confused!! what should I do?

[roxy521]

Ok I need some advice... Please!!

 

I've been with this one guy for about 6 years(we'll call him Matt), we have a year old daughter together and we've broken up about 4 times in the past. The last time being about 3 months ago (both of our decisions, to have time apart). About 2 years ago, when we broke up one time, I started dating a guy that was in the military (we'll call him Brian) Things were really good with Brian for a while and I fell in love with him, but the long distant relationship thing was really hard for me. Matt and I kept in touch as friends and decided to give our relationship another try. That's when I got pregnant (Matt's baby) and moved back in with him. As we stayed together, there were times that I would think about Brian and what we had together because we did have a good relationship and a strong bond even through the long distance. It was like I always wondered what could've happened if I would have just stuck it out with him. Anyways, so Matt and I broke up about 3 months ago. Brian heard through friends that this had happened and emailed me to see how I was doing, we started talking and he told me that he loved me and missed me and I feel the same way about him. I am willing to deal with this long distant relationship for the next 3 years until he gets out of the military but I can't help but feeling like I need to do the morally right thing for my daughter and that is being with her dad. Now don't get me wrong, I love her father and would do anything for him, but I just dont' feel like I'm in love with him. A lot has happened between Matt and I and I have a lot of anger and resentment towards him. Brian is home on leave right now and I just saw him the other day, things went well and I know that my feelings for him are genuine as well as his feelings for me are also.

I am very confused on what to do. why am I having these feelings for my ex? One minute I think ok I'm done dealing with heartaches with him and I have someone in my life that treats me good. But then the next I have Matt saying "I'll do anything it takes, couseling whatever.. I will change" and makes me want to try again for my daughter. How do you know if a relationship is past the point of being able to be fixed? How do you know when it is time to move on?

What should I do? Should I give it a break between both of them for a while until I get my feelings sorted out?

thanks for advice everyone!! Hope this all makes sense!!

[Liv'nLearning]

Wow Roxy,

 

That's a tough one.

 

First's thing first. I just finished a LDR and they suck. Why? because when you do get together, everything is heightened and you feel you want everything to be wonderful because you have short times together. This is not realistic unless you see eachother as regularly as possible. Once every few months is not good enough nor is glorifying someone (who also is a hero of sorts) and making him into someone he may not be either.

 

You miss so much such as body language, reaction and arguing when you are away from those you love. Life gets skewed somehow. Time is also very long or short depending on how you see it.

 

It also isn't feasible or fair to be with someone you don't love for the sake of a child. They sense these things so don't do it for them.

 

You need to seriously sit down and figure out why and what you are looking for in a relationship. You b/f will always be the father to your child, no matter what.

 

Do you feel incomplete without a man in your life? I think it may be wrong to feed a need instead of a mutually, accessible loving relationship between two people who can and will be there for one another in a long-term way.

 

You need to sit down and have a "chat" with yourself and question why and what it is you really want and what your motives are?

 

You maybe surprised at what you are really thinking!

[Arabess]

Hi Liv'n.....good to see you posting!!!

 

Roxy.....read the post from Liv'n very closely.....she knows what she is talking about!