Should I break it off with both?

[roxy521]

Ok I need some advice... Please!!

 

I've been with this one guy for about 6 years(we'll call him Matt), we have a year old daughter together and we've broken up about 4 times in the past(mostly his decisions). The last time being about 3 months ago (both of our decisions, to have time apart). About 2 years ago, when we broke up one time, I started dating a guy that was in the military (we'll call him Brian) Things were really good with Brian and I fell in love with him, but the long distant relationship thing was really hard for me at the time. Matt and I kept in touch as friends and decided to give our relationship another try and that's when I got pregnant and moved back in with him. As we stayed together, there were times that I would think about Brian and what we had together because we did have a good relationship and a strong bond even through the long distance. It was like I always wondered what could've happened if I would have just stuck it out with him. Anyways, so Matt and I broke up about 3 months ago. Brian heard through friends that this had happened and emailed me to see how I was doing, we started talking and he told me that he loved me and missed me and I feel the same way about him. I am willing to deal with this long distant relationship for the next 3 years until he gets out of the military but I can't help but feeling like I need to do the morally right thing for my daughter and that is being with her dad. Now don't get me wrong, I love her father and would do anything for him, but I just dont' feel like I'm in love with him. A lot has happened between Matt and I and I have a lot of anger and resentment towards him. Brian is home on leave right now and I just saw him the other day, things went well and I know that my feelings for him are genuine as well as his feelings for me are also.

I am very confused on what to do. why am I having these feelings for my ex? One minute I think ok I'm done dealing with heartaches with Matt and I have someone in my life that treats me good. But then the next I have Matt saying "I'll do anything it takes, couseling whatever.. I will change" and makes me want to try again for my daughter. How do you know if a relationship is past the point of being able to be fixed? How do you know when it is time to move on?

What should I do? Should I give it a break between both of them for a while until I get my feelings sorted out?

thanks for advice everyone!! Hope this all makes sense!!

[Arabess]

If you really care about B.....you shouldn't keep him hanging on while you stay involved with M. He deserves to have someone he can count on to be there......especially in a military situation. In the same train of thought, you shouldn't do that to M either.....regardless of whether he is your child's father or not. If you don't love him....you are just keeping him from finding someone who DOES love him while you flop back and forth.

 

Is it possible you are staying with M for security purposes while you wait to see how things turn out with B???

 

Men aren't vehicles we can hold onto till we find a better deal on another model. If you don't think you love someone with all your heart (worse yet...you may love someone else)....it's time to let it go. Sure, it's a nice gesture to want to stay with him for your child's sake....but it's not really fair to him or you for you to do so.

 

Take a break.....rethink your feelings. Then make a choice from the bottom of your heart.

[dumpedbyjealousy]

Dear confused - Personally I think you should call it quits with Matt because you do not love him. There is no moral decision when it comes to things like this. You can't torture yourself... besides it seems he is pretty unclear about what he wants given the number of times he has broke it off with you. Give the new guy a chance it seems you really care for him and that he definately cares for you. I have a little boy with someone else and I was going through the same thing... although I did not meet someone right away I just knew he was not for me. If your daughter were older with mature thinking she would want what is best for you..... unconditional love accepts all....

 

You only live once so make it the best experience for you because your daughter will be sure to do the same for herself... she probably wont ask your opinion on who she dates unless she is unsure herself. It seems your sure about Brian go for it --- it just may be the best thing you ever did besides give birth to beautiful babies.