Update . . . .

[Spinning Head]

I haven't posted on this site in several months, however, posting on this site always helped me work through issues and obtain some clarity at times.

 

MM moved out of the marital residence in April. I was completely shocked that he left his M. I had decided that the affair would end in a few months as I had grown tired of it and I was ready to move on. It was too much drama for me. MM later told me that he noticed a shift in my attitude towards him which led him to leave.

 

MM and his W have not resolved their marital issues but are working on doing so. I have continued to see MM.

 

I discovered over the weekend that MM's W filed a civil action against me for causing the demise of her marriage. The action was filed 2.5 months ago. I have not been served. W's attorney has held the paperwork. I don't know the reason the suit has been pending as long as it has.

 

I know a great deal about MM's history of previous affairs. I have no doubt there is more out there than I could fathom. MM lied to his W and to me. I informed MM about the suit and that it would get very ugly and embarrassing for everyone.

 

I don't think I caused the end of MM's marriage. He's had so many affairs in the past - even a child out of wedlock - that I find it amazing that I am the one who the W sues.

[joybean72]

Too much drama, but you are still with MM...so I would take that as he DID leave the marriage for you. (That is unless he's also still seeing the other OW(s)? Maybe you won't be the only one being served...) So what are you going to do??? Are you going to go up on the stand and lie? Not mention the other OWs if questioned? Not trying to start a war between OW & BSs here...just wondering how much you are willing to lie for this man, even when you are under oath.

[TogetherForever]

I haven't posted on this site in several months, however, posting on this site always helped me work through issues and obtain some clarity at times.

 

MM moved out of the marital residence in April. I was completely shocked that he left his M. I had decided that the affair would end in a few months as I had grown tired of it and I was ready to move on. It was too much drama for me. MM later told me that he noticed a shift in my attitude towards him which led him to leave.

 

MM and his W have not resolved their marital issues but are working on doing so. I have continued to see MM.

 

I discovered over the weekend that MM's W filed a civil action against me for causing the demise of her marriage. The action was filed 2.5 months ago. I have not been served. W's attorney has held the paperwork. I don't know the reason the suit has been pending as long as it has.

 

I know a great deal about MM's history of previous affairs. I have no doubt there is more out there than I could fathom. MM lied to his W and to me. I informed MM about the suit and that it would get very ugly and embarrassing for everyone.

 

I don't think I caused the end of MM's marriage. He's had so many affairs in the past - even a child out of wedlock - that I find it amazing that I am the one who the W sues.

 

 

What has HE said about this?

[OWoman]

I discovered over the weekend that MM's W filed a civil action against me for causing the demise of her marriage. The action was filed 2.5 months ago. I have not been served. W's attorney has held the paperwork. I don't know the reason the suit has been pending as long as it has.

 

Perhaps it's being held as some kind of threat - she'll nail you for damages, unless you return her errant H to her? You don't mention how you came to discover the suit, but it may be that she intended the leak so that you'd view it as threat...?

 

OTOH, suing you for damages may be something she's rethinking, having assessed how much (realistically) she's likely to gain from the lawsuit, if successful, vs what it's likely to cost her (financially and in other ways). Perhaps she hasn't completely lost hope in the M yet - and suing would signal that it was, finally, over?

 

Either way, she'd need to argue ON BALANCE OF PROBABILITY that you caused the breakdown of the M. If you have evidence of other As - and a child out of wedlock - that raises the question of whether there was much of a M to break down, and to what extent your "actions" caused, or merely hastened, its demise. Similarly, if you have other evidence (eg of their attending MC prior to the A) that indicates that their M was less than optimal, your (legal) culpability is likely to be lessened.

 

Personally, I think it's the desperate action of a desperate woman. Not a good place to be. Take care of yourself!

[jj33]

She filed but never served you? Is there some time frame she has in which she must serve you or the pleadings will be stricken?

 

You dont want that on record, that there is a lawsuit pending against you.

 

Why would you lie on the for MM? The suit is against you, not him. I dont see him riding up as a knight in shining armor or offering to pay damages.

 

If its been pending for 2 months then he didnt even tell you about it.

 

I would get a lawyer ASAP. the last thing you need is this hanging over your head or on public record. Try to get it stricken if at all possible. It will show her she is not playing with a pushover and she should be VERY cautious about actually doing battle with you in court.

 

Also OWoman was exactly right. There is the tort concept that you take a plaintiff as you find them, so if the marriage was on its last legs there may not have been much to kill, but if you pull the plug on a dying man, you are still up for murder charges.

 

So find out what the law is in your state. If the fact of his prior affairs means that she cant win, or she said things that are not true in the suit, then counter sue for defamation.

 

Make it VERY uncomfortable for her to move forward with legal proceedings.

 

if shes trying to intimidate her H, she shouldnt put you in the middle.

 

Either way bury her with legal stuff that will make her run for the hills (Unless of course she has deeper pockets than you do).

 

In either case, see a lawyer ASAP

[TogetherForever]

She filed but never served you? Is there some time frame she has in which she must serve you or the pleadings will be stricken?

 

You dont want that on record, that there is a lawsuit pending against you.

 

Why would you lie on the for MM? The suit is against you, not him. I dont see him riding up as a knight in shining armor or offering to pay damages.

 

If its been pending for 2 months then he didnt even tell you about it.

 

I would get a lawyer ASAP. the last thing you need is this hanging over your head or on public record. Try to get it stricken if at all possible. It will show her she is not playing with a pushover and she should be VERY cautious about actually doing battle with you in court.

 

Also OWoman was exactly right. There is the tort concept that you take a plaintiff as you find them, so if the marriage was on its last legs there may not have been much to kill, but if you pull the plug on a dying man, you are still up for murder charges.

 

So find out what the law is in your state. If the fact of his prior affairs means that she cant win, or she said things that are not true in the suit, then counter sue for defamation.

 

Make it VERY uncomfortable for her to move forward with legal proceedings.

 

if shes trying to intimidate her H, she shouldnt put you in the middle.

 

Either way bury her with legal stuff that will make her run for the hills (Unless of course she has deeper pockets than you do).

 

In either case, see a lawyer ASAP

 

jj,

I agree with the op gettin gan atty. asap but come on now.

Bury her with legal stuff...? ANd make her very uncomfortable?

That's not right.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

You are kidding me! I can't believe she hasn't handed him over on a silver platter! She's has to be using this to get something from him. Money? IDK, she can't possibly want to hold onto this man. He's got major problems and isn't going to change for anyone including you.

[whichwayisup]

I have continued to see MM.

 

Then you know what this guy is all about. He's a serial cheater and has made no efforts to fix himself over the years.. One day his D will be final and he'll be yours.. And, sadly for you, he IS going to eventually cheat on you as well, because that's who he is, all he knows..

 

Good luck Spinning.

[joybean72]

Some of you are missing the point...that she is infact STILL WITH MM.

You said it yourself! "MM later told me that he noticed a shift in my attitude towards him which led him to leave.

MM and his W have not resolved their marital issues but are working on doing so. I have continued to see MM."

If she has undenialble & RECENT evidence that they are STILL together, she has a case. (Depending on her state laws of course.) TogetherForever, you don't know what she has (only assuming she HAS filed something on you)...enough for a lawyer to want to take the case. Hell, it took me over three months to have my ex served with divorce papers btw! (Not trying to scare you.) I HIGHLY doubt she has though.

 

( For me that would be too much time and $ and my state laws do not permit. Don't think I did not wish I could have at the time!...as well as staple my ex's nuts to a wall with a high powered nail gun and not be held liable! But hey...I'm a BS, so what can I say!?)

 

I would atleast for you, consult a lawyer and know your rights and where you stand in all of this.

[Spinning Head]

I won't lie for MM. The facts are what they are. I don't know if I could even count on MM to help me with the suit. MM claims he will but I don't know if he will.

 

The reason that I haven't been served is because W's attorney held onto the summons. The complaint was filed. The case was put on an administrative docket due to its age and inactivity. That is how I found out about the suit.

 

I don't think W knows the extent of MM's behavior. I believe she is aware of several affairs but not all of them. I did tell MM that all of his past will come up and that he needs to talk to his W about resolving it. These are civil claims wherein the recourse is money. Based on the current agreement the parties have (but not signed), W receives the bulk of the marital estate and alimony.

[bentnotbroken]

Not being snotty, but I wonder if AP ever think of the possibility of being sued. I think if my state had allowed it, I would have also sued. I was pretty pissed at the time, and some of the things that have happened since then, I would definitely have sued. Just curios if it's a thought for others out there. Why do you want to be with him? It's clear his ability to remain faithful and his expertise of lying make him less than desirable...or does it?

[2sure]

Thats stressful. I mean, the man is clearly a serial cheater...his infidelity and what he is doing to his marriage, let alone his wife's sanity...has Nada to do with you. Sounds like maybe you are just her last straw.

 

But stressful for you because ...well, any kind of a relationship with a serial cheater is stressful. But to have now also deal with a wife driving a crazy train...loaded with lawyers , guns and money...that too much for even the most loyal OW.

 

I certainly would think a long and exravagant vacation is due. Tell him the two of you need to get away...or better just you, to sort out the stress. Have him send you somewhere nice.

[joybean72]

Not to mention she's not even sure if he will help her with the suit!

Spinning...reading back on your past posts, this guy seems so wishy washy he should be called "Bounce!" (Pun intended!) He's gone back & forth between you and his wife like pingpong ball. Has hurt both you and his wife countless times, now finally he's "grown some" and he STILL can't be counted on??? I don't get it....

[OWoman]

Not being snotty, but I wonder if AP ever think of the possibility of being sued.

 

Fortunately my home country is too enlightened to allow for the court's time to be wasted in that way. And my H's lawyer advised that Alienation of Affection was no longer on the books in his country, either, but even when it was, there would be burden of proof on both sides - the BS to prove that the M was intact prior to the A, and that the actions of the named 3rd party had contributed directly towards the demise of the M - and on the AP to prove either that the M was broken (which could be as simple as the WS being the pursuer rather than the pursued) or that they were not themselves party to its demise (eg if the WS conducted a one-sided EA with the AP which was not encouraged or reciprocated, but nonetheless led to the WS losing interest in the M). Since the case was civil, it was balance of probability, not beyond all reasonable doubt, so it would have involved convincing a sane, hardnosed judge that the M had been inviolably strong and perfect, until some evil hussy had come along and broken it all. Not an easy task, when you have a history of abusing your H (and several willing witnesses to testify to that), a history of mental illness, your own previous marital infidelity and your refusal to continue MC on record (plus, if subpoenaed, the MC's views of your culpability in the parlous state of the M). So, I knew I was onto a sure thing in that regard!

[jwi71]

 

MM and his W have not resolved their marital issues but are working on doing so. I have continued to see MM.

 

I discovered over the weekend that MM's W filed a civil action against me for causing the demise of her marriage. The action was filed 2.5 months ago. I have not been served. W's attorney has held the paperwork. I don't know the reason the suit has been pending as long as it has.

 

I know a great deal about MM's history of previous affairs. I have no doubt there is more out there than I could fathom. MM lied to his W and to me. I informed MM about the suit and that it would get very ugly and embarrassing for everyone.

 

I don't think I caused the end of MM's marriage. He's had so many affairs in the past - even a child out of wedlock - that I find it amazing that I am the one who the W sues.

 

Wow oh wow.

 

SH...just exactly what in the hell are you doing? You have a front row luxury box on the express train to hell...and I think you know it...so GET OFF.

 

I don't recall your story and I'm not terribly active anymore...but yikes girl...what are you doing?

 

Your MM has multiple affairs and even children out of wedlock.

He lies to the W.

He certainly lies to you.

You are being sued. MM "might" help.

He is working on his M?

AND YOU ARE STILL WITH HIM?

 

Just exactly what do you expect to gain by continuing? Is the sex that good? Maybe the conversation? The way he treats you? What positives in your A keep you entangled? Honestly...I don't see any. Not a one.

 

You do understand that the MM is who he is...and its how he will treat you should you "win" him. He will NOT change. Is the life you want for yourself? Married to a H you know serially lies and cheats?

[IfWishesWereHorses]

If I remember right, he also told her that his son caught him on sex sites with young men.

[tami-chan]

SH, tell the wife "bring it on".... there is too much history of her husband cheating and her staying in the marriage....you have a lot of materials to defend yourself that you did not cause her husband to cheat....or to "alienated affection"....

[jj33]

jj,

I agree with the op gettin gan atty. asap but come on now.

Bury her with legal stuff...? ANd make her very uncomfortable?

That's not right.

 

Absolutely. If someone throws a b8llsh*t lawsuit at you, you take all steps to make sure they dont pursue it beyond the initial complaint.

 

SH you dont seem at all concerned about the lawsuit. Perhaps you have already taken steps to look into that and are comfortable that you dont have any liability. Otherwise that would be my main concern.

 

And you do realize that she could get ALL of the marital property and his earning forever after and STILL sue you dont you?

 

You dont know how angry she will be when this is over. She may decide she wants to sue you no matter how good the settlement is.

 

Are you OK? You are still seeing this guy, you dont seem bothered about the suit... and the legal fess to defend it if nothing else...

 

Are you in IC?

[OWoman]

Absolutely. If someone throws a b8llsh*t lawsuit at you, you take all steps to make sure they dont pursue it beyond the initial complaint.

 

Agree. The BW's complaint here should not be with Spin - if Spin was nowhere on the scene, her M would still be far from perfect. Spin needs to show the BW that she's not the softer target - if the BW has problems with her H, she should go after him, rather than using Spin as a target to get back at him. If Spin stands up to her, she'll learn soon enough that she's wasting her time picking on the wrong person.

[Chrome Barracuda]

LOL this man is a serial cheater, probably has had kids with other women, and been on sex sites cruising for men??!?!

 

To the OP is this man even worth the lawsuit?

 

The woman has probably had enough with the OW's she's lashing out at everyone. it could have been anyone of the OW's.

[datura_noir]

I hope I'm ok posting this-

In the type of suit you described, if the CS spent any joint marital funds on the OP, then the BS is entitled under AOA to recoup half of those funds from the OP. The OP will then have a judgement placed against them (if BS wins suit).

 

Also, it matters not if it were one or many OP's, she would have to file a separate suit for each. And she can.

 

I'd be wanting those spent funds back myself if I were in her shoes, too. After all, it was half hers.

[jj33]

Agree. The BW's complaint here should not be with Spin - if Spin was nowhere on the scene, her M would still be far from perfect. Spin needs to show the BW that she's not the softer target - if the BW has problems with her H, she should go after him, rather than using Spin as a target to get back at him. If Spin stands up to her, she'll learn soon enough that she's wasting her time picking on the wrong person.

 

Exactly.

 

Spin dont b an ostrich about this. Do what you want with MM but make sure you protect yourself legally.

[datura_noir]

While it's true the BS should go after her WS, if they are divorcing, then she already is- that will be part of the case to determine the split of marital assets. If they are together, then it's a whole other ballgame.

 

The BS can sue Spinning to recoup any $$ spent during the affair, as well as any other OW. If he spent money on dinners, hotels, gifts etc, even if he did it with a company CC to hide it from his BS, a good attorney can subpoena those financial records and produce them in court.

 

Spinning, if any of the above is true, then I would consult an attorney. If she is just stating emotional damages, and her state allows for that kind of suit, you may have a better outcome. But some have been successful at bringing suit for inflicting emotional damage. If she has email and/or phone and text evidence, she is well prepared.

 

Just posting this because I thought about doing the same after dday (for the financial aspect). But please consult an attorney.

[tami-chan]

Anybody can sue for practically anything....question is. would it hold water in the court? How would the wife prove that OP cause "alienation of affection"? The H is a serial cheater-with wife's knowledge, too! So obviously, affection has already been alienated...long before OP came into his life....

[jj33]

Maybe Tami but if he leaves to be with her then she further alienated them. like I said before if you pull the plug on a dying man, he might have had cancer and died in 2 days time but you did it so you have still committed murder.

 

The other thing is depending on what Spinning's job is, do you really want a suit like that out there as a matter of public record?

 

What if someone at your job decided that it didnt reflect well. What do you say, well gee i wasnt the first? Hes been running around with other women for years?