norajane Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 2. yes, i have had posts that i've been emotionally very upset with MM and my situation. As I think most will agree these relationships are like roller coasters emotionally, especially when pregnant. Oh, so since May and July, he's suddenly started loving you and your children emotionally and is there for them physically, the way you want him to? I find that hard to believe. Among other things. But strangley he tells me "i am happily married"...well, i say how can you be "happily married" and in a relationship with me for so long and in love with me? He said I cant judge the morality of a marriage. I guess this is what is driving you nuts. That he says he is happily married, and that she seems fine with you in the shadows while she stays in her marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Share Posted September 24, 2009 he's been making significant changes & no longer says he is happily married... Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 he's been making significant changes & no longer says he is happily married... This is no surprise since you say he has told you more than once that his marriage is none of your business. He probaly doesn't tell you anything at all about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Share Posted September 24, 2009 i dont care to know... unless he is getting divorce, no other information matters to me... Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 i dont care to know... unless he is getting divorce, no other information matters to me... LOL Easy to say you don't want something that you already aren't getting. You asked questions in the first place because you wanted to know. MM told you to butt out so now you say you don't want to know. BUT you reported here that he no longer says he is happily married. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 I hope that's why the op hasn't come back to clear things up. there isn't anything to clear up. she is in this to be taken care of by the MM and she didn't call the wife WHILE pushing out a pup just because she felt she had a right to know. She wanted the wife to know that the product of her and the wife's husband's sex is being born to rub it in her face.....and OP didn't get the reaction out of her she had hoped. I think the wife simply didn't give her the satisfaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 BS want truth, I gave it to her once again, bullsh#t lady. you already said she didn't care, you knew she didn't care. But you called her WHILE in labor anyway. So if she doesn't care what the truth is, why call? Ah yes...to rub her nose in sh#t. You wanted her to know the EXACT time her husband's spawn was about to pop out. You wanted her to sit there and grit her teeth about it knowing its happening RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT. Again, you didn't get the reaction out of her you had hoped. so sorry:o Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 i dont care to know... unless he is getting divorce, no other information matters to me... what if he told you his wife is pregnant? and dont say, "impossible, they don't have sex".......what if? What if he told you that and it was true? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 he's been making significant changes & no longer says he is happily married... Well, sure, that's what he says. But what do you believe, since you also say: my MM is not entirely known for his honesty to either of us six years... being OW is only wonderful when you have that contact with MM...phone, text, email, meetings, etc. the lonely nights far outweigh the quantity of nights together... i dont know why anyone would ever purposefully desire to be OW??? ITS LIKE A SICKNESS...A DRUG YOU CANT ESCAPE...BUT THIS DRUG CALLS YOU, COMES TO SEE YOU, TALKS TO YOU, HAS A MIND OF HIS OWN AND KNOWS JUST WHAT BUTTONS TO PUSH... be an honest man once in your life and tell the truth... ...he wouldnt know honesty if it bit him in the a** yes wife knows.... because MM is a compulsive liar! there is no telling what he has storied to them.... Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 We don't dislike her, we are just confused and she doesn't seem to be able to answer our questions. Her story doesn't make any sense. It has changed with every thread she starts. It's simple. There are many men all over the world who have many wives. It's something very common, actually. Legal even. So she is in that situation, the man is providing for two households, has two wives, children with them, and spends times with both. Both women love him, at least NC does, and want to stay with him. I imagine that NC with a few kids would prefer that he'd spend more time in her household, since she has many small children who need him, whereas with the marriage the children are grown up. I can see that, especially since she just had a baby. And I also imagine that the man would become more and more attached to the OP as the family grows. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Also, thank you to Ariadne for the support and positive outlook on the relationship is very kind of you. You are welcome. God blessed you with all those children, and you are doing a magnificent job taking care of them, especially your eldest. Good luck with it all, and hope that he gets to emotionally bond to all his kids. Link to post Share on other sites
movingforward Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 If it IS in fact working for her, then great. I wish her the best. It just doesn't sound like she's happy. It sounds like a lot of justification for a hopeless situation. And I do feel sorry for her -- she is in a situation that can't be undone because of the kids... she is forever attached to a man that has made it clear he isn't willing to give her or her kids much at all. My hope is that she will move forward making sure that her sons aren't forever damaged by the situation they're growing up in. It's tragic for all involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Btw, NC, did you see by any chance, the Oprah show where she went to interview the families in the Zion Polygamyst Ranch in Texas? It was very interesting. She asked one of the women if they ever felt jealous of the others, and she said that they see it as an opportunity to better themselves, to overcome it as a weakness. Here is a small clip of the show: (watch) Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Btw, NC, did you see by any chance, the Oprah show where she went to interview the families in the Zion Polygamyst Ranch in Texas? It was very interesting. She asked one of the women if they ever felt jealous of the others, and she said that they see it as an opportunity to better themselves, to overcome it as a weakness. Here is a small clip of the show: (watch) Yup, what a wonderful world. Why don't we all sing, hold hands and better ourselves by screwing the same man. Any volunteers??? Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 So, perhaps marriage has its tax benefits, hmm but if he were divorced from his W and married to you, he'd still get the 'married benefits'! .so open marriage allows to maintain their business marriage while having emotional marriage to another...???? ... an emotional What?! Did you say he has a 'business' marriage to his W whom he won't leave PHYSICALLY (never mind divorce or not, he CHOOSES to LIVE with HER... in their home!!!) and that the Real Marriage is with YOU? The "emotional" marriage you called it? Is that the 'real' one? Nope, no such thing my dear, but there is another name for it already -- an Affair. See even if he remained married strictly for financial reasons, that doesn't mean he has to physically live in a house with her, not you... do you see this? And, another point -- some men actually prefer to be a part-time loving doting parent (like a grandparent) who gets to visit and love the kids, but then Goes Home without the 'problems' of taking care of young children on a daily basis... which is a big responsibility and job in itself. To parent kids is not to just visit them and then lament on missing them terribly... it's about being there for them and helping to RAISE them! Not just to pay for them! The Real marriage he has is with his Wife. The Affair he has with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 do u have anything else going on in ur life that u can focus ur energy on? something that u can be proud of one day? bc ur obsession with this MM is way too much. It's probably the only way she can reconcile her devotion of her life to a man not worthy of it! Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Do you enjoy being a single parent to so many children? Why do you keep having more when their father isn't able to help you care for them each day? Don't you get tired?[/QUOTE] Well, she is likely expecting him to join her any day now -- in 5 to 50 years time, to HELP her with them! Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 I tried to go no contact with him at one time when I thought I needed him all to myself... but quickly realized it isnt about all or nothing...thats why the name. I am at total comfort with him still being married. As long as she knows he and I have a family/life together and she stays with him too then I have no guilt for being the other woman. She is now too making a choice to stay in a marriage she knows is not all her own and that he has another life with other children... No one knows what will happen in a year, 5 , 10, 20 years...one of them may finally decide the reasons behind staying in this business marriage no longer exist or are worth it? So, when he is ready, our family is here I would marry him any day no matter how old either of us get.... Delusional. Where to start? This sounds like a man quite happy with 2 households, esp. when he gets to Escape to his nice, quiet adult home with his REAL wife! How many men would love to have a 'bolt-hole' to run off to... and have a legitimate reason why they can't stick around to change diapers or bath the kids? She (the wife) is probably being told that her H had to go visit his illegitimate kids. She may not even view YOU as a 'threat' in any way. And... How oh How do you know for sure they are never intimate, anyway? sigh I tried to go no contact with him at one time when I thought I needed him all to myself... but quickly realized it isnt about (...) This is really sad! Wow... you <thought> you needed him all to yourself?! Wow, just wow... so... you quickly realized it isn't all about you... right? It's all about HIM! His needs, his wants, his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 oh no, i have 2 nannies during the days and 1 nanny overnight at all times. all the children are well provide for, they also make very good money for themselves. Ahhhh! He has MONEY! Well, then, of course he deserves two women, two devoted loving women with no other lives for themselves then, right? He is Privileged... oh what money can buy. Tell me, WHY does he stay with his W? What is his explanation to YOU???? Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 and he is substantially older than me in years. Now why is this no surprise to me? Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 To parent kids is not to just visit them and then lament on missing them terribly... it's about being there for them and helping to RAISE them! Not just to pay for them! The Real marriage he has is with his Wife. The Affair he has with you. The guy is helping her raise them more than most men I know. Why? Because he is providing for her whole family, providing for a nanny, and providing for the chidren she had before she met him. Quite much. What she wants is that he gets to spend more time with them, and she is right since the children need him. I'm pretty sure that if he could, he'd be married to both. But in this country, that is not a law yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Exactly what was the purpose of your post???? You are BLISSFULLY happy, he is the PERFECT man, you GLOW when you're together.... blah blah blah. Honestly, if you are going to live in your fantasy world, then don't reach out to the hard reality of a message board like this. Try going to the "I'm in denial of how ****ty my situation is so I'm just going to pretend that everything is perfect" board. I'm sure you'll get lots of support from other clueless women in hopeless situations such as yourself. You have set up your life to SETTLE. If that's what you want, then more power to you... keep having lots of illegitimate children for each year you're together just to stick it to his wife. I'm sure your kids will never end up resenting him or you for your choices. You're second best, sweetheart. THAT's your reality. Well said. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 im not waiting on him to leave his wife. if he does he does and I would marry him in a heartbeat. if he doesnt than we will have the life we have now. either way we are together. How can you be so sure you will 'be together'? His actions are not traditional, and I doubt he is of a stable character... he could change his mind at any time about you, the kids, a marriage with you, a future with you... When you say you would "marry him in a heartbeat" -- you do realize, don't you, that he has to AGREE to marriage! YOU can't just do it on your own... How do you know he wants marriage with you? His actions say the opposite. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Surprisingly, I don't have a problem with this, if all the parties are in the know. (...) Everyone is happy, right? So what's the problem? The problem is OW is being Delusional and WAITING for her turn at marriage with this MM!!! She states she doesn't mind him staying married, but she 'knows' he will one day be hers -- and she will wait for him, be it 5 or 50 years!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 .. he could change his mind at any time about you, the kids, a marriage with you, a future with you... Anyone can change their mind. But this guy has been consistent for many years, and he has made provisions to care for her in the long run. As it is now, children have priority over wife. Link to post Share on other sites
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