Me and this girl...

[arcsigner]

Incoming wall of text! I'm an 18 year old guy and I haven't been in any sort of gf/bf realtionship before (/cry), not out of choice but because although I'm really confident with freinds I'm ultra shy about feelings towards girls, so i have lots of close freinds who are girls which i find easy but i find it almost impossible to pluck up the coarge to tell girls how i really feel in that way about them. About 2 months back i went a camp where i met this girl, basicly she was amazing and we spent hours of the camp alone on the grounds just talking about things, life, freindships ect. We even went to a theme park where we spent half the time together just talking and sitting on the grass ect. She introduced me to all her music ect as well, and we spoke about some really deep things, told some things to her i have never told a girl before. Also there was fliritng going on, she started a foam fight with me once lol although one of the other guys, ill call L for now because he will come in later, was with us at the time and kinda looked on dispprovingly. I started to really fall for this girl by the end of the week, at first i thought it was just freindship but you know what it's like, and infact something that was definatly new to me and has nevwr happened with crushes and the like before is that i saw her cry one day and didn't have chance to speak to her to ask her what was wrong and I spent the whole day feeling this sort of really strong depression but not like I'd ever felt before, it was so odd, it was like i was sad becuase she was, sad for her, and like i couldn't cope with seeing her cry it was really odd, and i didn't even know what was wrong. I mean I've felt sorry or sad for family ect before but this was different it tore me up all day. Anyways one of the things that also really struck me is that her best freind from school who she'd known for years was on the camp as well and yet she opened up to me not her, and spent more time with me, so i really thought we were close. Also we sort of had this understanding, you know where your on a level with someone where you can say whole sentences across the room with just a stare without people realsing, we did this alot! Infact her best freind was obviously flriting with this one guy and we were sort of signaling eachother about "lol this guy is oblivious" and "wow shes forward" and we had a few injokes that we did infront of others, so one of us would remind the other of the injoke or have a situation where it was approriate or fitted and sort of made the other laugh with everyone else looking bewildered. OK just to explain why i didn't declare my feelings, first she had a boyfriend at the time which she didn't really talk about much, just mentioned she had one during a story or w/e. Secondly i am religious and so i think it's wrong to make a move on someone who's already in a realtionship.

 

Now to explain my realtionship with the L guy, I've been going on this camp for the last 8 years, and hes always been on it, and i know him really well, in ways hes one of my best freinds despite the fact i only see him like 3 times a year lol. But we sleep in the same room on camp and spend 24/7 with eachother so you get closer to people than normal. Now L and the girl were kinda in our little socail group we made on camp, the girl i like, her best friend, a cool guy(who's gay) and him were kind of a little gang i guess.

 

Anyways i get back home and i can't stop thinking of this girl, litteraly, i even texed her in the car journey back (about 2 hours) from the camp. WE spoke on msn for quite a while every day for a week, and she told me something half way through the week that changed everything. She says she probally about to break up with her boyfriend becuase she has feelings for another guy, at this point my heart seriously started racing, I was so excited and yet kinda sad for her. Anyways we keep talking about it, then she says she needs to tell me something, and its ovious what im expecting at this point for her to say. Well instead she tells me shes likes L. My heart litteraly just died. She then continues on to ask ME advice about it, and what she should do, and i have to dedicate 1 and a half PAINFULL hours of deep talk about what she should do, being my usuall stupid self and being too nice and not telling her how i feel and actually giving her proper advice not advice to engineer me with her, about what she should do about her boyfriend ect. Anyways shes now going out my freind L and she has no idea how i feel. It gets worse.

 

During camp when i thought i really liked her she decides to organise to go to a convention with me her and L, and before she tells me about her feelings for l see my main highschool crush, who i think knows that i liked her, and I tell this highschool crush who i probally have about half as strong feelings for her as i used to becuase im in a different school for the past 2 years, but i still like her, about the convention. She says shes going with her boyfreind and I, stupid as I am, invite her along, thinking that "Ah I'll be with the girl i like anyways, this is probally the ebst way to get over my highschool crush..." So year thats going to be a lovely event in a few weeks time.

 

So now here i am 2 months later, I can't stop thinking about her, and i feel really depressed most of the time. I don't feel like i did when I've had crushes before either, i mean i want to tell her stuff, not just kiss her ect like with crushes, i want to actually share things with her, i miss her company when i do certain things, i keep thinking i see her in town, like I'll she a girl similar shape and hair and think i see her. Also one of my favourite pass times is clubbing, usually im on the dance floor, checking out girls ect, and buying girls drinks. These last two weeks all i can do is sit in the corner and think about her, even when im really drunk. My freinds noticed something was up immideitly. One of my freinds who I've shared alot of this with thinks I'm in love, by the symptoms, i have to say im begining to agree.

 

Can someone please help me out! And btw the bad typos all over the place are becuase i use computer alot so my typing is rediculously fast, but i have dislexyia so i cant think fast enough for the order of the letters so i tend to pres them in a random order sorry about that. And re-reading doesn't help as my dsylexa means i have the spelling of like a 13 year old anyhows.

[craig841]

You didn't move in time. Sorry bud, but you should have told her much earlier, rather than let her lose interest because she was tired of waiting for you.

 

I'm just like you with the shyness issue, but the thing I learnt is that she will never find out unless you tell her yourself. If you were scared of losing a friend...well you have to take risks in this world.

 

And think about it...she's still young, but you just have a more mature outlook on relationships. She just still wants to have fun, which means nothing serious in terms of the opposite sex.

 

I am actually in a similar situation...for ages all I could do was think about this one girl, but I couldn't tell her because she's in a relatively long term relationship, and I wanted her to be happy and telling her would just ruin her current, stable situation. My longing is still there, but the pain has faded, and she is no longer the first thing on my mind anymore.

 

You have to distance yourself emotionally from this girl if you want anything to happen with her. I know it's hard, but you have to pull through it like I did. If she calls/IMs asking for advice with her bf, excuse yourself and say you have to go. No matter how much you like talking to her. It's for your own good. Giving her advice will sink you deeper into the realization that you're being used as an emotional tampon. DON'T put yourself in that situation.

 

Excuse yourself from the convention. Say something came up. It hurts no one. If you went yourself and saw her with him you wouldn't be able to stand it; and that's where it gets messy.

 

If she phones you up to talk about how you are and what you've been up to, then fine, go with it, but as soon as she mentions problems she's been having, change the subject and don't be lured in. She won't do this deliberately, but will see you more and more as a best friend she turns to for advice than boyfriend material.

 

Sorry for the ramble, but basically you need to distance yourself for the moment. Starting from now. You missed your chance right now, but if she wants you, she will come back when she's ready.

 

Hope this helps.

[arcsigner]

Yeah thanks for the reply. Argh i don't get it, i think im doing the right thing by not making a move when she has a boyfreind and it bites me in the ass. Argh. Thing is the whole week i never thought for a second she liked the L guy, although she told me she liked him at least a week before she told anyone else including him and her best friend. Even as a close friend not only does it confuse it also makes me wonder why didnt she tell me that week she was devloping feeling for him, unless as you said she was waiting for me and then gave up. But thanks for the advice, ill try and avoid the conversation in the future but i don't quite see how im going to totaly avoid it. The worst thing is that i think if i see her with L she will realise straight away that im hurt becuase she reads me pretty well. Thanks again for the advice