donnamaybe Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Thanks, fooled. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 And, by the way, my son and I moving has NOTHING to do with support. If we HADN'T moved, we would STILL be in the same situation money-wise. As if my son's geographic location should have ANYTHING to do with what he deserves from his father. You do not need to defend your choices for your son. Always remember the posting history of those who attack you for your views. I love Ariadne, but she has some pretty....unconventional views on parenting and relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 You do not need to defend your choices for your son. Always remember the posting history of those who attack you for your views. I love Ariadne, but she has some pretty....unconventional views on parenting and relationships. Yeah, like putting her pre-teen son on a cross country bus alone. I would NEVER be so cavaliere about my son's safety. The thing is, she is answering the OP with her "unconventional" views, and the OP is eating it up, not knowing what she's really dealing with. Wouldn't someone rather get some advice and feedback from someone who would NOT be the type of person who would put their pre-teen son on a cross country bus trip alone or who has participated in many of the other events we know have gone on? It helps to know where someone is coming from globally to know if you should take advice from them on a personal issue. I suppose she could look up a poster's history to glean that information, but that can be very cumbersome and time consuming, and with all those kids... I hate seeing women - or men for that matter - waste year after year of their life on nothing but a hope. Someone encouraging that is only hurting that person, IMO. I would NEVER advise someone to spend 50 years waiting for an event that's never going to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 BUT that is not so cut and dried... OP will be suffering psychologically (as is evident in her previous thread) as continually being second-best. Yeah, but she is three kids behind for that one now. And a provider, in this economy? Yeah, moms know best sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I don't get it. Perhaps you could teach me about your 'zen- ness' :) ? Perhaps it's not her 'zen-ness' but simply a matter of She feels Powerless. What can she possibly do to force him to leave his W for her? All he has to say to her is that he is Married, he loves his W, he provides for all of his children, he visits OW and children as often as possible, What More Does She Want? Then he will make up some excuse that he doesn't want to destroy what he's built up over a lifetime, and to 'be patient' and that should keep her quiet for another few weeks or months. She has got No Say here... he won't leave his Wife, and OW cannot make him. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I called my MM'S W when I was in labor with our next child. Actually, have even left him messages at home when he told me she was out of town and she got home before he did and heard them. His older (adult) children have texted and called me from his phone he uses to contact just me. Seen photos of me and their half-siblings on the phone. His mother, who lives with him, I sent roses and photos of her grandchildren to (one of which is named after her late husband)... I, our relationship, our family, is NO SECRET to his other family. We go on vacations together. We do all the same things we would do, I just dont have his last name (but the children do) and no ring. His wife's outlook is "she is your issue I dont want anything to do with it." How is that for a response????? I had expected her to at least be a little mad, jealous, dont contact my husband, something....but nadda....she doesnt care. We have been together for several years and after all the contact between his 1st family and their knowledge of us he has never left our relationship, nor has it waned in any way. In fact, just the opposite he is around more, does more, calls more, he knows I'm not going anywhere. Our children are getting older, albeit still newborns and toddlers, but to a place they are wanting daddy now. Where his oldest have all left the nest. I am so in love with this man that I dont even find other men attractive, even though they still ask me out. He knows I am just biding my time and waiting for him to move into our home permanently. I dont care if if takes another 5 years or 50... Yes, it is lonely not having him home every night...but I have faith that day will come. It is increasingly more and more difficult for him to be away from our home and family. I am very sorry that you put yourself in this situation. I wish you the best of luck in turning it into something positive one day. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Perhaps it's not her 'zen-ness' but simply a matter of She feels Powerless. What can she possibly do to force him to leave his W for her? All he has to say to her is that he is Married, he loves his W, he provides for all of his children, he visits OW and children as often as possible, What More Does She Want? Then he will make up some excuse that he doesn't want to destroy what he's built up over a lifetime, and to 'be patient' and that should keep her quiet for another few weeks or months. She has got No Say here... he won't leave his Wife, and OW cannot make him. No, but she can go after child support and cut him off so he can live with the one he choses. OP, you reaaaaallllly need to let him think you'll NOT wait that long honey. If you think that he needs to know you love him that much, well wonderful, but he already gets that from his W and look who he choses to live with. Tell him it's over even if you still love him. Keep your pride. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 after listening to what every one has said I have done the following... 1. Broke off everything with married man, notified his wife and him that I will no longer see him, he is not welcome in my life or the childrens. 2. Another, younger man, will be there for birth of our child. 3. other than signing updated legal document including our unborn child, we have nothing else to discuss. 4. Im not taking any of his calls, until wednesday when he gets back from out of town to sign paperwork. 5. i will send him photos of his children once a year. 6. other than that there is no text, calls, visits, nadda his response, Im pregnant and hormonal, havent eaten and need sleep and shouldnt make unilateral decisions, rash decisions right now. my response...IT'S OVER, GO FIND ANOTHER GIRLFRIEND, MY CHILDREN AND I DESERVE MORE/BETTER. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 after listening to what every one has said I have done the following... 1. Broke off everything with married man, notified his wife and him that I will no longer see him, he is not welcome in my life or the childrens. 2. Another, younger man, will be there for birth of our child. 3. other than signing updated legal document including our unborn child, we have nothing else to discuss. 4. Im not taking any of his calls, until wednesday when he gets back from out of town to sign paperwork. 5. i will send him photos of his children once a year. 6. other than that there is no text, calls, visits, nadda his response, Im pregnant and hormonal, havent eaten and need sleep and shouldnt make unilateral decisions, rash decisions right now. my response...IT'S OVER, GO FIND ANOTHER GIRLFRIEND, MY CHILDREN AND I DESERVE MORE/BETTER. IF you really did the above -- WOO HOO!! You and YOUR CHILDREN DO DESERVE BETTER!! Stop settling for 2nd best. FIGHT for what you deserve. If he TRULY TRULY loves YOU and wants a life with you -- make it be JUST with you!! Hang in there and be strong!! Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Next chapter. Link to post Share on other sites
movingforward Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Stick to your guns. You deserve better. So do your sons. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 he doesnt want it broken off...i told him he should be happy now he has his perfect life, marriage, older kids...and is rid of me and our 3 children. He said it isnt perfect. I said whatever, go find another girlfriend, without kids, do whatever you want. We are nothing but a financial obligation. Im not taking any of his calls until wednedsay when he is suppose to sign papers. I told him its OVER...lets see what he does. Either way, children are provided for, so only difference is he will not be in our lives. What effect that has on him, I dont know. He just kept saying again and again, dont make any decisions right now, your in no shape to be making any rash decisions. Im in fine shape. He is the one losing me and his 3 youngest children...I already have best part of him...he just lost one woman who loved him for him and not his money or status. Let him find another girlfriend that loves him like I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 Yes, I did leave messages at his home for his wife to hear. She needs to know that its over to me...I will no longer go to him to his guest house, I will no longer meet him places, if she wants him keep him I dont want a man who F**ks around on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 He leaves for Europe tomorrow and will be back on Tuesday. Im sure he will try and call tomorrow morning, if he doesnt call back tonight. I am just going to hit the ignore button. Other than business of financially providing for our children we have nothing to discuss...and we are suppose to go over that on wednesday so I see no reason to take his calls. Let's see how wonderful he likes his life now with his wife and no one else to be there constantly stroking his ego, saying I love you, I miss you, I cant wait to see you, our children are beautiful and miss daddy. Let's see...I told him he doesnt deserve us...he doesnt deserve his 1st family...take his narssacitic ass to Europe and enjoy being single. Link to post Share on other sites
EarthGirl Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Yes, I did leave messages at his home for his wife to hear. She needs to know that its over to me...I will no longer go to him to his guest house, I will no longer meet him places, if she wants him keep him I dont want a man who F**ks around on me. He didn't f*ck around on you, he f*cked around on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 i am talking about if him and I were to stay together and eventually be married... i wont be the wife she is... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 I told him I will mail him photos of the kids once a year. I will mail him all their birth certificates, copies of their social security cards and passports so he can take care of all their trust funds, etc which I am to get yearly reports on. But, we can do everything by mail. IF, BIG IF, our children ever ask about him, I will tell them who he is and IF they want to speak to him I will let them call him. That's all there is to it with our children. After my heart heals, and I am stable in my life with my children, I may very well entertain dating again someday, but for now, my focus is on my pregnancy, my children and ending/healing this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 page 1, he's the love of your life. Page 16, you dump him because you were inspired from a advice board? You dumped him only to get his reaction it seems. This is far from over. I think you need to utilize your energy to get some help for your inner damaged soul Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 He will ALWAYS be the love of my life... but there are women who have lost the love of there lives in wars, etc. and still go on...and so shall I. I will be as a widow, morn, go through all the emotions that go with my heart being ripped from my chest. But I WILL NOT let him pull my heart strings anymore. Ive hurt enough...let him hurt and be lonely for a while...if he turns around and shows up with divorce papers on bended knee with a ring and I'm still single...then we will see what happens. If he stays right where he is, then all i am is a widow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 to assure I do not answer his calls I've turned the ringer off on his cell phone, he makes me carry two since he doesnt want anyone beeping in on our calls. Im serious...let him be alone for a change...let him worry...want...miss... as everyone said, only one way to find out if he really loves me...and his children... take us away, 100%, see what his decision is after that... Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Yes, I did leave messages at his home for his wife to hear. She needs to know that its over to me...I will no longer go to him to his guest house, I will no longer meet him places, if she wants him keep him I dont want a man who F**ks around on me. That's what he has been doing the whole time he has been with you. You are no different than she is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 Money is all legal so, as I said before, its never been about the money, nor do I worry in least it will stop. He will always support his children. Can he look himself in the face every morning knowing he has 3 small children he as physically, emotionally abandoned as a father and what they will think of him the older they get... and he wasnt too keen on idea of another man being there when his baby is born, I told him to be honest, he missed 1st two births why should I suffer and be alone the 3rd when there are plenty of young men that are begging me to be there... Let's see how he likes sharing...but he doesnt get me at all....or his children Link to post Share on other sites
Author nocontact2 Posted September 26, 2009 Author Share Posted September 26, 2009 That's what he has been doing the whole time he has been with you. You are no different than she is. well, there is one difference now...she is still married to man who will continue to cheat on her...I am done. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 well, there is one difference now...she is still married to man who will continue to cheat on her...I am done. You're done until the next hormonal surge then you will be all in wub :love:again. The funny thing is according to your posts, you are the only one doing the changing. He isn't going anywhere and his W isn't going anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 BUT you are doing the same thing you were doing before!!! You were using the births of his children to Draw him to YOU, and now you are doing the same thing but just in reverse + more extreme -- you are using the kids as (not a reward anymore) but with threatening him by never allowing him to see them again (punishment). Shame on you! You are very manipulative! The kids are not your golden ticket to MM's heart (or wallet, cuz as much as you say you are not interested in his money, how the heck do you support your own azz?) Stop trying to GET him by FORCE!! And anyway, it's not up to you to decide he can only pay for you and the kids, but not actually see his own flesh and blood! You did say that he is a good father? Stop being so selfish. You got in a rage cuz you want to take his W's place, and now you are being quite crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
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