It's been 27 days and all I wanna do is call him!

[almita]

I am so desperate, my whole thinking is about him, where he is what he is doing, why he is not calling me (he moved out see my other thread) and I find it sooo hard to stick to NC. He lives just 800 m from my house but we hardly meet in the village I see him on skype from time to time but would not contact him there.

 

Some of his stuff is still here and I don't know what to do it's like when I call him to pick it up that's my last chance to speak with him ??!! He is very hard headed and can sulk for the longest time so I know he will not call me any time soon. Well he has done twice in 27 days but only for irrelevant stuff.

 

I feel emotionally exhausted, I can't sleep wekk, I have lost 3 kilos, I can't eat, I start crying while driving my car or buying oranges it's a nightmare. I have a friend visiting until friday when she leaves I am on my own again with all this and I am so scared to give in to the urge to call him.

 

Haven't got a clue what I would say anyway I just wonder whether he misses me and I wish I was in a remote place, I can't seem to get my life back on track.

 

Please give me some advice thanks to you all !

 

hugs

Almita

[Wolf]

It's been 28 days for me as well, so I can understand completely how you're feeling.

 

Sticking to NC is difficult. If you're anything like me, your imagination soars at what could REALLY be going on, and before you know it, your ex is either in danger, in pain, or doing something incredibly stupid. And either way, you want to establish contact to help.

 

My advice? Don't. Whatever they're going through, if THEY are the ones that let YOU go, let THEM be the ones to get YOU back. Regardless of whether you're the guy or girl.

 

So, chances are he misses you, but if he doesn't miss you enough to pick up the phone and tell you so, then he doesn't miss you as much as you'd hope. And that's horrible, but its the cold, harsh reality that many of us are facing.

 

When your friend leaves, find another route. Do ANYTHING. Everytime I want to email her, or text her, I pray, I smoke a cigarette, I take a nap, I drink a can of coke, I call someone random, I tweet... ANYTHING to keep from ruining the month of NC that I've established.

 

Because no matter how much you think it might help, it won't end well. They'll let you down. It's why they're our exes. It sucks but its true.

[almita]

Hi wolf and thank you for you answer. when you say you are planning on a month what are you planning after that ??

 

Are you going to contact her ? I can't see myself feeling any better in 3 months from now I am so numb and unable to do ANYTHING. I could NEVER give anyone the silent treatment it's the worst thing in the world and he did it all the time even on minor issues.

 

So NC for him must be like a walk in the park whilst for me it means going through hell.

It is absolutely beyond me how someone who used to tell you that he loves you can act in such a way but I guess you are right and I have to accept it.

 

I would not want him back just because he feels sorry for me so I am going to bite my fingers off when the urge comes up to dial his number.

My friend said "call me" not him when it is really bad and that's what I hav been doing but she is not my nanny and I can't pretend to be a baby all the time.

 

Anyway Wolf It is good to know that I am not the only one suffering there are so many poor souls here waiting for the phone to ring...

 

Thanks for your kind and open words and be strong also.

 

Almita

[wondering_girl]

hi almita, i'm sorry that we're all going through this, i read your posts and you said he does the "silent treatment" on you too, my ex-bf (of 4 years) well, we didn't actually break-up is the same way, minor issues, any issues, that was the answer, and then when he's eventually over it, he shows up like nothing happened...this time i stood up for myself and hey, this is not OK.

 

take a look at my posts if you have a couple of minutes, but it's been 9 days of NC ever since our silent dinner after 3 weeks of NC, he barely said anything, but this time i'm taking his silence as the end of it all, not my usual punishment. try your BEST not to call him, i don't know how your bf is but if i initiate contact first he throws me away so quickly and talks to me like i'm a total stranger so you'll hurt more..... write on here when you feel the urge to call him... YOU want him to call YOU ya know? i do want him to come back but i cannot initiate contact again, because you would know if your ex initiates contact first then you know he's making the effort, but as of now, no effort yet, so don't call him......

 

hugs, i know how you're feeling....

[almita]

I know I have to keep my hands off the phone and I know he should call me.

Like no foolin said here before he didn't have time for me so why would I now have time for him unless he changes this attitude of ignorance that is so painful to me.

 

I have been reading everything I can about passive aggressive behaviour and emotional abuse and I am still in shock when I think that he has been doing that for 3 years and basically from the start.

 

Everytime he would sulk with me for hours, days and weeks I would feel like it was all my fault in the end (even if I was only defending an opinion about something really not so important) and he always wanted me to apologize for "behaving badly". I often did apologize and sometimes didn't because I had some pride left but it made me crazy.

 

So I will do everything I can not to call him and papmer his ego this time and if it means it's over for good than I will have to accept that. I still have some hope (which is probably not good to start off with) but I am only human and it's hard to give up on a dream. (Well it only a dream isn't it)

 

I send you big hugs and be strong also thanks to all of you posting here I don't know where most of you are but it feels like we are united here and that helps a lot.

 

Be strong

Almita

[wondering_girl]

hi almita, he was the same way as well with me, anything petty, and this time, it was really petty, i simply misplaced something, if ya have a couple of minutes read my posting silent break-up... and just like you said, towards the end, i didn't see it until now the whole time for 4 years he would end up blaming it on me, even though i knew the situation blew up because he ignored me..... this time around, i called him out on his behavior and this is what he pulls - i wish i would've called him out the 1st time he did it so i could have prevented my pain 4 years later - love, time spent, everything else.. but back then i was scared and i loveddd him sooo much. but this time, i had to stand up for myself, he was treating me like crap. last time we had dinner all he told me was "i didn't listen" and he wasn't ready to talk.....

 

 

i'm definitely with you on the "hope" thing i'm not gonna lie i'm hoping one of these days he'll have a revelation and he wants to say sorry and get back with me, but thinking on how he acted before, no emotions whatsoever, i don't think he's coming back - i would rather have him end this in silence just like all the other arguments we did, i'm scared the day that he'll contact me, i'd rather be silent. he's caused me so much pain already and disrespected me over and over again, and i keep saying 4 years (really? wth)

 

the silent treatment is crappy, and i hate ME that after this i still want him back..... yah, don't call ok? write on here..

 

have a good day.. *HUGS*

[almita]

It feels so good to know that I am not alone out there... I remember one of our last fights... I asked him whether he wanted to go out for dinner, he said he didn't know and what did I wnat to do, I said well I'd like to go out for dinner and he said "where", I said I didn't care I just wanted to spend time with him, he went completely ballistic telling me to make up my mind and that I'm someone who doesn't know what she wants etc.

 

it was completely ABSURD... I think he just didn't want to go out, or worse didn't want to go out with me so he started to aggress me verbally and I was stunned and frustrated cos I knew as soon as he got that way there was no chance in the world he would go out with me, he was punishing me maybe for his own bad mood who knows.

 

So he left alone and came back late at night drunk... I was so frustrated and upset.

I started going to councelling 2 weeks ago and was told that I had developped a co-dependency, he is like a drug to me, he gives me one bit of attention and I jump at it and when I don't get it (cos he is emotionally unavailable) then I suffer I was in quite a shock when she told me but it all makes sense now.

 

I will keep you updated but it will take a long time to heal I know that.

 

Big hugs

Almita

[wondering_girl]

hi almita, i know it does help to know that we're not alone... thank you so much for listening, i know we all just want this to go away.. the co-dependency makes sense to me too, because when he disappeared on me i felt like i didn't even know who i was, every free time i spent, i spent it with him.... that's not good right, i'm at fault too....

 

how's your day been going today? is it better than yesterday? i remember the first 2 weeks was like hell but it's hard to see what my friends are saying that time will heal, i'm impatient that's why i just want it to go away....

[almita]

Hi wonder girl

 

today was okayish I always have moments during the day when I could just burst into tears but I'm not a very attractive crier so I try not to anyways it is TOUGH and strangely enough the first 2 weeks weren't as bad as now. I guess because at first I thought he'd call me early on but now the days go by, one day just blending into the next, sleep, work, eat (very little) think think think about him and he does not call.

 

I can understand what you say also, I don't see the end of the tunnel. I am going to counceling again on Friday, I need to learn to love myself and get my self esteem back on the table it's way underground.

 

I have two months left before I leave the island and go back to my homecountry to spend the holidays and I have not got a clue in the world as to how to live through it all, don't even know how I am going to manage packing my suitcase at the moment.

 

I do have to say though that I am at a point after almost 4 weeks where I would not like to just bump into him in the street. That would be too much for me. A phone call I could handle (maybe).

 

So see my feelings are all over the place. I feel better when I am with people (alone at home is a NO GO) but then I work so I don't get that much time to go out and meet people. I guess I have to learn to socialze with other people again I was far too concentrate on him (like you said also) and that was bad.

 

I know however that I got clingy only when he started to be distant, the more distant he became and withdrawn, the more I ran after him.....vicious circle but I guess somehow human.

 

I don't know where you are, I am in Europe it is late and I will try and get some sleep I am so glad to have found a place to talk to people who understand the feelings it means a lot to me.

 

Hugs from Almita

[wondering_girl]

europe, how awesome... i'm in the US, i'll trade places with ya hehe definitely enjoy the place while you're there.. you're there for work?

 

i completely feel your pain, i'm ok when i'm with other people but i also can't help to think wow if he was here he'd like this, or he'd love this (i guess it's natural i hate it) but i really need to stop that and the eating part too, i really have no appetite for anything or i don't eat as much as i used to.....

 

i'm just like you wow, earlier in the stage, it wasn't as bad bc i'm hoping today is the day he's gonna call, but as day passes by, i start to realize and accept - ok, i guess he's really gone, he just left me.. all by myself, after 4 years....? from reading here they said it's ok that we should feel the pain.. but it HURTS so bad, somedays i still think he'll miraculously come into his senses but as the days go by, i loose my hope, i'm thinking maybe he needs time to process but it's been soooo long, but that's just me giving myself false hope you know? we should just leave the pieces on the floor and move on.... and if it's meant to be they'll come back...

 

i hope i don't see him either, or bump into him i wouldn't know what to do i'll prob just walk away and act like i didn't know him.. that's how he's treating me now

 

i still can't see the end of the tunnel either.. i would love to get off the rollercoaster of emotions too....

 

hugs almita** hope everything gets better for us. thanks again for listening

[almita]

Hello wondering girl and thank you for your last message. How are you today ? I went to work and spent the morning surfing the net to read about co-dependency and trying to identify my problems and I ended up so confused because he's been telling me for the last 3 years that every single fight is my fault.

 

I do believe that I have a tendency to want to control things due to my childhood experiences with my stepfather who was an alcoholic. They say that because as a child you felt helpess and unable to control, as an adult you try to definitely control your life to make things better.

 

BUT : Before being with him I had a 10 year relationship that was very happy and ended only because he had an affair that lasted 4 months) What I am trying to say is that depending on your partners character you may or may not show these symptoms of co-dependency.

 

My ex is very independent so I became more and more dependent organizing my whole life around him etc. BAD!!

I am so keen on my next counceling appointment I really need to find out for my own sake what is wrong and how bad it is because I don't want to live through this pain again.

 

How are you doing today ? Are you ok ?? I hope you are strong and making your day a nice one. I went to a restaurant with a friend and ate too much, I have lost so much weight in the last months it's like my whole body is refusing to feel any kind of pleasure.

 

Have a nice day and I hope you are doing well

hugs

Almita

[almita]

:o

 

Oh well he drove past me on my way to work and I was so shocked I pretended to be looking in the rear view mirror and almost had a crash... My heart was going too fast and I was NOT happy.

 

So much for meeting the ex... I take long detours to work so that I don't have to drive through our small town but it is almost impossible not to bump into each other.

 

All that I know is that I am NOT ready to have small talk with him. Last time we spoke (when he called for something stupid) he asked me HOW I WAS... I said fine but later on I thought what a nasty question that is and he KNOWS that I am sad and desperate....

 

anyways it just tells me that NC is still my top priority I could not talk to him like nothing happened and pretend to be happy YET.

So I guess I keep pretending not seing him when I bump into him what do you think?

 

Hugs to you all

Almita

[wondering_girl]

hi almita, thanks for asking, i'm okay today... i guess that's all we can do, take it one day at a time......

 

i can relate to you too, the reason why i'm so lost now is because i spent all my free time with him, always with him, everything.... and that's not healthy, now i'm left with me..... still me though, the girl that he fell in love with and i'm trying to get to know me again, since i forgot who i was..... and this is a lesson learned, i will not forget me when i fall in love with someone again.

 

wow, you saw him? i would NOT like to see him ever, we live in a small city so it is possible to run into him, but no, i would not know what to do either..... especially he didn't even give me closure ya know, I wouldn’t know what to say or wouldn’t even wanna look at him.. but yah, try to avoid him because seeing him might hurt you…..

let’s stay strong…

[almita]

Oh well what can I say.. I saw him again today TWICE, I had to take clients to the harbour where he works and he drove past us on his motorcycle twice and I pretended not to see him - I guess he did the same not sure.

 

I have these moments when I feel like this is best for us we had so many fights, we are so different and then the next moment I miss him and all I wanna do is call and see how he is doing.

 

But he dumped me saying I was not tolerant enough (one of our major issues was his going out to pubs at night and drink and I can't deal with drunken people) and I tried but this is something that's just beyond my good will and my reactions to him being drunk were not pleasant for him.

 

Anyways this is day 30 or so of NC it is 1 month today and I haven't got a clue where this is going. I get a feeling that in another month I will be even less able to talk to him, it seems like he is moving further and further away from me. But of course I don't know what's going on in his head.

 

Last time we broke up (last Christmas) we were on NC for 6 weeks then he sent me an email. We had a rough summer and the relationship has been suffering from our constant fight so I guess 6 weeks is nowhere close to long enough. There is so much hurt and pain and disppointment...

 

I am already freaking out thinking it is Sunday soon worst day of the week, I'd rather go to work....

 

Has anybody here gone past 6 weeks of NC ???

 

Let me know I need some encouragement

hugs

Almita

[wondering_girl]

hi almita, i'm sorry that you caught a glimpse of him today, your hurt must've jumped and hurt a little, today was a little rough for me, it's not over yet but i was having some chest pains and for some reason i was hurting SOOOO bad when i woke up, i thought toothache hurts but this time it's like a sharp pain that i could just feel, he's GONE.

 

i know, what you're feeling i miss him soo much too, but sometimes you think about the "bad" times and you're like, okay it's better off this way because he won't change and it'll be for the BEST, but a part of you wants him to come back. and like you said it's worse when we're alone....then you think about the good times and we want to call him, i don't know how your ex is but everytime with the silent treatment issue, if i initiate the conversation first, he treats and talks to me like crap and like stranger so it hurts more... so try your best not to call.... when they miss us enough, hopefully they'll come back.. but we cannot live everyday and wait for them (i know easier said than done, i still hope but i really really need to STOP).

 

it's been about a month and a week since the issue he's blown up, he ignored me for 2 wks (then i couldn't talk on his time) so he stalled one more week, then it's been 11 days of NC since our silent dinner... and i'm still left hanging and hurt, almita let's try to get off this rollercoaster as fast as we can i wish it was this easyyyyyy

 

i'm sorry we're all going through THIS.

[smookie]

Wow, I can say that you to are VERY strong people. I always break NC. I have a feeling inside myself that I find at time hard to control. My tummy does flipp flops all day long. Really my relationship with this man was not a nice one at all. It started really bad and ended really bad. 7.5 years with him and ya I expect him to call me and tell me that he cares but you know what ,,, that has always been my DREAM for him to truly care and miss me. He will never miss me , he will never call me, he will not even text me now. I stopped the contact again only 2 days ago. yesterday I was feeling amazing, it felt so enpowering not to contact him and really it was my most stressfull day in the last 3 years. Everything came down around me and crushed but you know what I did not call him or text him to let him know. It felt good, for some reason I woke up this morning thinking that he would try and text me but nope he has no interest in this. In theend I never feel better after we talk or text because then I start to miss him.. Yes it was a very bad relationship but it is like habbit now. I don't know feeling lost and alone at a really bad time and going to keep the NC going...

[almita]

Hello wondering girl

 

thank you for your answer !

This is sooooo difficult. It kills me I just want to pick up the phone and call him, my heart hurts and there's a long weekend ahead.

 

But you are right it was the same for me all the time. When we had a fight (and we had many) he would tell me to think about myself and come back with a good answer/appology for him. I felt like a small child at times.

 

Problem was I NEVER came back with the perfect apology, no matter what I said there was always something wrong/notgood enough/ not understood by me so eventually I started to ignore his silent treatments in a ay that I didn't even try to say the RIGHT thing I just tried to say something.

 

And liek you said also, he would not answer me nicely, rather cold and like a father telling his child how bad it has been. So you are right it would be STUPID to call him his reaction will not be what I expect/wish for.

 

I am going back to work at 5 thank god, that's the only thing that keeps me sane at the moment but I am very close to giving up and that will be terrible I just feel like crying how can I be so weak ?

 

I hope you are better today and lets go through this together, I do NOT understand how he could leave you without an explanation what is this thing that some people can't say whats on their mind ?

 

Take care and be strong

hugs

Almita

[wondering_girl]

hi almita,

 

hope you have a good day at work, i know i wanna call him too but by the time that i pick up the phone, i've already realized what type of response he's gonna give me and i'll HURT more, i can even feel it now.....just typing the response.. and remem, they are the ones that left.. so if they do they are the ones that should come back, i'm kinda tired of begging and saying i love you's and they don't say anything.

 

i dunno bout your ex but my ex-bf always has to talk on HIS terms, there was this once incident during this dragged out fight that caused all this, he wanted to do lunch and i was like i can't so i came over to his place and said i'm ready to talk and he's like can't you see this is not a good time (he was watching TV) it hurts to think what happened to the cool "bf" i once had.. he's soo cruel, thinking about it gives me chest pains...... ugh

 

i have no idea it is cruel unless hes still playing some sick game but i'm not playing anymore, i just wish i can get off the emotional rollercoaster...... yeah it's been almost 2 weeks NC since our silent dinner.. i do want him to come back but he needs to not treat me like this, i don't know....

 

any plans this wkend?

[wondering_girl]

Wow, I can say that you to are VERY strong people. I always break NC. I have a feeling inside myself that I find at time hard to control. My tummy does flipp flops all day long. Really my relationship with this man was not a nice one at all. It started really bad and ended really bad. 7.5 years with him and ya I expect him to call me and tell me that he cares but you know what ,,, that has always been my DREAM for him to truly care and miss me. He will never miss me , he will never call me, he will not even text me now. I stopped the contact again only 2 days ago. yesterday I was feeling amazing, it felt so enpowering not to contact him and really it was my most stressfull day in the last 3 years. Everything came down around me and crushed but you know what I did not call him or text him to let him know. It felt good, for some reason I woke up this morning thinking that he would try and text me but nope he has no interest in this. In theend I never feel better after we talk or text because then I start to miss him.. Yes it was a very bad relationship but it is like habbit now. I don't know feeling lost and alone at a really bad time and going to keep the NC going...

 

 

hi smookie, i'm sorry we're all going through this especially you said 7.5 years? oh i can't even imagine.......

 

let's keep the NC going..... i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel just yet. i need to be like you to realize that he'll never call, he'll never text and all this i need to erase the hope i have, those JERKS.

[almita]

Hiya wondering girl, well I know I had the phone in my hand today about to dial and I had an inner fight worse than any famous historical battle, I ended up not dialling his number because I didn't have enough credit on the prepaid card... so maybe I should keep it that way.

 

Today is Friday and I have to work tomorrow which is good but I am off tomorrow afternoon and will probably go home and clean frantically.... maybe meet with a friend but I HATE the weekend...

 

What are you going to do ? Do you have a friend there that you can turn to when it gets too bad ? All my friends tell me to forget about him. He has some really nice sides he can be a lovely person so that makes it difficult.

I don't know what will happen but I think this NC is a strategy and changing strategy is no good unless we have a better one !!!!

 

If we call without anything good to say (begging and crying is not considered good) there is no way this will help. I am not at a stage where I can face him in a relaxed way.

 

I wonder whether this finding back to each other requires a complete cut off and a new "falling in love" time. Is that possible ? I mean I read it here and elsewhere but I guess it does take time and maybe it happens maybe it doesn't.

 

I am at work right now so will stop for now and pop in here later tonite !

Big hugs to all of you nice folks here I am so glad I found this place !

Almita

[wondering_girl]

hi almita,

 

good to hear from you, good to hear that you didn't call... ran out of credit? hehe, must be a sign right?

 

yeah, got some friends here, but sometimes i feel like i need time to be alone, just to find me again all my friends tell me forget him... but when i'm alone that's when i usually think about him, does he miss me? does he wanna work it out? apparently not - he has not picked up the phone or anything at all. so i'll have to take it as it is.. it's such a hard pill to swallow after 4 years but i guess i have to, and i'm not gonna lie, i have not swallowed it yet.. ughhhhhhh

 

but the bad thing about NC is, it's not gonna be guaranteed that they are gonna come back ya know, and i hate ME that sometimes i'm like waiting but i know i HAVE to move on (easier said than done) it's a big IF that they will realize they lost something valuable and IF they want to work on it... then not, i miss him so much, i wish that he would just realize it but i CAN'T make him and if he doesn't respond then that means he quit on us.. as sad as it is.. but that just means that he wasn't gonna change and i don't think i can live with the silent treatment for life YOU'RE RIGHT, he has so many qualities in him, but the most important thing that they lack is communication....

 

all i can think of is good times but i'm trying my best to leave the pieces on the floor and move on.... but i still think about him, is today the day... but it's been so long, as days pass by, my hope diminishes

 

weekends are rough since you guys spent together then right? we did... ahhhh i still can't see the light yet....

 

thanks so much for listening *HUGS*******

[almita]

Hello wondering- girl, I did it....... I called him... I don't feel anything really must say not worse than before anyway.

 

He still has some stuff here ( a motorcycle helmet, his boat compass etc.) and I know I am stupid he could have called me for the stuff but here's what my confused head thought:

 

If I don't call him he will maybe think that I just keep the stuff because I want HIM to call ME (well I do but I don't want to manipulate it).

What can I say he was out drinking and so I said that I am busy on the weekend (I wish....) and then he said lets talk next week and meet (to give him the stuff). He said that after I proposed to drop it all off at his favourite pub. He didn't say yes to that.

 

Otherwise he was normal... not too nice not too cold just matter of fact.

 

So now I am just not going to do anything, I called him and if he doesn't call me next week well then ...... I don't know.

It hurts me to think that he is out in the city having fun while I sit here and try not to cry because I can't look like a frog with pollen allergy in the morning and I feel like screaming !!!! Please tell me what you think...

 

Am I stupid ?????? I managed 30 days !!!!! I have to forgive myself I am only human and I have a heart (I think he has a brick in the same place).

 

I read your post and I feel bad for you also, what are you doing this weekend ? Does he ever say anything to your friends ? See we never had any friends in common because those of his friends that I like do not live here and those who live here are complete idiots, drink, party and pretend they are important that was also a problem.

 

 

Ok now you know that it is possible to survive NC, BTW it was a pretty short conversation, that I made sure despite my non-working brain and I kept my voice friendly and normal (don't ask me how !!)

I think I need a friend to stay with me 24 hours a day to stick to NC one month was a nigtmare.

 

I think of you all out there and send you hugs please keep in touch !

Almita

[wondering_girl]

hi almita,

 

hope you had a good sleep. how was the talk though? did you guys talk a while.... ya know, i have those thoughts too, like what if i don't call is he gonna think i don't care this and that.. but he should know.... ya know?

 

as painful as it sounds, i think my relationship is over. it's been wayyy too long and our situation is sooo dragged out, read my post if ya have some time.. silent-break up and let me know what you think... my friends are telling me it's over since i haven't seen any effort from him at all, but i hate ME that i still have a little hope, everyday i'm trying to move on......

 

definitely don't call him, it's THEIR loss to loose fabulous girls like us and if they DON'T come back then that's their problem.. i know it's easier said than done, i still think about him trying to chase me to come back but i don't see it happening at all..... i'm so depressed and sad, i even have chest pains from it..... ughh

 

did your friend visit you today? i'm just prob gonna grab dinner with the girls...

 

as far as friends, one of our mutual friends sent me a text yesterday how wonderful and funny my EX was about something she said, she has sent an invite to a party and i was like text him separately please.....it pissed ME OFF badly. ugghh how he can be funny and all this stuff with her, without her knowing how disrespectful of a person he is. i am angry

 

i hope WE feel better soon, SOON can't get here any slower UGHHH

[almita]

Hi wondering girl, sorry I had 2 confusing days... Well I broke NC (posted here) and that was as if someone put me back on a drug. Can't word it any other way. Hearing his voice was probably not good so anyways I am supposed to meet him tomorrow because he still has a few items at my home.

 

However - I don't think I can meet him yet. I am not ready I dont think. See how I feel tomorrow but right now...

 

 

I am dating someone tonight just going out for dinner I have no interest in doing anything really sleeping is my primary concern. I know that when I meet him I have to come accross as POSITIVE and not grieving or desperate but HEY - I AM desperate so unless I take some acting classes this will be tough!

 

I will do my best though and see how I feel tomorrow. I should have stayed NC that is for sure at least for another 2 weeks maybe I go back to it "silently" and wait a little longer, there is a good reason to stick with NC but really I do not think it helps a lot with those who are still too much in love.

 

All the NC in the world can't cool me down even after 4 weeks when I hear his voice on the phone....

I don't know wondering girl what to think about you and the relationship your BF seems a lot like mine and will not come out of his shell until you knock, but then of course if you knock you don't know what will happen next.

 

Do you ever bump into him accidentally? I really belive in all this strategy stuff the problem is that we are the warriors with the big wound in our heart which makes it difficult to think "strategy".

 

I get off the computer we have a major thunderstorm here. Talk later

 

Love to you all and be strong !!

Almita

[almita]

Hi everybody,

 

how are you all ? I met my ex tonite after 5 weeks of NC, he still had some items at my house which I took with me to give him. That was also the reason we met. I was VERY nervous before going but I had read all the threads here plus all the manuals you can buy online about how to eal with this and here's what I think happened:

 

I think I did OK, not perfect given the emotion, but not too bad. He does however know that I still have hope for us to get back together and maybe thats the biggest bad point I scored but then I went to meet him promising myself o be HONEST so why tell him BS????

 

He was very cool, did not hug me or shake my hand (well that would have been stupid) but when he paid at the end of the night he called me darling by mistake (guess that can happen...)

 

We spoke about the past but he said he preferred not to see me again (WOW BIG BLOW....) because he wants to move on and basically he can't if he sees me.

I was VERY nice all through the night we only had drinks but spoke for 3 and a half hours. I smiled at what he said although it hurt like hell and I told him I agree with the breakup (thats what the books advise you) but that I missed talking to him.

He repeated that it would be better for us both to not talk.

He also said he is chainsmoking now and not relaxed when with me, in his yes I am the big disappointment because I was not flexible enough in our relationship and have tried to stop him from doing things he likes (Like going out and drink).

 

I have no hope left now and maybe that is a good thing I HAVE to move on it hurts like hell, when we said good bye I hugged him (he hugged me back but would not have initiated that) I guess that was a failure on my part they advise you to stay cool and relaxed etc.

 

Some of his stuff was in one of my bags so he said "I bring you the bag back", I said (jokingly) "that's difficult if you don't want to see me", and I also offered him (STUPID!!!! MISTAKE!!!) to stay in my apartment during the winter when I leave the island. He said no thank you and the he said "ask me that in 6 months " WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN ???

 

He also said several times that he is happy the way things are and he likes to be alone (I don't think he IS happy) and thats what I got warned for here that you DO HEAR THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR !!!

 

So here is what I learned about NC FIRST AND UTMOST: DO N O T THINK THAT IT BRINGS YOUR EX BACK, but is does help to FORGET ABOUT HIM !! And really that is all you should try: FORGET !! The only way to do that is to NOT have any contact, get him/her out of your life, delete phone numbers from your phone, change email address, drive different roads to work if necessary, wrap up his stuff and post it in the mail (DON'T DO WHAT I DID and GIVE IT HIM PERSONALLY NONONO !!!!)

 

It is HELL it is the hardest thing to do but if someone tells you to stay away from them then DO SO !!

I will stay away from him now and this breaking of NC after 1 month and meeting him have tought me a good lesson. I thought it would be kinder to give him the stuff personally BS, it makes no differences, I fed his ego a little although I do think that I also scored some points (I tried to look my best and smile a lot).

He must have seen that I have lost a lot of weight but he didn't say anything. I have to let go of him completely, it will hurt A LOT , but there is nothing else I can do now. If he is gone forever he is gone forever, honestly I cannot imagine being friends with him. EVER.

 

Maybe it would be good to develop some hate or PLEASE some indifference, but at the moment I am just hurting and wondering how to carry on.

 

Please tell me what you think !

hugs

Almita