How to show one shy girl that I like her

[NotSteve]

Hi all,

 

There's a girl I'm interested in, and I'm just wondering what the best way to approach the situation would be.

 

Firstly, a little background info. I'm a guy, and I'm almost 21. I graduated from high school three years ago and for these last three years, I've had depression, and I mean the kind of depression where you plain can't see anyone for all the pain it causes. As a result, I spent a lot of time on my own way back then, and I was fine with that, but as I'm pretty well better now I want more. For the first time in three years, once a week I'm going down to the local club and meeting my old friends again.

 

Now, this girl. We went through high school together, and we were friends. Not the closest, but not the furthest. That's pretty much it- her, like everyone else, I hadn't seen in these three years. Here's what's happened over the last... uhh... four months? What I'd like is for you to play judge- I know you're not here and you haven't seen us yourselves, but I'd still like your thoughts.

 

Some months ago, before I told the world I had depression, I was talking to the girl in question on one of these online chat programs (another thing I didn't use over those three years- I really cut myself off). We were remembering high school. I remembered that two years before graduation, we were on a school excursion at the mall. Her friend (who I suspect had led the way here) and herself were showing off the underwear in a store to one of my male friends and myself. What can I say? We were sixteen. Afterwards, my male friend reckoned that the girl in question liked me. I dismissed him- after all, when was he ever right?

 

So I mentioned in this to the girl in the online chat conversation that this male friend of mine thought that she liked me, just as part of the conversation. I signed it off with something like ‘whaddya got to say about that?’ and some cheeky smiley that I used. Well, she took aaaaaages to reply. Like, 10 minutes. And when she did, her comment was something like ‘what, can’t a girl have guy friends?’ I can’t remember how I replied, but I did tease her gently about it throughout the rest of the conversation. I don’t think she liked it that much, actually, and from that I really did get the impression that she was pretty introverted.

 

So eventually, I told the world why I had gone MIA for those last three years by an open online note, of all things. She was one of the ones that read it and replied with support. I can’t quite remember how I got there, but when she said that she should get out more herself, I said that I’d been going down to the local club every Friday with some of my other friends, and told her that she should come down some time. I also said that now I was getting better, I was trying to help people get better themselves, and I told her that if she needed any help she could talk to me (she has a touch of OCD, something I’m familiar with myself as over those three years depression wasn’t the only thing I had and got past, just the most relevant to this).

 

One day I got a text message from her, saying that she’s got a new phone and a new number. I wasn’t even aware she had my number- that thing must’ve been years old. That said, though, my phone’s a mess too. So we get our act together one Friday and I drive to her house, and give her a lift down (she doesn’t drive yet). None of my other friends showed up, for whatever reason, and they didn’t end up telling me in advance, so it was just me and her for the night. She joked that it was because they knew she was going to be there and I, believing I sensed a note or two of insecurity there, said light-heartedly that of course it wasn’t. Anyways, we had a good time. We got some drinks, wandered around, talked to some people that we both knew from way back when, and I introduced her to a few people too.

 

So next time, all our friends were down there, and the time after, she messaged me after I messaged her saying that she wasn't going. Same deal for the week after. I figured that she just wasn't interested, so I was pleasantly surprised the week after when she actually messaged me. It was around here that I got a message from her in the middle of the week too- her parents remember my parents- turns out our parents knew each other from when we were babies.

 

Ok, so another week, she doesn't come, and one of my friends (the same one as in the story above, actually) reckons that she likes me. He said that she was 'really into' me. I doubt she told him that, she seems too introverted for that, this is just from his observations. I was sceptical as per usual- he's only seen us down at the club, not everything else that I'm posting here.

 

I drove her down another week to find none of our friends there again, so it was just us once more. We talked, I made her laugh some. We actually got on the topic of wierd dreams- now, since my depression I've had a bit of an interest in psychology, and one of the things I looked at was what your subconscious is telling you when you dreamed. Basically, insecurity again. She's a bit concerned about how she looks, I know, but she really does look fine.

 

That time, she said that next time she'd bring one of her friends along for next time (a girl). Goodness only knows what that sign meant for me, if anything. I drove her home, and we sat in the car in her driveway for a good half an hour just talking. On her way out I said my goodbyes and touched her in a friendly way on her shoulder... and she full on flinched. I had to laugh at that, and she jokingly said it was unwarranted physical contact, but that I was alright. I know what she's like with the OCD (and I'm pretty sure that's what this was), but it does make it hard to tell whether she likes me or not...

 

Next week I got a message saying that things had changed for her and her friend, and they gave their excuses. I said that's fine, maybe next time, and she said probably not then too, for the same reason. I said ok, I'll see you when I see you then. So I went down to the club on my own, and a whole bunch of my friends reckon that she likes me now. One of them said that he could see me and her together. They said I was the one she stuck with while we were out- I figured that had more to do with the fact that I was her way down and back, or simply that she was more comfortable around me- after all, she'd spent more time with me than with them, and that's not necessarily a sign that she liked me in that way.

 

Now I do have self-confidence. I can get up and do public speaking, or do a bit of rockin’ in front of a band, for instance, but their blunt questions and putting me at the centre of attention in this way threw me off a bit. Plus, I was a bit concerned that word would get out, as it would, and who knows how the girl in question would react. Anyway, they insisted that I call her. It was now about 1 in the morning, and I told them no, she’d be asleep, let’s not bother her. So, all in good fun, one of them pinned me down, and another one took my phone from my pocket and went to call her (I thought I managed to get off scot free there when I got my phone back, though I did have to explain the next day why she got a 1am wake-up call. Whoops ).

 

I was also promised the help of these friends of mine, though I haven’t been following their advice exactly. What they’ve been saying at 1am in the morning? Call her, and get her down here! Yes, I’m sure she’d enjoy being woken up in the middle of the morning again. They say that the girls like the middle of the night calls. I’m sure they do *sarcasm* (Actually, that one girl they called up last time kept responding to messages and was on the phone for a while, so at least one of them may well do). I’m just not sure that what they think is best in this case actually is.

 

Oh, one last thing. If the band’s playing good music at the club, we like to get up to the front and rock out. Whether it’s me alone or me and my male friends, the girl in question comes along, but always seems to hang around near the edge and not look too comfortable. Maybe she only comes because if she didn’t she’d be on her own, I don’t know. Next time we’re all down at the club and something good comes on, I might have to go down to the front and ask if she’ll come with me, just to see what she’ll do...

 

So now you have all the facts as I’ve seen them. A good half a year ago before all this started, another friend of mine (a girl) offered to find out if this girl in question likes me. I’ve just taken that offer up, and it’s been about 5 days to a week now. I know that in the grand scheme of things that may not be much, but... man, I’m impatient!

 

 

Now, I need a little help here from everyone, and I’ll be happy to hear it, but I have to admit I’m pretty interested to see what the girls in particular have to say on this one. When it comes to making a move, I’m fine with it, as long as I have all the facts. I don’t regret having depression, rather the opposite actually (it really opened my eyes to some things), but it has set my social life back a few years.

 

Chances are at the end of this week we'll all be at the club again. I think perhaps the time is coming that I should make my move, or at least escalate a bit, because if I wait too long (and I just realised yesterday how long it was, and now I'm a bit worried ) I'll be filed away in the 'friends' section and that'd be it. What I'd like to know is a few things-

 

 

Do you think it’s possible that this girl likes me?

 

What signs should I be looking for to see if she does like me? Or rather, how can I find out for sure if she likes me?

 

Given that she seems a bit introverted, shy and self-conscious, how do you think I can show my interest in her without scaring her off? Basically, what should I do?

 

Thanks all for reading (I know that was a bit to get through), and thanks for your responses! You're all champions!