, although difficult at times, should not make us fear saying what we think to our partners. that is a basic right and if you are afraid of saying how you feel because of reprocussions, then he is dominating the emotional side of your relationship and that can lead down a bad road.

 

Consider that men often do not change much after becoming adults. Consider if you will be happy to stay, always being suspicious and looking through his history/mail etc.

 

This is the best post written on here.

 

all of the other "advice" has, as per usual, become like all the porn threads on here that degenerate into women trying to speak from the perspective of understanding male sexuality. saying things like "a good man wouldn't be attracted to this or that" makes no sense. Jersey and company can continue to declare war on hormones - and honestly I feel bad for them, it's got to be the most futile thing in the world. It'd be like me declaring war on menstruation.

 

Of course I agree that an adult male pursuing a real-life sexual relationship with a teenager is a deplorable act.

 

but I don't think that looking up Miley Cyrus, a public figure, or Episode I-era Natalie Portman, or whatever other jailbait-du-jour is all over your TV these days is even close to the same thing as trying to actually have sex with a teenager. The reason that child porn and statuatory rape are illegal has to do with the woman being mature enough to consent to such acts than it is to "condemn" the attraction.

 

As paragon said, it's ridiculous to define this fine line at which it becomes "legal" for a man to enjoy a VISUAL IMAGE ONLY of a woman. I mean, imagine this exchange:

 

"man I just saw Star Wars Episode II - that Natalie Portman was hot!"

"oh yeah, she looked good in Phantom Menace too!"

"wait - phantom menace...that came out in '99 - SHE WAS ONLY 17 THEN!! YOU PERVERT!! CALL THE POLICE!!"

 

or what if I saw a pic of Miley Cyrus without knowing who she was?? with the amount of makeup sandblasted onto her and her wearing some inane cocktail dress it'd be pretty easy to mistake her for say, 19 or 20, right? if I saw said picture and thought "hey, she's cute" and then you told me she was 16, am I a pervert if she is not all of a sudden "vile" in my head?

[Jersey Shortie]

 

Hmm, I haven't even been the most dominate poster on this thread. Interesting that you place the blame about how the thread has or hasn't gone squarely on the shoulder's of women. When it's been dominately two male posters who have turned this post into their own personal agenda to defend attraction to young girls.

 

This isn't about some silly notion of war on anything. And I feel bad for *you*, if that's all you see it as. That's your own personal defense mechinism.

 

There have been several men here that have explained their perspective in regards to their attraction level, or more honestly, lack of attraction to underaged girls. The difference here is that they are not the most verbal when compared to a few other posters.

 

All in all, it's a good way for women to see which men have what perspective and too pick the best mates that best correspond with the men they feel have the ability to provide the lifestyle they wish to have with a man and the values they wish for a man to have. Given the choice, most women are going to identify a healthy minded male with one that doesn't have a desire to bed underaged girls. Women want their men to grow with them as time goes on, they don't want to have to worry about having to protect children from their own boyfriends and husbands. Whether you like it or not, most women would probably loose a certain level of respect for a man upon learning if he had a real attraction to underage girls. Women want to be able to respect their man. The best thing for women to do is find a man that will consider women and girls people who need protection more then explotation. To pick the type of man that will grow and evolve with life and with her. Not men that will use an excuse to exploit girls or women and then defend their thoughts and actions on these underaged girls themselves. We have a real dirth in lack of masculinity in this society. And no, it's not women's fault. It's alot of guys out there that rather defend childish behavior then protect the women on Earth they were put here to protect.

 

There are alot of young girls and women that are sold into the sex industry. Even some boys. But men aren't sold into the sex industry. Why is that? Women and girls and young boys are because we are more vunerable and clearly more easily exploited. Women feel the weight of this everyday. If we have more men who rather be exploitive of women/girls no matter their age, then we have truly lost something sad in society.

[clv0116]

There are alot of young girls and women that are sold into the sex industry. .... But men aren't sold into the sex industry. Why is that?

 

Because by and large woman have never paid for sex. They sell or trade it to get other things they want. How is that on topic?

 

 

Fact is, it's normal to find women of reproductive age attractive. All of them. End of story.

[shadowplay]

 

 

Fact is, it's normal to find women of reproductive age attractive. All of them. End of story.

 

This comes back to the same distinction. I don't disagree with you on that point. My initial comment wasn't directed at men who find a range of women attractive, but those who have a fetish for underage girls (14-16).

[clv0116]

... but those who have a fetish for underage girls (14-16).

 

I would find it odd for a man to find healthy and otherwise attractive women in say, their 20s, unattractive. That would be odd, but it's also rare and I don't think it applies to the OP. Her fella is still with her after all.

 

Also, it's not clear whether she's 'changed' during their 6 year relationship, but I wonder if maybe she's packed on a few kilos or something. It might be easy for a guy who's watched his 18 year old sweetie swell into a mid-20 something who's not so slim and cute anymore to perhaps relate the two, whether it's correct or not.

[burning 4 revenge]

Fact is, it's normal to find women of reproductive age attractive. All of them. End of story.

I disagree

 

Just like my point about movies in another thread theres a strong subjective element to anything involving personal taste

 

Context changes everything including attraction as attraction is highly psychological

 

If you are viewing teenage girls as sex objects as a middle aged man then theres something stunted in your psyche that isnt recognizing context

[clv0116]

I disagree

 

OK, go ahead, but tons of experimental marketing and a lot of studies say you're wrong and I'm right.

[burning 4 revenge]

OK, go ahead, but tons of experimental marketing and a lot of studies say you're wrong and I'm right.

do you have any daughters or any siblings that are female?

 

im not trying to attack you, its an honest question as i think it may have an effect on how men look at women

[clv0116]

do you have any daughters or any siblings that are female?

 

Yes, I have sister(s), we had a pretty normal sibling relationship, nothing Tennessean or anything.

 

I'm not sure how my having a sister would influence numerous studies etc, but maybe the world really IS all about me.

[shadowplay]

OK, go ahead, but tons of experimental marketing and a lot of studies say you're wrong and I'm right.

 

I haven't seen any evidence that suggests most adult men are naturally attracted to underage girls. The study Paragon cited used college-aged participants. Can you point to any research on men of different ages that finds similar results?

[Jersey Shortie]

Because by and large woman have never paid for sex. They sell or trade it to get other things they want. How is that on topic?

 

Yeah, you're right, women or girls that get forced into the sex industry are just doing it to seel and trade for the things they want. You really have very little true compassion for women as a whole don't you. And the only reason it's them in the industry instead of grown men is because women don't pay for sex. WRONG! It's because women and girls are more easily exploited and because some men today rather exploit women or girls then protect them.

 

Fact is, it's normal to find women of reproductive age attractive. All of them. End of story.

 

 

Hmm, but it's not "end of story". You largly want to ignore "biological imperitives" that don't support your personal theory. For one thing, your argument dictates that 9 year olds with their periods are attractive to men because they are infact of a reproductive age.

[shadowplay]

Yeah, you're right, women or girls that get forced into the sex industry are just doing it to seel and trade for the things they want. You really have very little true compassion for women as a whole don't you. And the only reason it's them in the industry instead of grown men is because women don't pay for sex. WRONG! It's because women and girls are more easily exploited and because some men today rather exploit women or girls then protect them.

 

 

 

 

Hmm, but it's not "end of story". You largly want to ignore "biological imperitives" that don't support your personal theory. For one thing, your argument dictates that 9 year olds with their periods are attractive to men because they are infact of a reproductive age.

 

I agree; it's irrational to reduce something as complex as the evolution of sexual attraction to one or two simple principles in order to further an argument.

[shadowplay]

Yeah, you're right, women or girls that get forced into the sex industry are just doing it to seel and trade for the things they want. You really have very little true compassion for women as a whole don't you. And the only reason it's them in the industry instead of grown men is because women don't pay for sex. WRONG! It's because women and girls are more easily exploited and because some men today rather exploit women or girls then protect them.

 

 

 

 

Hmm, but it's not "end of story". You largly want to ignore "biological imperitives" that don't support your personal theory. For one thing, your argument dictates that 9 year olds with their periods are attractive to men because they are infact of a reproductive age.

 

Another hole in their theory:

 

They argue that men are most attracted to underage women because an underage woman will have more reproductive years ahead of her to bear kids. But this rests on the assumption that the guy stays interested enough to stick around for those years. If he's most attracted to underage women, he probably won't hang around once the woman gets older, even if she's still in her reproductive years.

[burning 4 revenge]

Another hole in their theory:

 

They argue that men are most attracted to underage women because an underage woman will have more reproductive years ahead of her to bear kids. But this rests on the assumption that the guy stays interested enough to stick around for those years. If he's most attracted to underage women, he probably won't hang around once the woman gets older, even if she's still in her reproductive years.

I know because of your family history from things youve posted before this whole issue concerns and disturbs you, but it really doesnt reflect how men with any kind of depth or realism approach life and relationships

 

Id hate to think youd get more depressed because of a few comments on the internet that affirm some of your perceptions born out of the darker experiences in your life

 

It really is a much bigger world than that

[Paragon]

@ Shadowplay and Jersey: Shadow, the 'hole' in our theory you pointed out isn't a hole. See, you THINK it's a whole because you don't understand the theory. Just like Jersey who says this theory touts that men MUST then be attracted to 9 year olds who are menstruating. See, she doesn't get it--menstruation isn't enough for attraction. I'm not sure Jersey, why in god's name your mind is having such a hard time understanding this? You really must not think. And shadow, before you point out 'holes' in a theory, learn to understand it first.

 

And Shadow, you mentioned your issue was with men who had a FETISH with underage girls. Please, do yourself a favor and look up fetish in terms of PSYCHOLOGY. Ask a licensed sexual psychologist about fetishes and see how he destorys your interpretation of the word, because it means NOTHING like you think it does. Then you'll see how your statement about fetishes was nonsensical.

 

And finally, ya know I didn't want to go here--but to hell with it, I will. SOme of the female posters have rambled ON and ON and ON about how UNHEALTHY and CREEPY and ILLEGAL his behavior was. But the facts remain: he did NOTHING illegal, you can't nor won't answer my question of WHAT age difference denotes UNHEALTHY, and you can't explain WHY (other than using an impulsive emotional judgment as REASON, which is a logical contradiction in and of itself) his behavior is creepy. And I come along and CALL YOU OUT on these questions and NONE OF YOU--NO ONE--has answered my questions.

 

And do you know what the WORST PART is? It's mostly the WOMEN POSTERS who ignore these things, and their FAILURE to stay on topic and give EVIDENCE and RATIONAL and INTELLIGENT EXPLANATIONS for their belefs is why we're still having this discussion in the first place. It hearkens back to the OP, when I told her--asking these questions will NOT address your problem, here's what will, and I told her. She at least had the HONESTY to say she wasn't ready and didn't WANT to address the deeper issues causing her problems in the first place. But you, posters like Jersey and Shadowplay, have IGNORED the deeper issues and questions i've put to you and won't even address them.

 

See.. what happens when you actually try to address these questions is it corrals the disucssion back to the FOUNDATION of where it all starts from, and i'm questioning your foundational beliefs and asking you to back them up--but you WON'T, and it's because you CAN'T! I HATE, absolutely HATE when men use stereotypes to talk about and describe women, but let me tell you--there are a few women posters in this thread who are doing a GREAT job at playing into those stereotypes simply by choosing to RUN AWAY from the MOST important questions in this thread. Why would you want to act such ways that say you are incapable of having logical arguments, staying on topic, and debating intelligently?

 

And let me end on this note: I PERSONALLY DO BELIEVE that women are just as intelligent and capable as men are to have such discussions and explain and use their reason and logik to have debates such as these. And THAT is why i'm asking you to ANSWER the DOZENS of questions i've posed to you earlier in the thread. This way, maybe the discussion will actually start to go somewhere.....

[clv0116]

Can you point to any research on men of different ages that finds similar results?

 

There are a ton of easily mined marriage stats that show the age differential between a man and his wife increases (on average) with age, with the wife being (on average) younger.

 

As an engineer the scholarly articles *I* have access too are not gonna help much, but I've seen a lot of abstracts. Google and you can find them too.

[AAlike]

And finally, ya know I didn't want to go here--but to hell with it, I will. SOme of the female posters have rambled ON and ON and ON about how UNHEALTHY and CREEPY and ILLEGAL his behavior was. But the facts remain: he did NOTHING illegal, you can't nor won't answer my question of WHAT age difference denotes UNHEALTHY, and you can't explain WHY (other than using an impulsive emotional judgment as REASON, which is a logical contradiction in and of itself) his behavior is creepy. And I come along and CALL YOU OUT on these questions and NONE OF YOU--NO ONE--has answered my questions.

 

And this surprises you?

 

there are people that understand things like facts and rational arguments.

 

and there are people who only see the world in a way skewed by the enormous, gender-based chips that they have on their shoulders.

 

you are attempting to make the latter become the former.

 

paragon, I think that you have a lot of good stuff to say, however, no one here is going to comprehend your points. their reactions have nothing to do with the OP, nor anything other than their own personal experiences.

 

jersey - what will it take to get you to answer even one question? If I respond to every post you make in every thread with the same question would you possibly consider it? just for kicks even?

 

I will be the first one to come out and say that a 20-something dating or sleeping with a teenager is completely wrong. hell, a friend of mine is 31 and dating a 22-year old and it made me lose respect for him. and i've never understood the attraction to young-looking girls...but where exactly is the harm in someone looking at Miley Cyrus, WHO HAS MULTIPLE HANDLERS THAT ARE PAID TO MAKE HER LOOK SEXY AND OLDER, and thinking "hey, I wonder what she looks like naked?" I just can't even imagine crusading over something so ridiculous!!