Was I "played" or was he surprised

[CRISS]

Hello everyone! Kind of new here but need some advice. It is kind of a long story-at least the way I tell it--but I promise to try and make it quick without leaving too much out.

 

A few years ago I fell for a guy that had just gone thru a divorce. Six months prior to this I had been engaged but found out that my fiance was cheating. So we broke off our relationship and, like I said, about six months later I fell for this "acquantance". We were both physically attracted to each other and had a lot of fun joking around and "flirting". When we finally decided to go out on a "date" I pretty much knew that if all went well we would end up in bed together. We were both in our mid 20's so we knew what we were doing. I also knew that he was not looking for anything serious---just coming out of the divorce and all. And I had thought the same. I didn't want anything serious. We figured we would just go out, have some fun and see what happened. So we went out, had a great time, yes we slept together but what I didn't plan was that it would be the last time. Days after our date, I met a man who ended up becoming my husband. I didn't see my other guy for some time and when we did, he said he was a little hurt (acted it also) that I played him that way. I tried to explain to him that I never met for anything like that to happen it just did. I mean, hey he could've called me. He really gave me a lot of grief. We have seen each other occassionally and have always remained cordial. We are both in a business where we will eventually run into each other from time to time and recently we have had that opportunity again. So here is the current situation:

 

I am currently separated from my husband. The other guy and I have talked about things and I have admitted to him that at the time, when we went out, I knew he was a player. I was afraid of becoming too attached to him or "liking" him too much and knowing that he wasn't ready for anything--I'd end up hurt. I have told him that I have unresolved feelings for him and I'd like to have him in my life right now. At first he seemed into it. Then he decided against it because I am not fully divorced. I understand that. However, one thing has led to another and we have ended up in bed together. It sounds like it was a surprise but it wasn't. We actually talked about it and planned it. Now that we have done that, I can't get over this feeling that he has just played me. Since we have been together he has not been around when I have called. He has not called me back. Then again, it isn't like he called me before, because he didn't. I'd call him once in a great while or we'd see each other while working. I am also driving myself crazy thinking that he saw something he didn't like in the bedroom. I mean I am probably about 35lbs heavier now than when we were together so many years ago. It isn't a secret either, I mean he sees me regularly and he knows that I am working on losing weight, but do you think it is possible that he was "disgusted" or something? Or do you think that I was probably just played and I might as well just forget it happened?

 

I would appreciate any response and I am curious from any men out there about the weight issue. I mean could you be that surprised by someone with no clothes on---I mean don't you have a pretty good idea what is under a person clothes???

 

Thanks a Ton

[Arabess]

I don't know if I consider a guy a player just because he has sex with someone.... and then doesn't consider it a relationship. Probably in his mind, you both had a good time and got what you both wanted. It seems he's done this to you on more than one occasion - with or without the 35 pounds. I would be more prone to think he considers himself a friend of yours....and if you want to have sex now and then.....give him a call. It doesn't seem though - that he wants a relationship with you any deeper than that.

 

I know that's kind of a bummer when you like someone. Don't blame yourself though....or the pounds. It's just a relationship which for whatever reason.....isn't there.