I was in the hopspital after my date last night

[loveslife]

Sweetie, I'm sorry you had such a horrible evening.

 

It's great that everyone is trying to comfort you. But I have to say though that I'm a little disturbed you're trying to diagnose what happened with people on this board. Do you have a private physician you can call? A crisis center?

 

Seriously, I think you should call a trained professional for help.

[Trialbyfire]

You think they still will after discharging me? I'm gonna go find the paper work.

 

Well when I went through my purse today, all my cash was gone. We had a tab going and paid by card (I called my card, and nothing was put on it) and the tab was larger then what I had in my purse. 20 bucks wouldn't even had paid for my 4 drinks, much less his beer as well. And I very much doubt he'd have taken it.

They might so all you can do is to try.

 

As for the cash, this could also have gone missing at the hospital. My Dad had money stolen at the hospital.

[dreamergrl]

Sweetie, I'm sorry you had such a horrible evening.

 

It's great that everyone is trying to comfort you. But I have to say though that I'm a little disturbed you're trying to diagnose what happened with people on this board. Do you have a private physician you can call? A crisis center?

 

Seriously, I think you should call a trained professional for help.

 

There's low cost therapy I will be getting a hold of. I don'th ave a private physician here yet. The doctor gave me some meds for the time being.

[Island Girl]

Dreamer I am so sorry you went through all of that.

 

Try not to worry about what A thinks. Just focus on feeling better and getting yourself looked after right now.

 

Come back to it in a few days - the suggestion of an e-mail is a good one - and deal with it then.

He'll have processed it by that time too.

Time heals all wounds you know. Time fades experiences and evens them out.

 

If he can not understand people go through crap and sometimes things happen - then he should get out of the way so the man that will has a place to be.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if you had a bit more to drink during the black out period - and I wouldn't discount someone slipping something into your drink.

Even on a date. Every guy in that bar didn't know you were together. Sometimes people meet in bars and play pool etc. It could have been anyone.

 

Try to feel better Dreamer. I am just so happy you are home and safe now.

[ReturnToSender]

Im so sorry to hear all what happned to you last night! I have to admit..I read your last thread and was silently rooting for you...excited to see how things progress. Well, Im still rooting for you. Please dont fret what is going on with him...he needs a little time to sort through what happened to, I mean, thats a lot to handle, but hope is not lost.

 

Though my bf doesnt have AA, he has severe OCD. He tries very hard to hide it, and what he cannot hide he tries to laugh off...but early on, there were some things that really just threw me for a loop. Very early on...like within the first month I already realized that if Im going to be with him, this is going to be an every single day of our lives together thing. Yeah, it freaked me out, but...that didnt deter me. And Im glad I continued to see him and get to know him better.

 

Part of that was doing so much research on OCD and reading experiences from people who live with people with OCD so that I could understand it..and him better. Being informed and aware is a huge part of what helped me deal with it..and in your case, I think that will make a huge difference too. It then makes it so that its not *you* that is scary to be with, its your *condition* that is scary to witness. And it would make it so much easier to be supportive and to be there for you.

 

Anyway, I really am keeping the hope alive...I hope that you recover well and that this ends up only being a minor setback in your relationship that the two of you can move forward from.

[loveslife]

There's low cost therapy I will be getting a hold of. I don'th ave a private physician here yet. The doctor gave me some meds for the time being.

 

Maybe there's a crisis center you can call and they can recommend someone for you to talk to who can help you put together the pieces?

[stepka]

Oh sweetie, I'm just coming on to this thread and I feel terrible for you about what happened. I've blacked out before (from drinking too much) and you're right--it's a horrible feeling trying to piece together what happened.

 

I did want to tell you that I used to work in a hospital lab and they save samples for a certain length of time in case anything else comes up later, so call them ASAP and see if they can still run that.

 

I also believe that you need to talk to A and find out what happened and explain your part in it--maybe after you find out results of substance testing. And get his side of the story too--you really need to know when things started to get crazy so you can trace back to what may have caused it. In answer to your question about whether I'd stick around for someone after that happened: depends. Depends on whether I truly care about them. If he doesn't, then he isn't the one.

 

A natural remedy that has worked for friends of mine is Rescue Remedy--I believe it's sort of like homeopathic medicine. I don't have anxiety so I can't answer for it personally, but I've had great success with homeopathics in the past, even when I didn't believe that they'd work. This one won't make you groggy. I think you put a few drops in a glass of water and there's no weird taste. For around $12 for a bottle from the health food store, it would surely be worth a try.

 

Loves life: I don't think DG is trying to get dxed here--we're her friends.

[bluewolf17]

I'm sorry. You must have been so scared. How are you feeling today?

[dreamergrl]

I normally am much more upfront about it in the beginning, but it wasn't playing such a big role in my life anymore. Since moving here, I've felt so much better. That's why I can't figure out what triggered this - that's another problem that is eating at me. I know I should give it some time, but I'm so tempted to email him and explain and ask for the pieces.

 

I'm feeling a little better, but frustrated. I know it's not my fault, and it's part of who I am. I know someone, if not him, will accept me AD and all.

 

I just don't know how to explain it. I want to say I'm sorry he had to go through that with me. I'm not sorry for having AD, because I can't fix that, but I am sorry that he had to go through with me before me explaining it to him.

 

I'm waiting on a nurse to call me back to see if I can get a tox screen.

 

LoveTalker - thank you for giving y our imput from the other side of the fence!

[Phateless]

When you email him, DO NOT start off talking about AD. He'll only interpret this as giving excuses. You should own up to your behavior, apologize for it, ask him to tell you exactly what happened so you can process it and hopefully start to remember something.

 

Thing is, you can't really try to gauge his reaction until you know what he's reacting to.

 

Tell him you'd like a chance to explain yourself AFTER he's given you all the facts to consider. If he's open-minded he'll hear you out.

[dreamergrl]

I wanted to get it off my shoulders... I can wait to send it till tomorrow though. It seems long.. what could I cut out of it. Or anything else that could be said.

 

A,

I'm not quite sure what to say, although something needs to be said. I know we had a rough night last night, and I'm sorry for that. I would greatly appreciate you hearing me out on a few things and try to understand where I'm coming from. And believe me, I know how hard it had to have been to deal with me and what I was going through. I don't blame you for any of it, I was never mad at you, and while it's hard for me to ask, I hope you can read through this with an open mind, and process it before responding. I wish this was one of the times you'd be saying "Don't worry about it". Okay.. little joke there, even though I know this isn't much of a joking matter.

 

Last night I had the worst anxiety attack I've ever had. I was diagnosed when I was 23 with it. For a while they had me on Larazapam. After a while I went off of them to try a new medicine for it, only to have it make me completely numb to any emotion what so ever. So I started to learn natural and homopathic methods of controlling it. Which were working great.

 

I got nervous last night, which is why I sat out of the game. Like I told you at the bar. I was starting to feel quite a bit better. So I didn't think anything more of it, and went back to having fun. I don't know what triggered it the second time, but I don't remember anything after pool. When I get bad attacks, I block things out. The next thing I remember is being on your stairs and you wanting to take me home. I didn't think it was wise for you to drive that far drunk and upset. I wasn't trying to be difficult. But with my anxiety still there, that frightening me.

 

The next I remember is being in the ambulance. Most of the night was very fuzzy of what I do remember. They gave me Larazapam since it's something I've been on before. With my anxiety disorder, some really stupid things can trigger it, and I can normally catch it and control it. I don't know why it was so bad this time, but I'm sorry you had to go through that with me. I should have told you a long while about it. They doctor gave me some meds for an as needed basis. So at least I can prevent it next time. I'm also getting a tox screen done to see if there's anything else that prompted the attack - since I can't figure out the trigger.

 

As for my wrist. I'm guessing (because things are so fuzzy) is I was trying to distract the things going on my mind to a pain else where. I've never done that. That's something strange for me. I love life and I fear my skin being punctured like that. I can't even stand needs. I was scared when I was getting the IV needle hooked up. I want you to know that I wasn't upset with you. When I have an attack, it's scary. My heart starts pounding, I get very unfocused, sometimes short of breath. It's scary, and it puts me in self protect mode because I'm in fear during my attacks. And yeah... I cry. I can try and talk myself down or meditate. It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't seen it or experience it. The best thing you can know about dealing with someone who's going through it is to not yell at them. I know it's hard to deal with because you don't know how to react.

 

I'd like to know the missing pieces of the night. It helps me understand, and learn to prevent it if it happens again. This is something I have to live with for a long time, but it doesn't make me who I am as a person. I'm still the person you liked, that hasn't changed, it just happens that I have this flaw that I have to learn to keep under control, and I normally do. I'd really like to continue to see you, and see what happens. I think you're a pretty awesome guy, and I always have so much fun with you. If you're unsure or afraid because of last night, I understand - but perhaps you could google Anxiety Disorders and read up on it a bit before you make a choice. I'm also more then happy to answer any questions you'd have. And please know that having such a strong attack like that is not common for me.

 

Which ever you decide, I'll accept. I do have your hoodie - as you still have my work shirts that I'll need back. Anyways, I'm sorry for last night, and I hope you at least had a good day.

[Star Gazer]

I know it's tempting, but I wouldn't send that email, Dreamer. It's very thoughtful and informative, but also reads like you're accepting fault for something you cannot control. KWIM? He knows you have PD, and is most likely assuming most of your behavior was PD-driven.

 

So, if anything, your email should simply gently ask him if he's open to talking soon about what happened and why it happened, and let him know that you have some questions about the blank-spots in time that you need answered.

[dreamergrl]

I know it's tempting, but I wouldn't send that email, Dreamer. It's very thoughtful and informative, but also reads like you're accepting fault for something you cannot control. KWIM? He knows you have PD, and is most likely assuming most of your behavior was PD-driven.

 

So, if anything, your email should simply gently ask him if he's open to talking soon about what happened and why it happened, and let him know that you have some questions about the blank-spots in time that you need answered.

 

So I shouldn't explain AD at all? I also want to get filled in on what happened, really because it would help me figure out what triggered it then I can prevent it.

 

And you don't think I should appologize for my behavior and own up to it?

 

Trust me, this letter is not getting sent until tomorrow at least. I do wish he'd write and ask how I am or something.

[Star Gazer]

So I shouldn't explain AD at all?

 

I guess you just sound so apologetic, when you really have nothing to apologize for (yet, anyway). I do think he ultimately needs to know what AD is, and how it affects you. I just wouldn't do it in an email. I'd wait to talk to him in person, or on the phone. The email can just be the starting point to let him know you're ready to chat about it... He may be afraid to even broach the subject right now.

 

I also want to get filled in on what happened, really because it would help me figure out what triggered it then I can prevent it.

 

As you should. I think you can achieve that by saying in your email that you'd like to talk with him so that you can get filled in on what happened.

 

And you don't think I should apologize for my behavior and own up to it?

 

You can't apologize or own up to something before you even know you did it. You're assuming you did these horrible things, when for all we know you just acted like a melodramatic drunk girl (and we've all been there! ).

 

I dunno. Perhaps I just don't like the idea of you doing all this apologizing to HIM for the terrible experience you went through while he remains silent. If he had spoken up by now, I'd see it differently.

 

I do wish he'd write and ask how I am or something.

 

He should....IMO.

[dreamergrl]

I guess you just sound so apologetic, when you really have nothing to apologize for (yet, anyway). I do think he ultimately needs to know what AD is, and how it affects you. I just wouldn't do it in an email. I'd wait to talk to him in person, or on the phone. The email can just be the starting point to let him know you're ready to chat about it... He may be afraid to even broach the subject right now.

 

Well I feel bad that he had to be there for that, I'd feel bad for anyone who had to be there for that. I guess I'm worried about what Phatless said.

 

 

 

As you should. I think you can achieve that by saying in your email that you'd like to talk with him so that you can get filled in on what happened.

 

Okay, I'll mention that for sure then.

 

 

 

You can't apologize or own up to something before you even know you did it. You're assuming you did these horrible things, when for all we know you just acted like a melodramatic drunk girl (and we've all been there! ).

 

Eh, I wonder if my anxiety got me into my insecure mode. Like maybe I made accusations that he's seeing some girl, or got bitter about something. When I have my AAs, I go into complete defence mode. My walls are up to the damn sky. And I fear the worse. Even without sane reason.

 

I dunno. Perhaps I just don't like the idea of you doing all this apologizing to HIM for the terrible experience you went through while he remains silent. If he had spoken up by now, I'd see it differently.

 

I wish I could read his mind. Is it possible he's not sure what to say to me? I saw him online today. But I didn't say anything. I saw him on the site we met on. I had gotten a notification about something with my profile.. and poof there he was. He's told me straight out tho (without me probing) that he's not talking to anyone on there.

 

 

 

He should....IMO.

 

Maybe he's disgusted with me. For God Sakes, I managed to cut my wrist. What normal person does that. Even though I don't have a history of it and I was going through an attack - that'd be enough to make me to want to run.

 

I remember an x that was a cutter, before we dated, then one day I woke up to him cutting in my bathroom. I was freaked out. Perhaps that's where I got the stupid idea to move the mental anguish to physical pain.

[ReturnToSender]

I would give him a bit of time...this all just happened last night. Though its a good idea to bring up and explain what happened, I would wait until in person to explain in further detail.

[dreamergrl]

I'm sorry Dreamer.. it must have been just awful for you, and now having to deal with the aftermath... *sigh*

 

Don't feel like this is your fault. Yes, you may need to answer about your behavior and some of the things you said that night, but if your date fails to sympathize then that's his problem. Maybe he doesn't understand anxiety disorders but he should hear you out and maybe even be willing to learn about it, and if he cares about you even in the slightest, offer you a little sympathy.

 

I have my own share of anxieties so I really feel for you. Keeping it under control is no easy task, and whether others view it as illogical or does not make an AA any less difficult to manage. So frustrating.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. Give it a few days and try to contact him... hopefully he will have some compassion and try to understand.

 

I was thinking, depending how this letter ends up getting wrote, to include a link to dealing with AD - but can't decide on the good site.

 

I would give him a bit of time...this all just happened last night. Though its a good idea to bring up and explain what happened, I would wait until in person to explain in further detail.

 

And if he doesn't want to speak to me in person?

[ReturnToSender]

I was thinking, depending how this letter ends up getting wrote, to include a link to dealing with AD - but can't decide on the good site.

 

 

 

And if he doesn't want to speak to me in person?

 

I guess Im just putting myself in the place of "if that happened to me"... I understand that you want to make sure he knows exactly what was going on, but at the same time...for him, it was a pretty overwhelming thing to experience...and then sending a lot of information would be overwhelming too.

 

I really do think that..with how things were going between you, that if hes genuine about you, he will want to know what happened...he will want an explaination to find out exactly what was going on...and in that..he will want to see you again.

 

I would reach out and offer an explaination, let him know how it made me felt, let him know how I feel about him... But going into the details...the personal touch of talking face to face would make a much more intimate impact, than reading it all in an email.

 

If he doesnt want to hear you out or see you again...while that would not be good, it would be even worse..I think..to bare yourself to openly and then not get a response. At least if hes right there with you, you already know before youve said a word, that hes open to what you have to say. Know what I mean?

[dreamergrl]

I guess Im just putting myself in the place of "if that happened to me"... I understand that you want to make sure he knows exactly what was going on, but at the same time...for him, it was a pretty overwhelming thing to experience...and then sending a lot of information would be overwhelming too.

 

I really do think that..with how things were going between you, that if hes genuine about you, he will want to know what happened...he will want an explaination to find out exactly what was going on...and in that..he will want to see you again.

 

I would reach out and offer an explaination, let him know how it made me felt, let him know how I feel about him... But going into the details...the personal touch of talking face to face would make a much more intimate impact, than reading it all in an email.

 

If he doesnt want to hear you out or see you again...while that would not be good, it would be even worse..I think..to bare yourself to openly and then not get a response. At least if hes right there with you, you already know before youve said a word, that hes open to what you have to say. Know what I mean?

 

That makes a lot of sense. Thank you!

[Phateless]

Let me clarify - this crazy stuff is NOT YOUR FAULT - but you still did it.

 

Make sense?

 

I think once he understands the situation he probably won't be mad, but it's completely understandable that he'd be upset now.

 

Right now he's probably just wondering WTF happened.

[Star Gazer]

Well I feel bad that he had to be there for that, I'd feel bad for anyone who had to be there for that.

 

Understandable, but as others have said, your focus right now should be on YOU... not on his feelings, or his needs, but your own. You're not in a relationship yet, so you're entitled to put yourself first here.

 

I wish I could read his mind. Is it possible he's not sure what to say to me?

 

I think that's obvious, hun. Don't you? (Not being snarky here. )

 

I saw him online today. But I didn't say anything. I saw him on the site we met on. I had gotten a notification about something with my profile.. and poof there he was.

 

That's off putting to me. But then again, this is a very fresh/new dating situation, so it's understandable at the same time.

 

I was thinking, depending how this letter ends up getting wrote, to include a link to dealing with AD - but can't decide on the good site.

 

I think that's a good idea. Let someone else (a website) do the explaining.

 

And if he doesn't want to speak to me in person?

 

Then you move on, and find someone who would be willing to if in his shoes.

 

It's only been like 10 days since you met him. If he walks, it's not the end of the world, and you can consider yourself lucky to have seen his true colors early on.

[dreamergrl]

A,

I wanted to thank you for doing the right thing last night, and ensuring my safety. As I mentioned, I have Anxiety Disorder, and I had my worst attack last night. Due to that, there's quite a bit I don't remember. It would be greatly helpful if you could fill in some missing pieces for me, as I want to learn what happened to help prevent another bad attack in the future.

 

I feel bad that you had to go through all that. It's not something that happens on a normal basis. And I've never taken a knife to myself ever. It was the severity of the attack. It'd be nice to be given the opportunity to explain what happened. I don't know what triggered it, but it's not something easily helped. It's also something not easily explained.

 

I'd hate for something that became out of my control to cause you not what to see me again, so maybe we can talk sometime in the near future. Hope your day was good.

[Star Gazer]

If he doesnt want to hear you out or see you again...while that would not be good, it would be even worse..I think..to bare yourself so openly and then not get a response. At least if hes right there with you, you already know before youve said a word, that hes open to what you have to say. Know what I mean?

 

That's the reason I couldn't quite put my finger on...

[Trialbyfire]

A,

I'm not quite sure what to say, although something needs to be said. I know we had a rough night last night, and I'm sorry for that. I would greatly appreciate you hearing me out on a few things and try to understand where I'm coming from.

 

Last night I had the worst anxiety attack I've ever had. I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder when I was 23. With a form of natural treatment, things have been going great.

 

I got nervous last night, which is why I sat out of the game. Like I told you at the bar. I was starting to feel quite a bit better. So I didn't think anything more of it, and went back to having fun. I don't know what triggered it the second time, but I don't remember anything after pool.

 

The next thing I remember is being on your stairs and you wanting to take me home. I didn't think it was wise for you to drive that far drunk and upset. I wasn't trying to be difficult. But with my anxiety still there, that frightening me.

 

After that, all I remember is being in the ambulance. Most of the night was very fuzzy of what I do remember. The good news is that they gave me some medication to take home with me, so that any future attacks, can be prevented.

 

If you have some time, would you help me by filling in what happened? It helps me understand, and learn to prevent it if it happens again.

 

I think you're a pretty awesome guy, and I always have so much fun with you. If you're unsure or afraid because of last night, I understand - but perhaps you could google Anxiety Disorders and read up on it a bit before you make a choice. I'm also more then happy to answer any questions you'd have. And please know that having such a strong attack like that is not common for me.

 

Which ever you decide, I'll accept. I do have your hoodie - as you still have my work shirts that I'll need back. Anyways, I'm sorry for last night, and I hope you at least had a good day.

 

Dreamer, I amended your email, if you're still considering sending it. Hope this helps.

[dreamergrl]

Let me clarify - this crazy stuff is NOT YOUR FAULT - but you still did it.

 

Make sense?

 

I think once he understands the situation he probably won't be mad, but it's completely understandable that he'd be upset now.

 

Right now he's probably just wondering WTF happened.

 

Well I wont be denying anything I did. And I'm nervous to find out what else happened that I can't remember. It's driving me nuts.

 

Ever have those nights where you drank too much and can't remember, but you have that nagging feeling you did something dumb? I don't even have any intuition feelings about whatever happened.

 

Understandable, but as others have said, your focus right now should be on YOU... not on his feelings, or his needs, but your own. You're not in a relationship yet, so you're entitled to put yourself first here.

 

I know, it's just hard for me not to feel bad when my attack effected another person. It always makes me feel bad when it happens like that. I worry about people I care about regardless. And even tho we've only been seeing each other for a week and a half, I care about him to a certain degree.

 

 

I think that's obvious, hun. Don't you? (Not being snarky here.

Yeah, hopefully

 

 

 

That's off putting to me. But then again, this is a very fresh/new dating situation, so it's understandable at the same time.

 

I think my worse fear is coming across as crazy or psychotic. In the ambulance, one thing I remember, is the damn people patronizing me. I hate that.

 

And why didn't he at least call the hospital and see if I was okay. Or come with?

 

 

 

I think that's a good idea. Let someone else (a website) do the explaining.

 

I'm just not sure which one. Maybe one for those who have to cope with a person who has it?

 

 

 

Then you move on, and find someone who would be willing to if in his shoes.

 

It's only been like 10 days since you met him. If he walks, it's not the end of the world, and you can consider yourself lucky to have seen his true colors early on.

 

I know. I really do. And I'll get over it. But I can't help but to think of the things we had planned in the future (like games, and stuff)