I'm falling in love with my boss..

[justagirl64]

Where to start... I'm not too proud of myself and sorry if this is somewhat of a long story but I just need to get it out! I totally love my job and have worked with my boss for almost 2 years (of which 1 year he has been my direct boss). I have always thought he was a wonderful person, everyone likes and respects him. I knew he was happily married (he says so) even though he hangs out with crowd after work. I myself am a single mum of 3 kids.

 

I'm not sure when it all started, about 7 or more months ago, but he started spending lots of time at my desk, asking me about my dates and so forth and generally taking more interest in my romantic status. At first I thought he was just being inquisitive and interested to know more about me. Looking back it was a little naive of me, but I seriously thought he was happily married and did not even think he might transgress. I started feel an attraction growing towards him, it was not sexual though but rather a lovely emotional connection with warmth - so thought nothing of it just a fondess.

 

Our team often stays back for drinks in the office and one night it ended up just being him and I. We talked and laughed about our project which is very challenging. He wanted to stay on and chat so I stayed on. It got late and after a few more drinks we were both too relaxed and our guard went down. I knew then - Uh oh....he is after something on the side! The funny thing is, I ignored this and told him how much I liked and respected him and was grateful for the opportunities he'd given me in my job. We had a kiss and that was it.

 

This happened about 4 months ago. After it happened he spoke to me and skirted around the idea of a sexual affair but I stood my ground and did not want to go there, particularly since he is supposedly happily married. Because we had been close work mates for sometime, our work relationship managed to stay healthy and unaffected to a large degree.

 

In the last few months we have met a few times after work for a drink and end up being physical but not all the way. He seems to have stopped pursuing the idea of a sexual relationship with me but what's happened is I think now I've finally caved in and started to fall in love with him and he with me! Now I'm starting to have doubts about everything...his marraige must not be good and I'm wishing he and I could be togehter. I know we are playing with fire and not sure where my resolve has ended up!!! I'm starting to beat myself up over it and this is the very thing I did not want to happen.

 

I'm right in the middle of a really big project, I just can't leave, all I am starting to wish for is a future with him...help.

[LucreziaBorgia]

You have to think practically here.

 

Why would he leave an otherwise happy marriage and his children, lose his home and possibly his job and pay alimony and child support to be with and help support a single mother with three children that aren't his?

 

He's going after you because he does not see you as any real threat to his status quo. He may have feelings for you, but I can guarantee you that if you started talking about him 'leaving his wife' for you, you'd see exactly where his intentions lie.

 

You may as well get that part in the open right now before you fall any more in love. You need to be straight with him that you are in love, and you want a future with him.

 

What you choose to believe after that is up to you. He will probably tell you the typical "I'm staying for the kids" or "I'll leave when they are older" and keep on a string indefinitely, but at that point - your pain at being stuck in that limbo will be caused by your own choices.

[justagirl64]

Thanks Lucrezia...I think I will be upfront about my feelings.

 

He dosen't have kids in his marraige so guess that is one less factor. But what you said about "not a threat to his status quo" makes sense to me. He certainly doesn't seem to care if we are seen in public though, even kissing which freaks me out slightly.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Ah, well - no kids for him will make a difference. Even single men though aren't keen on the idea of stepping into a relationship with pre-existing children. Some are fine with it, but not others.

 

You need to be absolutely certain he isn't intending to just see you on the side in order to avoid that. There are men out there who use their marriages and relationships to see other women and get what they want without having to really commit in any meaningful way.

 

He needs to know up front and right away that he is either in 100% (ie: he leaves his marriage and is with you legitimately), or he is 100% out. Period.

 

The amount in which you stick to your guns and follow through will be the amount that you protect your heart and your sanity.

[justagirl64]

yep - you are so right...now is the time to raise these parameters with him. Anyhow we have now reached a turning point as moving forward will require some conscious decisions to be made.

 

I am sure he is not trying to hurt me consciously, I know him somewhat, but I am curious as to where his head, and heart, for that matter are at - I guess deep down I assume that he has thought about his actions and where its all going to lead? I can't believe that he is just chasing me for sex or the thrill of conquering me as he could probably have gotten this faster elsewhere! But then again I am not a man....!

 

Any mature guys out there to comment??

[bubuvietnam]

I think you should far away from a married man. I met one from NY. We met in a dating website. He spent so much time to move my heart. He called me, sent me love cards and did a lot of things just make me fall in love with him. He flew haft way of the world 24 hours flight from New York to Vietnam to meet me twice. But finally I found his was a great liar and I told his wife all the truths. He blamed it all in me and called me shouted at me destroyed his family. It is so funny when is selfish and coward. You should Move on and if you do not want have a broken heart like me. He always swared with me love me so much and will marry me but when he got caught he appeared in from of me is a great liar. I look down that kind of man. How can this guy can be forgive by his wife I could not understand.

[bubuvietnam]

I think you should far away from a married man. I met one from NY. We met in a dating website. He spent so much time to move my heart. He called me, sent me love cards and did a lot of things just make me fall in love with him. He flew haft way of the world 24 hours flight from New York to Vietnam to meet me twice. But finally I found his was a great liar and I told his wife all the truths. He blamed it all in me and called me shouted at me destroyed his family. It is so funny when is selfish and coward. You should Move on and if you do not want have a broken heart like me. He always swared with me love me so much and will marry me but when he got caught he appeared in from of me is a great liar. I look down that kind of man. How can this guy can be forgive by his wife I could not understand.

[norajane]

I can't believe that he is just chasing me for sex or the thrill of conquering me as he could probably have gotten this faster elsewhere!

 

You don't know that he isn't getting it elsewhere, too. He could very well have other women he is having sex with, while continuing to press his luck with you.

 

He's married with no kids. If his marriage really sucked and he wanted out, there is nothing stopping him from getting a divorce. He doesn't even have the "for the kids" excuse. Yet, he stays married. That's his choice - he wants to stay married.

 

You will be nothing but a girl on the side, and it will jeopardize your job. Don't risk that, because it will end badly for you since you are falling in lvoe with him.