Educational Course

[Explorer]

Just a young lad (26 & single) hoping for some honest marriage advice from happy marriages.

 

Just a few questions:

How long have you been married?

 

How have you been able to make it work? Was it easy or hard?

 

Was is all romantic all the time? If it died off, how did you manage to keep on loving happily?

 

Has it been worth it?

 

I want to use this information for myself to help guide with my future romantic decisions.

 

Thanks in advance.

[quankanne]

How long have you been married? celebrated 17 years this past June

 

How have you been able to make it work? Was it easy or hard? like any relationship, marriage has its ups and downs, and I think the more prepared you are (and committed), the more determined you find yourself to keep on keepin' on, so to speak. A marriage enrichment program made a HUGE difference in our relationship, and helped my husband see that love really is the foundation of our marriage (he'd been married twice before, so he was still gunshy even though he wanted to be married with me!)

 

Was is all romantic all the time? If it died off, how did you manage to keep on loving happily? LOL ... no, it's not romance all the time. Maybe 45-55 percent? You have to understand that while you're with someone you love, reality walks in early in the marriage, and you need the proper tools to face whatever challenges come up (enter the marriage enrichment part). When you have plan in place to tackle these things – and you know that the love is a solid foundation – it's not as hard, IMO. How to keep on loving happily? Every day you realize you make a choice, you tell yourself, this is where I am meant/want to be, with this man/woman, and I am committed to him/her, and on some days, you have to make a conscious effort to be that romantic partner because you don't feel romantic. And sometimes it's hard to get in touch with that love when you want to pinch his head off, but as I said, when you both decide that love is the foundation of the relationship, you realize that things work themselves out.

 

Has it been worth it? LOL, all depends on how badly I want to pinch his head off. But I can pretty much say that for the most part, yes it has. Marriage was never one of my goals when I was growing up, so when it happened, it was a very happy surprise. It's been a lot of compromise, and it's been a true growing experience loving someone like this.

 

thanks for asking, kiddo!

[VegMidori]

1) I have been married for seven months.

 

2) I think my prior experiences have helped me a lot. Choosing someone with whom I am truly compatible, who can handle my changing moods easily because he is so stable, and who is truly commitment-oriented, was the most important thing. To make it work, both people have to want to make it work, and in our case, we do. Also, knowing that I don't have to tell him everything that is on my mind has been very helpful. I have tended to over-share in past relationships, and the men became angry, hurt, or jealous. Now, when a thought enters my mind, I filter it before letting it out.

 

3) I am 33, and I still don't know what "romance" means. Honestly, I have no clue. My husband says that romance is touching the soul of another person, which is a little broad and vague for me. He finds candles romantic, so we light them. I am more practical in the way I show affection. I might buy him a sweet treat, rub his sore back, or pour his coffee for him.

 

4) Yes, it has been worth it. You have to look at the pros and cons. For me, I realized that there was more we could accomplish together as a unit than as singles just dating each other. For someone else, it could be the opposite. They could have goals that being tied down could seriously hinder.