SweetHearttt Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Hi all, My first time posting here. I will try to make a long story short. BACKGROUND INFO: I am 22, been dating my bf (who's mid 20's) for 3 years now. At first I was sooo in love with him, would literally never lie or do anything behind his back in fear of losing him, completely head over heels in love, we were best friends. Then somewhere along the line things slowly changed and I lost a lot of respect for him, was disgusted by him (he was a lazy slob and would lie about really important things, etc). I tried communicating with him but nothing changed. So, I broke up with him and we had little to no contact for about 4-5 months. During that time he did a complete 180 and changed his ways. He was miserable without me and it was obvious. Eventually, I missed him and we got back together (Its been about 2 months now) and things have been very different. We're still best buds but there is No spark, No sex, etc MY PROBLEM: During our time apart, I met a man twice my age who does live entertainment/comedy at local bars. I had seen him play before (even while I was dating my bf) and for some reason always had my eye on him. I ended up going home with him one night (I was wasted and needed a ride home... I didn't know how old he was at the time), and, I honestly thought it would be a one night stand but it turned into more. When I got back together with my boyfriend I tried stopping it, but for whatever reason I just can't keep myself away from this other man. We have been secretly seeing each other for the past 4 months. I have a huge crush on him and think of him all the time. He also has a girlfriend which I know is terrible. I never thought in a million years I would be in this predicament, I swear to God. I try telling myself it's useless because he is over 40- married and divorced twice with 4 children (a son my age!!) and I know we really have nothing in common, but he even said at first he thought it was just sex but he is starting to like me the more we get to know each other. We have fun together. I'm scared because the longer this goes on the more complicated it is going to get but we both want each other so bad! I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!! I KNOW am such a bad person! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 You don't belong with either of them. Break up with your bf - you've lost the spark and it's not coming back. Stop seeing this loser guy twice your age - he's with another woman and you are never ever ever going to end up with him, although you will get your heart broken. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Nuff said. Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 My advice? Stay away from both for a bit. You probably don't really want to be with your bf, not really, because you've made very little mention of how you feel towards him, do you love him? Can you try and get the spark back? I think when it's at the point your R is at, it's past saving. I don't think it's wise to continue an R you know doesn't do it for you, it's not fair on either of you. You'll miss each other, no doubt. But that's normal, it will get easier. Just because someone shows they can change, and really want to be with us, doesn't mean they should be. This other guy? Not good news I say. He has a gf, has been divorced twice, (makes me wonder if he did same thing with both marriages) and if you end up together, will he only do the same thing to you? He plays at local bars, presumably where he picks up his one night stands, turned affairs. Should you trust him? No. Break it off with both. Spend time alone, but don't lead your bf on when you already know it's not there. Be fair to him and to yourself. You're 22, (snap me 2) still young, it's hard to break up with someone, it's hard to leave them behind, but you need to wake up. If you don't have a spark, or sex, what else seperates you from being just friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I can't advise you on what to do about your other, older man. But what I do know is this....break up with your bf. Then you can figure out what to do about the other man. I'd tell you to get your head out of your arse and break contact with him, but something tells me you don't care what his situation....you will want him and will still be with him no matter what he is promising this other woman. but break up with your bf, he doesn't deserve to be cheated on. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Hey, if you can't you can't. Its almost not even your fault. Maybe you are just a bad person. I guess you will either have to accept that as your lot in life OR stop banging the married guy. But if you can't, its not your fault. Link to post Share on other sites
AAlike Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 well, you know that what you're doing is wrong, so no need to expound on that. you're 22 - the last thing that you need is a sexless, spark-free relationship, or a baggage laden relationship with someone that has a family. you need the spark and spontaneity that the comedian guy provides AND the stability and availability that your BF provides. it's out there, and you're in no rush to find it - enjoy your 20's, and if it comes, it comes. Link to post Share on other sites
harmfulsweetz Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Couldn't agree more Link to post Share on other sites
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