Help, I love my husband so much.

[AprilFool]

But......

 

The boyfriend I had before him won't get out of my head!!! I dream about him all the time, and when my husband and I fight, I mentally compare them. I think, "My ex would've treated me so much better than he does....bla bla bla."

 

My dreams go like this: I'm with my ex, and something just doesn't feel right. Suddenly, I remember that I'm married to my husband. Or: I'm married to my ex, and something doesn't feel right, and I realize I'm in love with someone else, so I think, "Why did I marry my ex!?!?! I'm in love with my husband!!!"

 

Whenever my ex crosses my mind, I get a fluttery feeling....kind of like you get a couple of days after you've just shared the "I love you" in a relationship, and it passes your memory. Then, the fluttery feeling turns to sadness, because the relationship is over.

 

My ex dumped me. I still don't know why. In my opinion, we were deleriously happy, then one day he just quit calling, and a week later he broke it off....and I never knew why.

 

Sometimes I think to myself that if I hadn't met my husband, the ex would've come around, and we may've gotten back together. Then I realize how happy I am, and what a downer it would've been if I hadn't met my husband.

 

My question is this: What the heck is wrong with me!? I've been married 8 months, and I love my husband so much, and I love my new life so much, and besides all of that, my husband can give me so much more than my ex ever could have. I feel like a traitor for having dreams, and the fluttery feelings over someone else.....and I want it to stop.

 

How do I make it stop?

[Faerie Princess]

You guys are having a time.

 

I suggest counselling.

 

I suggest that you really need to think about your motivations in your interactions with your spouse. And that he needs to do the same. You need to start communicating if you want to have a marriage that is fulfilling.

 

As far as thinking about the guy who dumped you with no explanation, well sure. You never resolved it. You may never resolve it. But he's gone now, and you've made, at least legally if not emotionally, a commitment to your husband. You need to work on that.

[Torntoshreds]

Hi April,

 

My "ex" and I were deliriously happy too. He was 5 years younger than me and chased me for six months before I finally agreed to go out with him. It turned out we were perfect for each other and began living in total bliss. I had been engaged twice before and KNEW this guy was the "one".

 

In no time at all, we began talking marriage and our families were totally ecstatic. We couldnt have been happier.

 

One night while still in his arms after making love, he says "I'm not in love with you anymore".

 

I really thought he was joking. We talked all night and I realized he was NOT joking! I was a wreck. I begged and pleaded for him to tell me what was up. I bawled my eyes out. I asked if there was someone else in the picture. He told me no, and that he didn't know why, but he just didn't love me anymore. Boom. Just like that.

 

I called this man I loved with all my soul and all my heart, and he wouldn't talk to me. As each week went by, he got nastier and nastier til I finally quit calling him. I was devastated - I knew I'd never find a deeper love than what we shared.

 

I quit eating, went into deep depression and dropped to size 1. My friends, family and boss were so very worried that they fixed me up with a guy who proposed marriage to me within a few months and I quickly accepted. I just wanted the hurt to go away.

 

Then the ex came back and BEGGED me to come back to him. I was so tormented.

 

I was in love with my future husband but still was much more in love with my ex. But my ex had hurt me so tremendously, I never wanted to live through something like that again - and that's what I focussed on, and it fueled me to continue on with my wedding.

 

 

It took TEN YEARS to finally get over my ex. But I finally made it.

 

Good luck!

[AprilFool]

Originally posted by Torntoshreds

 

Your story and mine are so similar!!!!! Yes, this guy chased me for FIVE YEARS before I gave in and started dating him. We were so happy, and fell in love fast, and started talking about getting married, and having kids, and where we'd live an everything! Unlike you, though, he told me that he still loved me, but he just thought we should be friends for a while. His excuse was that is life was a mess right now.....I didn't see any mess....he lived at home with his parents, but so did I. His job had him working LONG hours, but I was willing to put up with it.

 

Oh well. 3 months later I met my husband, and I fell in love with him. Of course, I always felt that I would NEVER love anyone like I loved my ex. I had been engaged in a horrible relationship before I met the ex I loved.

 

My relationship with my husband isn't like the relationship with my ex. I love my husband for so many reasons. Even if I had the chance to go back to my ex, I wouldn't. It's not that I married my husband to get over my ex, and it's not that my husband is not the best love of my life.....I guess my ex was my first true love.

 

I just wish he'd get out of my head!!!

[ConfusedSoul]

Originally posted by AprilFool

Your story and mine are so similar!!!!! Yes, this guy chased me for FIVE YEARS before I gave in and started dating him. We were so happy, and fell in love fast, and started talking about getting married, and having kids, and where we'd live an everything! Unlike you, though, he told me that he still loved me, but he just thought we should be friends for a while. His excuse was that is life was a mess right now.....I didn't see any mess....he lived at home with his parents, but so did I. His job had him working LONG hours, but I was willing to put up with it.

 

Oh well. 3 months later I met my husband, and I fell in love with him. Of course, I always felt that I would NEVER love anyone like I loved my ex. I had been engaged in a horrible relationship before I met the ex I loved.

 

My relationship with my husband isn't like the relationship with my ex. I love my husband for so many reasons. Even if I had the chance to go back to my ex, I wouldn't. It's not that I married my husband to get over my ex, and it's not that my husband is not the best love of my life.....I guess my ex was my first true love.

 

I just wish he'd get out of my head!!!

 

 

Your not alone April fool,I am having almost the same problems,the dreams of the ex i have them to. My ex was my highschool sweetheart and we were so happy then out of the blue he dumped me. I took it REALLY hard. and then i met my husband. I really love my husband but i still have the same thoughts as you. all i can say is time will heal. i know you heard this before i am sick of people telling me myself but it is the truth. ever want to talkdont hesitate to message me.

[geo]

I dated someone for several years. I knew in my heart of heart he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We were both young. He had not soared his oates. There were a few ocaisions when he was caught talking to other women .

Honestly, I forgave him and told him it was because he was not experienced. I had already been out in the world. I was not looking because I had found everything in him.

Well after I found out that he took a girl to a movie, I was bent on making him hurt the way he had broke my heart.

I went out with a friend to a club and found someone that did not speak english and married this person.

It was the ultimate revenge. As he pleaded to come back, I laughed in his face.

He moved to another state and started over.

Of course the marriage did not work out, it was doomed from the beginning. I would stare into his eyes and think of my ex.

Now I am married again with two boys, I love my husband. He is the best husband I ever could have dreamed of. He looks like my ex.

I have dreams of my ex. I constantly think of how our life would have been. For the longest time I have wanted to sit down and ask him does he forgive me. Did he regret how things happened. Does he still think of me.

I finally saw him in Walmart this December.

Of my gosh did he looks different. He is not the same young man I was in love with.

He wife was a plain jane. I thought to my self what was he going through... why?

I quess it is the unanswered questions that allows there memories to taunt us the way they do..im our dreams, minds, and hearts.

When we look at the past we fantacise how wonderful a relationship might have been.

Reality is it may have been worse..

Dammmm it feels good when she is ugly