nocontact2 Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I called my MM'S W when I was in labor with our next child. Actually, have even left him messages at home when he told me she was out of town and she got home before he did and heard them. His older (adult) children have texted and called me from his phone he uses to contact just me. Seen photos of me and their half-siblings on the phone. His mother, who lives with him, I sent roses and photos of her grandchildren to (one of which is named after her late husband)... I, our relationship, our family, is NO SECRET to his other family. We go on vacations together. We do all the same things we would do, I just dont have his last name (but the children do) and no ring. His wife's outlook is "she is your issue I dont want anything to do with it." How is that for a response????? I had expected her to at least be a little mad, jealous, dont contact my husband, something....but nadda....she doesnt care. We have been together for several years and after all the contact between his 1st family and their knowledge of us he has never left our relationship, nor has it waned in any way. In fact, just the opposite he is around more, does more, calls more, he knows I'm not going anywhere. Our children are getting older, albeit still newborns and toddlers, but to a place they are wanting daddy now. Where his oldest have all left the nest. I am so in love with this man that I dont even find other men attractive, even though they still ask me out. He knows I am just biding my time and waiting for him to move into our home permanently. I dont care if if takes another 5 years or 50... Yes, it is lonely not having him home every night...but I have faith that day will come. It is increasingly more and more difficult for him to be away from our home and family. Link to post Share on other sites
movingforward Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I called my MM'S W when I was in labor with our next child. Actually, have even left him messages at home when he told me she was out of town and she got home before he did and heard them. His older (adult) children have texted and called me from his phone he uses to contact just me. Seen photos of me and their half-siblings on the phone. His mother, who lives with him, I sent roses and photos of her grandchildren to (one of which is named after her late husband)... I, our relationship, our family, is NO SECRET to his other family. We go on vacations together. We do all the same things we would do, I just dont have his last name (but the children do) and no ring. His wife's outlook is "she is your issue I dont want anything to do with it." How is that for a response????? I had expected her to at least be a little mad, jealous, dont contact my husband, something....but nadda....she doesnt care. We have been together for several years and after all the contact between his 1st family and their knowledge of us he has never left our relationship, nor has it waned in any way. In fact, just the opposite he is around more, does more, calls more, he knows I'm not going anywhere. Our children are getting older, albeit still newborns and toddlers, but to a place they are wanting daddy now. Where his oldest have all left the nest. I am so in love with this man that I dont even find other men attractive, even though they still ask me out. He knows I am just biding my time and waiting for him to move into our home permanently. I dont care if if takes another 5 years or 50... Yes, it is lonely not having him home every night...but I have faith that day will come. It is increasingly more and more difficult for him to be away from our home and family. All I can say is 'wow'. I'm new here, but.... 'wow'. Well, you said it yourself... you DON'T CARE if it takes another 5 years or 50. From the sound of it, you should be prepared for it to be the latter. His wife clearly doesn't care. He is the biggest cake-eater of all - and he has you and his wife going along with the situation. What reason does he ever have to change his situation? If you think he is somehow going to start to feel a responsibility to your children, I think you'll be disappointed. It sounds like he has made it clear that his first priority and responsibility is his FIRST family. I'm not sure what response you're looking for.... his wife knows, his mom knows, his kids know. You aren't a threat to him. Doesn't sound like you ever were. If only you could find it in yourself to understand how twisted it is that everyone is okay with this. You have no power, my friend. Even having kids out of wedlock didn't get you any. I wish you luck. You're going to need it. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 WOW is right. He wasn't with you when your & his baby was born? Way to go!! Doesn't sound like (from your post) that you care for our replies or opinions but this is mine anyway. Good luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
MistyK Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Wait a minute. If my memory is correct, you only found out that you were pregnant 2 months ago, and you have now had child #4 with MM? Something seems very awry here. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I, our relationship, our family, is NO SECRET to his other family. His wife's outlook is "she is your issue I dont want anything to do with it." How is that for a response????? I had expected her to at least be a little mad, jealous, dont contact my husband, something....but nadda....she doesnt care. What reaction could you possibly hope your phone call would generate?? She doesnt care. Period. She is indifferent. She feels secure with the same knowledge you do: He isnt leaving. That is apparently her only concern. You are no threat to her, her security, or her life. The only reason she isn't "chatty" with you may be because you really have nothing in common. Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 You need look no further than John and Elizebeth Edwards. She has said the same thing on national television: I don't care if it's John's baby. That's his responsibility but he still loves me and we're still a family. Like someone said she doesn't care because he's not going anywhere and she's willing to accept what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 it was with our 2nd child i called his wife...not current one. and, i just think its odd to see a open double-family were no one really cares the other is there... most post the bs are very defensive or upset bitter, or ow is demanding this or that.... but what we have seems to work; the longer we are together, the more we are together... 1 time a week has turned into 3-4 times a week... Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 You say that it "seems to work" but you seem to already be wanting more. You want him to be around more often for your children. What happens when the trend reverses, he fears losing her, and you only get 1 day a week again? Will it still seem to work at that point? My MM always seems to find extra time for me when he feels me start to pull away, and then when he thinks things have "settled down" things go back to his normal schedule. Nice, huh? To know that he has a schedule that he uses to keep both of his women content. (wow, the insights I achieve on my own behalf while trying to talk sense to someone else, never cease to amaze me) Anyway, back to you.. will you really be content waiting forever? Because if he is like most of the other MMs I have read about (including my own) then that very well may be how long you have to wait, to only end up alone in the end after devoting forever to him. Good Luck in all you do, and may you start making decisions with your head not just your heart. ((HUGS)) Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 i know his marriage is one of financial/social status...its like a business to them...no passion anymore...no sex... and with all their children gone from nest and all our children growing to knowledge of wanting specifically daddy i think has big effect on him. i havent pulled away to prompt this extra time together...he did this all on his own. actually quit opposite i reassure him im never leaving him, no desire for another man, he is all i enjoy. so, i m pretty sure he is secure with me not leaving him.. but he misses us "terribly" when he is away working or gone... his words... its not just me, not just sex, we have several young children together, about 1 for each year weve been together...we are a family, we have a home, we have a life together. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I think it's sad that you're devoting yourself to a man who's divided his attention in two. But then again, most people who think they're in love are sad. I'm happy for you that your MM is there for you ( 3-4 times a week isn't actually all that bad especially from your description). By telling his wife, are you trying to incite jealousy? Divorce? It all seemed to have back fired. I think the only chance that he will ever even decide to permanently be with you is if something unfortunate happens to the W. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 i was in labor when i called, i dont think i pre-planned it...was very polite and apologetic when i called...i just wanted to make sure she knew truth as he told me he had already told her of us. I ask myself, question my MM posed to me, would I rather have 10% of man who loves me like no other for the time being, or 100% of what is available out there who may or may not treat me and our children as well as he does, love us as he does? When he says 10% he is referring mostly to his work as it is like 80% of his time...He honestly gives me more quality time with him than his wife has... really only time they see each other is when there is a social event for business or something with their children. I would rather have 10% of perfect man i love and that time increase, than 100% of a life with a man i dont love. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 You might want to consider 100% sane. Thats an option too you know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 im happier with him and our family than ive ever been in any relationship that was just me and single man. people send us drinks when we are out together, that we glow we are so happy in our own intimate world of love... Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 You might want to consider 100% sane. Thats an option too you know. LOL I know right? this woman ust doesnt understand this man is never gonna leave his wife... ever!!! Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 im happier with him and our family than ive ever been in any relationship that was just me and single man. people send us drinks when we are out together, that we glow we are so happy in our own intimate world of love... Well then, best of luck to you & your mm. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Congrats on the baby.. He knows I am just biding my time and waiting for him to move into our home permanently. I dont care if if takes another 5 years or 50... He likes being married and likes having you as well. Obviously his wife is fine with it and neither of them have any intentions of leaving eachother. They have some sort of set up that works for them.. AND, he likes it this way which is WHY he isn't going to divorce and make you his wife. He's happy as things are...And.. Chances are, she has someone on the side as well.. Who knows. Either enjoy BEING THE OW, or end it. Stop wishing/hoping he's going to divorce her and marry you. It ain't gonna happen NC2. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 perhaps the trend is shifting from getting a divorce to having open marriage???? I read more and more that BS know and dont care. So, perhaps marriage has its tax benefits, marriage is more of a business for many people...so open marriage allows to maintain their business marriage while having emotional marriage to another...???? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 im happier with him and our family than ive ever been in any relationship that was just me and single man. people send us drinks when we are out together, that we glow we are so happy in our own intimate world of love... If you're happy, you wouldn't have posted "Telling Wife HAD NO EFFECT ON ANYTHING!!! in bold ( I added the underline for effect) If you're happy you wouldn't have told the W and expected an response If you're happy you wouldn't have need to justify why your MM is perfect If you're happy you wouldn't need to convince yourself whilst writing this thread. You're very happy I'm certain of that. Link to post Share on other sites
joyz Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 He knows I am just biding my time and waiting for him to move into our home permanently. I dont care if if takes another 5 years or 50... do u have anything else going on in ur life that u can focus ur energy on? something that u can be proud of one day? bc ur obsession with this MM is way too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 title of my thread was because of all the "I told the wife" thread titles I saw. I thought I would just share my experience with it since i felt it wasnt the norm, or at least not what i had expected her reaction to be... Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 If you're happy, you wouldn't have posted "Telling Wife HAD NO EFFECT ON ANYTHING!!! in bold ( I added the underline for effect) If you're happy you wouldn't have told the W and expected an response If you're happy you wouldn't have need to justify why your MM is perfect If you're happy you wouldn't need to convince yourself whilst writing this thread. You're very happy I'm certain of that. Threadjack: If you're happy & you know it - clap your hands Just had to. Carry on now. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 but he misses us "terribly" when he is away working or gone... his words... . When he says 10% he is referring mostly to his work as it is like 80% of his time...He honestly gives me more quality time with him than his wife has... really only time they see each other is when there is a social event for business or something with their children. I swear, sometimes when I read the things other posters MM's have said/done or bits of info about their lives, I begin to wonder if they are dating MY MM. (you don't live on the East Coast somewhere between Washington D.C. and S.C. do you?) ((starting to wonder if he doesn't have one of us in every city he works in often)) Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 i run household with several children middle school to under a year, a baby on the way and all the children are working actors/models so i stay busy... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 no, dont live on east coast... i think a lot of these types relationships are same song second verse Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 I'm curious - why is your username NOCONTACT2? Link to post Share on other sites
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