morena25 Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 Alright, so I'm in the same position as many of the women on here. I've been w/this guy for about eight months now...of course he's married. We are completely in love w/one another, and he's in the process of the leaving his wife. His wife is completely insane. She's the type that's threatened to kill herself if he leaves her and all that. They haven't had sex since BEFORE he and I met. It had been so long that they'd had sex...that he finally just didn't care to get it from her anymore. Once she realized that, she'd wait till he went to sleep and would try to do stuff w/him. For instance, one night he was awakened by her trying to go down on him, he pushed her away from him and told her he didn't want her to do that, but she STILL kept trying...he pushed her away one last time, and left. As of now, he's getting up all his money so that he can get a place to live. Only problem, I'm pregnant. He knows already, and is very excited about it. I'm excited too, but I don't know how much longer I can wait for him to leave his wife. It's stressful waiting on him, and it hurts me to have to leave him every day so that he can go home to her. It's just a painful experience altogether. I knew exactly what I was getting into to begin with. I knew from the get-go he was married, but I NEVER imagined myself falling in love w/him, we were JUST FRIENDS to begin with, I NEVER imagined myself in this postition. My mother was cheated on twice...once by her first husband, and once by my own father...I would NEVER want to put anyone through this...yet here I am. I'm fighting w/myself trying to decide what to do. I don't wanna put my baby through this, I've felt so many times like telling him that whenever he was finally out of the marriage to let me know, but until then I was gone....yet I've stopped myself every time. I told him everything about two nights ago and his response was "we'll make it through this" He apologized a million times and said he'd "step it up"...I guess all I can do now is wait and see...or should I let it go already? Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 To be honest Morena...you don't have much to 'let go' of!! You are home with your unborn baby, while he is home with his wife. SURE, they don't have sex and she is a psycho who might kill herself..... Do you know how many married men use that line?? I think you are in a big enough mess for me not to make it worse by telling you the chances of him leaving her is slim. However, that may very well be the reality you will have to face. All you can do now is take responsibility for your unborn child. Get a lawyer and a financial agreement. Plus, if she truly IS a psycho....you might want to consider a restraining order if she contacts you in any way. Read the other posts on here regarding this subject. I think everything which can be said about it....has been said. Your predicament is as old as time.....but when it happens to you personally.....it's very painful and lonely. An affair is a mess in itself.....and yours now has a baby involved. Whether he leaves his wife or not... happiness is NOT around the corner. I have no idea why either one of you would be excited. Please take care of yourself though.....and get yourself emotionally prepared for a long road ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted November 25, 2003 Share Posted November 25, 2003 First of all, as Arabess said, I'd be very careful with any information you have about this man's wife. You refer to her as being insane, but have you actually met her? Or is the information all coming from him? If so, she could be a perfectly normal person who's freaking out because she senses her husband is having an affair. Or she could be pyshco. Take everything with a grain of salt, I guess. Second of all, be careful. Concentrate on you and the baby, and try not to expend so much energy worrying about him and his situation. You've got a child coming into the world now. You don't have to cut things off with him if you don't want to and no one can tell you what to do, but concentrate on preparing yourself to raise a child...with or without him. Let him figure out his situation. He's a grown man. If he's so unhappy, he can remove himself from the situation and let him and his wife get on with their lives. Until then, there's nothing you can do except concentrate on your life and your baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Author morena25 Posted November 26, 2003 Author Share Posted November 26, 2003 I want to thank the both of you for your responses. As for the question of whether or not I've met his wife...yes I have. I've met her many times before. My boyfriend...I guess I can call him, his sister and I are really good friends...his two sisters, and brother actually. They all know about the whole situation and are really happy that he and I are together b/c as his sisters and cousins said to me before "He's finally happy". I would never say anything about anyone in a negative way..or any way if I hadn't first met them to see just how they were to begin with. Even his family members see how crazy she is. He and I talked about everything last night and I told him that if it's gonna still take him a while to get out of there to just let me know. His wife has went as far to ask him if he wants to be seperated and he's told her yes. Only reason he "claims" to still be there is so he can save up some money to get a place to live. I completely understand that he needs a place to go, and would never want him living out in the street...so I told him that I'd help in anyway that he needed me to...just ask. So....since we only spoke about it just last night...I'm gonna give it a lil while, I guess, to see what he does. I just really need someone to talk to I guess about all this stuff. It's really hard, but I know that if he leaves her we will both finally be happy. Am I being incredibly stupid for staying in this relationship?? Should I just let it go? Please be TOTALLY honest w/me, I'm not here for sympathy or anything else. I want complete honesty from anyone that responds back to me...I can handle it...I DID put myself in this position, and I'm sure I deserve whatever may be said...besides that....it'll most likely be the truth about the entire situation that I've just never wanted to see....Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
moonspinner Posted November 26, 2003 Share Posted November 26, 2003 Am I being incredibly stupid for staying in this relationship?? Should I just let it go? Please be TOTALLY honest w/me, I'm not here for sympathy or anything else. I want complete honesty from anyone that responds back to me...I can handle it...I DID put myself in this position, and I'm sure I deserve whatever may be said...besides that....it'll most likely be the truth about the entire situation that I've just never wanted to see....Thanks again. My heart goes out to you..the both of you have concocted a really complicated scenario. I am not a big fan of affairs, cheating, undying love against all odds etc. But now you must put baby first, as said by others. See I am thinking that because he hasn't left his "crazy" wife yet, or even before he met you, there is a strong chance that he won't , ever. Something will come up, either money or she will try to kill herself to keep the drama, or whatever. IMO this guy starts projects (don't mean to call your darling baby a project) but doesn't finish them properly. It's assbackwards. And yes he probably loves you as best he can, but that isn't good enough. Plus I don't believe that his wife went down on him and he refused..hmmmm.....Unless you are in the bedroom with them, you don't know what goes on no matter what he tells you. I have learned that alot of cheaters have a sense of entitlement when it comes to having it when one of their sex partners happens to be their current spouse. She may not be the greatest lover but having you makes having her a lot easier to swallow. (not being a wise ass) In conclusion, I have no advice for you dear lady, I have failed you there. But I suspect lots of folks might recommend that you plan your financial and emotional future for the two of you as soon as possible..the two of you being You and Your Baby. If he wants you, really wants you, he might actually do something about it. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
lostforwords Posted November 26, 2003 Share Posted November 26, 2003 Am I being incredibly stupid for staying in this relationship?? Should I just let it go? #1 Yes and #2 Yes You have convinced yourself that your totally different than his wife is.... and that for some reason you and he are happy and even his family says hes the happiest they have seen him......... im sure he was the same happy on his wedding day too and they said the same thing...... you deluded yourself into wishing, hoping and thinking your not his mistress but his girlfriend..... but.... you still sit and wait for him... to leave his wife... to get enough money so he can afford an apartment... so he can finally be with you and his unborn child... so then 2, 5 maybe even 10 years down the road it'll happen again... only you'll be the psycho wife.... think about it... trust me when i say... its a viscious cycle... good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author morena25 Posted November 29, 2003 Author Share Posted November 29, 2003 I must again, give thanks to those who have responded to me. I've finally convinced myself to tell him that I can't do it anymore. My baby and I BOTH deserve better than this. I only wish I'd seen this sooner...at least then my baby wouldnt' have to go through this. Thank you all again for giving me some much needed advice...and eye opening words. Link to post Share on other sites
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