Telling Wife HAD NO EFFECT ON ANYTHING!!!

[Athena]

as she knows im not his 1st OW, ...

 

and I am sure NOT his Last OW either!

[Athena]

Anyone can change their mind.

 

But this guy has been consistent for many years, and he has made provisions to care for her in the long run.

 

As it is now, children have priority over wife.

 

Sure, but he has also been consistent for many MORE years in cheating and having many OW.

 

This OW however, would 'marry him in a heartbeat' if he got divorced (IF he did) and she states she will wait up to 50 years for him... she sounds like she is not looking or dealing with the reality of this MM's character.... she sounds delusional about the set up of her life.

There is no consistency in any of MM's previous behavior that would allow for OW to think what she does.

[fooled once]

The guy is helping her raise them more than most men I know.

 

Why? Because he is providing for her whole family, providing for a nanny, and providing for the chidren she had before she met him.

 

Quite much.

 

What she wants is that he gets to spend more time with them, and she is right since the children need him.

 

I'm pretty sure that if he could, he'd be married to both. But in this country, that is not a law yet.

 

Money is not the same as being a full time parent.

 

Money won't kiss the kids at night before bed.

 

Money doesn't give the kids a bath.

 

Money isn't a role model for the children.

 

How utterly sad that some people think money is what it takes to be a parent. You don't have to be money to be a dad.

 

Dads are people who are there for their kids.

 

My H is a dad - a non custodial dad. He had as much time with his kids as he could -- and they needed him PHYSICALLY there; and not just money.

 

Money may pay the bills and provide for a nanny to watch and raise the kids that the parents can't/don't --- nannies aren't mom and dad (or at least they shouldn't be) and if you can't raise your kids yourself - why keep having them.

 

Aaahhh - because she is trying to outdo the wife by having more and more kids.

 

I tell ya, I bet this guy has kids with another woman.

 

And how exactly has his first kids accepted these kids? Do they come over and spend time with their siblings? Do they call and talk to them? I mean, I know the older two aren't their siblings; but the younger two, almost 3 are.

 

And what will you tell your kids when they ask for dad? Will you tell them the truth? That he is home with his wife?

[Ariadne]

Sure, but he has also been consistent for many MORE years in cheating and having many OW.

 

This OW however, would 'marry him in a heartbeat' if he got divorced (IF he did) and she states she will wait up to 50 years for him... she sounds like she is not looking or dealing with the reality of this MM's character.... she sounds delusional about the set up of her life.

There is no consistency in any of MM's previous behavior that would allow for OW to think what she does.

 

Nobody knows what will happen in the future.

[Ariadne]

they needed him PHYSICALLY there; and not just money.

And how exactly has his first kids accepted these kids? Do they come over and spend time with their siblings? Do they call and talk to them? I mean, I know the older two aren't their siblings; but the younger two, almost 3 are.

 

And what will you tell your kids when they ask for dad? Will you tell them the truth? That he is home with his wife?

 

He goes to see her all the time and sees the children.

 

In fact, he is seeing the children more than my son's father sees him in another state, and more than a great number of fathers.

 

So, overall, a 7/10 as far as that. Together with providing.

 

The other tasks are traditionally done by the mothers, bathing, tucking to bed etc.

 

As far as how the other children would react to these ones, who knows, maybe it'll be a big happy family. I don't see why not if they have a big heart.

[Athena]

AS I said before, I will either eventually marry him or we will just continue the family as it is...

 

OR he will dump you (since YOU aren't the one to be going anywhere).

[Athena]

 

Does that mean she is emotionally dead in the marriage??? Then why stay married? kids are all grown and gone?

 

No, you have it all wrong here... you should be asking MM why HE is staying in the marriage

[bentnotbroken]

This is fiction...entertaining, but fiction.

[fooled once]

As far as how the other children would react to these ones, who knows, maybe it'll be a big happy family. I don't see why not if they have a big heart.

 

The older kids will NOT embrace nocontact because she is screwing their FATHER while he is married to their MOTHER. Hell, they may begin to hate him.

 

As for how much time the father spends with his kids, yea, I am not 100% believing how much time he actually spends with them

[KismetGirl]

I'm actually starting to not think this is on the level. Can there really be someone this clueless?

 

Are you from another country? Seriously... the way you put your sentences together makes it seem like English is your second language. Europe maybe?

 

If you are going to post here, at least be honest. Your actions (calling the wife during labor, wanting more from him now that your kids are getting older) indicate that you aren't okay with the situation. It does NOT sound like you're okay waiting around for the next 50 years for this guy.

 

At least be honest.

 

Maybe Im late on this story already, but to me it seems this is a classic case of a dom/sub relationship, to be honest, in which case it is often very much accepted by the submissive woman that her dom man is allowed to have as many women as he likes, so long as she feels that he is still emotionally connected to her.

 

It could be the OP has low self esteem, or that she honestly enjoys her place. It may seem weird to you all....but it happens all the time. I've seen alot in my day. Seen this sort of situation before too. The only problem is that, from what she says....seems to be that once in a while her natural jealous human nature comes out. Otherwise Im not sure she'd have called while she was in labour....sub, dom or otherwise, she's human and was dissapointed he wasn't there during labour.

 

I also suspect that this man's wife is perhaps more on his level in a domination sense, which is why they work as a power couple or a business type of marriage, rather than a romantic one at this juncture.

 

I could be wrong, but usually Im pretty good at ascertaining these things...

[KismetGirl]

This is fiction...entertaining, but fiction.

 

 

You'd think. And it could be. But to be honest (see above post of mine), this sort of things happens alot. Strange, and certainly not my cup of tea to share my family with someone like that, but it happens. I had a man offer me this type of relationship once. Very "Big Love", as someone said, in a way, where the man essentially is the dominant leader, the provider, the decision maker, except OP is quite sub, and I think wife is quite dom herself in many ways.

 

Anyway, it could be fiction, but don't be too surprised if it isn't. And in either event, it's been entertaining enough to warrant over 150 replies, so someone must be enjoying this rant.

[bentnotbroken]

You'd think. And it could be. But to be honest (see above post of mine), this sort of things happens alot. Strange, and certainly not my cup of tea to share my family with someone like that, but it happens. I had a man offer me this type of relationship once. Very "Big Love", as someone said, in a way, where the man essentially is the dominant leader, the provider, the decision maker, except OP is quite sub, and I think wife is quite dom herself in many ways.

 

Anyway, it could be fiction, but don't be too surprised if it isn't. And in either event, it's been entertaining enough to warrant over 150 replies, so someone must be enjoying this rant.

 

 

I don't doubt the fact that she has a children with this person(though the number varies)but I don't think her delusions of grandeur in regards to this mess are anything other than what she wishes they were.

[datura_noir]

Well, I am certainly entertained by this thread-since GH went downhill years ago!

 

I do find the inconsistencies to be too much, and I'll bet none of us here would even register who her supposed MM identity is, if it were real.

[Athena]

The guy is helping her raise them more than most men I know.

 

Why? Because he is providing for her whole family, providing for a nanny, and providing for the chidren she had before she met him.

 

Quite much.

 

What she wants is that he gets to spend more time with them, and she is right since the children need him.

 

I'm pretty sure that if he could, he'd be married to both. But in this country, that is not a law yet.

 

hmm, dunno about that Ariadne -- about his providing the nannies for her -- maybe the state pays for the nannies for her eldest son? You know, Disability payments. Also, she did state that BOTH fathers (her ex-H AND MM pay child support payments... so he's not the only one paying for all the kids... the oldest two get support from their own father).

 

You say you are pretty sure that if he could he'd be married to both, but I dunno about that... this appears to be a typical MM with willing W and AP setup to me, with the exception of kids involved with OW.

 

Adiadne, I feel sorry for the OP that she has to convince herself how much in love she is with a cheating narcissistic MM! Yikes.

[Athena]

Nobody knows what will happen in the future.

 

True, but statistically speaking, it is more LIKELY that MM will continue to behave in the same, consistent manner that he ALWAYS has! Why would OP take a bet on him?!

[Athena]

He goes to see her all the time and sees the children.

 

In fact, he is seeing the children more than my son's father sees him in another state, and more than a great number of fathers.

 

So, overall, a 7/10 as far as that. Together with providing.

 

The other tasks are traditionally done by the mothers, bathing, tucking to bed etc.

 

As far as how the other children would react to these ones, who knows, maybe it'll be a big happy family. I don't see why not if they have a big heart.

 

Yes, Ariadne, you are right -- MM is probably a better father than most in that at least he supports the kids financially, and he does visit them....

 

HOWEVER -- MM is not a good potential marriage partner for OP. He is MARRIED already, has a life-long history of Serial Infidelity, and actively chooses to live with his legal mate, although she has NO interest or desire to 'force' him to do so (her apparent disinterest)... so therefore you can conclude MM is doing this Willingly... and by default, he chooses not to live with OW.

What does THAT say about him being a future mate for OW??

[Athena]

This is fiction...entertaining, but fiction.

 

Lol Bent, gimme a chance to enjoy this story -- I NEVER get to read anything other than Non-Fiction!

[bentnotbroken]

Lol Bent, gimme a chance to enjoy this story -- I NEVER get to read anything other than Non-Fiction!

 

 

I got a couple of books I need you to read then.

[Ariadne]

The older kids will NOT embrace nocontact because she is screwing their FATHER while he is married to their MOTHER. Hell, they may begin to hate him.

 

You are not giving these people much credit as far as values go, do you?

[Ariadne]

I feel sorry for the OP that she has to convince herself how much in love she is with a cheating narcissistic MM! Yikes.

 

Well, I don't think she'll be better off without him anyway.

 

She is in the situation that she is in now, and she has five children to take care of. What does it matter what she says to herself?

 

Now she has to care for these children, and at least she has the support of the father. Plus, she is in love with him.

 

At least for now things are somewhat ok, although not ideal.

[KismetGirl]

Well, I don't think she'll be better off without him anyway.

 

She is in the situation that she is in now, and she has five children to take care of. What does it matter what she says to herself?

 

Now she has to care for these children, and at least she has the support of the father. Plus, she is in love with him.

 

At least for now things are somewhat ok, although not ideal.

 

Yes agreed....if she thinks she is happy, who are we to tell her she's not? he's not abusing her, he is not lying to her or hiding anything, he's supporting his kids, spends 3-4 days a week with them, which is more than many divorced fathers get with their kids.

 

Hell, its not my ideal situation, but if it works for her....not that I think it does, totally, as she implies she'd like it if he married her, but it is what it is for now, so if she can genuinly be happy at the moment, barring the wishing they were married thing....well, what can you do. it could be worse. she could be raising all those kids alone with no support whatsoever, i suppose.

[whichwayisup]

It matters not to me if she stays or leaves at this point. I wouldnt stay if I was her, but thats just me.

 

NC2, you're not her though..She's happy enough with the status quo..Even though you keep saying you are too, that's really not true.. You keep having this 'future hope' that he'll be 'just' yours one day..That he will divorce his wife.. That ain't gonna happen because HE LIKES having two women.. Two families..Two lives.. Lower your expectation, stop wishing.

[georgia girl]

I think the reason this story has garnered so much interest and so many replies is because it's absolutely heartbreaking. If you read her threads, she goes from being fine with her situation (and defensive about any criticism towards it) and then shattered by the actions/words of the man she loves towards her and her children. I would disagree with any poster who believes this is just fine. This woman has expressed not just sheer joy but a considerable amount of pain.

 

First, her situation is unique in that she's not just the OP, she's the head of household for an entire second family. As ill-conceived as the plan for a second family may have been, I truly believe that babies are gifts from God (I can't have children myself) and once born, their needs become primary.

 

However, in order to build a family that would be in the best interests ofher children, she faces several very hard truths: 1) the man she loves is a serial cheater; 2) the marriage and his first family unit have survived probably 20+ years; and 3) discussions about ending his marriage/beginning anew with her do not occur.

 

Therefore, you see her responding according to human nature. She compares how she's different to the other OP as a way of confirming to herself that she won't go the way of all of the other OP; she discredits/discounts the wife and believes his story that the marriage is business-oriented with no emotional connection; and she vascillates between being happy with her MM and the time she does get and facing the reality of her situation. Finally, she tries when she has some sort of excuse to dislodge the first marriage so that she can finally settle her own life.

 

While the sheer enormity of this man's actions continue to astound and disgust me, the pain he's inflicted on his wife, NC2 and all of their children, is to me abusive. How someone with a great deal of authority/presence (which she has implied) can be so mean hearted at his core is very ugly. I genuinely feel very sorry for NC2. She may have made a lot of bad choices, but no one deserves to be where she is.

 

NC2, I wish you dignity, compassion, strength of purpose and a direction for your life. Most of all, I wish you peace. I'm not going to tell you what to do. That is a decision you get to make for yourself. Good luck.

[Queen of Hearts]

Wow.... this is going to be a great thing you are going to have to explain to your kids one day...

 

You might want to check into a little company called Trojan.

[stillafool]

She doesnt pity me, actually she hates me...per MM, I am not on her "A" list. Well, she's not on mine so it doesnt matter to me.

 

Please don't believe him on this. He probably told you that to make you feel good as he also can see that you are terribly jealous of his wife and her position in his life.

 

Since she knows I feel sense of freedom from any GUILT of being longtime OW.

 

 

If this is true why do you continually worry about what is going on in their home and what's on his wife's mind?

 

BS want truth, I gave it to her, with option of calling with any further questions if she would like... So, I'm not lying to him or her... they live their relationship....him and I live ours...

 

Thats how our lives are...for now

 

 

Well if all of this is true why are you concerned with what his W is thinking and doing? He has already told you that his marriage is not your business. Why did you call his wife in the first place to announce you were in labor as if she's gives a rat's arse?

 

And when I said Norajane found you out; I meant she posted some of your previous comments which prove you are not as 'slap happy' in your position as a OW, single mother as you pretend to be. If you were you wouldn't care what his wife thinks or does.