lillymountain Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Hi everybody, i though t i was fine, but now i'm wondering if he might be drawing back... i spent three weeks with my boyfriend, came home on monday. we had a great time and already had made this plan weeks ago for the next months, that he ould look for a well paid job, earn money and rent his appartment and then basically move in at my place. because i am busy 6 days a week it is hard for me to fly over to see him, but he has weekends - i wanted him to book a flight while i was there, 'cause it's easier for me to have a fix date i can look forward to and its heaps cheaper when you book in advance. and he didn't want to - said he couldn't concentrate on looking for a job, 'cause it would stress him to plan such things when he doesn't have a schedule. and it should be enough for me to know that he loves me and is going to come asap. it hit and hurt me - it's not such a big deal to book a flight, but i tried to get the message "i love you" and not to be to insecure. but now this feeling of being insecure is just coming back... can anyone please tell me his/her opinion?? tnx lilly Link to post Share on other sites
cybersister Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 People are different. No need from what you have said to believe anything over and above what he has said.Are there any other signs he is drawing back ? I do understand how you feel- I am in LDR and always feel better when one of us, usually me has booked the flight for the next visit. but we do not generally do it when we are togther- we have better things to do than look at flight details on the 'net then ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lillymountain Posted September 17, 2009 Author Share Posted September 17, 2009 @cybersister thank you for your reply He used to talk more about moving here in winter or even spring, (which is strongly connected to him getting a good job asap) maybe he is just stressed - we have been together for 6 months now and that's quite early to think about giving up one's live and move somewhere else. i would understand that...but he doesn't talk about it. i have this impression that he is lacking motivation to look for a job, it feels like he has no plan. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 @cybersister thank you for your reply He used to talk more about moving here in winter or even spring, (which is strongly connected to him getting a good job asap) maybe he is just stressed - we have been together for 6 months now and that's quite early to think about giving up one's live and move somewhere else. i would understand that...but he doesn't talk about it. i have this impression that he is lacking motivation to look for a job, it feels like he has no plan. Perhaps he has done some cursory looking and found it isn't that easy to just get a new job nowadays. I'm surprised you don't feel like you can approach him with your feelings and get an open dialogue going. If the plan is for him to move - uproot his entire life - to be with you - weel, that to me is very serious relationship stuff and if that is the place where the two of you are then this should be a fairly easy discussion, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lillymountain Posted September 18, 2009 Author Share Posted September 18, 2009 @ island girl tnx yes i thin he is a bit fustrated 'cause getting a job turns to be hader than he thought - and he is highly qualified and never had a problem before to get well paid short term contracts. but it he has not been hunting for one, just looking without huge effort. short term contract would great though, 'cause it allows us at least 6 months together (before he has to get a new one) after 6 months of work. you can get those jobs, but apparently they are boring... and now he found another possible job, less paid, no contract but permanent, but more fun. but he doesn't plan to stay there a long time basically. so it seems tome he is overstrained/stressed by the situation and i think if i talk to him now, knowing he is in a lonely wolf mood these days, i will put him under pressure. but i think a lot of my insecurity comes from a past LDR, where i was very very hurt and disappointed - so could be that i am unfair in being insecure, cause he hasn't done anything wrong so far (except not booking a flight in advance, but that's not really "wrong", is it) ...but it's not esay for me to deal with this situation. maybe i should just wait a bit and give him time, what do you think? lilly Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Sorry lilly -- I had missed the question at the end of your last post. Yes, I would back off of it a bit. Talk to him about how he is feeling about the job offer, what he thinks or feels about that and let him share. Often if we stop asking questions we get the information we're looking for even if it isn't as fast as we'd like, etc. Talk and share. Do not let that part of your relationship suffer because that is exactly why he is moving to be close to you. He has been looking so he is obviously serious about what he has said and your plans. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lillymountain Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 @ island girl thank you for your reply we talked on saturday and he said that it was a really hard week without me and he is trying to get everything straight. at the moment i study on the weekends and on the first of october i start working mo-fr again. but that means that next week i have a few days off - i'm pretty sure i mentioned it weeks ago, but now he was like :"what, i didn't know that.." i told him, that i didn't tell him again and again, 'cause i wanted to take pressure off him and give him time to get done what needs to be done. ...well, the long and short of it: we'll be together next week for 4 days!!!! i'll go and see him, though. might be a better solution at the moment. he even offered to pay for my flight, but that's not what i want. so far so good. i'm really happy i can see him soon. you know, we've been 6 months together and somehow we managed not to be separated for more than 2 weeks at a time. (seems like we're not really good in having a real LDR ), we always put everything aside to see each other, but that's gonna be more difficult and stressful, due to our work situations. Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 The thing about it is, if he's in the U.S.(and I'm assuming he is), then you and he should both know that the way the economy is that there is no way he's going to get a good job asap. It's not feasable. Our economy is sinking and people are getting laid off everyday. So while I think that you both have good intentions, I also think that you need to be a little more realistic and you need to back off. It looks and sounds pretty to make this huge gesture of moving to be with the one you love, but it's a scary process. He's uprooting his entire life to be with you. Who knows if you'll actually work out. No one knows the future. Give him some time to think about everything and let him come around in his own time. It's easier for you to feel insecure and hurt, but you're not the one that's struggling to make this happen. He is. He has to, because he's the one moving. There's nothing that you can do to make it all happen unless you want to pay for his apartment yourself. Just give him time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lillymountain Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 @rollercoasterrr tnx no, he is in the UK i guess you are right. he is the one who is struggling and probably doing all he can. but, at the moment i'm struggling to, 'cause i know it is going to be very hard for me. he doesn't really call me, we comunicate mostly over skype-chat and that sometimes (right now) is really frustrating for me. (i write - and sometimes hours later he writes back or not at all) i know, he needs time and everything, i know he doesn't like to talk to much over skype, etc, 'cause he says it's frustrating for him. but for me that makes it harder!! but even if i talked to him, i'm pretty sure, he wouldnt change it Link to post Share on other sites
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