How to DATE???

[Felicity]

Good Morning!

 

I have a question that might seem silly, but I'm terribly serious! I'm 30...

 

I was engaged to be married (7 yr relationship) and was jilted a while back. I went through my denial, depression, my anger, bitterness, and I accept that we will never get back together or marry each other, and wish him well. Yes, I went to counseling, thank goodness! :-) Now, well-meaning friends have tried to fix me up in the past, but I refused, because I was not emotionally ready.

 

Now I feel healed, but am not looking for a boyfriend, just friends.

 

Anyway, I'm am a bit of an old fashioned girl, and I don't know anything about the dating scene. I had 2 boyfriends before my ex-, but that was when I was in college and it wasn't so much 'dating' as just 'hanging out'. I feel like a lamb being led to slaughter! So many wolves out there!

 

Everyone (and my own conscience) says to 'go slow', which I plan to do. I state right out that I am not looking for anything MORE than friendship. They usually want to know why, and I give them a brief explanation that I was in a long term relationship and engaged, it did not work out, and I am not looking to jump right away into a relationship...

 

Is it really alright to date different guys simultaneously?

 

I worry if it will effect my reputation...

 

Thanks for any input.

[magicklady]

Ruin your Reputation???? I think everyone dates around these days. Old fashioned is great, but it can cause you to be with the wrong man... because you are not willing to get out there and find out what might be around. As far as being a lamb led to the slaughter, just listen to your intuition about people. If you are to go on a date maybe you could just meet them at the restraunt incase you are not interested after you have been there for a while you can leave by your own means. Dating is not an easy thing these days but there are a few good men left. If you go around telling men that all you want is friendship however, you are never going to meet someone that you might be interested in for more. By keeping people out you are still in denial even though you have been to theropy.. go on with your life and if you meet someone you might be interested in don't be afraid to go for it.. for after all if we never try we never know what might have been!! Good luck with your dating!

[Tony T]

You're going to have to learn a lot of this by trial and error but more of it has to do with who you go out with than how you conduct yourself.

 

There are a lot of classy guys who will take you to plays, movies, concerts, symphonies, etc. and treat you like a lady. There are others who will take you to eat, if you're lucky, get you to a bar to see if they can get you tipsy, and try to get you to their place.

 

You will be able to sort them out quickly. Always be assertive if you make a mistake and misread someone. That's pretty easy to do.

 

Be yourself. Speak your mind. Go with the flow...and long as it's in the direction you want it to go. Have a good time.

 

But especially don't worry so much. A 30 year old single lady who is nice will be in fierce demand by some pretty decent guys in their early to mid thirties.

 

Don't give new guys you meed a lot of details of your past relationship. Just the bare essentials. And don't make it a topic of lengthy conversation.

 

You are wise to set out not to get serious...but be open minded. If you find a guy who really rings your chimes, think about doing some more intense exploration of the possibilities when you are comfortable doing that.

[JOHN]

LISTEN TO ME! DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR REP. IF YOU ARE A PERSON WHO LIVES IN THE (THIS SECOND)JUST DO WHAT YOU WANT AND WHEN YOU TALK TO PEOPLE,THEY WILL SEE WHO YOU ARE AND YOUR REPUTATION WILL TAKE CARE OF ITSELF!!!!BESIDES WHO GIVES A ##### WHAT PEOPLE THINK.DO WHAT YOU WANT.

Good Morning! I have a question that might seem silly, but I'm terribly serious! I'm 30... I was engaged to be married (7 yr relationship) and was jilted a while back. I went through my denial, depression, my anger, bitterness, and I accept that we will never get back together or marry each other, and wish him well. Yes, I went to counseling, thank goodness! :-) Now, well-meaning friends have tried to fix me up in the past, but I refused, because I was not emotionally ready.

 

Now I feel healed, but am not looking for a boyfriend, just friends. Anyway, I'm am a bit of an old fashioned girl, and I don't know anything about the dating scene. I had 2 boyfriends before my ex-, but that was when I was in college and it wasn't so much 'dating' as just 'hanging out'. I feel like a lamb being led to slaughter! So many wolves out there! Everyone (and my own conscience) says to 'go slow', which I plan to do. I state right out that I am not looking for anything MORE than friendship. They usually want to know why, and I give them a brief explanation that I was in a long term relationship and engaged, it did not work out, and I am not looking to jump right away into a relationship... Is it really alright to date different guys simultaneously? I worry if it will effect my reputation...

 

Thanks for any input.