joybean72 Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 "Even with my own husband, when he asks me to pleease watch the videos...I'm like, sure...but we have to go shopping after." (Making note to self) Gawd, I love you 2sure! Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I have expressed my opinion, on this issue, and have nothing else to say, about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sure Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 I have expressed my opinion, on this issue, and have nothing else to say, about it. lol. Yet you still do. You're just mad you didnt get nothin Link to post Share on other sites
joyz Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 No, no, no criticism taken. Ever. All thoughts appreciated, I'm not one of those, you know that! Companion, Escort providing affection, emotional support, friendship, and sex Affair Partner, Other Woman providing affection, emotional support, friendship, and sex In either situation, only one person pays. Only difference , often, is who. sadly it looks more like this: Wife providing affection, emotional support, friendship, and sex Affair Partner, Other Woman providing affection, emotional support, friendship, and sex ... but came too late into his life Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 sadly it looks more like this: Wife providing affection, emotional support, friendship, and sex Affair Partner, Other Woman providing affection, emotional support, friendship, and sex ... but came too late into his life Has no one heard of divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sure Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Has no one heard of divorce? Right? When you think of the inconvenience, the hurt, the time, the effort, and yes ...even the expense of infidelity...to ALL parties Its hard to believe we think its easier, cheaper, etc. to just stay married and cheat. Because it isnt, at least when I'm involved. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Right? When you think of the inconvenience, the hurt, the time, the effort, and yes ...even the expense of infidelity...to ALL parties Its hard to believe we think its easier, cheaper, etc. to just stay married and cheat. Because it isnt, at least when I'm involved. It was that "came too late into his life" hogwash. A MM like that NEVER had any intention of making it "real" with the OW in THAT case. And I went through all that - and on the other end, and with NOTHING from the ex, am better off now financially than I was WITH him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sure Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Nope, if an affair is not an "Exit Affair" meaning he was already leaving...OW is just an extra luxury he feels entitled to. Link to post Share on other sites
MistyK Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 sadly it looks more like this: Wife providing affection, emotional support, friendship, and sex Affair Partner, Other Woman providing affection, emotional support, friendship, and sex ... but came too late into his life Joyz, this makes it sound like MM's and OW are just star-crossed lovers. "Fate" isn't keeping them apart, the MM's spinelessness is. Secondly, I'd like to modify the original premise: Wife providing 90% of the affection, emotional support, friendship, and sex, receives a 30% return, and gets 50% when it ends. Affair Partner, Other Woman providing the other 10% of affection, emotional support, friendship, and sex, receives a 2% return, if at all, and gets zip when the MM throws her under the bus. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Nope, if an affair is not an "Exit Affair" meaning he was already leaving...OW is just an extra luxury he feels entitled to. Then you know where I'm coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sure Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Misty - THANK YOU. You get it. Yes, affairs are wrong. Yes, OW should not do this. But if she is...whether because she is in love, or thinks he is leaving, has been manipulated, or because she just likes married guys.... Why should the only thing she accept be words, affair sex (sure, I miss it too) , and the possibility of an irate wife showing up at her office? Since OW is single without a partner to share expenses...so what if MM helps out...he loves her or cares for her right?? I'm thinking...maybe the ISSUE of the gifts things is different depending on the income level of MM and/or OW. To expect even gifts from a guy struggling to pay his mortgage ...is a lot different than accepting an apartment from a man with enough real estate to hide it. Link to post Share on other sites
SelenaK Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I have been reading here for awhile but never wanted to sign up and post until today because many of the stories I read here are hard for me to relate to. I think it is insane for anybody to be an OW and only get sweet nothings whispered in her ear and nothing else. MM is going home to a full life in most cases. Often he has a home, a wife, children, respect from his peers etc. Why shouldn't MM make his OW's life better and easier by giving her nice things if he cares about her? I am a little surprised that so many here are against this. I have recieved a condo, cars, jewelry, designer clothing, vacations, etc. I don't feel even a little bit guilty about recieving these things. They enhanced my life and I enhanced his life. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I don't feel even a little bit guilty about recieving these things. They enhanced my life and I enhanced his life. That's fine, but when he's done with you, he'll stop "enhancing your life." Who's gonna buy you things then? The next one? Seems like a sad and jaded way of looking at life. Link to post Share on other sites
SelenaK Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 That's fine, but when he's done with you, he'll stop "enhancing your life." Who's gonna buy you things then? The next one? Seems like a sad and jaded way of looking at life. Perhaps I will be done with him first. Not looking for happily ever after with him. In fact I would exit stage left If he ever did leave his wife. Just so you know. I don't need him or any man to buy me these things. The only thing I got from him that I didn't already have was the condo. Already had nice clothes, already drove a nice car, had already visited various places around the world, that is how he knew what my expectations would be, he took a look at what my life already was. Not jaded at all. I have a good life. I don't want or expect happily ever after with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sure Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 That's fine, but when he's done with you, he'll stop "enhancing your life." Who's gonna buy you things then? The next one? The thing is, just like anyone else ...maybe OW enjoys these things, enjoys the luxury they are, as well as the fact that her lover gave them to her...but once the relationship ends... It doesnt mean anyone else has to buy her things. I didnt NEED anyone to buy me anything. I still dont. When the OW above described her MM as "enhancing her life" with the gifts...thats just it, they are an enhancement...not life support. The gifts are optional, just like the whole affair, just like each partner. Link to post Share on other sites
SelenaK Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 That's fine, but when he's done with you, he'll stop "enhancing your life." Who's gonna buy you things then? The next one? The thing is, just like anyone else ...maybe OW enjoys these things, enjoys the luxury they are, as well as the fact that her lover gave them to her...but once the relationship ends... It doesnt mean anyone else has to buy her things. I didnt NEED anyone to buy me anything. I still dont. When the OW above described her MM as "enhancing her life" with the gifts...thats just it, they are an enhancement...not life support. The gifts are optional, just like the whole affair, just like each partner. This is exactly what I was trying to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2sure Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Not jaded at all. I have a good life. I don't want or expect happily ever after with him. Selena , for what its worth...you just want to keep in the back of your mind: THIS IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP. THIS IS NOT REAL LIFE. THIS IS NOT HOW NORMAL PEOPLE FUNCTION. I know it sounds like a given to you right now, but unless you repeat that every day...you are going to be 2sure. Not that that sucks completely or anything...but it does have some obstacles when you try to translate your current relationship skills and habits into real life. Not for nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I have struggled with that question myself. My MM offered many times to pay bills, buy me things etc. and I so often found myself turning them down feeling that to take them would make me his "wh*re" instead of his lover. Silly, isn't it? I remember not telling him when my bills were behind, and not knowing why I wouldn't tell him. I would have told him if he were single, and asked for help. (That is what people in loving relationships do, help each other, right?) But somehow I felt I didn't have the right to ask for/expect help from him because he is married. Maybe it stems from the whole stigma that is involved in being OW in the first place. I already felt guilty, ashamed, "less than"... but at least I could console myself that I was willing to take nothing from him except his "love". In my head, as long as I didn't accept gifts/money/help then I could convince myself I was somehow better than a woman who gets involved in her EMA for finacial gain. It is just another form of the "sick thinking" we do to try to make ourselves feel better. I did finally let him start paying my monthly cell bill, he kept offering, and frankly I needed the help. He got upset when he had offered for what must have been the fifth time and I again declined. He told me that he wanted to pay it for "clearly selfish reasons", stating that if I didn't have a phone, HE didn't get to talk to ME, and he wasn't willing to go without talking to me. After that, I just let him do it. He just very recently offered me an ATM card for one of his accounts. Maybe his way of trying to get further into my life, as he feels me leaving his. Needless to say, I have declined. Anyway.. I don't know that this even answered your question at all. But trying to answer other peoples questions sure does help me in gaining insight to my own issues. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Perhaps I will be done with him first. Not looking for happily ever after with him. In fact I would exit stage left If he ever did leave his wife. Just so you know. I don't need him or any man to buy me these things. The only thing I got from him that I didn't already have was the condo. Already had nice clothes, already drove a nice car, had already visited various places around the world, that is how he knew what my expectations would be, he took a look at what my life already was. Not jaded at all. I have a good life. I don't want or expect happily ever after with him. You ONLY got a HOUSE?! And you "don't need" these things? I'm sorry, but that is REALLY funny. ONLY a house. Link to post Share on other sites
SelenaK Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Selena , for what its worth...you just want to keep in the back of your mind: THIS IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP. THIS IS NOT REAL LIFE. THIS IS NOT HOW NORMAL PEOPLE FUNCTION. I know it sounds like a given to you right now, but unless you repeat that every day...you are going to be 2sure. Not that that sucks completely or anything...but it does have some obstacles when you try to translate your current relationship skills and habits into real life. Not for nothing. I know it is not real life, but it never hurts to be reminded. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
SelenaK Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 You ONLY got a HOUSE?! And you "don't need" these things? I'm sorry, but that is REALLY funny. ONLY a house. I own a house in the city where I lived that is now my rental property. MM bought me a condo in the city where he lived. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I own a house in the city where I lived that is now my rental property. MM bought me a condo in the city where he lived. Ah, gotcha. That makes more sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 You ONLY got a HOUSE?! And you "don't need" these things? I'm sorry, but that is REALLY funny. ONLY a house. A house? *insert shocked face here* maybe I have gone about this all wrong, feeling like crap for love? Perhaps I should rethink this and feel like crap for a house...... Link to post Share on other sites
SelenaK Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Donna Are you an OW? I wonder why you think it is so strange that a man would want to do nice things for a woman he cares about? I also wonder why you think a woman would have to be destitute to accept nice gifts from someone she is involved with? Has no one ever given you a valuable gift? Not being snotty, just really curious. Link to post Share on other sites
SelenaK Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 A house? *insert shocked face here* maybe I have gone about this all wrong, feeling like crap for love? Perhaps I should rethink this and feel like crap for a house...... If you are going to feel like crap, you should at least get something out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
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