getting over abuse from parents

[forever_young14]

An incident that happened a few weeks ago that completely opened my eyes to the emotional and physical abuse from my parents that my brother (19) and I (20) have suffered growing up. I always avoided thinking about what had happened in the past, and if I did think about it I always thought I was making too big a deal of it and feeling sorry for myself, as my father had never actually broken any bones. I haven’t until the last couple of weeks put two and two together and seen how massively it has affected and shaped me.

I just want to get over it all and its effects, and get on with my life. I don’t want to ignore it and have it affect the rest of my life. I don’t know how to though. I’ve spoken about it to a friend a bit, and written a long thing for myself about it and don’t know what else to do. It just hurts a lot and I want it to go away!

Any tips (bar lots of alcohol!) on how to get over it? I can ignore it and forget it at times but that doesn’t seem like healing!

 

[Mz. Pixie]

Do some reading and find a good therapist as well. They will help you work through the issues.

[missdependant]

The first step is to realize that it isn't your fault, and that you had no control over the situation. Avoid blaming yourself. I would never recommend feeding the pain with drugs or alcohol, it's like putting a band-aid on a bruise. Understand that you're in control of your life now, vow to never make the same mistakes your parents made. Maybe even open up to your brother about your feelings if you guys are close enough.

 

Since you're realizing how drastically this has effected you as an adult, you're well on your way. You might want to consider counseling.

[AlektraClementine]

I think it's a great idea to talk with your brother about it. Have the two of you discussed this?

 

I suffered abuse at the hands and neglect of my parents as well and I would agree that the first step is to acknowledge and start to really understand that it was not your fault.

 

I did not do this until I had my first child. I, like you, wanted to bury it to an extent simply because you just don't want to believe it. So you rationalize it to make your life feel more "normal".

 

Therapy is a good option.

 

Posting here is a wonderful outlet and you will find support here, although not necessarily professional.

 

Hugs to you and your little bro.

[forever_young14]

Thanks a lot for the advice guys… Sorry its hard to explain anything in a succinct way. I tried talking about it with my brother but he just wants to try to forget about it, and he said he doesn’t want to discuss it again as it makes him so angry. The problem is that I’ve just moved back in with my parents for final year of college as I don’t have enough money to live away, while he just moved out and is living with his girlfriend.

 

I have to put up with my father still, and though I don’t think he’ll physically abuse me again because of what happened recently (long story), he still expects me to do what he wants and respect him as if he’s done nothing wrong, and has every right to interfere with every aspect of my life. And I hate him so much for what he’s done to me, and find talking ‘normally’ to him very difficult.

 

Rationally I know what happened when i was younger wasn't my fault, but its hard to know how much I really believe it. I feel I have made *some* progress though... Therapy = money which is unfortunately lacking, though I might try the college counselling services.