Freaked out moving too quickly and material intimidation

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Wow I meant to come back here last night to read up on the thread and see if there were some responses, thanks guys for posting very interesting points all around. In Toodamn's defense I "did" ask him to elaborate on what he thought was alarming about the no sex yet, so technically I did invite him to be blunt about it.

 

 

Ok first things first, in case it was missed earlier he is not "fresh" out of a marriage, he has been divorced for almost three years now. He had a first year where he took off to get his bearings, to adjust to being single again to do what he needed a big chunk of that I am finding out was him just being reclusive and cutting himself off from the world. He was very depressed about his children about the whole thing. Then the year after that he was in a relationship with a woman for one year and then since that break-up it had been about 8months of him going out on a few dates here and there that did nothing for him. He was set up by some of the people in his "circle" with women who knew of him and his past (ie. his lifestyle and money) and they were not what he wanted. Some of these women were divorced or simply interested in his wealth. He even had clients trying to set him up with their young daughters because he is considered a "good catch" and he found this to be utterly disgusting.

I met a couple friend of his the girl was filling me in on things and they coincide with what he has told me so far.

 

 

See this man doesn't drink, he doesn't go to bars, when his friends do a "guys night out" of gambling they all end up at strip joints leaving their women behind with the kids he wants not part of that. He is just a good guy with simple values who is very head strong and decisive in what he likes and what he does not like. Not the player type. It's hard to believe that a guy with his success would not be jumping all over the opportunity to have every tramp in town all over him, but low and behold there ARE men out there who do not want or need that lifestyle they want more.

 

 

But the suspicions raised here had left me thinking had left me questioning my own instincts to believe this man is who he says he is. I thank all the men here who offered comments to the effect that not all men want to sleep around and be tramps. I do believe these men exist. I am lucky enough to have found one.

 

It's like Mem11363 said, and B has said the exact same thing to me and I've asked him point blank "how come a good looking, smart and successful guy such as yourself is not out getting every single woman you can get out there?" his response "I was never one to play the field, while others were drinking or doing drugs and partying and sleeping around I had my head in the books I was trying to become something of myself. (He had also been with his ex wife since they were teens) I don't drink so I don't go to bars, all my friends try to set me up with women from our circle and I am not interested in that. I don't want to be with the ones I have met they are not genuine and all they do is shop and have 0 life goals other than to be supported by a man, one of them asked him if she could borrow a few thousand dollars after date 2. (Yuck, that is so low) I don't want to be out trying to get with every woman in town and possibly picking up a disease, and I don't want to be out with my friends for a night out at a strip joint having to excuse myself from a lapdance when my daughter calls to tell her good night I find that disgusting and depressing being a father of a girl" I know it sounds weird that a guy can be like this man but that is who he is. This is exactly why I was drawn to him and what impressed me about him.

 

Toodamn we have had about 16 dates in total I would say.... we have been together 7 weeks more or less and we see each other three times a week. Not including a lunch here and there which he will drive up to meet me at work for.

 

Ok fine I know it's early I really do. For all I know he has some deep dark past he could be running away from or who knows if I really want to wind myself up with messed up thoughts I am sure I can come up with some reall doosies. But right now, today, who this man appears to be is checking out.

 

Giotto, that was funny what you said. Believe it or not it's been so intense all the sexual build up that I am positive he enjoyed every minute of it as frustrating as it may get. I hadn't had make-out sessions and butterflies and the craziness of separating and not seeing one another for days, since I was in high school. It's been AMZING to wait. I highly recommend it to everyone it is the most exciting thing.

 

Having said all that, on to the sexual part. We did consummate our relationship last weekend and because the sexual build up had been so intense, and because of the things we have been saying to one another it was great. It felt so right. We had a bender and could not stop making love we did it all over his place on the kitchen island on the stairs it was insane. Won't go into more detail than that but let me assure you this man is built to run if you know what I mean. This week has been a outpour of sexual innuendos and loving compliments via texting. I've been texting him in the middle of the day telling him what lingerie I am buying, letting him imagine what I will look like in it he has been texting me what he will do to me next we are full on in sex mode and as well he keeps telling me how crazy he is about me. We have so much fun every time we meet or even just when we speak on the phone we cry laughing about the silliest things and we never run out of things to say or do when we are together. Sat night we went to some art exhibit that had some really weird art, and the people were kind of off the wall but it was such an adventure we had such a great time and laughed so hard our stomachs ached. But on the same token we flirted and made out in public and it was the perfect build up to the night that followed.

 

If there is one thing I realized is that he and I are two of a kind, we totally get off on the slow build up on the teasing on the anticipation. I honestly feel I found my match.

 

So to dispel all the myths that one should have sex right away because otherwise it means someone is not sexual is the silliest thing I can ever think of. Sure it could have backfired, sure he could have been hiding a 2" penis, or an STD or an incompatible fetish with me but the reality is that he wasn't and I don't mind waiting and apparently neither did he. Now that we have shared so much on an emotional level it's like he's unleashed the animal inside me. All I think about is sex. He is so dead this weekend.

 

and I hope it doesn't stop (though am jealous)...... Trust me I am incredibly old fashioned too and appreciate where he is coming from. He had a 1 year relationship and that is a good thing, believe it or not. I don't know if you can expect every relationship to last forever (hope mine does though).

 

Dating golddiggers, skanks, business associate daughters, divorcees from affluent backgrounds, may also not be the best choices.

 

Please understand I don't want to throw water on your relationship with him, but sorry the trite answers about not drinking and all his friends wanting to gamble drink and go to strip clubs sounds like too much a pat answer. My friends are not like that and am surprised that a man like this, has those type of "stereotypical" caricatures as friends.

 

Nothing wrong with keeping your attenna up....

 

Anyways happy to hear the good news..... I will live vicariously through your first night and sexy texts (ha ha ha).....

Edited October 9, 2009 by Toodamnpragmatic

[InspiredbyYou]

 

the trite answers about not drinking and all his friends wanting to gamble drink and go to strip clubs sounds like too much a pat answer. My friends are not like that and am surprised that a man like this, has those type of "stereotypical" caricatures as friends.

 

 

 

:lmao:You are too much Toodamnpragmatic! Can we change your handle to "Toodamnskeptical"? Actually I don't even mind your skepticism, when it all goes belly up which is really secretly what you are rooting for, I will at least have it all here in writing for me to reference....lol

 

 

Why a trite answer and what does you not having friends like this have to do with the types of friends my guy has? He doesn't drink and doesn't go to bars. He finds his friends get annoying after they drink and so do women when they drink excessively. So at 35 other than being out with his friends, or through introductions via his friends and clients where else can he meet women? He joined a dating site because of that. He is not your typical millionaire that is out doing the social circuit, and he works on his own so it's not lilke he has work functions and outings to attend. He is more of a homebody.

 

To you the gambling and cheating thing seems like a stock answer right? Sure it can appear that way. My best friend is married to a man who is like this, we all are from the same group of friends and while the husbands and boyfriends of our other friends all frequent "boys nights" at strip joints etc. my friend's husband wants no part of that. But we have all been friends since our early 20's so are they caricatures or just boys being boys? Really is it that strange?

 

 

You are freaking me out now every time I post something you find a way to insinuate that there is some big hidden agenda that I will sooner or later find. Can it really not be that sometimes people are who and what they say they are? Are we really that jaded that we cannot believe that sometimes things just are what they seem? Or am I just seeing blindly now!?!? I don't feel that but who knows....

Edited October 9, 2009 by InspiredbyYou

[Toodamnpragmatic]

ut you posted...... I'd be over the moon if I was a female and met someone like him:D.... Enjoy the ride.....

 

Heck I tell my gorgeous wife all the time, that when she leaves me I'll probably deserve some of the blame, but won't be surprised..... That is the way I protect myself and keep my guard up.....

 

Nothing is perfect all the time, and damn trust me when I say I am happy (especially knowing what your dirty mind is thinking:lmao:) that everything progressing so well.

 

Enjoy the gifts (as long as within reason), the attention, the time together, the butterflies, school kid necking, the dates, the exhibits, weekends.......

 

I will no longer read into your posts as a skeptic.....

 

Keep us updated...... Nice to read happy stories on here for a change.

Edited October 9, 2009 by Toodamnpragmatic

[mem11363]

He gets a nasty comment from TDP about it.

 

TDP - I would actually respect you if you admitted that you are very sexually frustrated in your marriage and that your high level of personal frustration drives most of your comments here.

 

Stop kidding yourself by saying you have it better then 90% of married people. Statistics are not relevant if you are very unhappy about something core to marriage. In your case the comments you have made on this thread couldn't make it any more obvious how angry you are about the lack of physical love you are receiving in your marriage.

 

I have never seen this level of unprovoked, persistent, relentless nasty insinuation and character assassination on a forum. Stop trying to derail what looks to be a real love story.

 

Even after IBY reaches Nirvana and tells us about it and it is plain as the eye can see this man was simply letting the tension build, you still spray your very special brand of Agent Orange on the festivities.

 

 

 

 

:lmao:You are too much Toodamnpragmatic! Can we change your handle to "Toodamnskeptical"? Actually I don't even mind your skepticism, when it all goes belly up which is really secretly what you are rooting for, I will at least have it all here in writing for me to reference....lol

 

 

Why a trite answer and what does you not having friends like this have to do with the types of friends my guy has? He doesn't drink and doesn't go to bars. He finds his friends get annoying after they drink and so do women when they drink excessively. So at 35 other than being out with his friends, or through introductions via his friends and clients where else can he meet women? He joined a dating site because of that. He is not your typical millionaire that is out doing the social circuit, and he works on his own so it's not lilke he has work functions and outings to attend. He is more of a homebody.

 

To you the gambling and cheating thing seems like a stock answer right? Sure it can appear that way. My best friend is married to a man who is like this, we all are from the same group of friends and while the husbands and boyfriends of our other friends all frequent "boys nights" at strip joints etc. my friend's husband wants no part of that. But we have all been friends since our early 20's so are they caricatures or just boys being boys? Really is it that strange?

 

 

You are freaking me out now every time I post something you find a way to insinuate that there is some big hidden agenda that I will sooner or later find. Can it really not be that sometimes people are who and what they say they are? Are we really that jaded that we cannot believe that sometimes things just are what they seem? Or am I just seeing blindly now!?!? I don't feel that but who knows....

Edited October 9, 2009 by mem11363