I was in the hopspital after my date last night

[loveslife]

Right, sorry, I thought that was clear.

 

It was, SG. Dreamer is probably just still shook up and jumped the gun a little.

[dreamergrl]

Either or both. Don't you ever recall a conversation with someone, where you kicked yourself for saying something, wishing you had said it another way, with the perception that whatever you said, wasn't the perception you wanted to give? Then, the next day, talking to an observer of the conversation, where they had no probs following what you intended.

 

Stuff like this happens all the time. Particularly if you think about it a lot. Most people, including myself, are our own worst critics.

 

Yeah, but why am I blocking it out then? Maybe it's not as bad as I think it could be, but I think I said or did something bad enough because (using as an example, not worrying) he decided 'we were through'.

 

DG, she was asking if you've lived in 3 place in 2 years.

 

Well actually, at this time last year I was in Seattle, came back to Wisconsin in Jan, and moved here in June. But I've moved around a lot in my life, it's a normal thing for me.

 

I thought it was being implied that moving is what's causing it. While I'm not huge on change right away, in many instances I love new surroundings because I feel everything is fresh.

[dreamergrl]

...which got me to thinking. You had those episodes when you moved back to WI, and now you're having episodes after moving to CO. Have you moved around alot? Do you notice that these episodes seem to occur with big life changes?

 

I've had these 'episodes' for the last 5 years. Actually, I don't recall any in Seattle, with the exception of feeling a little anxious on the bus.

 

Wisconsin holds the worse of it until now. And this is the first time I've had one here. In Wisconsin I'd have them more frequent, but a lot less severe.

 

So that sounds like 3 places in less than, like, 2 years?

 

 

I don't hold 'getting a little anxious on the bus' to the same degree as like what happened Monday. That's like comparing apples and oranges. I couldn't even compare getting a little anxious on the bus to many of my attacks. Such as losing my keys. Feeling anxious and and acting on the anxious are two different things. It wont matter where I am. It's a part of me. And my AD has been much better out here.

 

 

Through this I got the impression that SG thought that the AD with moving. Moving is a big life change. But it's not the moving that gets me.

[jen924]

Yeah, but why am I blocking it out then? Maybe it's not as bad as I think it could be, but I think I said or did something bad enough because (using as an example, not worrying) he decided 'we were through'.

 

 

 

Well actually, at this time last year I was in Seattle, came back to Wisconsin in Jan, and moved here in June. But I've moved around a lot in my life, it's a normal thing for me.

 

I thought it was being implied that moving is what's causing it. While I'm not huge on change right away, in many instances I love new surroundings because I feel everything is fresh.

 

 

It sort of sounds like you are hoping to escape your fears or problems, by moving and starting over. Moving actually can be very stressful, more than you know. While it may have helped you in some ways, it probably stressed you out more than you realize. Three moves in that amount of time is not the best.

[Trialbyfire]

Yeah, but why am I blocking it out then? Maybe it's not as bad as I think it could be, but I think I said or did something bad enough because (using as an example, not worrying) he decided 'we were through'.

Come on dreamer, blocks aren't deliberate and neither were the things that happened, whatever they were, during the time you had your AA. Stop beating yourself up about it, like it was your fault. It wasn't.

 

We do know for fact that you went out last night and had some form of attack. Also fact is that you ended up in the hospital with a lacerated wrist. Beyond that, the rest of the pertinent details are unknown.

 

If this guy responds, maybe he can fill in your blanks. Don't make the blanks worse than they really were by guessing and then, blaming yourself.

 

If this guy doesn't respond and you need to find out what happened, do this under the careful guidance of a professional, qualified to help you through this in a way that's beneficial to your emotional health and welfare.

[Art_Critic]

Dreamer.. Do you have an appointment to see someone about this ?

[Star Gazer]

It sort of sounds like you are hoping to escape your fears or problems, by moving and starting over.

 

I was just going to say this.

 

Dreamer, I've been guilty of this. I moved a couple times to escape problems I was then-facing that in retrospect and in the grand scheme of things were fairly minor. Each time I moved, I latched on to the first connections I (felt that I had) made (usually romantic in nature) in order to hopefully grow roots and feel more stable and sorta make the move feel "worth it."

 

I'm over simplifying it a lot, as it was more complicated than that. But could something like that be happening with you too?

[RedDevil66]

Dreamer, you can only get well if you stop fooling yourself.

There is no way on earth any reputable dr would diagnose AD on somone who comes into the ER. It takes many meetings with a trained therapist to diagnose any illness.

 

This is no AD that causes any black outs to the point of self inflicted wounds.

You're extremely unstable. This is so sad, really!

 

You seem to be more interested in contacting this guy than figuring out your issue. Like you're looking for an excuse to contact him.

I don't think he was out of line not checking on you nor was he being insenstive, because I believe if this man cooked her dinner, he can't be a monster.

I'm sure there is a lot more to this story than you are saying and your actions probably scared him away.

 

Leave him alone, get some help and stop believing this was AD.

Sorry this is harsh, but it's tough love sweetie

[loveslife]

I was just going to say this.

 

Dreamer, I've been guilty of this. I moved a couple times to escape problems I was then-facing that in retrospect and in the grand scheme of things were fairly minor. Each time I moved, I latched on to the first connections I (felt that I had) made (usually romantic in nature) in order to hopefully grow roots and feel more stable and sorta make the move feel "worth it."

 

I'm over simplifying it a lot, as it was more complicated than that. But could something like that be happening with you too?

 

SG, where the heck were you when I moved the last time? This is just what happened with me! I wish you could have stopped me!!

[Ariadne]

Dreamer.. Do you have an appointment to see someone about this ?

 

If I were to advice Dreamer...

 

I'd tell her to just lay off so much dating for a while, take care of her house and the things she needs, take care of her health, relax, enjoy the weather, eat well and exercise. Maybe cultivate friendships with tkgirl etc.

 

If I were her I'd get tested for stds and forget all about the guy from last night.

 

That guy is a total stranger that she just met, who seemed nice, and when things got tough he didn't want anything to do.

[dreamergrl]

RedDevil - I'm not fooling myself, thank you. I was diagnosed at 23, and at Seattle I had a few other evaluations (because they offer medical assistance to those with certain medical conditions. Are you a doctor? Do you know for a fact? Don't try and tell me what is and what isn't unless you are a certified trained psychologist.

 

SG and Jen - Seattle, yes, I was running - I've owned up to that a while ago. But I returned. I dealt with much that I had been running from. I came out here because I wanted to come out here. I enjoy my life every day out here. I have some great friends, great co-workers, a job that I like - all more then what I was getting in Wisconsin. Moving to Denver was a positive choice. My mom and I moved a lot as I was growing up as well. When I was younger, I made unwise choices that caused me to move.

 

Art - I am expecting a call back from the low cost therapy to see if I can get scheduled in around my work schedule. I'm doing all I can right now.

[Star Gazer]

SG, where the heck were you when I moved the last time? This is just what happened with me! I wish you could have stopped me!!

 

Sorry! It took me a long time to figure it out. The last time I had some trouble, I just dusted myself off, pulled myself up by my bootstraps and forced myself to stay and try again.

 

I was a lot calmer, and more self assured after I did that.

[Art_Critic]

Art - I am expecting a call back from the low cost therapy to see if I can get scheduled in around my work schedule. I'm doing all I can right now.

 

Atta Girl...

[dreamergrl]

Come on dreamer, blocks aren't deliberate and neither were the things that happened, whatever they were, during the time you had your AA. Stop beating yourself up about it, like it was your fault. It wasn't.

 

We do know for fact that you went out last night and had some form of attack. Also fact is that you ended up in the hospital with a lacerated wrist. Beyond that, the rest of the pertinent details are unknown.

 

If this guy responds, maybe he can fill in your blanks. Don't make the blanks worse than they really were by guessing and then, blaming yourself.

 

If this guy doesn't respond and you need to find out what happened, do this under the careful guidance of a professional, qualified to help you through this in a way that's beneficial to your emotional health and welfare.

 

Well someone here thinks that block outs don't happen with AD and I'm just fooling myself. I'm trying to find some info on it, until I get in to see a doctor.

 

If the guy doesn't respond, oh well. I'll be bummed but it wont be the end of the world. And I'll just have to deal with not knowing, or maybe a doctor can help me figure it out.

[pandagirl]

I think people need to stop diagnosing DG and telling her what to do. It's fine if we offer her support, but the truth is, we don't really know the FULL story or what she needs.

 

DG, deep down you know the truth -- it's up to you to to uncover what it is. Seeing a therapist or being on the right medication will probably help this process.

 

Remember: there is nothing wrong with you! You aren't crazy. We all have issues, some are more complicated than others.

[jen924]

 

This is no AD that causes any black outs to the point of self inflicted wounds.

 

 

 

Well I was going to say that I don't understand the blackouts. Maybe she was drugged, but hard to believe she was so drunk she blacked out. I know that if someone experiences something traumatic they could block it out, but from what I understand that doesn't happen with generalized anxiety disorders. Its way beyond that. I've had anxiety attacks bad before and I didn't block out anything. The wrist thing is scary and I think should really be looked into.

[Ariadne]

Atta Girl...

 

Poor Dreamer... she's on her way of getting messed up. Next thing will be pills and eternal therapy talking about childhood.

 

What a waste.

[loveslife]

Sorry! It took me a long time to figure it out. The last time I had some trouble, I just dusted myself off, pulled myself up by my bootstraps and forced myself to stay and try again.

 

I was a lot calmer, and more self assured after I did that.

 

That's great to hear. But yeah if only I'd known that's what I was doing at the time!! Guess the best we can do is to live and learn.

[Trialbyfire]

Well someone here thinks that block outs don't happen with AD and I'm just fooling myself. I'm trying to find some info on it, until I get in to see a doctor.

I don't know if anyone who's posted on this thread, is qualified to diagnose anyone. Professionals rarely use tough love, unless they're specifically asked to, particularly when the issue is sensitive to the individual.

 

With this in mind, just ignore what doesn't make sense to you, instead of finding information to negate it.

 

If the guy doesn't respond, oh well. I'll be bummed but it wont be the end of the world. And I'll just have to deal with not knowing, or maybe a doctor can help me figure it out.

Yes, that's the attitude. It won't be the end of the world. You = calmness, rather than He = important.

[northstar1]

Sorry! It took me a long time to figure it out. The last time I had some trouble, I just dusted myself off, pulled myself up by my bootstraps and forced myself to stay and try again.

 

I was a lot calmer, and more self assured after I did that.

 

Interesting, my ex was a 'runner', moving to a new place about every year. Kind of a 'grass is greener' thing.

[RedDevil66]

Dreamer, I am really not trying be mean, but one does not have to be any form of therapist to see you're in real trouble here.

 

I'm not negating your AD diagnosis, but there is something much deeper going on. I don't know what it can be, but it's something.

 

I'm not a therapist, but have worked in the medical field and am in med school and am also a naturopath not to mention I have tons of life experience and I can tell you, you need to address this soon.

[dreamergrl]

Sigh - now my roof is leaking. When it rains it pours. And it's pouring.

[sb129]

I know that everyone is concerned about her wellbeing, and has the best intentions to help her, but it seems that some people are trying to diagnose Dreamer with various disorders, which IMO should only be offered by an inperson, certified professional who can do a full assessment.

 

I think people need to stop diagnosing DG and telling her what to do. It's fine if we offer her support, but the truth is, we don't really know the FULL story or what she needs.

 

DG, deep down you know the truth -- it's up to you to to uncover what it is. .

 

Agreed with this- and Dreamer has made an appointment, so thats great.

 

Fingers crossed you can get some answers soon.

 

Not trying to tell you what to do DG, at all, but my other advice to you would be to lay off the alcohol until you have a clearer idea of whats going on.

Alcohol can sometimes be a trigger for all sorts of weird behaviour and if you are on meds temporarily it might not be a good idea to mix things up.

 

Hope you are feeling OK today.

[gypsy_nicky]

I don't know if anyone who's posted on this thread, is qualified to diagnose anyone. .

 

 

No ones trying to diagnose dreamer. Their only offering possible diagnoses because I think most of the posters here are well aware of AD or PD having experienced it themselves at one point.

 

We can offer her sympathy yes, but this forum isn't all what its about.

[silverfish]

I know it's not the same as you are going through, but I started having panic attacks about 18 months ago.

 

They started when I left a LTR to live on my own with my children. I was never scared of being on my own, and have always been very independent. Somehow though, the moving and living on my own triggered a deep fear within me.

 

I couldn't sleep, and when I did, I would wake up feeling 'like I was going to die'. The only thing I can compare it to are the night terrors my kid had when he was 2 or 3 yrs old....

 

Fast forward to now, and I don't feel I am ready for a relationship at the moment. I went from being very confident and outgoing to really introverted and a bit antisocial. Thing is, I am kind of happy with it.

 

Although my life is not ideal, and as I would want it to be, I am very calm and I feel safe. I know at some point I will be ready to date / socialise etc, and be back to my old self again...just not right now!

 

I agree that you shouldn't be too hard on yourself about what happened that night. I don't think you should pay too much attention to the diagnosis of 'what's wrong with you' based on your behaviour on ONE NIGHT. I've seen all sorts of things in my line of work (in a bar) put down to grief, alcohol, drugs, depression, PTSD, all sorts. Believe me, what you did is F all compared to what some people do....

 

Fair enough, put your mind at ease by trying to fill in the blanks, but again...it was one night, you didn't hurt anyone else, and plenty of people go round hurting other people for no reason at all. Maybe you need to concentrate on is your long term health and well being, and try not to let this get you down about yourself.