I really need insight about my wife(screwed up story)

[WebEx]

I was really glad to find this site, and I really need to hear from some other people badly to put things into perspective for me.

 

I have been married to my wife for 3 years, we've actually been together for 9 years since we were teenagers. We always had such an amazing unique thing. After getting married and having a couple of kids, I took a job offer in a bigger city and we moved. This caused lots of problems, while we were enjoying a house and job that was quite well for our age, we had no friend or family except for 2 hours away. My wife started behaving strangely, just doing stuff out of character.

 

When she quit breastfeeding, she worked hard to get in shape, and diet, and get hair and nails done, which was fine, but I noticed she was kind of getting a kick out of getting attention from other men. Then she dropped a bombshell on me, that she wanted to experiment around while we were young, and possibly do some threesomes with each of the opposite sex. This floored me because for years she was so insecure about me and other women, I could barely talk to them without her getting angry. I was a bit of the jealous type too. This really upset me, and she prodded at me with it like she would not be happy unless she could try somethings like that and be carefree for once. She seen how upset I was at this idea and said it wasn't really a good idea, she thought it might be a solution to whatever she was feeling..

 

A few months later a buddy of mine was going to come over and drink that I havent seen in forever. When he arrived and we started drinking mixed drinks, I noticed my wife being a bit flirty and making comments.. I was a bit buzzed but I could tell what was on her mind.. This was a pretty good friend of mine. I pulled my wife aside and talked to her, and tried to get her to tell me what was on her mind, and she basically said "If I tell you, you will get mad" and for whatever reason I eased her worries and said "I already know" Where I went from here was a horrible idea... I thought that if I allowed something to go on, just once, it would fix her since we had been together so young and so long. I told her we could try having a threesome with my friend, but the only way I would be comfortable with it, is if there was no kissing, no oral sex and condom at all times.. And if I made this sacrafice then she might as well set the same thing up for me to try. This was something that was just not us, and for a moment I guess I lost site of that..

 

With that said we went back and joined my friend, I brought up the idea and ofcourse he eagerly agreed.. I really thought I knew this guy, but I was wrong. The first thing that happened is she walked up to him and started making out with him.. that upset me but I tried to blow it off. We went into the bedroom and my friend kept argueing about wearing a condom.. He finally put one on, but I then noticed he had slipped it off when I wasn't looking when she started giving him oral sex. She even told me he had a condom on when he didnt at one point. After all three of my guidelines were broken, I flipped out majorly. I got dressed and stormed out and they both came out and said it maybe wasnt a good idea.

 

For whatever reason we all decided that this had the potential to be a screwed up situation if we didn't finish what we started in some way. So I reiterated my 3 guidelines and how important they were to me, and how I just wanted him to join in a for a short period then go away, so it would be done with. My wife and I went back to the bedroom and reinitiated, he came in, and joined in.. Except when he came back in, everything kind of went backwards, and before I knew I was excluded and standing there watching them go at it.. My wife is asking me whats wrong periodically while she is engaged in sex with him.. I thought to my self that maybe it would hurry up and end and be over with, but my friend kept doing things and taking them too far, he was purposly distracting her and ignoring me standing there obviously upset.. At this point I was very very pissed, so I reached in the closet and cocked my hand gun, at this point everyone jumped up and scrambled. I felt like a dumbass and threw the gun back in the closet, I only meant to get his attention..

 

He took off, then a while later my wife took off to her families with the intent on divorcing me. She eventually came back but kept making a big deal about this guy until I finally left. Then whatever switched inside her flipped and she begged me to come back and everything would be different.. I came back and everything was different for the most part.. She then started freaking out and crying and going to the Dr. to get STD test after I made her feel bad about it enough.. She wants us to be monogamous, she is very worried and insecure even more than ever about me doing something with another woman since she has done that.. We seem to be getting along better, she is not acting flirty, and she doesnt even want to be friends with the guy anymore..

 

My problem is, occassionally I get very upset thinking about what happened.. I make her feel bad about it, and then in turn she gets very upset. I really can't help the way I feel sometimes.. Half the time I love her very much and want to be with her always.. The other half of the time I feel ripped off, and I feel like a fool.

 

There it is folks, I spilled my guts in hopes you can really give me some insight. Maybe others who have went through something similiar, or maybe you want to rip into me and tell me how much of a bastard I am?? I need anything at this point, and I appreciate anyone who responds. Sorry about the long post.

[RunawayTrain]

Your wife sounds like a real piece of work. You should of never agreed to this threesome. Can you really be with her now think seriously. How are you ever going to be intimate with her ever again knowing and watching your friend pounding your wife away. Leave her. And if you dont have the sack to leave her. If I were you I would man up and make her go through what she made you go through, hey its only fair right ? Her part of the bargain. Lets see how emotionally torn up she will be as you are railing another woman right in front of her.

[AAlike]

wow, if this is all true, talk about a textbook story for not trying a threesome while in a relationship!

 

Here's a question - was one or both of you a virgin when you first got together as teenagers?

 

That information would help me a lot when evaluating your question...

[Guitarjeff]

Read all of this thread.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t198811/

 

If an exclusive, intimate relationship has value to you, and it appears it does, then you should have never done this to begin with. Now that the deed has been done, you can never say "My wife and I have been intimately exclusive since the day we fell in love." That's a big statement to have to make. Now the question is, can you accept that statement and still consider her the love of your life and feel she is the person you are supposed to grow old with. It really boils down to that, and there is no way to cheat out of answering that question. Part of your inner self may hedge back and forth, maybe you can live with the pain, and just be sad, and maybe the sadness won't be as bad as losing our family, then other times you say I can't live the rest of my life like this. I personally would't waste time in pain going back and forth. Make a decision and stick to it. Your children are a huge part of this decision.

 

Remember, the deed can never be undone, so you have to consider that you will never have the exclusive, intimate thing between just you and her, that's gone forever and all time. The question is, do you value and even require that exclusive intimacy in your life, with the love of your life.

 

Other points--You were part of this decision too, so whatever you decide, make sure there is no anger toward her because people make mistakes, you both did here, so if you feel that you cannot consider her your life long love and just value that exclusive feeling too much to live life without it, then be nice about explaining that to her and tell her you can't go on like this and that you both need to go your own way. You explain it to her just like I did to you, no accusations and anger, just tell her you have to have that exclusive love to consider someone a life-long soul mate.

 

If you feel you can live and accept the loss of that special intimacy, then make your decision to do so, and then stop hedging on it, stop going back and forth, explain it all to her and what the loss of that special intimacy means to you and how you will pine for it for a while, but that you think you can live without it and you are right now deciding that both of you are going to put it in the past, but once you ponder on this and make the decision, stick to it, no wishy washy stuff. The reason is because once you make a final decision in your mind, it gives you a light at the end of the tunnel. It doesn't mean you are not going to still hurt, but it will be easier to handle because you will have made a final decision about it and then you will have a goal of moving forward, and you will feel more secure in your own skin when that final decision is made and it's 100 percent decided. That's when you will begin the healing mode, no matter which way you decide to go. No one can make this decision for you, we can only outline the parameters for you, help you set yourself for the decision, but it still has to be yours and it's got to come from your soul, it's as simple as that.

 

Get started on your soul-searching and good luck.

[WebEx]

To AAlikes question: No each of us had around 3 partners before eachother if you count just intercourse. There was lots of insecurity from both of us in the beginning when we really fell for eachother about eachothers past.

 

I really appreciate those who took time to actually give a descent response. Its nice to know that people out there could feel the same way as me..

 

Its been rough, we actually seperated for 3 days and I told her maybe we could reset things if we had a seperation period for about 3 months, but she just showed back up out of nowhere out of insecurity of me being with other women.

 

I'm really just floored, she has always been a very sweet girl that no one would have suspected capable of anything like this. I do agree that I helped make the decision, thats why I told her I wasnt upset about what I tried to condone, but I was upset about the agreement and betrayal along with it.

 

I've chalked her attitude up to a few different things, she had some traumatic things happen when she was very young that could have affected her sexual attitude once we became adults.. She also has a brother who is very well off and is very into swinging and he makes his life sound like its much superior to anyone else who is "close minded"

 

I can respect people like that if thats their choice, but I couldnt have a relationship like unless it was that way from day 1, then I could keep my self from gaining certain attachments to someone.

 

I'm giving it my best shot at this point.. I keep telling my self atleast it wasn't something behind my back completely.. I truely do not believe she is capable of that.. I'm actually more pissed at my used to be friend right now more so.. He took a bad decision and made it worse..

[Dexter Morgan]

A few months later a buddy of mine was going to come over and drink that I havent seen in forever. When he arrived and we started drinking mixed drinks, I noticed my wife being a bit flirty and making comments.. I was a bit buzzed but I could tell what was on her mind.. This was a pretty good friend of mine. I pulled my wife aside and talked to her, and tried to get her to tell me what was on her mind, and she basically said "If I tell you, you will get mad"

 

wow, all I can say is, you have one horrible wife on your hands. so, on with the story.

 

 

 

and for whatever reason I eased her worries and said "I already know" Where I went from here was a horrible idea... I thought that if I allowed something to go on, just once, it would fix her since we had been together so young and so long. I told her we could try having a threesome with my friend, but the only way I would be comfortable with it, is if there was no kissing, no oral sex and condom at all times.. And if I made this sacrafice then she might as well set the same thing up for me to try. This was something that was just not us, and for a moment I guess I lost site of that..

 

bad idea my man. you gave in to her. She wants another man in her besides you. now she has a taste and will crave it from now on.

 

 

 

With that said we went back and joined my friend, I brought up the idea and ofcourse he eagerly agreed

 

gee...what a guy!

 

 

I really thought I knew this guy, but I was wrong. The first thing that happened is she walked up to him and started making out with him

 

didn't waste any time did she. Rather than starting with you, she started with him.

 

I'm sorry, you have a ho on your hands.

 

 

 

that upset me but I tried to blow it off. We went into the bedroom and my friend kept argueing about wearing a condom.. He finally put one on, but I then noticed he had slipped it off when I wasn't looking when she started giving him oral sex.

 

as if this situation isn't bad enough, she was suppose to leave oral sex out of it. And something tells me ALL of her attention was on him too.

 

 

 

She even told me he had a condom on when he didnt at one point. After all three of my guidelines were broken, I flipped out majorly. I got dressed and stormed out and they both came out and said it maybe wasnt a good idea.

 

gee...no sh#t?

 

 

For whatever reason we all decided that this had the potential to be a screwed up situation if we didn't finish what we started in some way. So I reiterated my 3 guidelines and how important they were to me, and how I just wanted him to join in a for a short period then go away, so it would be done with.

 

you really think he would just want to go away? he wants an orgasm out of this. its not going to be just a "short period", unless he is a minuteman.

 

He want to cum in or on her. otherwise, whats the point?

 

 

My wife and I went back to the bedroom and reinitiated, he came in, and joined in.. Except when he came back in, everything kind of went backwards, and before I knew I was excluded and standing there watching them go at it.. My wife is asking me whats wrong periodically while she is engaged in sex with him.. I thought to my self that maybe it would hurry up and end and be over with, but my friend kept doing things and taking them too far, he was purposly distracting her and ignoring me standing there obviously upset.. At this point I was very very pissed, so I reached in the closet and cocked my hand gun, at this point everyone jumped up and scrambled. I felt like a dumbass and threw the gun back in the closet, I only meant to get his attention..

 

Hope they both were scared sh#tless.

 

 

He took off, then a while later my wife took off to her families with the intent on divorcing me. She eventually came back but kept making a big deal about this guy until I finally left. Then whatever switched inside her flipped and she begged me to come back and everything would be different.. I came back and everything was different for the most part.. She then started freaking out and crying and going to the Dr. to get STD test after I made her feel bad about it enough.. She wants us to be monogamous

 

bullsh#t. she only said that so you don't divorce her worthless ass.

 

She doesn't want to be monogomous. She wants sex with other men.

 

 

she is very worried and insecure even more than ever about me doing something with another woman since she has done that

 

well, you shouldn't stoop to her ho's level. You made vows...KEEP THEM!!

 

but its funny how she wants strange d!ck inside her, but she doesn't want you getting some yourself? Oh man. Why are you still with this pig?

 

 

We seem to be getting along better, she is not acting flirty, and she doesnt even want to be friends with the guy anymore..

 

neither of you can't be friends if for some reason beyond me you want to stay married. He is now OUT as a friend or contact of any kind.

 

 

My problem is, occassionally I get very upset thinking about what happened.. I make her feel bad about it, and then in turn she gets very upset. I really can't help the way I feel sometimes.. Half the time I love her very much and want to be with her always.. The other half of the time I feel ripped off, and I feel like a fool.

 

ask yourself.....whats to love? She is a woman that wanted to f##k other men...and a so-called "friend" of yours no doubt.

 

if you think she wants monogomy, you are sorely mistaken. If you think she wouldn't really like to jump in the sack with another man, and wouldn't do it even if the most opportune moment arose where she didn't think you'd find out.....think again.

 

this is the kind of woman you have....a woman that wants other men and would jump one if she thought you wouldn't find out. if you can live with that, then good luck.

 

 

There it is folks, I spilled my guts in hopes you can really give me some insight. Maybe others who have went through something similiar, or maybe you want to rip into me and tell me how much of a bastard I am??

 

no, I don't think you are a bastard at all. You are just a guy that was so in love up to his eyeballs that you made a stupid, foolish mistake of thinking that if she gets it out of her system, things would be ok.

 

I do think you'd be a fool to stay married to her.

 

And if you do stay married to her, only way to make sure she doesn't spread her legs for another man is to have her on house arrest. And you don't want to be that kind of man either.

 

So my advice is contact a good attorney and file for divorce....and if you do, DO NOT let her know you are doing it. Let the day she is served papers be the day she finds out.

[AAlike]

To me the problem is not what went on in the bedroom (other than the no condom part - WTF is that?!?!?) - ideally it is ridiculous to expect people to act within rigid guidelines when having what is clearly established as sport sex, and I completely disagree that she is a "whore" and can no longer be a "sweet girl" because she wanted to try something off the wall - plus given the fact that her brother has probably been telling her how great it is probably factored into her decision to suggest it.

 

However, my problem is that she continued to push this on you despite knowing how you felt about it - and by doing this she basically was willing to risk your marriage to act out on this fantasy. that, to me, implies that she is selfish and inconsiderate. Once you told her that it wasn't a good idea, that should have immediately made it a dead issue. but not only did she continue to harp on it, she basically was making a subtle play to arrange for it right in front of you!! not cool.

[Dexter Morgan]

Its been rough, we actually seperated for 3 days and I told her maybe we could reset things if we had a seperation period for about 3 months, but she just showed back up out of nowhere out of insecurity of me being with other women.

 

oh, but she wanted to be with another man....geez. talk about double standards.

 

 

I'm really just floored, she has always been a very sweet girl that no one would have suspected capable of anything like this. I do agree that I helped make the decision

 

no, she decided that she wanted another man all along...you just allowed it and made her fantasy become reality.....which was her goal all along.

 

 

I've chalked her attitude up to a few different things, she had some traumatic things happen when she was very young that could have affected her sexual attitude once we became adults..

 

so you are giving her a pass because of this?

 

 

I'm giving it my best shot at this point.. I keep telling my self atleast it wasn't something behind my back completely.. I truely do not believe she is capable of that.. I'm actually more pissed at my used to be friend right now more so

 

even though you shouldn't have any friendship with him, you shouldn't be more pissed at him. She wanted him, you and your wife both propositioned him. Even though a good friend would have turned you both down, he did what you 2 asked him to do.

 

The person you need to be more pissed at is your so-called wife.

[WebEx]

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. I say its worth a shot for the kids, and in the future the threshold for disloyalty will be non-existent with me. I will be out the door so fast and never look back. I know there are plenty of women who would love to have a guy as loyal and hard working as me and I would never have to deal with any of this ****.

 

I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt just this one time on something I helped happen. It was a horrible idea.

 

I'll never be friends with this guy again, he used to be one of my best friends, now he probably shouldn't ever come near me.

[Lucky_One]

Why do I get the impression that she and your friend have been having an EMA behind your back for a while now?

[Dexter Morgan]

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. I say its worth a shot for the kids, and in the future the threshold for disloyalty will be non-existent with me. I will be out the door so fast and never look back.

 

I'm sorry to have to say this, but no.....I don't believe that will happen.

 

 

I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt just this one time on something I helped happen. It was a horrible idea.

 

regardless whether you helped the actual 3some happen....she wanted him to begin with...she was flirting with him and showing him sexual interest.

 

bottom line...she wants to have sex with other men....whether she actually gets to go out and do it now is irrelevant....you are the husband of a woman that wants this.

 

 

I'll never be friends with this guy again, he used to be one of my best friends, now he probably shouldn't ever come near me.

 

see...this is the part that doesn't make any sense. I understand the anger towards the friend....but you should be more angry with your wife.

 

If you aren't friends with him because of what happened...you shouldn't be the husband of a woman that wanted him in the first place.

 

You are the husband of a woman that will always want a different man to have sex with. You can keep her from actually having sex with another man, but she will always have the desire to do so. And if ever the opportune moment came up where you were she is away from you for a few days, and she knew you'd never find out....oh nelly!!

 

but again, if you are sooooo angry with this friend, why aren't you equally or more so angry with your wife?

[AAlike]

You are the husband of a woman that will always want a different man to have sex with. You can keep her from actually having sex with another man, but she will always have the desire to do so. And if ever the opportune moment came up where you were she is away from you for a few days, and she knew you'd never find out....oh nelly!!

 

see this I disagree with.

 

Dexter I am obviously well aware of your feelings on cheaters, and in light of them I can see why you'd say this, but remember his wife did not cheat.

 

His wife suggested that they experiment together - that is completely different than doing something behind his back. While I do believe that the idea of sharing a sexual experience with an outsider within the confines of a relationship is usually an ill-conceived notion that plays out very badly (note I said usually, I know a few people who have done this and have said it was great), in principle it is not disloyal or devious in the same way as cheating, and it does not imply that the wife wants to have sex with other men without the SO present.

 

I am not saying that the wife is without blame here - she certainly is not. When OP was apprehensive about it she should have immediately nixed the idea...by coercing him into it she basically was putting her curiousity above his feelings and she should have known that she was basically risking the stability of the relationship. And to start flirting with the guy before OP agreed to anything is also incredibly disrespectful. I'm not as concerned with how the actual scene played out - in fact given the circumstances in which this took place, it'd be hard to imagine it playing out any other way (although the gun was a bit unexpected).

 

So while I agree that the path to forgiveness is going to be a tough one, and that if I were in OP's situation I would be seriously questioning if this was the right one for me, I do not think that he needs to be concerned that his wife is going to be jumping into bed with guys behind his back.

[Browneyedbelle]

There it is folks, I spilled my guts in hopes you can really give me some insight. Maybe others who have went through something similiar, or maybe you want to rip into me and tell me how much of a bastard I am?? I need anything at this point, and I appreciate anyone who responds. Sorry about the long post.

-------------------------------------

 

 

wow honey... well let me say this first off. you're not alone. I've been with my guy a bit over a year and found out that he had cheated on me 7 times in the first 8 months of our relationship... yea I left and we ended things. then he came back and begged me back and told me exactly what i wanted to hear. well come to find out 2 months later he was trying to meet up with someone again... BUT IT WASNT A FEMALE... yea... so i felt like i was out against the world. How do I fight for someone when I have to fight off the world? How do I compare... well anywho we talked our **** out and I told him Im done. I sold his laptop and I go through his phone and gps regularly... but I still have my doubts... YES AND FOR THOSE OF YOU READING THIS I KNOW ITS PATHETIC SO PLEASE DONT TELL ME WHAT A LOSER I AM... As to you're situation its understandable if she wanted to experiment most females do but some are too insecure to say anything. I wanted to try stuff w my guy but was terrified if something happened they'd keep it up behind my back.... what ya'll need to do.. corny as it sounds is talk. Get all of you're **** out in the open and let it go... If needs be go see a therapist... it's the only way you're gonna work you're stuff out or you're gonna loose eachother... that or ask her to do something just for you.. like if you want to watch her and another chick... or some other fantasy you have... set up guidlines and let the other person know from the get go how its gonna be... otherwise you'll end up upset again....

 

hope this helps

[seibert253]

The two of you need MC to overcome this.

 

Question: Do you think she will ever do something like this again? Does she know how much this hurt you? Is she remorseful?

 

Unless she's willing to put everything into your marriage, and stay true to you, then you're wasting your time.

 

If you haven't done so, you need to sit down and have a frank, heartfilled discussion about this. Each of you need to know where the other stands. If she still has the urges, or wants, to be with other men, you need to kick her to the curb now. Because she will cheat on you.

[Boos]

OK, I guess I"ll play the devil's advocate (devil being the wife, in this case).

 

It sounds like everyone was drunk this night, and everyone got stupid. I think we can all admit that when we've had too much to drink we're not at our sophisticated and ethical best? Given that husband and wife both agreed to get stupid (just not how stupid), maybe this one could be swept under the rug?

 

So the next time, wife says "Maybe fooling around with some other guy might make me feel sexy". Then the husband says "Yeah, and maybe shooting that guy in the head would make me feel sexy." Then they both laugh nervously, and let the subject drop, and that's that?

 

I think that's how I would play it.

[WebEx]

This is some good discussion here. I can definately understand how this could change someone as far as maybe wanting more of other people, or could change the husband as not seeing his wife quite the same way. This has been a real struggle, and yes I've been just as pissed at my wife as I have my friend or more. My friend when I talked to him about it only defended himself, I told him I wasn't mad at him for participating but mad about him taking things too far and being deceptive. I dropped him as a friend, I've known this guy for years, worked with him at two different jobs, I was even the one who helped get him started in his career field.. He lost a valuable friend of many years, and his mentor.

 

As far as my wife, at first I would blow up about the whole thing on her a few times a week, over time I've calmed down a bit, but I let her know that its really tough for me to continue on.

 

Just for everyones information about thinking there was an affair, I'm pretty damn sure there was not. Afterwards I monitored her cell phone and keylogged her computer without her knowing I even had the capability and everything has checked out so far.

 

We have had a really awesome relationship up until that point, yes she was very intoxicated. This guy also lives in a whole different state. I do believe he wouldn't have done anything behind my back, he just did something when I asked him to and got carried away. Still doesn't change anything, if he had played by my rules, especially the condom thing then we would probably still be friends. I told my wife to never contact this guy or I'm out the door. She is very remorseful, she has broke down and cried on several occassions. And after it first happened, we decided we should probably divorce, I took off for the night to go party.. After about 4 hours she shows up out of no where, walks in the house where I'm partying at, she throws her self at my feet in front of the whole place begging for my forgiveness. That would be quite embarassing for someone to do. I do believe her that she wants forgiveness and to forget the whole thing, so thats why I'm even attempting this.

 

The shock has worn off a bit, but if anyone out there is considering this, it will be hard to really feel exactly the same way about her.. We were so crazy about eachother for years, it was not like any relationship I've ever had before.. So please anyone reading this, if your in a relationship like that and think you want to take it to the next level, be prepared.

 

The only way I could ever be in any kind of swinger relationship is if it was that way from the very beginning, then I could hold off on becoming so attached to someone. Sharing someone is not love, love is usually the inability to share. Guys are also programmed instinctively to protect their exclusive mating rights. And if your friend ever asked you to participate in something, I wouldn't say its a bad idea 100% of the time, but you better question them if it seems out of character.. I see all the time, fantasy is much better than reality. I don't regret pulling a gun after the fact, my regret is not making this guy piss his pants even more.

 

If I don't feel better after more time, I will attempt MC, if that doesn't work I will just have to move on. I'm my own person, I have a career that pays descently, I have talents that I put aside for the family life, I could have way more going on for me than my wife could. If I don't feel better in the long run, then the best revenge is to live well. She can sit and miss the security I brought, my unwavering loyalty and always remember she ****ed up a truly good thing/person.

[Dexter Morgan]

Affair or not, a 3some approved by you or not, fact remains...she still wanted your "friend" was flirting with him, and wanted to jump him that night regardless of how you felt about it.

 

You have a wife that wants other men and has proven, BEFORE you foolishly agreed to let another man enter her, that she was laying the groundwork to have another man.

 

You think you can trust this woman? Is this what you want in a wife?

[AAlike]

Affair or not, a 3some approved by you or not, fact remains...she still wanted your "friend" was flirting with him, and wanted to jump him that night regardless of how you felt about it.

 

You have a wife that wants other men and has proven, BEFORE you foolishly agreed to let another man enter her, that she was laying the groundwork to have another man.

 

You think you can trust this woman? Is this what you want in a wife?

 

dude, the guy came to his conclusion. let him be.

 

OP, I wish you luck. It is pretty obvious that it was a bad decision for all involved, and you are correct that only time will decide whether or not you can or should get over it.

[Dexter Morgan]

dude, the guy came to his conclusion. let him be.

 

ya....good luck with that.

[Auroracoladybug]

Okay so somthing similar happened to a dear family friend...there was a resentment for a long time...it is not the issue of her interest in experimenting it is seting those boundaries that you are comfortable with and communicating...If you truly love her than Seibert is right get some counseling or make a serious decision of how to face this...He accepted that it was what made his wife happy but they were close as always...I would not want my spouse to want that attention from others but would understand the flatery...I don't think you are weak for trying to make her happy but you both need to face this so there is not the see saw of making each other upset about it...

[WebEx]

Dexter is absolutely correct in most things he says. Thats something Im gonna have to deal with. I'm a bit curious as to what Dexters story is, he has much resentment towards women who stray in any manner. On a side note, Dexter is our favorite show.. haha

 

In a way this whole event has made me more secure.. Before this happened in our relationship we were both pretty insecure sometimes, and scared about how it would feel for infidelity to occur. Its probably a fear of coping and dealing with the pain and not knowing what to do.. As of now, I've got alot of that out of my system, so now I know if anything ever happens again then its straight up over and I'll know this wasn't meant to be and I can continue on in life.

 

My family is full of alcoholics, alcohol has trashed their lives, I drink sometimes on the weekends, sometimes in the past we got really carried away with the drinking.. It saddens me in the fact that I let alcohol trash some aspects of my life as well. When we get drunk we don't make good decisions and we both have the capability of being pretty cruel if we get angry.

 

Here's a good point of advise for anyone thinking about attempting anything like this, do it sober that way all your inhibitions are intact.

[Dexter Morgan]

Dexter is absolutely correct in most things he says. Thats something Im gonna have to deal with. I'm a bit curious as to what Dexters story is, he has much resentment towards women who stray in any manner.

 

Its not about "women", as you would see, I feel women AND men who stray are despicable.

 

My story? thought I was being a good husband, watched our children so she could get out of the house once in a while with her friends....was played for a fool...I divorced her. thats it in a nutshell.

 

but like I said before, you are going to have to put up with what you are feeling when you look at her face every day. again, good luck with that.

[Untouchable_Fire]

In a way this whole event has made me more secure.. Before this happened in our relationship we were both pretty insecure sometimes, and scared about how it would feel for infidelity to occur. Its probably a fear of coping and dealing with the pain and not knowing what to do.. As of now, I've got alot of that out of my system, so now I know if anything ever happens again then its straight up over and I'll know this wasn't meant to be and I can continue on in life.

 

I think your moving in a bad direction.

 

Do you honestly believe that she has just done a 180 and all those fantasies of other men are gone? I doubt it. Chances are she is just emotionally tied up at the moment trying to make sure you don't leave. Once it's clear your not going anywhere... she is going to get the itch again.

 

Do you know WHY she wanted another guy? Isn't that question the 800lb gorilla?

[someotherguy]

She'll act remorseful for a time. She'll apologize profusely. She'll even go so far as to make you feel bad for having to forgive her so much.

 

And ten or fifteen years down the road you'll end up divorced anyway, except you'll have kids who know all the sordid details of all her affairs and flings over the years, and a bunch of assets to split up (that you worked your a$$ off to attain, but she gets half anyway), and huge attorney bills, and massive alimony to the cheating b!tch who ruined your life.

 

She knew you were reticent to do it, and she pushed you anyway. She has no respect for you, and will not gain any. Trust me on this. Your relationship is dead in the water, she'll abuse you when you're least expecting it, and she'll know she can come crawling back at any time.

 

But...deep in your heart...you will never forgive her for this. It will eat at you. It will erode your soul. It will compromise your values. You will become more insecure. You will question what she's doing when she's late coming home from work or out with friends. Jealousy will breed resentment, and ultimately hatred.

 

Let it go, and try again with a new woman. One who respects you and your relationship. And next time, make sure you really know the person you're making a commitment to.

[Bleeve]

What would bother me the most is the fact that just after agreeing to 3 rules, she went ahead and broke all 3 and then ignored you during the "threesome" .....that is the part I would not forget as she cannot be trusted plain and simple