How to cope with this?

[Trialbyfire]

I'm trying to figure out why everyone knows better than dreamer's therapist? For that matter, it appears that people are intimating that dreamer wasn't honest with her therapist.

 

Sometimes LS can be the worst place to be looking for help and support.

[hoping2heal]

I'm trying to figure out why everyone knows better than dreamer's therapist? For that matter, it appears that people are intimating that dreamer wasn't honest with her therapist.

 

Sometimes LS can be the worst place to be looking for help and support.

 

I don't think anyone felt they knew better than her therapist, I think people were just surprised that a therapist would take an isolated incident of self injury so casually. For that reason, I think they worried about Dreamer further.

[MSUE]

I'm trying to figure out why everyone knows better than dreamer's therapist? For that matter, it appears that people are intimating that dreamer wasn't honest with her therapist.

 

Sometimes LS can be the worst place to be looking for help and support.

I hope you are not referring to me

TBF please do not misunderstand my posts...as I am only speaking from personal experience...I never said or hinted the therapist she saw is wrong...I will say though disregarding the self mutilation part of the incident as if its no big deal its the first time...hmmmm... its a major red flag and anyone on their right mind can see that... but truth be told it is hard to find someone that's top of the line on a clinic...most of the best ones don't even take insurance...I knock on wood that I have been blessed to be able to have such care but I know the reality is most don't... Dreamers ordeal seems a lil more complex that a "standard" panic/anxiety attack

 

Dreamer I wish you nothing but the best in your journey trough therapy and whatever it is you need to do to help you understand and prevent such incidents

[Trialbyfire]

Just a few questions for everyone. Does anyone know exactly what happened that night? Does everyone know for certain that her intent was self-mutiliation?

 

Not one person including dreamer, knows what happened and why things happened that night. With this in mind, perhaps the therapist has her own way of addressing this, rather than putting more critical and negative pressure on someone who just had a major attack from critical and negative stress/pressure....

[SadandConfusedWA]

Sigh. So everyone that doesn't agree with you, does it because they want negative things to happen to you? It's amazing the lengths you go to to support your denial. If we TRULY wanted negative things to happen to you, we would say "right on Dreamer" and stay away from this thread. Your ability to disregard anything but positive is astounding from a psychological stand point.

[jen924]

Not one person including dreamer, knows what happened and why things happened that night.

 

 

This comment isn't going to go over well, but its honestly what I think. Not saying for certain, but its highly possible, that she does remember more than she leads on to, but doesn't want to admit it. Her claiming she doesn't remember, makes her feel and look way less responsible for what happened, and she doesn't have to explain near as much or deal with certain things. I really do not understand how she blocked so much out, or doesn't remember cutting her wrist. She claims to know how to hold her alcohol, so only her drink being spiked would explain any of this. Even so, even people who have their drinks spiked don't normally cut themselves. I wonder if she looked into more of the possibility of someone putting something in her drink. That would explain a lot I suppose.

[dreamergrl]

Where does it say I cut myself over a guy? It doesn't. That's an assumption, not a fact. Along with saying I'm pretending not to remember... I don't remember certain parts. I stated what I did remember. And that is that. I was honest with my therapist, and she told me what she told me.

 

And yes, I wanted advice on how to cope with what happened. And yes, several people tried to say this or that was wrong with me, when they have what experience to do so?

 

Then I get the comment about lying to my therapist?

 

It's not about being in denial at all. It's not about people disagreeing with me (in fact it's not me that they are disagreeing with, it's my therapist they are disagreeing with). I'm following what my therapist has told me to do - so what is wrong with that?

 

I did call the hospital to see if they could do a tox screen for me, and I kept getting the run around there. So finding out if anything got put in my drink has been a lost cause.

 

I wish more then anything that I could remember, but I can't. I don't know what set everything off, I don't know what led up to my wrist.

 

What I do know is that I've never hurt myself or had thoughts regardless - not over a boy not over anything. I've told my therapist that as well (and that is the truth). I would have previous scars on myself I did, and even the doctors in the ER told the person who came in to talk to me that they found no previous scars. I was released right after the person from mental health came in because it was an isolated incident.

 

No one, including myself, said it was no big deal of what happened - and I never claimed my therapist said that either. What was said was that it was an isolated incident - and with that and my evaluation, I'm suppose to take the pill if I feel an attack coming on, and if I ever feel that type of urge again to make an appointment asap. And as TBF mentioned, the events of the night are not all there, so it's not possible to say what actually happened. Many people want to jump to certain conclusions that can't be made given the situation.

 

MSUE - thanks for the information and your post. I've never drank on meds before - even when I was on them a few years ago. I'm only on them now on an as needed basis if I feel an attack coming on. I never had an attack while being out and drinking before, so that was new for me. There's been times where I feel a little anxious, but I've always been able to calm myself back down from feeling a little anxious by stepping back, thinking out the situation, and doing some deep breathing.

[Jilly Bean]

Dreamer - to answer your original question of how do you cope? I would say gingerly, but seriously.

 

Years ago, when I OD'd, I was rattled to the core. The incident was the most singularly disturbing event that ever happened to me. Now, I'm not likening me OD'ing to what happened to you, yet, the underlying pathology and coping strategy is similar.

 

I had to get REALLY honest with myself about what caused my drug use/abuse to begin with, because clearly I could no longer run from it. I had to get REALLY honest with myself and admit as much as I wore the face of a happy and contented person, obviously the drug use was masking a very unhappy and stressed out person. It was a very, very painful period in my life, but in so many ways, it was the best thing that happened to me, because it scared me sober AND onto a path towards happiness that didn't come from some lines on a mirror.

 

My point is not unlike many of the posters on here, though I suppose I'm trying to word it differently. ..I, too, would not take lightly what happened, and I fear you, and your therapist, are now glossing over it. I'm not saying you need to stay married to it, but I think it was a very powerful and poignant moment in your life, and not one that should be dismissed so easily as one-off.

 

I think what happened *should* serve as a very loud wake-up call, Dreamer. You freely and honestly admit to having a lot of stress, anxiety, and a history with a lot of abuse. Sometimes mounting pain that has been stuffed for eons can start to manifest and seep out in ugly ways. Perhaps THAT is the root of the incident, but I can't say for sure. What I do know, however, is that what happened is the culmination of a lot of pain, a lot of sadness and disappointment, and perhaps a lesson that your previous coping mechanisms are no longer working.

 

I hope you continue to see a therapist you feel will challenge you, and not just humor or pacify. I really do think, as many on here do, that there is more going on that would cause that whole evening, and we/I do care to see you find your way clear.

 

The only true way to heal a wound is to cleanse it deeply, not by putting a band-aid on it.

 

Take baby steps with the therapy, as that road can be rough and long, but I definitely urge you to not let this go so lightly...

[Star Gazer]

I think people were just surprised that a therapist would take an isolated incident of self injury so casually. For that reason, I think they worried about Dreamer further.

 

Bingo.

 

Dreamer - to answer your original question of how do you cope? I would say gingerly, but seriously.

 

Years ago, when I OD'd, I was rattled to the core. The incident was the most singularly disturbing event that ever happened to me. Now, I'm not likening me OD'ing to what happened to you, yet, the underlying pathology and coping strategy is similar.

 

I had to get REALLY honest with myself about what caused my drug use/abuse to begin with, because clearly I could no longer run from it. I had to get REALLY honest with myself and admit as much as I wore the face of a happy and contented person, obviously the drug use was masking a very unhappy and stressed out person. It was a very, very painful period in my life, but in so many ways, it was the best thing that happened to me, because it scared me sober AND onto a path towards happiness that didn't come from some lines on a mirror.

 

My point is not unlike many of the posters on here, though I suppose I'm trying to word it differently. ..I, too, would not take lightly what happened, and I fear you, and your therapist, are now glossing over it. I'm not saying you need to stay married to it, but I think it was a very powerful and poignant moment in your life, and not one that should be dismissed so easily as one-off.

 

I think what happened *should* serve as a very loud wake-up call, Dreamer. You freely and honestly admit to having a lot of stress, anxiety, and a history with a lot of abuse. Sometimes mounting pain that has been stuffed for eons can start to manifest and seep out in ugly ways. Perhaps THAT is the root of the incident, but I can't say for sure. What I do know, however, is that what happened is the culmination of a lot of pain, a lot of sadness and disappointment, and perhaps a lesson that your previous coping mechanisms are no longer working.

 

I hope you continue to see a therapist you feel will challenge you, and not just humor or pacify. I really do think, as many on here do, that there is more going on that would cause that whole evening, and we/I do care to see you find your way clear.

 

The only true way to heal a wound is to cleanse it deeply, not by putting a band-aid on it.

 

Take baby steps with the therapy, as that road can be rough and long, but I definitely urge you to not let this go so lightly...

 

FANTASTIC post, JB. You've come a long, long way, but only with some REALLY seriously honest introspection. I hope Dreamer can learn something from your experience.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Dreamer - to answer your original question of how do you cope? I would say gingerly, but seriously.

 

Years ago, when I OD'd, I was rattled to the core. The incident was the most singularly disturbing event that ever happened to me. Now, I'm not likening me OD'ing to what happened to you, yet, the underlying pathology and coping strategy is similar.

 

I had to get REALLY honest with myself about what caused my drug use/abuse to begin with, because clearly I could no longer run from it. I had to get REALLY honest with myself and admit as much as I wore the face of a happy and contented person, obviously the drug use was masking a very unhappy and stressed out person. It was a very, very painful period in my life, but in so many ways, it was the best thing that happened to me, because it scared me sober AND onto a path towards happiness that didn't come from some lines on a mirror.

 

My point is not unlike many of the posters on here, though I suppose I'm trying to word it differently. ..I, too, would not take lightly what happened, and I fear you, and your therapist, are now glossing over it. I'm not saying you need to stay married to it, but I think it was a very powerful and poignant moment in your life, and not one that should be dismissed so easily as one-off.

 

I think what happened *should* serve as a very loud wake-up call, Dreamer. You freely and honestly admit to having a lot of stress, anxiety, and a history with a lot of abuse. Sometimes mounting pain that has been stuffed for eons can start to manifest and seep out in ugly ways. Perhaps THAT is the root of the incident, but I can't say for sure. What I do know, however, is that what happened is the culmination of a lot of pain, a lot of sadness and disappointment, and perhaps a lesson that your previous coping mechanisms are no longer working.

 

I hope you continue to see a therapist you feel will challenge you, and not just humor or pacify. I really do think, as many on here do, that there is more going on that would cause that whole evening, and we/I do care to see you find your way clear.

 

The only true way to heal a wound is to cleanse it deeply, not by putting a band-aid on it.

 

Take baby steps with the therapy, as that road can be rough and long, but I definitely urge you to not let this go so lightly...

 

Absolutely outstanding post JB. I hope you listen to this Dreamer.

[loveslife]

Guys, I think it's time to leave Dreamer alone. She doesn't want to hear it.

 

I also have a story of dealing with abuse, assault, failed relationships, self-destructiveness. And I can also attest to the fact that the way I finally started getting better was when I looked into that black hole and faced what I had become.

 

There were years and years when I would dismiss or villify anyone who tried to help me. I saw a doctor who codified me, tried to soothe my nerves.

 

It was useless. What I needed was intense, searing honesty with myself. But it could only happen when I was finally ready.

 

I had to face some majorly distressing truths and it was soul-crushing. But I've come out of it stronger and healthier. And I am so grateful for being "forced" to go through what I did that got me here.

 

For what it's worth, abuse makes people question themselves and their judgement. It makes people lose their sense of self. Being told over and over that she is wrong, that she is lying, is only going to push buttons in Dreamer.

 

Nobody can force her to do anything. I know how strongly people want her to see a different side to things but I suggest we leave her alone. She has the right to make her own decisions.

 

One thing to consider is that this is the only way Dreamer knows how to feel. What I mean is, I quit smoking about five years ago. It wasn't until after I quit that I understood (remembered) how good it feels to be a non-smoker.

 

She consistently gives the same response to people suggesting she's looking at this the wrong way. What's the point? Like I said earlier in this thread, insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

 

I know we all wish her well. Lets let her find her own path to that.

[northstar1]

Wow, there are definitely some wolves in sheep's clothing in this thread.

 

I wonder if some people are reacting more to the fact their advice is not being followed, then true concern for the OP's health.

 

I know most mean well, but perhaps not all.

[loveslife]

Wow, there are definitely some wolves in sheep's clothing in this thread.

 

I wonder if some people are reacting more to the fact their advice is not being followed, then true concern for the OP's health.

 

I know most mean well, but perhaps not all.

 

You don't know any more about the people trying to help than any of us know you or Dreamer.

 

Try and have a little more faith in the fact that people are trying to help.

[northstar1]

You don't know any more about the people trying to help than any of us know you or Dreamer.

 

Try and have a little more faith in the fact that people are trying to help.

 

I am not referring to knowing them personally, but to their posts.

 

As I said, most seem to mean well, and some don't.

[Keoki]

Wow, there are definitely some wolves in sheep's clothing in this thread.

 

I wonder if some people are reacting more to the fact their advice is not being followed, then true concern for the OP's health.

 

I know most mean well, but perhaps not all.

 

I don't think so at all. If there were wolves in this thread, they'd be telling her that's she absolutely fine, and has absolutely nothing to worry about. They'd be telling her to make sure she always has a knife nearby an to keep drinking, forget the meds and therapy, and to chase down the guy in question go beg for forgiveness.

[Rudderless]

You don't know any more about the people trying to help than any of us know you or Dreamer.

 

Try and have a little more faith in the fact that people are trying to help.

 

I don't have any faith in many of the armchair psychologists on this thread. Most of it's just boredom in the guise of helping someone. I see many agenda's and little empathy.

 

Sometimes therapists prescribe an approach of strengthening a person before they can deal with an underlying cause. For instance CBT might be more beneficial than talking through issues. Not everyone can be launched into a black hole where they're focused on confronting themselves head on - that can be a spiral into further anxiety, and certainly isn't the "one size fits all approach" that's being suggested.

[jen924]

 

I'm suppose to take the pill if I feel an attack coming on, and if I ever feel that type of urge again to make an appointment asap.

 

 

See, this is the problem. Maybe she isn't explaining it well, but sounds like she is free to go without further evaluation of counseling until she "feels" that type of urge again. So let me get this straight. The next time she is in a bar or wherever and feels that so called urge(duh, like she would know ahead of time), she is supposed to pop a pill in hopes it will do the trick, then proceed to pick up the phone and make an appointment? Would this be before or after she blacks out and does god knows what else. It might be too late for assistance at that point.

 

I would like to say its no doubt that if she has had an abusive history, that its what is contributing to this. I wonder if she has ever had extensive therapy before. I think now would be the time to do so.

[dreamergrl]

Sorry, but when someone follows me around to other threads, making nasty comments that even other posters call out on, and then say "Go talk to your therapist about it", please tell me how they mean well, and why I should listen to their advice on this thread?

 

JB, thank you for your post - You made some excellent points, and I've written a few things down that I want to talk to my therapist in our next session.

 

Jen - Obviously I don't feel I'm free to go without counceling - as I've stated before, I see my therapist for another two hour session in a month unless I feel I need to see her sooner. And FYI, if I go out, and feel anxious, I will then instead go home and take the pill. I felt anxious before I started drinking, and made the mistake of drinking when I felt as though I was calming down. There's a difference.

 

Why do so many people have an issue though, with how my therapist is choosing to treat me? Have you all talked to her, and found out what she plans on doing? Again, do you have any clue what we talked about, aside from the attack? Because, I talked about something with her that I've rarely talked about with anyone. Nothing any of you would know about. Only she and I have all the information, obvious not including the missing parts of my night, but other then that. So How would those of you, who think my therapist is doing everything wrong, really know the best way to treat me? Don't you get it? It's not about being in denial. It's not about not listening to concern, or throwing caution to the wind. It's the fact that only she and I where at the evaluation, know the whole deal.

 

And yes, I've had therapy for the abuse I've been through.

[Trialbyfire]

As a non-professional in the field of psychology, my knowledge isn't sufficient that I would dare to interfere between a professional and her patient, on something like this. As well, there's insufficient information from just about every angle, that anyone not present the night of the incident or present during the therapy session, can possibly know much about anything, nvm attempt to tell dreamer how to proceed or to diagnose her.

 

I agree with you, northstar.

[loveslife]

Well, hopefully this thread will die out and everyone can get on with their lives.

[jen924]

Sorry, but when someone follows me around to other threads, making nasty comments that even other posters call out on, and then say "Go talk to your therapist about it", please tell me how they mean well, and why I should listen to their advice on this thread?

 

JB, thank you for your post - You made some excellent points, and I've written a few things down that I want to talk to my therapist in our next session.

 

Jen - Obviously I don't feel I'm free to go without counceling - as I've stated before, I see my therapist for another two hour session in a month unless I feel I need to see her sooner. And FYI, if I go out, and feel anxious, I will then instead go home and take the pill. I felt anxious before I started drinking, and made the mistake of drinking when I felt as though I was calming down. There's a difference.

 

Why do so many people have an issue though, with how my therapist is choosing to treat me? Have you all talked to her, and found out what she plans on doing? Again, do you have any clue what we talked about, aside from the attack? Because, I talked about something with her that I've rarely talked about with anyone. Nothing any of you would know about. Only she and I have all the information, obvious not including the missing parts of my night, but other then that. So How would those of you, who think my therapist is doing everything wrong, really know the best way to treat me? Don't you get it? It's not about being in denial. It's not about not listening to concern, or throwing caution to the wind. It's the fact that only she and I where at the evaluation, know the whole deal.

 

And yes, I've had therapy for the abuse I've been through.

 

 

Where did someone say that your therapist is doing everything wrong? You are basically telling everyone to bud out, and you and your therapist ONLY know about you and your situation. We don't know anything apparently. Well, you also come on here often to post and people are able to pick up on things more than you realize. Your therapist doesn't read all your posts all the time either. So you told your therapist something you haven't told us? Doesn't change the opinions on this recent incident.You share such personal information, then you get upset because of what some people have to say. I think some just have a different way of seeing things, and do not mean to come across as non sympathetic. I'll be glad to bud out then. Its just I have worked in social work before, and like to think I'm not totally ignorant, but I really hope all you continue to get here is empathy, as its the only thing you will not get bent out of shape over.

[Jilly Bean]

FANTASTIC post, JB. You've come a long, long way, but only with some REALLY seriously honest introspection. I hope Dreamer can learn something from your experience.

 

Thanks, Star, and I have every faith that Dreamer is now on the right path to wellness.

 

The thing is that much like everything in life, true empathy goes a long way. I do feel that many posting on her thread have her best interest at heart and are trying to help, but unless you've walked through this kind of fire, it's hard to really relate to how one feels. For me, I felt like I had somehow cheated death, perhaps wasn't really supposed to still be here, was petrified by what happened, more upset that I knew I was responsible, was scared at the work I knew I had to do and things I finally had to face, etc. There are a lot of emotions that are attached to someone having a life-altering experience, and to those who haven't, it is very hard to understand how vulnerable and sensitive you feel.

 

Dreamer is doing the right things, and perhaps not at the pace that others would like, but this is what feels good for HER and is the pace that she needs to be on. Staying grounded in her life by enjoying her work and making new friends is SO important right now, as is her commitment to therapy.

 

But, it's important for everyone to realize this isn't as simple as "OMG! You need therapy!", as that kind of post isn't really helpful. We have to back off a bit, trust that Dreamer is doing the right thing for her, and just support her path as she chooses. It won't be easy, and having challenges to her course of actions won't buoy her decisions. I don't think she's looking to be coddled, per se, but right now, a little sensitivity to her situation wouldn't hurt. Basically, it's just not the time for tough love...

 

Rock on, Dreamer. Have a super day.

[dreamergrl]

Where did someone say that your therapist is doing everything wrong?

 

People telling me to get a second opinion may as well say my therapist is wrong.

 

You are basically telling everyone to bud out, and you and your therapist ONLY know about you and your situation. We don't know anything apparently.

 

You don't know everything.

 

 

Well, you also come on here often to post and people are able to pick up on things more than you realize. Your therapist doesn't read all your posts all the time either.

 

It doesn't mean it hasn't been or wont be talked about. I do have 2 hour monthly sessions.

 

So you told your therapist something you haven't told us? Doesn't change the opinions on this recent incident.You share such personal information, then you get upset because of what some people have to say.

 

Really though, it should adjust opinions, because obviously there's information there that you all don't know about, which affects my treatment. I'm not upset about what those TRULY concerned have to say, because I know many, including JB, have my best intentions at heart. But there are others that are so set on being right and having their advice followed that they wont settle for anything less then what they think should be. And there are people like that, not just on my thread, but plenty of other threads, it's a part of a forum, and not just LS.

 

I do have a right to be upset at someone being purposely cruel, and I wont name names, or starting ranting about it, but given other posts else where, and the fact that other posters pick up on it, it's obvious they don't have my best intention at heart, they just get off on being nasty and mean.

 

I think some just have a different way of seeing things, and do not mean to come across as non sympathetic. I'll be glad to bud out then. Its just I have worked in social work before, and like to think I'm not totally ignorant, but I really hope all you continue to get here is empathy, as its the only thing you will not get bent out of shape over.

 

I'm quite shocked that you worked in social work before, because you don't come across as you have. If you have worked in social work before, you should know different therapists have different ways of doing things, and that private information is often shared only between the person and their therapist.

 

As a non-professional in the field of psychology, my knowledge isn't sufficient that I would dare to interfere between a professional and her patient, on something like this. As well, there's insufficient information from just about every angle, that anyone not present the night of the incident or present during the therapy session, can possibly know much about anything, nvm attempt to tell dreamer how to proceed or to diagnose her.

 

I agree with you, northstar.

 

THe point I've been trying to make. Thank you TBF.

 

Oohh and JB - thanks for having faith in me, and understanding how things are and will be proceeding for me to continue with my therapy. It's great to know someone who has been down a similar path and can relate.

[northstar1]

I don't think so at all. If there were wolves in this thread, they'd be telling her that's she absolutely fine, and has absolutely nothing to worry about. They'd be telling her to make sure she always has a knife nearby an to keep drinking, forget the meds and therapy, and to chase down the guy in question go beg for forgiveness.

 

I am talking about the Jekyl and Hyde personalities that some people exhibit between offering empathy one minute and malice the next.

[fooled once]

Why are some posters, who by their tone and their words, so hung up on nailing Dreamer to a tree and stoning her? I am just amazed at the people who think they know what is best for someone. And when she follows her therapists advise, that still isn't good enough.

 

Dreamer, I bet if you saw 10 different therapists, the naysayers in this thread will still have someone to whine/b*tch about.

 

If you don't like what she says or don't agree, move on. Why keep hammering her? Does it make you feel better to degrade her? Does it make you feel better to tell her how her life is, as if you really even know?

 

I don't think she needs the stress of it.

 

She also doesn't need people who obviously don't have her best interest telling her how screwed up she is.

 

Geez

 

Dreamer -- IGNORE them. Put them on ignore and don't worry about them.

 

I wish you the best of luck as you continue on your journey in life. I did admit to laughing out loud when I read the post about how you will be fired for wearing a wrist band LOL. Then I guess I should have been fired years ago and all the people who have carpal tunnel should be fired too. Some people know so little, yet think they know so much.