My husband won't kiss me!

[AprilFool]

We have been married for eight months. When we were dating, all he wanted to do was kiss kiss kiss! Now, I've noticed more and more that we hardly ever kiss. I mean we peck our lips together all the time, but we never passionately kiss.

 

My husband has a few hangups....aka, he refuses to get intimate until he's taken a shower. Even on his days off, when he's taken a shower the night before, and the only thing he's done in his body since his shower is sleep, he still won't get intimate until he's taken a shower. In fact, my turn on line to him is, "go take a shower *wink*". Don't tell me that's crazy...

 

Back to the point: Considering my husbands hang ups, I figured the reason he wouldn't passionately kiss me is because he felt that he needed to brush his teeth. So, yesterday after we had been intimate *without a single open mouthed kiss* we got dressed, and I put my arms around him, and he put his arms around me, and I asked him if we could just sit on the couch and kiss for a little while. He said "later". Football was on, so I figured I could wait.....after all, I'd already interrupted quite a bit of his football time already.

 

Well, bedtime rolled around, and I had brushed my teeth, and was ready for bed, and when he said he was going to bed, I said, "Don't forget to brush your teeth." He got giggly, and he was playful, like, "Nah, I'm going to skip that tonight." and stuff like that (he gets playful when we are about to get cuddly). Anyways, he brushed his teeth, and came to bed.

 

I started to make my move on him, and we were kissing, but with our mouths closed! After about ten minutes of that, I started talking to him while we kissed to get him to ease up. I would even open my mouth a little bit, and flick my tongue on his lips, as a hint for him to open up...

 

NOTHING WORKED!

 

So finally, I asked him to open his mouth. He said, "OK", but still didn't. Then, I flirtingly said, "I want a passionate kiss like on TV." He giggled playfully, but still didn't open up!

 

I asked him why he wouldn't kiss me, and he couldn't give me a straight answer.

 

Tonight, he went to bed, and I came in to kiss him goodnight before I took a shower, and I asked him for some "lovins" and he said, "turn off the light." So I turned off the light, and when I got back in bed, he said, "Good night." and rolled over. At this point, I'm absolutely sick of begging.

 

I'm just mad!!!! When I was walking away, I sarcastically said, "It's a shame you get married, and your husband won't even kiss you." He said, "Yeah, it's a shame."

 

WHAT IS UP!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Anyone else faced this problem or have any ideas!?!?!?!?! I think I've tried everything! I even held his nose until he had to open his mouth to breath!!! Of course, that ended up being so funny that I started laughing, and couldn't get my mouth on him fast enough.

 

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Arabess]

Geez April....I would find that a little disconcerning myself! I have no idea what his actions (or lack of them) would imply. I'd be pissed!!

 

I'm assuming your going to have to confront him on it face to face. You really haven't been married so long that one would expect the fire to be burned down THAT low! Is he still the same as far as being sexually interested....or is it just the kiss thing that he's avoiding?????

[AprilFool]

Everything else has gotten better as our marriage has gotten older. I just happened to notice that he didn't open his mouth as much when we kiss, then it got down to absolutely none! Sometimes when we were "intimate" he used to open his mouth, but not any more. I just started noticing recently...and yeah, I AM PISSED!!!!

[Arabess]

This is just an abstract thought.....but maybe he has a dental problem. Like a chipped tooth which hurts when too much air gets on it?

 

Maybe there will be some other posters who will have some suggestions as to why this has occurred.

[Faerie Princess]

When my marriage had hit a rough patch, and we weren't happy with one another, and we fought rather than communicated. There wasn't a lot of kissing then.

 

I'd sit him down and talk to him. Not right when you've been asking for something he doesn't seem to want to give, but at a separate time.

 

"I feel that we're not kissing, and I know I really want to. I don't know why you haven't been receptive to this, and before I start to make up a lot of reasons in my head, I want to know what your reason is. Do you know? Have you thought about this?"

 

State what you want clearly. Listen with an open mind.

[AprilFool]

I asked why he wouldn't kiss me the other night.

 

He said he wasn't in the mood for kissing

 

I asked how I could make him in the mood for kissing

 

He said not to try to force him

 

I asked him what he meant

 

He said that I shouldn't try to make him kiss me if he's not in the mood.

 

In my defense, I thought that he was in the mood, because he brushed his teeth for me, and he was in a giggly mood. I guess the fact that he wouldn't open up and kiss me should've tipped me off.

 

I also always thought that if you rubbed and loved enough someone would GET in the mood.

 

~I need more advice guys~

 

I want a biiiiiiiiiiiiiig goooooooooooood kiss so bad I can't stand it. It is so frusterating to want something as simple as a kiss, AND NOT GET IT. It's not like I'm asking for sex What do I do now?

[Faerie Princess]

Maybe the problem is that you want you want you want.

 

What does he want?

 

Will you die if you don't get your way?

 

You've made you desires clear. What about his? Maybe focusing on him a little, listen to what he has to say and just listen, don't tell him how to be or what to do or anything, just say "oh wow" "I see" "okay" and let him feel he is important. Let him be important.

[Reckless]

From what you said I don't think you in fact communicated effectively with your husband. Good communication is not just touching a subject, it's understanding how both parties feel about something and coming to a mutually satisfying conclusion (not necessarily what you want, but what you can live with).

 

You still do not know why he's stopped kissing you.

 

Your 'problem' is not 'why he didn't kiss you the other night', your problem is you are feeling physically and emotionally resentful because kissing means a lot to you, and you don't understand how when you were dating he kissed you so much and now won't kiss you at all.

 

He may have a whole host of reasons, just not into it, never was but faked it, dental, mental, emotional. It may seem 'juvenile' to him now your married (many people aren't prepared for the shift in perception that happens when they actually tie the knot) or something you never dreamed of. My guess is that it's a hygiene hang up but I could be way off - actually, a lot of men just aren't into kissing or think that it always has to lead to sex so don't really want to start if they're not up to 'finishing the job'...

 

Bottom line is, for many (men and women), kissing is almost as intimate as sex and is sorely missed if it's not a part of the deal. You may have to compromise on this but if you can communicate (effectively) how important it is to you I'm sure he can at least make an effort.

[AprilFool]

How do I find out what he wants? Yeah, I AM the only one who ever wants anything. He use to initiate sex, but he doesn't any more. In fact, if I don't initiate, we'd never have it! It's like he's not interested in sex or kissing. He did initiate it the other day, however, and I happily obliged. But I had to do EVERYTHING HIS way. 90% of the time when we do have sex, we have to do it his way, or he gets agrivated and doesn't want to do it any more. I've adjusted myself, and now I like it his way (me on top) but sometimes I'd like to be on the bottom. He gives a heavy sigh, and gets on top, but soon loses his erection.

 

It's like he's lost all interest in sex. We've been married 8 months, and lately, we are lucky if we have sex once a week. I assumed the reason for the lack of interest was because he was so tired from working all the time (his job has him getting up at 3:30a.m., leaving at 4 , and not arriving home until after 5p.m.). I never pushed before, because I didn't want to be selfish. Last weekend, though, he didn't want to all weekend, even when I initiated, and now I'm absolutely starved!

 

I HAVE NEEDS TOO!!!! I'M TRYING NOT TO BE SELFISH, BUT MY GOD!!!! I think at this point, he's the one being selfish. What is wrong with him? Why doesn't my husband want to be with me. When we were dating (8 months ago) he was all hot for me, and I'm still attractive. I am pretty sure he's not cheating on me, because he's never late, and I look at our bank statement, and nothing is weird. We never have any unexplained phone calls or anything, and his Mom cheated on his Dad, and he hates her so much because of it that he won't even speak to her so I'm pretty sure there's no one else.

 

He does look at porn online though. Not a lot, but a little, and he tries to hide it from me, which I don't like. He's not online very much, though (just on his days off, and on saturday nights) so I don't think he's online with another woman.

 

Do some men just have low sex drive? Do you think it's a problem in our marriage? Do you think there's something wrong with me?

 

Yes, sometimes I do push for sex or something close, but if I didn't, I'D NEVER GET ANY!!!!!

[AprilFool]

He did tell me last night not to nag. I don't know what that means. I never ask him for anything. I don't even ask for sex. I just start putting the moves on him. If he doesn't respond, I usually take the hint, and leave him alone, and hide my hurt feelings. I don't want him to be with me because he's afraid I'll cry. I want him to be with me, because he wants to.

 

But lately he doesn't want to, and I'm so hungry for it that I don't CARE if he wants me or not. At this point, JUST GIVE ME WHAT I NEED. It's not like I'm asking for it every day! Just once in a while. I thought men wanted it all the time. All of my married friends are agrivated because their husbands can't get enough. What's wrong with mine?

 

Kissing is not as big of a thing as sex though. My husband and I have had a lot of problems dealing with sex. A lot of times, he won't orgasm. I will be on top for an hour, and he won't orgasm, and my legs get really tired, and I have to stop! Then, he expects me to use my mouth! I'm exhausted from doing all the work for an hour, and I don't want to use my mouth, but MOST of the time, I will, because I hate it when he doesn't finish, because he gets mad if I don't make him orgasm.

 

We have had SEVERAL fights concerning this. I get upset, because he gets mad at me for not making him orgasm. He doesn't understand how much work it is. He never uses his mouth on me, unless I'm using mine on him, and he can do it at the same time. The two men that I was with before him could orgasm in five minutes. Sometimes, they'd just touch me and wouldn't be able to stop. Then, I met my husband, who I wouldn't be with until marriage (I got in church) and now I'm so frusterated I could scream!

 

The only way he can orgasm most of the time is if I use my mouth. I HATE doing that after sex, because it's nasty and degrading. Before sex isn't bad, but after is awful. It makes me feel like I'm such a terrible performer, that the only way I can get my husband to orgasm is through manual stimulation. I have gotten over it, though, and decided that I'd rather both of us enjoy it, that to be selfish.

 

And after all this, he can't give me kisses!?!?!?!?! NO it's not all me me me...I give him EVERYTHING he wants, and he appreciates it so little, that he won't give anything back!

He is the selfish one.

[VivianLee]

I kinda have the same experience.....I've been married 17 years and there's no kissing....to me kissing is the most sensual thing a couple can do leading up to sex....it's sexy and almost an act of sex in itself. I love to kiss!!

My husband also has a problem climaxing and has only climaxed with me 5 times, 1 time resulting in our child. We did have sex before marriage and he still didn't climax. My husband is a victim of molestation so that could be his problem, I'm not altogether sure.

My husband is also very inhibited so that leaves out alot of things sexually also......it's not the big picture of the problems that have hindered our marriage but it's the problem that's in our (or my) face now...and it can make a person feel unwanted, unloved and unattractive!!

 

Y'all haven't been married that long so this could just be a part of getting the "kinks" out as you get to know each other. However, it needs to be seen to, straightened out or come to a compromise or it will come back and bite you on the butt (for lack of better words!! LOL) in years to come!! Everyone says sex isn't the most important thing and if he were disabled or you were, then it could be understood but when you have a healthy, red blooded American man in your house that doesn't want sex, it's confusing and very dang frustrating!! So please try and get it worked out now!!

 

Also, maybe most men don't want sex all the time, maybe we have been told something wrong....

[Arabess]

April.....Check you Profile for a private message I sent you.

[me alone]

Hi April,

 

I think that your hubbie is probably depressed and need some space.

 

What I recommend you to do is give him some time, suport him, let him know that you are there for him.

 

You can get some sex toys for yourself, they are really helpful when you need a quick fix....

 

Also, and that's my personalopinion, you can find another woman to hang around with, if that's an option for you, I have had better sex with women than any man could give me, and my husband is supportive of that life style. you will get kissed I promise you that.

 

M.

[BadMan]

Originally posted by me alone

Hi April,

 

I think that your hubbie is probably depressed and need some space.

 

What I recommend you to do is give him some time, suport him, let him know that you are there for him.

 

You can get some sex toys for yourself, they are really helpful when you need a quick fix....

 

Also, and that's my personalopinion, you can find another woman to hang around with, if that's an option for you, I have had better sex with women than any man could give me, and my husband is supportive of that life style. you will get kissed I promise you that.

 

M.

 

Yeah baby!