How to cope with this?

[dreamergrl]

So some of you may have read this thread, others have not.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t203154/

 

I thought maybe there may be some people in this section that have gone through something similar.

 

I've got a lot of mixed emotions, about myself, about the person involved, and how I'm viewing myself. I feel better today, but just a little lost and confused. Maybe this section of LS can help me out a little more, not that I don't appreciate all the responses I got in the dating section.

[Star Gazer]

Dreamer, why isn't your focus on YOU and getting better, and instead is on this 10-day relationship?

 

I think it's fair to say we're all pretty worried about you.

[Kamille]

I have to say I'm also wondering why you're posting in this section and not in the well-being section.

[caramel c]

Since you already tried contacting him for answers, I don't advise for you to make any other attempts.

 

For now, please just focus on your well-being, which at this point should be a very time consuming task.

[dreamergrl]

This isn't for coping with things in general??? I feel lost not knowing all my actions. The whole thing has left me feeling empty and I don't like that it involved another person. The situation as a whole is bothering me. Where should it go?? Tell me, and I'll request it to get moved. It's not just one thing. Geeze. I'll see if I can get it moved. You know I put it in the wrong spot. Give me a break. I saw coping, and I feel like I'm coping, with everything that happened.

[Kamille]

I was asking precisely to know what aspect of what happened you wanted to cope with.

 

Of course you feel confused and exhausted. It sounds like you've been through a lot. Give yourself a few days to rest. Again, I'll speak for myself but the reason I asked why you chose this section is : It's just that you somehow manage to mention *him* in a few of the posts about your confusion. And you know I understand that it's normal that he cross your mind, but really, objectively, YOU know he can't be a priority right now. (I know you know this).

 

And you know how TBF was asking you not to beat yourself up so much? Well I can't help but wonder if the reason you are having such a hard time forgiving yourself over what happened and allowing yourself to just rest isn't because you are upset that your anxiety attack messed things up with him.

 

(sorry about the run on sentence).

 

So, if you could only realize there is nothing you can do about him but let him go, then you might be better equipped to work on your own well-being. To forgive yourself about that night and to check in with yourself.

[dreamergrl]

It's not just about him. It's about the entire thing all together. I don't like not knowing. I don't like the wondering. I don't like the missing parts of my night. I don't like the scar I'm going to end up with. I don't like that this happened at all, and I don't like that it involved another person - regardless of who it was (and how long I've known the person - I can do the math and I already know how long it's been thanks).

 

If this was just coping for a break up, then I put it in the wrong spot, an accident. I already asked to have it moved.

[melodymatters]

FWIW, I too always thought of this area as 'Coping, in General".

 

Take care of yourself DG..........{hug}

[Star Gazer]

Like K intimated, one of the reasons you're having such a hard time with what happened is because of your feelings for *him*. You were too invested, far too soon. You know that now, right? Okay then, let that go. Let him go. Let your feelings for him go.

 

And then give yourself a big huge hug, and focus ONLY on you. I realize it's not *just* about him, but he shouldn't be ANY PART of your concern right now.

 

I also strongly suggest you take some time away from LS, as I think it causes you to self-diagnose and self-analyze to the point of thinking you've got it all figured out. If this were just some minor blip, that'd be okay. But this was a big deal. You need real help, Dreamer. You know this.

[dreamergrl]

You're kidding right, I haven't self diagnosed crap. I've had a handful of LSers tell me what I have isn't this or that. I'm going by what Doctors - several of them - have told me.

 

And I've stated over and over again, I'm having a hard time with the WHOLE thing. Not just him. Not just the thought of losing him. I never technically had him anyways. I'm ashamed that I brought all this on, to me, to another person, in front of people. The whole thing is not sitting well with me. I keep trying to remember and I can't and I hate it. It makes me want to break down in tears.

[Kamille]

Then give yourself a break. Stop trying to remember. Promise yourself you will do everything you can to make yourself feel better. And it starts by letting it go. Let it go Dreamer. Just for now. For tonight. Give yourself a break. Do something that makes you happy. LS isn't making you happy right now. So step away from it. Go take a bath, call a friend or family. Watch a comedy on television. Something where you don't have to think or talk about the episode. Something to take your mind off of it.

[GrayClouds]

Your being way to hard on yourself, if you had the flu and couldn't go on a date would blame yourself. You would feel bad, which your allow to, but wouldn't blame yourself. So why are you beating yourself up now?

 

So what is the game plan to adress the AD? Counseling, cognitive behavior therapy, diet, meds?

[Art_Critic]

How to cope with this?

 

I think coping in this case till you get to see a professional should be in taking care of yourself..

A professional will help you equip yourself with the proper coping tools after they have seen you in person and worked with you some..

 

till then...

 

If you workout once a week then you could ramp that up some to 3-4 times a week to burn off some of this nervous energy and let yourself refocus..

 

I wouldn't date anyone right now.. give yourself some time to deal with all that you have been through.

 

Go back to your roots of hobbies and friends and family.

 

Sink yourself into your job right now.. mainly to take your mind off of everything

 

Most of all.. give yourself a break... not only do you need one you deserve one..

We have all been in hard to reach places in our lives before.. you will get thru this...

[dreamergrl]

Your being way to hard on yourself, if you had the flu and couldn't go on a date would blame yourself. You would feel bad, which your allow to, but wouldn't blame yourself. So why are you beating yourself up now?

 

So what is the game plan to adress the AD? Counseling, cognitive behavior therapy, diet, meds?

 

Well, having the flu and not going on a date is a bit different then having an AA and ending the date by leaving in an ambulance. I feel very embarrassed - not just because of him, but who knows how I was in the bar.

 

The low cost therapy I was looking into can't get me in for weeks. I've got 12 larazepams left, I took one before bed last night, and took one when I started getting upset about not remembering tonight. I don't quite understand cognitive behavior therapy, my diet, I'll have to go less on the caffinated drinks, try to stay away from too much sugar. I'm hesitent to be on a drug on a normal basis, as last time it left me feeling with no emotions. I was just numb to everything, and that's no way to live. I need to find a happy medium. I still want to feel things and have emotion.

 

I want to go back to how I was feeling the last few weeks, even the last few months. It's been great. I need to find the trigger so it can be avoided.

 

I need to find out if it was all the stress, excitement, and all that went with the moving to a new state - as I didn't let it effect me mentally. I need to find out if I should have just accept it, and dealt with it, and moved on instead of just shrugging it off.

 

Not being able to get into therapy for a few weeks isn't going to help this process.

[dreamergrl]

I think coping in this case till you get to see a professional should be in taking care of yourself..

A professional will help you equip yourself with the proper coping tools after they have seen you in person and worked with you some..

 

till then...

 

If you workout once a week then you could ramp that up some to 3-4 times a week to burn off some of this nervous energy and let yourself refocus..

 

I wouldn't date anyone right now.. give yourself some time to deal with all that you have been through.

 

Go back to your roots of hobbies and friends and family.

 

Sink yourself into your job right now.. mainly to take your mind off of everything

 

Most of all.. give yourself a break... not only do you need one you deserve one..

We have all been in hard to reach places in our lives before.. you will get thru this...

 

Well like today, I cooked myself some simple meals. I did some laundry, washed up my wrist, watched a few new shows I've been wanting to see. I slept good last night. I only had one smoke, but that's probably due to the patch the nurse stuck on me and I forgot that I left it on yesterday. I talked with my mom a bit.

 

I'm a little nervous about work tomorrow.

[Art_Critic]

Well like today, I cooked myself some simple meals. I did some laundry, washed up my wrist, watched a few new shows I've been wanting to see. I slept good last night. I only had one smoke, but that's probably due to the patch the nurse stuck on me and I forgot that I left it on yesterday. I talked with my mom a bit.

 

I'm a little nervous about work tomorrow.

 

Picture perfect day..

 

Work tomorrow.. blow right thru it.. don't dwell on what happened with anyone and most of all get up with a smile.. tell yourself how good of a person you are in the mirror while getting ready for work.. tell yourself how much you love yourself and family then go to work and try not to let anything get you down..

 

.. have a good night Dreamer...

[Star Gazer]

You're kidding right, I haven't self diagnosed crap.

 

Well, you are to the extent that you're resistant to the idea that this incident could be the result of anything other than AD or being drugged. In that way, you're diagnosing yourself as ONLY having AD. Many people here have suggested you seek professional help to see if something else - another disorder, perhaps - may be involved. You don't seem interested in that.

 

And I've stated over and over again, I'm having a hard time with the WHOLE thing. Not just him. Not just the thought of losing him.

 

I get it. I get that the whole thing bothers you, I do.

 

But what troubles me is that *he* is even a concern, at all, right now.

 

Again, I strongly suggest you take an extended leave from LS and get yourself from REAL help. Of course, if you choose to stay, you know we will all be here for you. But if you want to stick around LS, seeking advice and opinions on what you're going through, please don't later say that being here contributed to your disorder(s). You're now here at your own risk.

[Star Gazer]

I'm a little nervous about work tomorrow.

 

Easier said than done, but try not to be. As someone else said (IG, I think?, or maybe Bluewolf?): Tomorrow is another day. Start over. There's no need for your work to be affected by this.

[dreamergrl]

Well, you are to the extent that you're resistant to the idea that this incident could be the result of anything other than AD or being drugged. In that way, you're diagnosing yourself as ONLY having AD. Many people here have suggested you seek professional help to see if something else - another disorder, perhaps - may be involved. You don't seem interested in that.

 

Perhaps you gazed past the many times I wrote that I can't get in for a session for several weeks. I can't afford anything more. And I do have a fear of hospitals/doctors due to past situations, so I'm not real excited about doing the therapy to begin with, but I'm still doing the best I can.

 

 

 

I get it. I get that the whole thing bothers you, I do.

 

But what troubles me is that *he* is even a concern, at all, right now.

 

Again, I strongly suggest you take an extended leave from LS and get yourself from REAL help. Of course, if you choose to stay, you know we will all be here for you. But if you want to stick around LS, seeking advice and opinions on what you're going through, please don't later say that being here contributed to your disorder(s). You're now here at your own risk.

 

I never claimed anyone here had anything to do with making me in the situation I am, and am rather insulted that you'd even say that to me. I've been taking full responsibility for my own actions.

 

And I'm sorry it bothers you that I am not thinking about just myself, but I'm sure if I was freaking out in the bar, I made quite the show and embarrassed the hell out of him, not to meantion the show the neighbors must have gotten, I'm embarrassed I put him through that. I think it is only human to feel bad for putting another person through an ordeal.

 

Easier said than done, but try not to be. As someone else said (IG, I think?, or maybe Bluewolf?): Tomorrow is another day. Start over. There's no need for your work to be affected by this.

 

I use both hands all day long. I have to go to my boss, who's only been my boss for a few months, and say hey look I can't use my right hand for a while and hand them a doctors note. Also my currant dress code for work does not include long sleeve shirt. I do have a wrist band, but I'm now prepping myself for the many questions I will be asked, and I get a lot of customers a day and will be asked. Also my work speed is going to slow down, no bending of the wrist, I found out the hard way today that it makes my wrist bleed all over again. I've been using my left hand to type mainly, using a right handed finger here and there.

[Star Gazer]

I never claimed anyone here had anything to do with making me in the situation I am, and am rather insulted that you'd even say that to me.

 

That's what I took away from the other thread, that comments here cause you anxiety. If that's not in any way true, then great!

 

And FWIW, I'm rather insulted about a lot of things that have been said lately related to your thread as well, but that's neither here nor there.

 

And I'm sorry it bothers you that I am not thinking about just myself...

 

You're right that it does bother me, but that also shouldn't matter to you. No one but yourself and your family (mom, etc.) should matter to you right now. You can't get well if you're thinking about *him*.

 

But that's all I'll say about that from now on, as I don't want to beat a dead horse.

 

I use both hands all day long. I have to go to my boss, who's only been my boss for a few months, and say hey look I can't use my right hand for a while and hand them a doctors note. Also my currant dress code for work does not include long sleeve shirt. I do have a wrist band, but I'm now prepping myself for the many questions I will be asked, and I get a lot of customers a day and will be asked. Also my work speed is going to slow down, no bending of the wrist, I found out the hard way today that it makes my wrist bleed all over again. I've been using my left hand to type mainly, using a right handed finger here and there.

 

Ah, I see. Well, who cares what they think? Just tell them you, oh I don't know, slipped while cutting a tomato, and laugh it off. I doubt anyone will question you, really.

[Isolde]

Is there any way you can see a therapist sooner, just for a couple sessions even? I don't know if you have insurance or what kind, but some insurance pays for the majority of counseling fees.

[Crimson Tide]

Your date should be the last of your concerns right now. He didn't even bother to wait up with you at the hospital! Any guy or girl with a concern bone in him or her would have waited up just to see if you were fine.

 

Focus on yourself, Dreamer.

[dreamergrl]

Is there any way you can see a therapist sooner, just for a couple sessions even? I don't know if you have insurance or what kind, but some insurance pays for the majority of counseling fees.

 

Unfortunately it will be even longer before I qualify for insurance. I can only imagine what my ambulance and over night stay is going to look like. I swear if I get charged for an IV hook up, when all they did was put a needle and tube in (not the actual IV) I'll be pissed.

 

Which brings me to another question, that I got from my nursey friend. Normally when someone has a bac that needs to be brought down, they hydrate you through IV. They never did that. I also had to ask for water or fluid, any type of food. Nothing was offered. They claimed to be concerned about my BAC, but why not treat me for it?

[Art_Critic]

DG.. there isn't anything they can do to bring down your BAC other than wait..

 

Hydrating you is akin to drinking more water and that just make you pee..

If you weren't dehydrated then there was no reason to hydrate you..

 

Breathing is the largest form of alcohol removal the body uses..

By the way.. the typical body lowers your bac one drink every hour ( a typical drink meaning one beer, or one shot of 80 proof whiskey or 3 ounces of wine )

 

There isn't a magical way of lowering it faster than that.. of course each person's body is different and the times vary but one drink per hour is a good average.

[Jilly Bean]

Dreamer - I know you say you keep looking for a "trigger", but with AP Disorder, you don't often need one. I could have an attack sitting on the couch watching Oprah. When your brain chemicals decide to misfire, it often doesn't require a catalyst, you know? So, please don't invest so much time looking for a cause, because you really might not find one, IF this is the genuine diagnose a shrink would provide you with.

 

Please don't focus on this guy (he's a non-issue and has removed himself from the equation), and please try not to over-analyze what "caused" the episode.

 

Thing to do is keep yourself calm right now, acknowledge you most likely won't have real answers until you see a professional, so for now, just indulge yourself, make yourself comfortable, and try your best not to stress over things you won't answer on your own.

 

Let it all go for now, take comfort in knowing you ARE taking steps to remedy what happened, and in the meantime, float it away, and enjoy the little things that will ground you in the interim.