Why your ex gf is NOT coming back

[BCCA]

Well, with all due respect, youre mis-using NC all together if youre intending it to bring your girl back. The point of it is for YOU to get over your ex. While it is certainly your best bet at getting her to come back to you, its far from a guarantee.

 

And what many people fail to realize is that if your ex comes back for a month/year and then just leaves again, its a waste of time, anyway. It means they havent come back for the right reasons, just didnt want to be lonely.

 

It might seem like this is the case for most people here, however, what I've noticed about forums like this is by the time that people get here, they've already done too much damage.

 

This is the case most of the time, period. While I agree people only usually make it here after doing some counter productive things, these actions themselves are not the reason their ex left, or why she probably wont be back.

 

If you get dumped by your GF and you can truly not go crazy and beg to get her back, you prove to her that you are a high value male and that no matter what she does, you're not gonna break. She won't be able to just forget you and move on that quickly.

 

If she has made the decision that her life is better off without you in it, none of this will matter at all. The idea that some sort of male, macho psychology of acting like you didnt care and dont want her back will entice her to re think her decision is a farce. Again, if a woman decides you arent the one, this decision was not made over night, nor was it made without hours of discussion with friends and family.

 

Don't lose hope fellas. I've watched this work time and time again, if you don't contact your ex, and she has no way of knowing what you're up too, unless she's met the man of her dreams, she will get curious. If you can man it up, and not cry or whine, you don't give her ANY power after the breakup and it will be as hard for her to get over as it will be for you.

 

She can be curious, and have a hard time getting over it, but she probably wont be back to work things out with you. Thats my point, the most likely scenario involves your ex never coming back to work things out. They may reach out to say hi, or try and get some sex/favors out of you, but thats probably the extent of it.

 

Im sure its hard for anyone to get over a break up, no matter what side youre on.

 

NC is not a an option, it's a must!!!

 

Excellent advice! This cant be stressed enough, and it has to be immediate.

[Weezy]

Well, with all due respect, youre mis-using NC all together if youre intending it to bring your girl back. The point of it is for YOU to get over your ex. While it is certainly your best bet at getting her to come back to you, its far from a guarantee.

 

I agree that it's far form a guarantee. But if I had to put my money on NC or begging to get her back, I'd put money on NC any day of the week.

 

If she has made the decision that her life is better off without you in it, none of this will matter at all. The idea that some sort of male, macho psychology of acting like you didnt care and dont want her back will entice her to re think her decision is a farce. Again, if a woman decides you arent the one, this decision was not made over night, nor was it made without hours of discussion with friends and family.

 

I'm not saying acting like you didn't' care, or some weird male Psychology. NC doesn't mean you don't care at all. It just means that you are a strong person and if a person rejects you, instead of sitting around and letting them use you like an emotional whipping boy until they move on, you have self respect for yourself and say well then F... You and if they wanna talk, it's their move and you might or might not be responsive depending on where you're at.

 

NC is the right move, and while yes, it might not always work, it doesn't mean that it isn't absolutely the best method of getting them back because you don't give them any power over you and that is absolutely the best way to make your EX take a VERY hard look at if she made a mistake or not. I think everyone who get's dumped for some initial period of time wants their ex back, it's human nature, and to make that happen you gotta be strong and go strait NC, their is nothing wrong with hoping they come back while you heal, there is a good chance they do and then the cards are in your hands.

[BCCA]

I agree that it's far form a guarantee. But if I had to put my money on NC or begging to get her back, I'd put money on NC any day of the week.

 

100% agree.

 

NC is the right move, and while yes, it might not always work, it doesn't mean that it isn't absolutely the best method of getting them back because you don't give them any power over you and that is absolutely the best way to make your EX take a VERY hard look at if she made a mistake or not. I think everyone who get's dumped for some initial period of time wants their ex back, it's human nature, and to make that happen you gotta be strong and go strait NC, their is nothing wrong with hoping they come back while you heal, there is a good chance they do and then the cards are in your hands.

 

The purpose of NC is only to heal and to get over your ex, expecting them not to come back. It is not, NOT, meant to be used as a tool to get a girl back, nor should you hope/expect that it will. It should be about getting YOU to be alright without this person who dumped you.

 

And I completely disagree that there is a good chance NC will bring them back. I agree that NC is the only way to go, but not for the reasons youre stating. I think going into it hoping NC brings them back is asking for dissapointment.

[Weezy]

NC is way more powerful than you give it credit for if used properly.

[northstar1]

NC is way more powerful than you give it credit for if used properly.

 

For healing sure is. Bringing back an ex for a second chance? Minimal and even if it happens it's never the same again.

 

 

As Dylan Thomas said "you can never go home again"

[oasis]

BCCA, I agree with your post. Men seems to have a penchant for wanting to reconnect after a relationship has ended.

 

As a woman, most men have tried to return, whether it has taken months or years. But I have never been interested in resuming a romantic relationship with them, but have ended up being just platonic friends.

 

If I have to take a poll as to which gender wants to resume a relationship after it has ended, I would say that it far more common with men, than with women.

 

And of course the dumper/dumpee situation, factors greatly into this equation also.

[BCCA]

NC is way more powerful than you give it credit for if used properly.

 

Well, its proper use is for you to heal, and I think its the greatest tool for getting over a breakup out there.

 

Its not supposed to bring anyone back. That is NOT using it properly, thats asking for dissapointment. You can use it properly, and still not have your ex come back, but if you use it for the right reason, you can count on it always being the best way to get over a break.

 

See, thats the difference. It could bring your ex back, but it will help you heal faster. Better to take your chances on a sure thing.

[BCCA]

Men seems to have a penchant for wanting to reconnect after a relationship has ended

 

This goes back to the support system. Women have a chance to talk out their reservations, and kind of tinker with the idea of splitting before they make the move. Guys kind of do it impulsively, and without much feedback from any third parties.

 

As a woman, most men have tried to return, whether it has taken months or years. But I have never been interested in resuming a romantic relationship with them, but have ended up being just platonic friends.

 

Thats just it, most women arent, and never will be. Guys dont get that a woman loses feelings, and they generally dont come back. Its a slow process to dumpsville, and once you get there, there you stay.

 

And like I said, women make the decision that their life is better off without you, and thats the end of it. No ifs, ands, or buts...youre done.

 

If I have to take a poll as to which gender wants to resume a relationship after it has ended, I would say that it far more common with men, than with women.

 

Everything that Ive been able to find puts men at 4-5 times more likely to come back. Personally, I think its probably higher, but men dont admit they were trying to come back, coupled with women who swear they 'just wanted to be friends', so I would personally put the number closer to 6-8 to 1.

 

And of course the dumper/dumpee situation, factors greatly into this equation also

 

Certainly. Those on the recieving end of a dump are always more likely to consider reconciliation than those who left willingly. Women end most relationships, for a myriad of reasons, which again adds to my original point - they arent likely to return once they leave.

[smookie]

I like how men say that they do not talk about there problems or relationship delemias with other men and that women do this all the time (talk to there friends and family) How is it then that all of my ex's friends and family know about our disagreements? If they do not talk about it?

Just last night my ex sent me a text of the hockey game he was at with a friend that I have never met (a man). He has not talked to this guy since grade school, In the video you can tell that he knows alot about me and our old relationship. My ex's parents came straight out and told me that if he comes back to me that they will never talk to him again because I am a waste of his time.

 

men do talk all the time about there relationship problems not just woman.

[skreen23]

God this is really getting on my tits. Its drives me up the wall when people do this whole "men always.." "women are..." "88 percent of goats..." "9/10 of homosexual ducks..." or the classic "Nc is not for getting back together, its for you to move on..."

Where can i buy this book of rules and statistics that everyone is quoting here. If i was some kind of alien reading this thread i'd come to the conclusion that human females are heartless gorgons and men spineless, socially inadequate morons.

AGAIN i know a few fellas whose GF broke off with them and later came back, sometimes out of the blue. i'm bracing myself for the "yeah but 82.5 percent of women are done once they break up with you" response.

[smookie]

A relationship of mine ended , I had a child who is now 20 years old I am female and I did not say a word to the father of my child for 4 years olny because he did not want anything to do with me or the child (denied her)

I never tried to contact him after he said it was over thats it , my first love and my first for everything. After 4 years he contacted his parents because I had contact with them and allow them to come and get there granddaughter when ever they wanted to , I was not going to cut them off of this amazing child. One day he wanted to talk to me again. That was fine I called him and we talked. I was blunt and straight to the point. I told him that the only chance that I was willing to give him was if we met that day and if he was not prepaird then too bad his loss. We met and we seen that we always did love each other. We got back together for 7 years and had another child. Now we are not together anymore but we do talk and we are friends. All I am trying to say in this post is that you never know. I do not care if it is man or woman the ends it ... Love does not have a time line nor does it have a gender. Sometimes not talking to eachother is the only way, Sometimes talking is the best... Everyone is different and there is not 2 people the same in there thoughts and actions. This is crazy thinking that because i am a chick or a guy i do things given my gender. my ex talks about me to all of his friends and I just heard that he was crying about this relationship ending.

It is nice to get peoples perspectives on our problems but it is not right to say one way or not because of gender.

[BCCA]

God this is really getting on my tits. Its drives me up the wall when people do this whole "men always.." "women are..." "88 percent of goats..." "9/10 of homosexual ducks..." or the classic "Nc is not for getting back together, its for you to move on..."

Where can i buy this book of rules and statistics that everyone is quoting here. If i was some kind of alien reading this thread i'd come to the conclusion that human females are heartless gorgons and men spineless, socially inadequate morons.

AGAIN i know a few fellas whose GF broke off with them and later came back, sometimes out of the blue. i'm bracing myself for the "yeah but 82.5 percent of women are done once they break up with you" response.

 

I know someone I worked with that won the lotto. Are you going to spend your life savings on tickets now?

 

I have repeatedly stated that this is not a 'everytime' rule, I just said more often than not. That could be 51%. I dont see what youre burned about?

 

Also, NC is never inteded to bring your ex back. I just love how people have been trying to mis-use it, and are now arguing with me because like 2 people they know got back together after breaking up. Go ahead and hope to be one of the lucky few, and see where that gets you.

[BCCA]

I just saw this from another thread, and its exactly what Im talking about...

 

3 weeks after she dumped me I found she was dating. I dont know if it is the rebound or somebody she had waiting in the wings...

 

One reason why I know she is not coming back is this. She was thinking about breaking up with me a couple months before she did it.Therefore, it wasnt on a whim or because she got pissed at me cause I didnt clean the toilet. It was something much deeper. She convinced herself she didnt love me and then got the support from her family and friends. Then pulled the trigger. Once that happens...its all over. Not coming back. Jmho.

[BCCA]

How is it then that all of my ex's friends and family know about our disagreements? If they do not talk about it?

 

Ok, how many times do I have to say this is not a one size fit all rule? Do you see it now, once again Im saying - there are exceptions. Im talking about MOST of the time, obviously living in a country of 300M, there are going to be people going against the norm.

 

Then you go on about specifics of one example...

 

men do talk all the time about there relationship problems not just woman.

 

Again, please read almost any post I made where I mention there are exceptions. Youve been talking about the same, ONE, person over and over, as if he is a fair respresentation of every male out there. Thats the difference between probable and possible, there are no absolute rules when it comes to human interaction, but there are trends. If something holds true more than half the time, its probably safer to bet with it than against it.

[oasis]

Ok, how many times do I have to say this is not a one size fit all rule? Do you see it now, once again Im saying - there are exceptions. Im talking about MOST of the time, obviously living in a country of 300M, there are going to be people going against the norm.

 

Then you go on about specifics of one example...

 

 

 

Again, please read almost any post I made where I mention there are exceptions. Youve been talking about the same, ONE, person over and over, as if he is a fair respresentation of every male out there. Thats the difference between probable and possible, there are no absolute rules when it comes to human interaction, but there are trends. If something holds true more than half the time, its probably safer to bet with it than against it.

 

I agree with this post. Majority is what rules.

[Weezy]

I just saw this from another thread, and its exactly what Im talking about...

 

I won't argue that women have things lined up. And I won't argue that they start to disconnect prior to dropping the bomb.

 

However, this doesn't mean that NC still won't bring them back. My buddy's lady broke it off with him after 5 years and we saw her out with another guy a weekend later.. Like she wasn't planning that...

 

He stuck to his guns, didn't call her for 2+ months, it killed him inside, but he held strong. Eventually she started calling him.

 

They are now happily married and have a kid on the way. The break was enough to show them both how much they really did love each other and it brought em that much closer together.

[BCCA]

I agree with this post. Majority is what rules.

 

The problem with this entire discussion, as its always been as long as Ive been here, is that as soon as people can find an example of a couple getting back together under any sort of circumstances, they automatically focus solely on that, instead of the thousands of other times when the opposite happens.

 

Then, everything I saw about why its probably not going to happen is just wrong, because if this one couple can get back together, so can they. And in short, its true, but like I said, you can win the lotto or find a bag of money, but would you bank on either of those?

 

And the funny thing is that at least one, if not the only one, of everyones examples is their parents. What people fail to realize is that youre talking about a very different time in society. Even if were talking about the 80's, things were just different, and the reasons for breaking up were probably not just a simple 'I lost feelings' (although Im waiting to hear about the one example someone has where that was the case...)

[BCCA]

He stuck to his guns, didn't call her for 2+ months, it killed him inside, but he held strong. Eventually she started calling him.

 

They are now happily married and have a kid on the way. The break was enough to show them both how much they really did love each other and it brought em that much closer together.

 

Im not saying it doesnt happen, just isnt likely.

 

Since you gave one example, Ive got one too. I went NC on my ex over a year ago after everything went down, havent heard a single word. Trust me, there are more guys in my shoes than your buddies. Every girl Ive asked at work, school, etc has told me they never went back to any bf they dumped, only the ones who dumped them. This is obviously no indicative of every woman, but probably more likely than not. Thats all Im saying, the more likely outcome is your ex gf that dumped you not coming back.

[Weezy]

Im not saying it doesnt happen, just isnt likely.

 

Since you gave one example, Ive got one too. I went NC on my ex over a year ago after everything went down, havent heard a single word. Trust me, there are more guys in my shoes than your buddies. Every girl Ive asked at work, school, etc has told me they never went back to any bf they dumped, only the ones who dumped them. This is obviously no indicative of every woman, but probably more likely than not. Thats all Im saying, the more likely outcome is your ex gf that dumped you not coming back.

 

I've got lots more. You're giving girls too much credit. They can be extremely irrational and emotional creatures, as can men. There isn't something programmed in all women to not go back to an EX.

 

I personally have had it work with several of my EX's.. And everyone one of my good friends has experienced something similar, even ones that didn't think it was going to work. It's not a guy or a girl thing, it's more of a forcing your hand at poker thing.

 

I would say it's a 50% or higher if you're strong enough to go NC right after the dump.

 

What it really boils down to is if they find that special person right off the bat, or if they had him in the wings. If they do, then there isn't much you can do, but it rarely works out that way, especially if they are wondering what you are doing all the time because you aren't giving them the security blanket of knowing you are waiting in the wings.

[BCCA]

You know, we obviously just completely disagree, so either of us saying the same thing over and over is pointless. I just dont believe that to be true at all, 50% of women dont come back, period. But like I said, we just dont agree, and I respect your opinion.

[Weezy]

You know, we obviously just completely disagree, so either of us saying the same thing over and over is pointless. I just dont believe that to be true at all, 50% of women dont come back, period. But like I said, we just dont agree, and I respect your opinion.

 

Yeah, sounds that way. Regardless, we both agree 100% on the right method to use during a breakup, which is the most important thing.

[BCCA]

Yeah, sounds that way. Regardless, we both agree 100% on the right method to use during a breakup, which is the most important thing.

 

It really is, and its funny to see post after post of people talking about why they cant go NC, or dont need/want to...every one of them eventually realizes its the only way to go, but its usually only after they made good and sure that their ex thought they were crazy lol

 

Ive been here for over a year, and I cant think of one poster that came here and got a second chance. A lot of them have done some damaging things, but some did go straight NC.

[northstar1]

It really is, and its funny to see post after post of people talking about why they cant go NC, or dont need/want to...every one of them eventually realizes its the only way to go, but its usually only after they made good and sure that their ex thought they were crazy lol

 

Ive been here for over a year, and I cant think of one poster that came here and got a second chance. A lot of them have done some damaging things, but some did go straight NC.

 

Well there was that guy "Y" or "Why" or whatever his name was who posted angry rants last year about his ex, and apparently she came back to him. However, I'm quite sure he was clinically insane.

[meetrich]

keep posting I am really enjoyed all post here

 

Thank you very much

[BCCA]

Well there was that guy "Y" or "Why" or whatever his name was who posted angry rants last year about his ex, and apparently she came back to him. However, I'm quite sure he was clinically insane.

 

 

Dude I stopped reading his posts, they were too much. I would be surprised if anyone had a healthy and happy relationship with that guy, unless he makes some serious changes.