What do you do when he won't get councelling with you?

[AprilFool]

My husband and I have problems. It got to a point where I set up an appointmet to get councelling myself, because he REFUSES to admit that there are problems in our marriage. We don't communicate at all. If I try to talk to him, no matter how calm and understanding I try to be, he gets furious! He will not respond to my questions. He ignores me when I ask him why he does things and such. He refuses to have any sympathy towards me when I'm upset about something (like the kissing issue) He seems to think any problem that I have in our marriage is MY fault, and I might agree, if he WOULD JUST TALK TO ME.

 

I ended up cancelling the appoinment, because of work, but I'm considering taking lunch breaks, and talking to someone. My marriage is not healthy! I am willing to admit that. I am willing to admit that I'm partially to blame for our problems. I'm willing to work, and make an effort. But what's the point!? If he won't work on this marriage, then why should I? He wants to live in la la land that our marriage is fine. If I try to tell him that I'm not happy, he says, "Ask me if I care" and stupid crap like that.

 

I KNOW WE NEED OUTSIDE HELP. Good Greif, I don't want a divorce for so many reasons, including that I love him, but he drives me nuts!

[moimeme]

Do go for counselling yourself. It can sometimes help get perspective on the relationship.

 

It does not sound good that he is refusing to join with you to work on the relationship, but don't give up yet. Sometimes these things can be turned around. A counsellor may help you get perspective on what, if anything, you might be able to do that will make him more amenable to trying to get the marriage on track.

 

You are in a real difficult situation I wish you luck in this.

[AprilFool]

Thank you, moimeme

[wiseOLDman]

AprilFool, you should definitely go by yourself even if your husband refuses to go. moimeme's right about gaining some perspective. You'll probably receive some coping and communication tools. Perhaps, in the future, your husband will recognize that there is, indeed, a problem and join you in the sessions. Best to you-