advice needed

[Brian]

My girfriend broke up with me a few months ago. I was too smothering. I bought her expensive flowers and gifts all the time because I just wanted her to be happy, and I did not listen to her when she told me not to because I thought I knew what she wanted more than she did. I know now that is the mistake I made.

 

I have kept in touch with her but yet kept my distance. I told her I realized what I had done wrong and I would give her space, but yet she has avoided all contact with me. Now 2 months have gone by and now she sent me an email for the first time.

 

Should I write her back and keep it friendly? Or is the safer thign to do at this point to sit back and wait to see if she contacts me a few more times before I do anything?

 

It would help if I knew what might be going on in her mind.

[Princess]

Dear Brian,

 

What I think is that she misses your company. Maybe when she lost all contact with you, she thought that you were mad at her for breaking up with you. And remember, she did say she needed some space. I think that she emailed you because she knows that you're a nice guy (You gave her all those gifts!) and she misses your company. Email her back. Tell her what's been going on and what's been happening with your life. Keep it friendly. If you don't email her, she might get angry with you or something.

 

Good Luck,

 

Princess

[billy the kid]

Brian, personally I would do as you said write her back but keep it very friendly only write to her when she writes to you or if she asks you to write more often..

My girfriend broke up with me a few months ago. I was too smothering. I bought her expensive flowers and gifts all the time because I just wanted her to be happy, and I did not listen to her when she told me not to because I thought I knew what she wanted more than she did. I know now that is the mistake I made. I have kept in touch with her but yet kept my distance. I told her I realized what I had done wrong and I would give her space, but yet she has avoided all contact with me. Now 2 months have gone by and now she sent me an email for the first time. Should I write her back and keep it friendly? Or is the safer thign to do at this point to sit back and wait to see if she contacts me a few more times before I do anything? It would help if I knew what might be going on in her mind.

[ryssie]

Sometimes when a guy buys expensive things ALL the time, it tends to make us think he thinks we are for sale, and kind of cheapens the whole relationship for us. Don't get me wrong, we like gifts, but just not all the time! If we get a hint that you may want to control us or may be possessive, and the gifts someday might be thrown back in our faces we RUN!

My girfriend broke up with me a few months ago. I was too smothering. I bought her expensive flowers and gifts all the time because I just wanted her to be happy, and I did not listen to her when she told me not to because I thought I knew what she wanted more than she did. I know now that is the mistake I made. I have kept in touch with her but yet kept my distance. I told her I realized what I had done wrong and I would give her space, but yet she has avoided all contact with me. Now 2 months have gone by and now she sent me an email for the first time. Should I write her back and keep it friendly? Or is the safer thign to do at this point to sit back and wait to see if she contacts me a few more times before I do anything? It would help if I knew what might be going on in her mind.

[Tony T]

Don't give this Email she sent a lot of thought. It doesn't sound like she wrote it out of a need for romance with you...or even the possibility. She is probably just trying to see where your head's out now. If she's a nice person, she may want to be you friend someday if you can handle it. If she's not, she may just be in the mood to torture somebody. Could be she was only testing her Email function.

 

Be strong. Answer the Email with a couple of sentences and, for God's sake, don't put Love, Brian at the end. Just put Brian.

 

And when you make mistakes like this in a relationship, don't go back and admit to them, highlight them, dredge them up. This only makes a lady barf even more. There is nothing more sickening than a sweet as diabetes guy coming up to a girl and telling her he realizes he has been too nice and sweet and he will try to do better. YYYUUUKKKK!!!!

 

Move on partner. Until I started reading the posts here, I didn't realize the number of terminally nice guys in the world. Women want MEN who are confident enough in themselves to treat their women with kindness and respect and care for them in such a way that protects their own independence and individuality, accents their femininity, but doesn't make them feel helpless. Likewise, ladies gag when a guy is always at their beck and call. Most younger women will pounce all over a guy like that and then leave him for the buzzards.

 

The reason a lot of men smother women is that they are extremely insecure with themselves...and ladies hate that more than anything. You have to show ladies you're interered in that you have a life well away from them!!!

 

You will screw up every relationship to attempt to manifest if you don't get all this through your head.

[Ajay]

Keep on keeping your distance dude...

 

Too "smothering"?, okay, I know that one. Quit being so nice (even though I personally find flowers and gifts fun) I absolutely HATE it when someone thinks they know what I want more than I do. When I say back off I mean NOW... Besides, I prefer kindness and kisses to roses and diamonds anyday...

 

It's been a couple of months now so she may be feeling she made a mistake by breaking up with you; then again, she may just be missing the attention (and expensive gifts -- some women are like that). Either way, respond to her e-mail very casually. See what's up and play her from there... (that last comment ought to get me into a lot of trouble) What I mean by "playing her" is just for you to take it easy, see what she wants, and don't be overly available to her. We all like a challenge...

 

I didn't read Tony's response re. this post; however, he gives GREAT advice on how to play hard to get.