OW Getting Jipped

[2sure]

 

jypped ripped off gypsies squamed screwed over

 

Oh well! Now its all very clear!!!

[2sure]

Where is the confession thread?

 

I should be banned for spelling or abusing the I-Spell.

Also, I have to tell you all right now that my not being a good speller or able to follow all posts....isnt some freak accident.

[summerautumn]

Lol! Nope, 2sure, that's not my profession. I don't know why the post came out rather dry. I am glad my point got accross though.

[Athena]

 

jypped ripped off gypsies squamed screwed over

 

Oh well! Now its all very clear!!!

Where is the confession thread?

 

I should be banned for spelling or abusing the I-Spell.

Also, I have to tell you all right now that my not being a good speller or able to follow all posts....isnt some freak accident.

:lmao: sorry 2sure!!!

 

It's just -- while we are all learning new stuff on your thread...

[NoIDidn't]

Interesting thread.

 

I was one of the vulnerable and inconvenienced OW for a time.

 

I didn't take "money" for his appreciation of our relationship, but he did need to have some for what I did want.

 

I loved going out - nice restaurants, shopping trips, vacations. We did it all. I paid for my own stuff while there, but it was his job to get us there and feed us.

 

I think that's typical of dating someone, right? He wasn't married so I didn't have a "lifestyle" to compare what I was getting against.

 

I agree, though, that whether considered prostitution or not, affairs for any reason aren't any different. And the people in them are certainly not moral lepers - unless they are particularly vile in the carrying out of the A (as in everything they do is designed to hurt the betrayed on purpose - but I digress, not many people would ever admit to that anyway).

[MistyK]

 

It still makes her OW, it doesnt change anything, it doesnt turn her from OW to Hooker. Especially for the so many OW who know he isnt leaving, who knows she isnt being treated fairly, who knows the whole thing is wrong anyway...if you absolutely cannot give him up: Take the damn car. lol.

 

Perhaps what this boils down to is less an issue of material gain so much as it is that OW ought to get something out of an affair other than a broken heart - the MM isn't there for her, will eventually throw her under the bus, etc - so he at least ought to be treating her very well while he has her. I mean, you have a boyfriend who you rarely see and when you do, he doesn't make you feel special anyway? Why bother?

[2sure]

Well, more than anything else this thread IS just an interesting conversation. However, I have received a couple of FLAMING PMs regarding my former life as OW, in which I did in fact receive big gifts like cars and apartment. To ME, my own perception:

 

Affairs, Infidelity...its all cheating , its all betrayal. I was single, The guys were married so, depending on your perspective...they were the main predator here. All of this occurred at a time in my life when I was jaded and bitter regarding relationships and men. I kind of had the attitude of They all suck, so if I cant have one , I'll have other nice things instead. Bare in mind...I did care for these guys, I was attracted to and fond of them on several levels. The ONLY difference between my Affairs with them and other Affairs is:

 

I got nice stuff.

 

And THAT really, really seems to piss people off.

 

So...the wife is a Victim, of course.

OW , if she in single - is often afforded the title of VICTIM, sometimes even by BS.

 

But let her get something . Let her not allow herself to be a victim COMPLETELY...and she is a hooker. Not just wrong like any affair partner...but a criminal, a sex worker, etc. Further...some of the PMs went so far as to say that MM was a victim. Please.

 

Sorry, NO. I dont buy it. In fact, thats twisted.

 

I can only say, from my own experience.....dont be afraid to dig deep. Its a growing kind of thing. And you know, you have to...otherwise you just sound...small, insecure, and narrow minded. Of course, thats just MY perception.

[joybean72]

Damn...seven years wasted and all I got was a frickin' 42 inch *achem* t.v!?! I got screwed....

[MistyK]

Well, more than anything else this thread IS just an interesting conversation. However, I have received a couple of FLAMING PMs regarding my former life as OW, in which I did in fact receive big gifts like cars and apartment.

 

Honestly, wtf people? Like 2sure really needs this kind of hatefulness right now?

 

Re: the wife being a victim - I'm guessing the kind of guys 2sure was running with had LOTS of money to burn. Nowhere did she suggest that the gifts she got resulted in MM's kids or wife going hungry (or even missed a spa treatment), and I seriously doubt that to be the case.

 

Re: the MM being a victim - Seriously? Give me a break. That is such crap. How is someone who wants to have an affair and gives his OW gifts a victim? I don't recall there being any blackmail involved. In fact, the gifts are totally self-serving - he figures that if he gives the OW something great she'll stick around longer.

[boldjack]

Jeez, this is a great idea. Back when I was cheating and wh*ring around, I should have asked those MW's to pay for my services. What a dumba** I was. I mean, I should have gotten something for f**king them before they had to pick up the kids at school, or had to fix dinner for Hubby, or those late-night rendezvous, right? I mean it costs money to go to motels, bars, and out-of-the-way restuarants. Damn, I missed out. I was a man-sl*t, and didn't even know it! .............. Men/women of integrity and honor, don't have affairs. If a person is having an affair, and is also recieving gifts from their AP, what are they? I mean, try to have a little self-respect.

[TogetherForever]

Honestly, wtf people? Like 2sure really needs this kind of hatefulness right now?

 

Re: the wife being a victim - I'm guessing the kind of guys 2sure was running with had LOTS of money to burn. Nowhere did she suggest that the gifts she got resulted in MM's kids or wife going hungry (or even missed a spa treatment), and I seriously doubt that to be the case.

 

Re: the MM being a victim - Seriously? Give me a break. That is such crap. How is someone who wants to have an affair and gives his OW gifts a victim? I don't recall there being any blackmail involved. In fact, the gifts are totally self-serving - he figures that if he gives the OW something great she'll stick around longer.

 

Sounds like quid pro quo to me.

No biggie!!

[OWoman]

Honestly, wtf people? Like 2sure really needs this kind of hatefulness right now?

 

Does anyone, ever?

 

People must be so scared of what's inside themselves that they dare not face to resort to that kind of projection. It reminds me of the kids' playground chant:

 

I'm the brush and you're the glue

whatever you say sticks to you.

 

As we were taught - don't resort to namecalling (or flaming); improve your argument. Don't bludgeon, convince.

[boldjack]

Owoman, My comments are directed to anyone, male or female, who believes that they should be rewarded for infidelity, not specifically this OP.

[jj33]

2Sure honey sorry those bad insecure people had to resort to kicking you. Very very bad. I hope you reported them.

 

Of COURSE MMs are not victims. That is tosh thrown around by BSs who HAVE to believe that because they can NOT accept that their Hs went went willingly into much less pursued another woman.

 

Even as you go through what you are going through now, you know that in your Hs case, he may have a real psychological issue, but he was not a victim.

 

Hang in there xx

[MistyK]

Owoman, My comments are directed to anyone, male or female, who believes that they should be rewarded for infidelity, not specifically this OP.

 

I don't think 2sure was implying anyone should be rewarded. And I don't think she was implying that OW ought to demand gifts from MM. I honestly think her point was simply that OW get very little out of the relationships and the MM ought to in SOME way (by gifts, nice letters, other sign of affaection) make her feel special. There are some OW who get literally nothing, no warm fuzzies at all. And that's just sad - 2sure was just questioning why they hang in there when they get absolutely nothing.

[boldjack]

MistyK, It's like the old saying. "You knew the job was dangerous , when you took it". If you expect "something", then don't get into a "nothing", affair. All of us OW's/OM's had the choice to take the high road or the low. We chose the low, for whatever reasons. I never expected any Loyalty or geniune caring from my MW's, just sex and maybe a little diversion. I never felt that they owed me anything, or I them.

[frannie]

I think the question simply throws up a lot of problems with labelling and putting people and situations into neat little boxes.

 

In addition, certain people are always interested in calling OW these names, no matter whether money or gifts are or are not given. Being of 'loose morality' is enough to earn you the W-word in some circles.

 

And the question is asked, should a g/f not accept gifts from a b/f, or indeed a W accept financial support without being regarded as a prostitute of some sort. This question is as old as the hills. 'We are all prostitutes' as someone once said (meaning men as well as women, and anyone who takes money for 'services rendered' of any kind). It renders the question null and void. Not that it's not worth debating, of course!

 

Personally, I'd say things were veering towards 'prostitution' in any relationship where money is exchanged for particular sexual services. Not that there has to be an itemised bill or anything. But how often is this the case? Accepting gifts from someone you're involved with is a common practice in all sorts of relationships, we don't see this as cash for services rendered. It's when you think you're buying something along with the gift-giving that it becomes something else. But if both parties are happy, what does even this have to do with anyone else?

 

And anyone who PMs someone with cowardly comments is disgraceful. Thanks for the interesting question 2 sure.

[MistyK]

MistyK, It's like the old saying. "You knew the job was dangerous , when you took it". If you expect "something", then don't get into a "nothing", affair. All of us OW's/OM's had the choice to take the high road or the low. We chose the low, for whatever reasons. I never expected any Loyalty or geniune caring from my MW's, just sex and maybe a little diversion. I never felt that they owed me anything, or I them.

 

Ok maybe I phrased that badly. I never "expected" anything from MM either. But of course, I wanted love and affection, and for him to "noramlize" our relationship - bring it out fo the shadows.

 

Women generally won't engage in affair unless two conditions exist: 1) She percieves the MM's M is qualitatively "over" anyway and 2) She believes that she and MM are in love.

 

The second point is what 2sure is focusing on. How do MM show they care when they are so limited. And if they make no effort at all to show they care, make the OW feel special, etc, then there's really no point to the OW sticking around.

[2sure]

I mean, I should have gotten something for f**king them before they had to pick up the kids at school, or had to fix dinner for Hubby, or those late-night rendezvous, right? I mean it costs money to go to motels, bars, and out-of-the-way restuarants. Damn, I missed out. I was a man-sl*t, and didn't even know it! .............. Men/women of integrity and honor, don't have affairs. If a person is having an affair, and is also recieving gifts from their AP, what are they? I mean, try to have a little self-respect.

 

One would think that taking the time and affection away from your MOW's husband and children would require way LESS honor and integrity than my accepting a car from a man with 5. But, thats just my perception.

[boldjack]

I see what you are saying Misty, but how is that showing caring? I could just as easily said, "I love you, here's fifty bucks", is that going to make you feel better? Or " I love you, we've been cheating for 4 years now, here's a car." Affairs are not like retirement dinners, you don't get a gold watch for longevity, OR sincerity.

[boldjack]

BTW, to ALL posters, I'm just as guilty for having affairs as anyone, here. I am in no way, vilifying anyone , in particular. I am presenting a dissenting viewpoint, that is all.

[OWoman]

Owoman, My comments are directed to anyone, male or female, who believes that they should be rewarded for infidelity, not specifically this OP.

 

BJ, my response was directed at anyone, male or female, who believes that the best way to "win" an argument or change someone's behaviour or POV is by casting metaphorical rocks - I was referring, as indicated by my referencing Misty's post above which had done the same - to 2Sure's remarks that she'd been flamed by PM. As was Frannie, below (WB, Frannie, BTW. Great to see you!)

 

And anyone who PMs someone with cowardly comments is disgraceful.

[joybean72]

Just gonna pop in here for one more second and say that it is NOT just OW that receives and or takes gifts!

My ex husband showed up in court with a whole new wardrobe and (I didn't even recognize who the heck he was!) I KNOW he didn't buy them because HE'S BROKE from his first ex! He's got a new house, personalized license plates & all.

 

Just putting my two cents in.

[OWoman]

Infidelity, like fidelity, is its own reward.

 

I expected, demanded, and got, really really hot action. Anything beyond that was a bonus.

[2sure]

I expected, demanded, and got, really really hot action. Anything beyond that was a bonus.

 

THATS what the gifts were!!!!! A BONUS.

 

Plus, I mean seriously....who doesnt deserve something for listening to a man talk about his college football days?? Even with my own husband, when he asks me to pleease watch the videos...I'm like, sure...but we have to go shopping after.