magic108 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 My ex wanted to get back together, on thursday night she said not anymore. I did so much for her. Shes stubborn and wont change her mind. Whats the best way to change a womens mind? Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 By accepting that you cant and moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
mimiminx Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 i wish it was possible to change someone's mind, I wish I could do that with my ex! When my mind's made up that's it, no question about it. If your ex one day said one thing and the next day another, my best advice to you is to leave her alone. Completely leave her alone. Don't talk to her, beg, or plead. It would be the worst thing to do. Good luck with this one.. indecisiveness cannot be forced to change unless you stop feeding into it. Step away from the picture. Link to post Share on other sites
Author magic108 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 not even flowers or anything would help? we are like best friends. sorta. Link to post Share on other sites
JMA707 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 not even flowers or anything would help? we are like best friends. sorta. I'm sorry to say man, but theres nothing you can do. NOTHING can change her mind. The bottom line is she chose to no longer be with you and nothing you say or do can change that. The best thing you can do is to drop out of the picture and leave her alone. I'm not saying its going to be easy, it never is, but its really the only thing you can do. I tried all those things. Flowers and gifts, all that s**t. I begged, i pleaded and nothing came of it. We were best friends for so long but none of that mattered to her anymore because she didnt want to be with me anymore. I'm at the point where I havent talked to me ex for about a month now, and yeah its really hard to maintain NC. Everyday i just feel like messaging her and telling her how much I miss her, but then I look at it from her point of view. I want her back more than anything, but if you really do love this girl the only thing you can do is let her go. Just my input Link to post Share on other sites
Author magic108 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 Im not going to stop talking to her. After all she is my best friend. Maybe i should just lay low. Maybe ill ask her out in a few months, see what she says. Link to post Share on other sites
JMA707 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Im not going to stop talking to her. After all she is my best friend. Maybe i should just lay low. Maybe ill ask her out in a few months, see what she says. Yeah that might work, it all depends because I dont know the specifics of what happened. To each his own i guess. Everyones situation is different. In my case the only thing i had left to do was leave her alone because everything that could be said had already been said and she still chose to be with another guy instead of me. So I chose to leave her alone. Maybe she'll miss me, maybe not, but I can never really know unless she sees what life is like without me in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author magic108 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 Im going to surprise her. To show how much she means to me. I hope it goes well Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Im not going to stop talking to her. After all she is my best friend. Maybe i should just lay low. Maybe ill ask her out in a few months, see what she says. Talking to her is only going to prolongyour pain, and you wont give her a chance to miss you. If she doesnt miss you, theres no chance of her wanting you back. She prolly dupmed you for someone else anyway, and she will not want to move backwards. Women generally dont move backwards when they do the dumping, its just the way it is. You will get over her faster if you dont let her contact you, trust me. Dont drag it out. She isnt your best friend anymore, and if you keep pursuing her you will not only push her further away, you wont give any other girls a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author magic108 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 Maybe so, but she is till my best friend. We see each other all the time, not romantically or anything. I already did the no contact thing for a while. She does miss me, but she doesnt want the same problems to arise again. Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 It is not like in those romantic hollywood films where the good guy gets the girl at the end when she realises who she really loves when he does lots of things to impress her. You can not make someone change their mind. They wil only do it comig from themselves not by someone hassling them. If you keep hasslign them you then become annoying for them and more of a turn off. Link to post Share on other sites
JMA707 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 It is not like in those romantic hollywood films where the good guy gets the girl at the end when she realises who she really loves when he does lots of things to impress her. You can not make someone change their mind. They wil only do it comig from themselves not by someone hassling them. If you keep hasslign them you then become annoying for them and more of a turn off. I agree with adamt. Basically everything he said fits what happened to me to a T. She basically got pushed farther away by me because of my constant attempts to get back with her. She was my best friend too, but now that she ended it and we cant be anything to each other anymore...at least for the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Also by leaving them alone it is of great benefit to yourself. It helps you get your head straightened out and get your emotions under control and reflect on where the relationship went wrong. Because in the end when you split up al lthat should matter is how you look after yourself, no one else is going to fix you. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Dude, if she's not "feeling it" there is nothing - and I do seriously mean nothing - that you can do to change her mind. Flowers, poems, songs, gifts, doing things for her... none of it will mean anything. Oh, sure, she'll like the extra attention but it won't change her mind. Trust me on this - been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, wore the sucker threadbare. Unless you wish to live in agony, I suggest that you go LC or even NC (if that's possible - I know in some situations it's not possible, for instance if you're in school together or something like that). You're basically friend-zoned, and nothing you do will change that. Link to post Share on other sites
skreen23 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 The best thing you can do now is nothing. Assume the worse (that she's gone forever) and start living your life. Nobody can tell what will happen in the future but if you start chasing her you'll come across as desperate and ruin any chance you have. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 My ex wanted to get back together, on thursday night she said not anymore. I did so much for her. Shes stubborn and wont change her mind. Whats the best way to change a womens mind? I hope this is not serious...but if you are serious...the short answer is: you can't. And even if you could...why would you want to? Relationships/love are best when they are choices and stem from what both people want. Coercion and manipulation are not a good way to start a relationship. If she doesn't want to get back together...leave her be. You should only want to be with those who want you in return. Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I hope this is not serious...but if you are serious...the short answer is: you can't. And even if you could...why would you want to? Relationships/love are best when they are choices and stem from what both people want. Coercion and manipulation are not a good way to start a relationship. If she doesn't want to get back together...leave her be. You should only want to be with those who want you in return. Exactly, they have to come back because they want to. It is the only way you have any chance of it lasting if they come back. If you try to persuade them and come back and they realise they made a mistake coming back then you get hurt again and they will never ever come back Link to post Share on other sites
Author magic108 Posted September 22, 2009 Author Share Posted September 22, 2009 I guess its time to star hunting, hmm i was gonna ask her friend out. Ill see how that goes. Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 I guess its time to star hunting, hmm i was gonna ask her friend out. Ill see how that goes. Hang on! one minute you want your ex back and next minute you are going to ask her friend out? That will certainly kill any chance of getting back together. Are you over your ex that quick? Link to post Share on other sites
EarthGirl Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 I gave my "boyfriend" (quotes cause he has been seeing someone else, so he's really nobody's boyfriend but of course SHE thinks he is hers) an ultimatum simply that he needed to tell her what I mean to him. She knows about me but he downplays my importance to him (same as he does with her when talking with me-but I have my spies fortunately, plus I am not stupid (not saying she is, but she is younger and hasn't been through as much with him and men in general-he is hard to deal with sometimes, he's a gem, but yeah..) in order to keep her happy. I didn't ask him to leave her, I didn't ask him to even stop sleeping with her...I didn't ask him either to be flowery or use overkill like he does with me about his feelings for me when telling her, cause f#ck, that's gotta hurt (I know first hand actually)...I don't hate her, nor am I a cruel person, so that is definitely not what I want, not to "rub it in " to her. I simply asked him to tell her about me honestly about what we really are to eachother and to be clear with both of us if either she or I can foresee a monogomous relationship sometime soon in the future....but again I didn't even ask for that for now because right now it is long distance between him and me, and hopefully (probably) that will change in some months. Not like I don't believe a man can and should be able to live without sex for 6 whole months (lol) for the sake of waiting for the supposed "love of his life"..but I have had to say goodbye and go through my own rituals and trials with other loves before I realized he was the ultimate for me and who I really wanted, and I recognized that he needed time to do that with her anyway, and since she is closer, it seemed appropriate to use this time to do that. Anyway I gave him my ultimatum. He refused. Well I guess I know where I stand now. I am done. But as to your question, that would be the only thing he would need to do to change my mind, however, apparently it was not something he wanted to do so, what can I do. I am going to go NC and try to cut off as many ways as possible (phone, email, websites, webcam etc...I am even going to burn (perhaps the shredder would be better-less of a fire hazard) where I have his address written down, however I am afraid it may be burned into my memory anyway) that I would be tempted to communicate so it will be a little easier on me to do it for the long haul. Link to post Share on other sites
Author magic108 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Hang on! one minute you want your ex back and next minute you are going to ask her friend out? That will certainly kill any chance of getting back together. Are you over your ex that quick? Well sorta, we have been separated for a couple months now. Shes being stubborn. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts