Scared about my relationship

[loadofhoopla]

I just turned 23. Last year I was in a relationship with a boyfriend of two and a half years. We lived together, and I loved him more than anything. I had to move three hours away to go to law school and the distance killed us. We slept together through the next 7 months or so when I saw him. We even went through a major pregnancy scare. In all, it was the worst year of my life. I am extremely emotionally scarred-I would beg him to take me back and he just wouldn't. I would send him a text and sit biting my nails, my stomach in knots until he answered it back. Most times he wouldn't. We stopped talking on St. Patricks day 2009. About a month and a half later I met my now boyfriend. We hit it off extremely well. I had never met a person who was more like me in my life. I ended up moving in with him after about a month-it was only for the summer until I had to go back to school. I did not want to go back home where my ex was still living and where all of our mutual friends were, and my boyfriend now really wanted me to move in with him. I love him very much and I know he loves me. I spent a lot of the summer however wrestling over feelings for my ex. I feel like now I am finally over him, or as much as I possibly can be over him. But he has left me with massive feelings of insecurity. I constantly worry about when my present relationship is going to end. I am the seventeenth woman that my boyfriend has slept with, which to me is an enourmous amount that is hard for me to deal with sometimes. He has had a serious relationship in high school, a serious relationship in college, and two girlfriends after that. Sometimes when I go to his parents house, or today when I looked at his myspace page, I see pictures of his ex's. I am unbelievably insecure and just hurt. He has told me that I am the most beautiful woman he has ever been with. But girls just love him, he is a lead singer in a band, and there has been so many girls in his past who just want him. He is friends with almost everyone he has been with. He has even slept with a law school friend of mine who I have to see every day(I didn't know either of them then). One time when we were first dating I accidently read an email of his from one of his ex's. It was all about how awesome he is and how much she loves him and appreciates him. His reply to her email was "I want your hot body all over me right now." The emails are a couple years old but I just wish I didn't see them. He broke up with her because he just didn't like her anymore. He even has a song about it, about how he had to choose to break up and how they were lovers and how good it was in the beginning. It's just hard to deal with, and he doesn't understand at all. He just sees it as me being jealous and crazy. But he cheated on his biggest relationship three times and told me he lied straight to her face about it! One thing that we have always agreed upon is trust in our relationship. I have never lied to him and he has never lied to me. But now we are two hours apart and I get so worried. He is a flirty guy and like I said, girls love him. I don't want to lose him. What if he just gets bored with me? I wish I was stronger, but like I said, all my confidence has just been knocked out so completely. My biggest fear is that he wants to break up with me and just doesn't want to hurt me so he is waiting for a good time to do it like he did to that other girl.

[stace79]

First off, you need to address your insecurities through counseling.

 

Second, why is this guy so important to you? What is the worst thing that might happen? He breaks up with you and you're alone? So what? Being alone is not awful. It is a lot easier to make yourself happy when you aren't worrying about some loser who cheated three times on someone he claimed to love!

 

Seriously, you need to talk to a professional to sort through these feelings, and you also need to learn that having a boyfriend, no matter how awful he might be, is not the most important aspect of life.