KitWalker Posted November 24, 2003 Share Posted November 24, 2003 OK, i rang her today and she sounded pretty tired. Apparently she's still either jet lagged or sick as she's been vomiting and feeling very tired. We talked for about 10mins about her trip and whats been happening in her life, I asked if we could meet up sometime she said yeah, maybe next week! The talk wasnt a very good guage as like I said, she wasnt feeling very well. But planning to give her another call next week to see if we can organise something! There might be a chance that she's not going to go away next year in Feb for a year if she gets a job offer prior!!! Fingers crossed! Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted November 28, 2003 Share Posted November 28, 2003 Kit, that's great. Be cool when you talk. Maybe she is rethinking things? Mine has just broken it off with her fling (90 day wonder). But looks like she is still shopping around, in a single phase. Not much hope here right now and frankly I'm starting to wonder if it's worth another 3 months of this. I still feel the same, want her back, but it is getting easier to deal with it. It will take time to regain what we had at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
wakeboard_28 Posted November 28, 2003 Share Posted November 28, 2003 Everyday that goes bye makes things easier. The only question you should be asking is to yourself and that is if it is worth taking a chance of being hurt again. If she does come back to you nothing could stop her from doing it again. You my friend would feel happy if things worked out, but if she leaves you after a short time she would feel like she could comeback to you every time something doesn't work out for her. This only my opinion and doesn't mean that it will happen this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitWalker Posted November 29, 2003 Author Share Posted November 29, 2003 Guys thanks for your posts!!!! Wakeboard, i have thought about that, but at the same time, i have thought that if she has decided to come back, that she has decided to give me another chance, I am not going to go back into the relationship blindly! i will want to know the reason why she has decided to give me another chance, also what she expects out of the relationship if we do get back together! Liek they say, it takes two to tango!! An update so far......since the call on the Monday, I SMS (phone text) on the Wednesday to see how she was and she replied!!!!!!!!! now to some of you thats nothing big, but previously when I texted i never got a reply!!! Anyway we went back and forth for a few minutes, just talking about how she is feeling and its not too good with having an upset stomach and always puking after eating! Not good at all.... SMS'd her again on the Friday to say "Brian Mcknight has a concert in Phillipines did she want to go? :)" in a joking manner...she replied again!! I decided to ring her after she text me and we chatted for a while with her Uni studies and how shes been feeling with her health etc. Anyway, after the phone call I read up on the dreaded "bali belly" on the net, even though she was in Thailand. Got some advice that drinking red rasberry JUICE (not cordial) helped! I sent her an SMS to that affect, also to advise that chamomille tea soothes the tummy too! She replied that she would try to get out and get some depending how she felt. So today (Saturday) I went to the shop bought an empty basket and filled it with some of her favourite things as well as some rasberry juice and chamomille tea! I added in a few crossword books (she loves doing them) some body cream that makes her feel soft and smells good and some barley sugar lollies as well as 3 ferrero rochere chocolates for when she finally feels better! I wrapped it all up in some clear cellophane and went around to her place. I knocked on the door and she seemed surprised to see me! She also had a big smile when she saaw the "get well box" I had made up! Didnt say much, just told her that the 'ginger tablets' were natural and to help her queasy stomach! I smiled and did think about giving her a big hug, but decided against it! I left the house and after a few hours when I was at home i got a txt from her to say the following: "Thanks so much for that! I miss your TLC...nearly made me cry! Thank you! Xxxx" God, you have no idea how happy and how good I felt after i received this!!! I wrote back immediately to say that I missed giving her all the TLC that she deserved.... Any suggestions now guys/gals to whats the next step? I mean this is the first time since 30th Sept that we've been 'communicating' so to speak.........is it looking good for me???? Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted November 29, 2003 Share Posted November 29, 2003 LOOKING GOOD *two thumbs up* Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted November 29, 2003 Share Posted November 29, 2003 Looking great! Perfect. Don't push her. You are doing great, now don't screw it up Hope is right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitWalker Posted November 30, 2003 Author Share Posted November 30, 2003 OK Lost's.....so whats not pushing it? Should I leave her alone now? Whats my next step? I so badly just want to ring her and say lets get together!!! Dont know whats going through her head right now...so kinda scared at what to do next in case I do "stuff it up"!! Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted November 30, 2003 Share Posted November 30, 2003 Damned if I know I wouldn't leave her alone, just don't come on too strong. Let her progress at her own rate. It seems like you are handling things fine so far. Just don't try to rush her at all. (I think) Let her call back. But, you've got me wondering if no contact is best now. But I've been told to give it some time by friends, so I am trying to do what I think she needs right now. Over a month of no contact, and over 3 since the breakup. It's very difficult to play no contact and still want to reconcile things. I miss her terribly. But I already came on too hard I think, just by trying to get her to go to lunch or explain why she wouldn't. And she was the one pushing the constant contact for the first two months. I don't understand women who refuse to talk. Still wondering if I am being a fool and if all of this is worth it. Too many people telling me to move on, forget about it, she's not worth it, she's going to be screwed up for up to 2 years, etc. They are making me doubt myself, but the heart wants what the heart wants. At least yours is talking to you. You're doing better than me, so you should take my advice with a grain of salt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitWalker Posted December 1, 2003 Author Share Posted December 1, 2003 LOST, i know where you're coming from mate, i appreciate all the advice you're giving! Look, I had people say leave her alone, no contact etc....but in my case, she was ill and I made up that "get well pack" to give to her. Now if I decided that i would stick to the "no contact" at all, then I guess I would never have given her that pack? If that was the case, I would not have known that she missed my TLC and received XXXX's in her SMS to me either? Something I hadnt' received in over 2months!!! Yesterday evening I sent her an sms to ask how she was feeling and if she wanted to come around to watch some DVD's, she replied and said she had to go visit relatives who are visiting at the moment but that she'll be in the city here next week (this week!) and if we could go for coffee then? I think it is good that you give her space and time apart, i think that if you do get back in contact, leave it simple, not too forward and not too heavy! You'll scare her off....this is just from what I am learning. I am no way in a position (yet!) to say this has worked and im back with my ex, but only time will tell! I will say that I am in a lot better position than i was about 2months ago where she wouldnt answer any of my SMS's or my emails etc..... Keep ur fingers crossed for me people!!!! ANother thing I have learnt....you HAVE to keep positive. There are a lot of people out there who are pretty pesimistic. They say that "its the end, forget about her" etc.....its YOU who knows if its worth chasing or worth giving up on! If you believe in yourself that she/he is the right person for you, then keep on believing that! Keep believing it and keep fighting for it your own way or by getting advice from here! Thats just my 2c worth! Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 Thanks Kit. I'm toying with the idea of another care package. She's never complained about them. And she keeps it all. But right now I'm sticking to the idea that she may decide that she wants to try again after having some space to explore herself. She was married for a long time and needs to explore being single. I just hope it won't be too long . As far as positive thinking goes, you have to be a positive thinker to hang in there for this long, so I've got that going for me. But you are right, most people just say throw it away and find someone else. I understand the logic, but if a relationship isn't worth saving, what's the point of starting it to begin with? Just people using people who use people? Thanks for the insight, the hope and the pep talk. And good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitWalker Posted December 1, 2003 Author Share Posted December 1, 2003 LOST you seem like things are going in the 'right' direction for you and its about time! You seem like a top guy and I think that the time away from ur ex has made you think about a lot of things and realise a few? I know that I bloody well have! You know what you're doing, you've got it mapped out and your mentality and thinking is strong and positive which is good too! What girl isn't attracted to someone 'strong'? I'll keep my fingers crossed and keep praying for the both of us mate! Who knows, one day when we all get back together, we might find all the unanswered questions that only our partners can help answer and therefore help others on here?? Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 Yes the time away has made me reflect alot. I really had no idea how strong my feelings were for her. I knew I loved her, but not like this. I was a wreck for the first month of the breakup and while it has gotten easier to deal with, my feelings are still the same. My thinking is constantly being questioned by those around me, but it's been three months now and I still miss her and want her back. I have nothing but hope for the moment and the good wishes of a few friends. Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 kit - I would agree with lost in that you should not come on too strong now. You should take things slow, talk/msg her every couple of days, don't throw too much at her, or she will feel overwhelmed. I say this from experience, having been on your ex's side of things. My ex came on way too strong, didn't give me any space at all, but had he dealt with things the way that you are now, I would have appreciated it a lot more. I didn't get back with him, needless to say, and I don't think I would have gotten back together with him even if he did back off more, the way you are doing right now. However, I'm not sure what your reason for the break up was in this case, but in mine, I had fallen out of love with the guy, but still wanted to be friends with him. Unfortunately it has been 8 months and he is only now starting to get over me.. Lost - I know how you feel about people telling you to move on, but you not wanting to. I feel that way now..(even though my situation is pathetic - dated the guy for 1.5 months! - my story is in dating section)..but if you have honestly taken a look at your relationship with this girl objectively, from her point of view, yours, and KNOW that it is worth holding onto, then I think you should hold on. best of luck to the both of you.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitWalker Posted December 2, 2003 Author Share Posted December 2, 2003 WOW thanks Sarah! Great to know that there is someone out there from the "other" side that can maybe help with some of our questions??? After getting that SMS to say that she missed me giving her TLC etc....I was planning on turning up on Thursday with some DVD's, foot salts, baby oil and pamper her for a bit? She LOVES getting foot massages and I thought this might be a good way to spend some time with her..... Am I pushing it or do you think that she would appreciate it just like me turning up with the "Get well" pack that she appreciated???? Its been (so far) 3 days since I went to drop off that pack! Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 You have some great ideas - so many women would love a guy like you. I think it would be too much too soon to give her something else. I think for now..having given her the one TLC pack, you now need to just back off and see how she reacts..so far things are definitely looking good..I mean, I would keep contacting her but maybe just every couple of days..once every 3 days would be good for me..any more than that personally would be too much...but everyone is different. I suspect that she wants to go for coffee to talk, and really see how you are doing. You have to show that you can live your life fine, but it is nice to have her in it..don't come on too strong, don't be starring at her all night long, make her smile, make her laugh, don't take her for granted, treat her well, but at the same time, don't come on too strong. I know, it is a lot to remember to do, but these are the things that she will be paying attention to. I guess from the above, really you just have to relax, and enjoy the time you're spending with her. Don't have any expectations AT ALL except that you will have a nice time together. If you have any expectations, she will probably be able to sniff it if she is perceptive and if she knows you very well..I know that I have more instinct than most people so I can sense these things well. Also, (I don't want to be pessimistic, just trying to not get your hopes up), but there are some girls who are just really friendly..from the sounds of it, your ex seems like she genuinely is interested in how you are doing and may possibly want to get back together since she seems happy about everything you've done for her..but there are some girls that are just really friendly with everyone (but I'm sure you'd know this about her if this was the case, since you should know her well!) Anyways..those are my two cents for now.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitWalker Posted December 2, 2003 Author Share Posted December 2, 2003 no, i can understand about the expectations. But you see, so many have said to leave her alone, to break off all contact and let her come back if she wants it. If that was the case, I wouldnt have gone to give her that TLC pack and I wouldnt have known that she misses my TLC AND got "XXX" at the end of the SMS would i? Which means, how do I know that if I just leave her be...that maybe she will just move on without me? Going around to just "pamper" her for a change rather than run after everyone (her family) and try to make her feel good as she's feeling sick by going around, you think is a no no? Better for me to wait for her to call for that coffee date? It will be Wednesday tomorrow and she said she'll call if she's feeling better to have coffee! Maybe she's not feeling better??? Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 Kit, but what if she was just being thankful for the kindness and isn't ready to jump back in with you. She might still be thinking about it. When you try again, she might perceive it as you pushing her. You have to let her make that decision instead of trying to help her make it. Just be sure you aren't projecting what you want onto her. Ultimately you have to decide which way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitWalker Posted December 2, 2003 Author Share Posted December 2, 2003 LOST.........yes I can see your point, i would hate to squash everything that has progressed so far. But I guess what Im trying to say is that deciding whether to just turn up on the Thursday and just pamper her by doing little things (eg cooking a meal, making a drink, watching a DVD with her) OR not doing anything at all and just sitting back and waiting for her call? The progress that I have made so far, is I guess only from my end instigating it? I still havent received a call or SMS from her just out of the blue? Is that saying something to me or is it that she needs more time? She replies if I send her an SMS first???? My poor head.......just sooooooooo confusing..... Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 KIT...... honestly dood for the love of god.. leave her alone.. if shes wanting to talk to you she knows how to........ you cant make someone change thier mind.. especially if you keep instigating like you said..... Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 Don't I know it. Is she playing games with you you think? If she is, playing along is a good thing. You know, I'm just tossing out thoughts, I have no idea. I am so tempted to break radio silence on my situation by all of this. I do know that I tend to talk myself into reasons why contact would be good. But I am sticking with my no contact policy so far. So you aren't the only one who's confused. Link to post Share on other sites
MoneySells Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 Hey you know you reminded me what i was doing with my ex. I didn't talk to her for a few days, this was when i was still living at our house. I got tons of roses, candles, love notes spread all over the house leading down the hall to the bedroom. It was like a movie it was so romantic. I never done anything that big of a statement to her. I was in the living room, she came home was like .. HEY where you at. she followed the rose petals down the hall to the bedroom, which was totally lite by tons of candles, rose petals all over, roses, and love notes saying how i love her in all these ways. MAN was that a hit. She cried, said sorry, said she loves me, had great sex. Talk about things. then it got back to I need to figure things out, and if i did this all the time, she would of never strayed away. I even told her bought a ring, and she wanted to see how it fit. BUT i never did. She's seen it afterwords when i was moving out, and she cried and said it was soo pretty and big. She even tried it on, and it fit perfect, OH what a awesome feeling that was. Well a few days afterwords, I was dumb and didn't pull back again, i just kept trying hard to win her back. I guess that pushed her away some. I knew from that nite. she loved me still. And all i had to do, was to keep my distance and things will happen. BUT i am a guy, and i was stupid. I would give it a few days, msg her and say hey whats up. and it would be all good, but then i'd called every day. BACK on that cycle again. lol Dude its hard and you are doing great. I always say i'm going to try it, but damn it.. love sucks and makes you blind sometimes. I wish you the best luck. man Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 OK, I emailed her. Just to tell her what I was up to and say I hope she is well. I didn't make any requests and I didn't ask her to respond (and don't really expect her to), but I just needed to update her on things and keep the lines of communication open. She's going to do what she is going to do. Hopefully she will reconsider things after she realizes what a catch I am. (that's what people are telling me anyway) I don't know if she even reads my emails. You know what, I needed to email her, it was bothering me, but it doesn't help. And I just think that though time and space are good and "no contact" is probably the best policy, I'm involved in this too and I needed to do something positive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitWalker Posted December 2, 2003 Author Share Posted December 2, 2003 MONEY i hear you mate, chasing and trying too hard will push her away....you reckon Im doing great? So should I completely leave her alone now? Geez its bloody hard being a bloke! And girls reckon that we don't have feelings????? Its early wednesday morning here....not sure if she'll ring to organise a catch up, I dont think that she will. I was planning to chuck the sickie tomorrow and surprise her by going around to pamper her. But on the advice from most of you in here, I think i'll throw that idea out the window. Maybe give her a quick call today to say hi and see how she is feeling? See if she's any better?? Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted December 2, 2003 Share Posted December 2, 2003 Kit look here: http://www.stopyourdivorce.com/ds/sample2.htm I'm not recommending the book, but at the bottom of that page you will find some recommendations and guidelines and a specific reference to "no contact". Reading this made me realize that completely breaking contact does not allow me to communicate at all. So I've decided that occasssionally initiating contact and just being accepting and understanding would be the best way to be supportive, yet still maintain that I care about her. Unfortunately, I may be too late, other than approaching her directly via email/phone I have no way of re-engaging her without it being perceived negatively. So I have to let her make the call on when to communicate back. More samples thru this link: http://www.stopyourdivorce.com/ds/samples.htm Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitWalker Posted December 2, 2003 Author Share Posted December 2, 2003 LOST thanks for that link, it made a lot of sense!!! Did you end up downloading the book? Be interesting to read the rest of his stuff....it seems I am one to do exactly all those things he mentioned!!! Might be worth the rest of us reading those links that LOST kindly posted!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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