Dexter Morgan Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 <<apparently......he didn't know her as well as he thought he did. >> But still better than you... apparently not, because he wants to put blinders on. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 You can opine all you want...you are no expert nobody here is....including you. BTW Dex,,,maybe I'm the only one but there have been women over the years who I would have liked to have a toss with but never did. Even came close once or twice but veered away. Nature. maybe in your nature, and your wife's. Link to post Share on other sites
schewter Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 <<my problem with it is that he just doesn't want to see it. If he wants to forgive her blindly and just discount anyone that has been there, then hey, its his life. be my guest. its obvious that he wants to hear anything that will keep him in the home with her. So hey, good luck with that.>> But YOU haven't been THERE...you've been where you've been and he's been where he's been. Your story is not his story. <<fact remains, he has an unfaithful wife and if you or he thinks that she doesn't want to actually have sex with another man...you are fooling yourselves.>> May come as a shock to you Dex but lots of folks, maybe even the majority, have had the urge to have sex with people other than their spouses. And for Alzup who mentions that his wife even fantasized about the other man when in bed with him...how uncommon do you think that is? Really? Link to post Share on other sites
alzup Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 well... from what I've found out, schewter. Not uncommon at all. Link to post Share on other sites
schewter Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 <<nobody here is....including you.>> Exactly...but I don't try and portray myself as one...you do whether you mean to or not. BTW Dex,,,maybe I'm the only one but there have been women over the years who I would have liked to have a toss with but never did. Even came close once or twice but veered away. Nature. maybe in your nature, and your wife's. And most people on this earth if they were honest with themselves and others...it is a primitive force within us...not giving in to it is what separates us from the aniomals. Link to post Share on other sites
alzup Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 yeah, that and all the fur. I'm no zoologist, but aren't there animals that are monogamous? Anyhow, I guess I'm old fashion. I'd honestly like to have my SO thinking about me when it comes down to "making love." Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 yeah, that and all the fur. I'm no zoologist, but aren't there animals that are monogamous? The prairie vole, but aparently it is because the male has a large amount of oxtocin. Link to post Share on other sites
alzup Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 Like other voles, prairie voles can reproduce at any time of the year, but the main breeding seasons are in the fall and the spring. Unlike other voles, prairie voles are generally monogamous. The prairie vole is a notable animal model for studying monogamous behavior and social bonding because male and female partners form life-long pair bonds, huddle and groom each other, share nesting and pup-raising responsibilities, and generally show a high level of affiliative behavior. However, they are not sexually faithful, and though pair-bonded females usually show aggression toward unfamiliar males, both sexes will occasionally mate with other voles if the opportunity arises.[4] Ouch. I also just found out Cardinals aren't monogamous. What a day. What a damn day.... Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 <<my problem with it is that he just doesn't want to see it. If he wants to forgive her blindly and just discount anyone that has been there, then hey, its his life. be my guest. its obvious that he wants to hear anything that will keep him in the home with her. So hey, good luck with that.>> But YOU haven't been THERE...you've been where you've been and he's been where he's been. Your story is not his story. yes, I have been there, I was married to an unfaithful woman, just as he is. granted she hasn't crossed the physical line, but she is unfaithful nonetheless. So yes, been there and dealt with someone unfaithful. <<fact remains, he has an unfaithful wife and if you or he thinks that she doesn't want to actually have sex with another man...you are fooling yourselves.>> May come as a shock to you Dex but lots of folks, maybe even the majority, have had the urge to have sex with people other than their spouses. its called a fantasy, and a fantasy stays where it is, out of reality. When one crosses the reality barrier of it, they would act out their fantasy. sure, everyone can be attracted to other people, and might wonder what it would be like to be with another person....but there are people that take their fantasies to the next level and actually will seek out to make it a reality, and others that don't. His wife is the former. Link to post Share on other sites
1mess Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 FreezorBurn, this could have been my letter two years ago, to a tee. I was a bit freaked out reading it. One exception, that I tried to use counseling, and the wife would not comply. Two years later, I have the anger you described, just infrequently. Ultimately, I sought counseling for myself. Not sure how much it helped. In the end, he recommended the following; maybe it will work for you. If your spouse cannot 'come clean' with what transpired, be sorry, and ask forgiveness(something I never got), then write her a letter, telling her that she leaves you only one way to deal with the pain: you will box up all the feelings and emotions you have about this part of your life; but there is a price for this...As a result, you will never have complete trust in her, and your relationship will never be as full as it could have been. I'm still married. Not the best relationship, still trust and anger issues, but we're not divorced. BTW, anyone who tells you to get divorced is probably divorced. Everybody thinks the grass is greener on the other side.... divorced folks how painful that process was, and how it felt being alone afterwards.... I truely wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Sorry, but I couldn't spend the rest of my life looking over my W's shoulder, and wasting time thinking about, who is she with, what is she doing, maybe she is telling the truth this time. That's just me. In my book, if you don't have trust, you have nothing. I couldn't have a successful meaningful relationship with someone I do not trust. If my FWW did nothing to win back that trust, she would be a XWW. Everyday is a battle, but it does get better with time. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts